Which day is called the day of mourning. Grail Funeral Home

This time we will again answer some of the questions that readers most often ask us. This is what, in particular, those who gathered at one of our last author's evenings were interested in.

How long is it necessary to mourn for the deceased?

There can be two options for behavior: in accordance with one's own ideas about the state of grief for a lost loved one and in accordance with the prescription of church rules.

In the first case, the person himself decides how and how much mourning should be observed. It happens that mothers who have buried their only children remain in mourning all their lives. On the other hand, it is unlikely that those around will not understand a young woman who has lost her husband, who, some time after the funeral, will marry again and return to her usual way of life with the corresponding joys and entertainment. In addition, mourning is not necessarily a constant crepe on the head. This is, first of all, restrained, non-idle behavior in everyday life, in society, etc.

According to church rules, the period of mourning in one case or another is strictly regulated. A widow is supposed to wear mourning for two years. During this period, she must wear black clothes without any decorations, and she is forbidden to attend any entertainment events. The widower is prescribed a much shorter mourning - only six months. Children for parents, as well as for grandparents, brothers and sisters, also wear mourning for six months.

Is it true that wine and vodka products are not supposed to be consumed at the commemoration?

This is solely at the request and possibilities of relatives and guests. If the relatives of the deceased want to arrange a funeral and a commemoration in accordance with the old customs, then, indeed, once, in ancient times, it was not customary to use anything so strong at a memorial meal: people in such cases managed with all sorts of jelly, boils, kvass, etc. .P. But times are changing. New traditions are coming. For quite a long time at the commemoration, it is most often customary to drink, as the song says, wine with sadness in half. And it has also become a tradition. Therefore, everyone is free to choose from the two traditions the one that he considers most worthy of the memory of the deceased loved one.

Is a photograph of the deceased appropriate on the tombstone?

The answer here may be similar to the previous one: at the request of the relatives of the deceased. Somewhere before 1920-30, it was not customary to install photographs on tombstones. Even on the stone pre-revolutionary monuments, we will not find photographs with the rarest, literally single exception. There is no talk at all about the unpreserved wooden crosses, which make up nine-tenths of all tombstones of the pre-Soviet period. On ancient stone monuments, one can often find a shallow rectangular or semicircular empty niche, intended, as one might assume, specifically for photography. But actually it is not. In these niches there was once an image of Christ, the Virgin or saints. The face of Christ was usually installed on the monument to the deceased, the Virgin - on the gravestone of the deceased. With the images of the saints, everything is even more interesting. If, say, the deceased was called Nicholas, then the image of Nicholas the Wonderworker was installed on the monument in a niche. It is clear why images of Basil the Great, John Chrysostom, Saints Peter, Alexy, Philip, Tatiana of Rome, etc. could be found on certain monuments. Here is a good Russian tradition! If the guests of the site require our personal opinion on this issue, then we would recommend installing on the tombstone of your loved one not a photograph of the deceased, but the image of his heavenly patron.

Why are there graves in cemeteries that are not parallel to the east-west axis?

This can be found most often somewhere in the outback. We sometimes came across graves in rural graveyards, located almost perpendicular to the axis mentioned in the question. If these are burials of the last decades, then their “non-parallel” arrangement is explained only by the carelessness of the gravediggers. But back in the 19th century, and, of course, in more early times, such deviations from the uniform arrangement of the hillocks had, not surprisingly, the most valid reason. In general, it is customary to dig a grave in the morning. Moreover, it does not matter when exactly the person died - today, yesterday or the day before yesterday. In any case, the graves were dug at sunrise. And this was done precisely in order to bury the deceased, as it seemed to conscientious villagers, with their feet strictly to the east. Understandable! Where the sun rises, there is the east. But what was the result? The lines of the location of the mounds of the deceased at Christmas and who gave his soul to God shortly after the Trinity sometimes diverged almost at right angles! Naturally! - the sun rises at the beginning of summer far from where it rose at the beginning of winter. And this should be taken into account by the peasants. But for some lofty reason they acted exactly as stated above. That is why there were known discrepancies.

Why haven't new cemeteries been opened in Moscow for many years?

The last cemetery opened for burials - Perepechinsky - dates back to June 1, 1999. Apart from the fact that in connection with the unprecedented recent expansion of the capital, there were many cemeteries of various sizes in the Moscow city limits, then, indeed, after Perepechinsky, no new citywide cemeteries were opened in Moscow. Why is that? - the answer is simple: there is enough space for burials of the dead in the capital today. But if there is a need for such areas, then since 2005, in the Dmitrovsky district near Moscow, near the village of Ozeretskoye, the Moscow government has reserved a land plot of seventy hectares (this is a little more Vagankovsky cemetery) to organize a new metropolitan burial place there.

When did the dead begin to be cremated in Russia?

In this case, we are not talking about the ancient pagan burning of the dead, but about cremation as a modern technological process.

The first crematorium in Russia was built ... in the Baltic Sea. At the turn of the 19th-20th centuries, a special laboratory for the production of anti-plague preparations was set up in Fort Alexander I, located on an artificial island. For such production, animals were used - carriers of the virus. Then the corpses of these animals in the same place - in the fort - were cremated. But in addition to animals, several people were cremated in the Alexander crematorium - those who contracted the plague and died as a result of scientists. It is precisely because people were burned in the crematorium of the fort that it can be considered the first Russian crematorium.

During civil war in Russia there were at least two crematoria - in Vladivostok and in Petrograd.

Finally, in 1927, perhaps the most famous crematorium in our country was built at the New Donskoy Cemetery in Moscow. There is evidence that back in 1918, Lenin ordered the purchase of an oven, or even several ovens, for cremating corpses abroad. In the most difficult year of the civil war - in 1919 - a competition was announced for the design of the crematorium. The talented constructivist architect Dmitry Petrovich Osipov won the competition. He proposed an unexpected, and most importantly economical solution - at that time it was especially important. According to his project, the crematorium, after a slight alteration, was to become only the recently built Seraphim Church at the new Donskoy cemetery. It turned out that under this church there were extensive basements, quite suitable for installing a cremation oven there. Indeed, Osipov did not need to particularly remake the building: the most significant structural change was the erection of a twenty-meter-high tower, instead of a dome, square in plan, glazed with vertical stained-glass windows. All other changes concerned mainly only the decorative elements of the building. As a result, the building, painted to look like “wet concrete”, acquired a strict, emphatically “mournful” look. Equipment was installed in the crematorium - a sliding platform, an elevator for feeding the corpse to the furnaces and the furnaces themselves - from the German company "Topf". As they wrote in those years, both cremation ovens could burn up to 35 corpses per day at maximum load. It is curious to note that the ovens of the same company - "Topf" - were equipped with the Auschwitz crematoria.

Agitation for cremation was then widely launched in the Soviet press. Many big people urged fellow citizens to support the progressive idea of ​​power with their voluntary participation. So the chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the USSR M.I. Kalinin paternally advised all workers to go to the furnace. The all-Union headman supported this opinion with a promise to follow the same place in due time: “I was asked to give my opinion on the significance of cremation. I can only say one thing: my desire is to be burned after death, ”he said in an interview with the Utilities magazine. The engineers of human souls, the writers, did not stay away from the campaign either. Who better than them - the artists of the word, the mouthpieces of the era - to convince the masses to support the policy of the proletarian government! So A.S. Serafimovich colorfully appealed: “It is monstrous to take joy, health, their life from the living in pieces by huge expanses of rotting, smoldering earth. Instead of this contaminated land, it is necessary to plant greenery everywhere that trembles with life, joy, and youthful freshness. When I die, I must be sure to be burned.” Let us note that neither Kalinin nor Serafimovich were burned: both were buried, as they say now, in a "coffin" - one near the Kremlin wall, the other on Novodevichy.

A preliminary test of the operation of the Moscow crematorium was made on December 29, 1926. The same magazine “Communal Services” spoke about this with naturalistic details: “Two female corpses were burned in pine coffins. The net weight of the first burned corpse is 50.4 kg, the second - 38.35 kg. The burning process, counting from the moment the coffin was put into the oven until the moment the metal vessel with the ashes was taken out, lasted 1 hour 30 minutes for the first corpse, 1 hour 40 minutes for the second. parts of the bones, easily crumbling when they are lightly rubbed between the fingers. White color remains of bones indicates that the burning was carried out in a jet of hot clean air on the one hand and with complete combustion on the other. In general, it can be said that the ashes were of high quality and represented a pleasant mass. The weight of the ash for the first corpse turned out to be 1.9 kg. = 3.8% of the body weight. For the second corpse, it turned out to be 1.8 kg. = 4.7% of the body weight. The fuel for the cremation oven was coke from coal of Donetsk origin.” Note that the corpse is burned in the crematorium not on coal itself, but in a stream of hot air supplied from the furnace, where fuel burns into a special chamber with a coffin with the deceased installed there. And more curious! - the cremation system was designed in such a way that the hot air generated by the furnace simultaneously heated the considerable interior space of the crematorium: apparently, it passed through some kind of air ducts that give off heat to the premises, like a Chinese kan.

Mass cremation of Muscovites began almost a year after the test burning. Accurately, on the tenth anniversary of the Great October Revolution, the crematorium started operating at full capacity. The Vechernyaya Moskva newspaper in those days wrote: “The first meeting of the established Society for the Propagation of Cremation Ideas in the RSFSR took place in Moscow. Society unites all those who sympathize with this idea. Annual membership fee is 50 kopecks... The General Assembly decided to organize working excursions to the crematorium in order to popularize the ideas of cremation and attract new members...”. And such pagan-atheistic disposal of members of the cremation society and sympathizers of this idea continued here until 1973. It was a memorable, downright Buchenwald picture: from a gloomy square tower dominating the area, clearly visible from everywhere, black smoke rose day and night. Residents in neighboring houses usually did not hang linen on the balconies - the wind could bring soot to it.

For many years, the tram stop on the southwestern corner of the New Donskoy Cemetery was called the "Crematorium". In the first half of the 1970s, the author of the essay also found a driver's announcement in the 39th tram, which was amusing in its own way: “The stop is“ Peoples' Friendship University. Former - "Crematorium".

During the years of operation of the Donskoy crematorium, tens of thousands of corpses passed through it. Only the soldiers of the Great Patriotic War, who died in Moscow hospitals, were cremated here and buried in a mass grave of more than fifteen thousand people. All those buried in the Kremlin wall until 1973 were put on fire here. During the period of repression from Lubyanka, from Lefortovo, from other places, the bodies of the executed or tortured were brought here by trucks. And now the remains of V.K. are buried in the territory of the new Donskoy cemetery. Blucher, A.I. Egorova, M.N. Tukhachevsky, I.P. Uborevich, I.E. Yakira, A.V. Kosareva, S.V. Kosiora, A.M. Krasnoshchekova, P.P. Postysheva, M.N. Ryutina, A.I. Ugarova, N.A. Uglanova, V.Ya. Chubar, Pavel Vasiliev, Sergei Klychkov, Mikhail Koltsov, Vsevolod Meyerhold and many others.

In the depths of the cemetery, at the crossroads of two paths, there is an obelisk in memory of the victims of repression, and around it dozens of tablets with their names are stuck into the ground. Such a sign can be installed here by anyone who has had someone close to him repressed.

Since the launch of the crematorium, the main type of burial on the new Donskoy has become an urn with ashes installed in a columbarium or in the cemetery wall itself. Sometimes the ashes of the cremated are buried in the ground. And until very recently, the dead were not buried here.

In the period 1973-1984, the so-called. false cremations: in the mourning hall, the corresponding rite of farewell to the deceased took place, the coffin with the body was lowered into the lower room, but was no longer burned there, but was then taken out to the Nikolo-Arkhangelsk crematorium. And in the late 1990s, the square tower of the Osipovsky crematorium was completely destroyed, and a pyramidal dome with a cross rose above the building. The mourning "wet concrete" color was replaced by a cheerful pink. In the former hall of farewell, instead of an organ, there is now an altar, and where there was a pedestal with an elevator mechanism that lowers the coffin to the furnace, salt now protrudes. But the most amazing thing is that the entire columbarium has been preserved intact in the temple. It is only covered with light temporary partitions. A terrible picture, to be honest. Temple columbarium. World architecture has never known such eclecticism. Of course, it's too late to talk about this, but it would be better to keep the crematorium of the Osipov project. It was a true monument of architecture and history.

A day of mourning, unfortunately, happens in every family. How to properly organize a farewell to the deceased, how to adequately survive the loss loved one- these questions concern everyone who is faced with death. In each religion, there are recommendations that help relatives to see the deceased on their last journey. But there is also a certain mourning etiquette, observed regardless of beliefs.

Mourning: general remarks

The word mourning comes from German word trauern meaning "to mourn". Mourning is the external form of mourning for the dead. Mourning can be personal or public.

At this time, people are instructed to perform certain actions: refuse to publicly display positive emotions, wear clothes of a special color, observe a number of restrictions in everyday life and habits.

At the state level, a day of mourning is declared if any natural or man-made disaster, terrorist attack or accident occurs in the country.

In the same way, they can honor the death of a prominent political or public figure. Most often, state mourning lasts several days.

Personal mourning lasts much longer. A person himself chooses the period during which he indulges in grief.

Mourning in today's Russia

How to observe mourning modern world What traditions to rely on, you ask. Of course, globalization now makes it possible to borrow rituals from different cultures, you can take an example from the West or the East. But most often people turn to the original tradition, characteristic of their country.

Customs in Russia are based on Orthodox canons. According to church tradition, deep mourning should be observed according to:

• parents;
• children;
• grandfather;
• grandmother;
• spouses;
• brother
• sister.

The longest mourning prescribed by the church for widows is two years. The period of mourning for a wife, parents and children is one year.

It is customary to mourn a brother or sister for four months, an uncle, aunt and cousins ​​- three.

Secular traditions are somewhat different from church ones. Thus, the widow is required to wear mourning for only a year. The same period is allotted for mourning for parents. For other close relatives (grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister) they grieve for six months.

It is important to remember that the mourning etiquette prescribed by society can change depending on the circumstances.

In recent years, many people generally refuse to publicly display their grief. Every person has the right to mourning, but how much to wear it and for whom is a personal matter.

Mourning Rules

Death always comes unexpectedly. Often the relatives of the deceased are lost and do not know what to do and how to be in this situation. Mourning etiquette partly makes life easier for relatives in the first time after their loss. Simple and understandable recommendations that regulate all areas of life make it easier to survive the death of a loved one and adapt to a new situation.

First of all, let's decide what is supposed to be done in the first days after a person's death. Close relatives need to notify all relatives and friends of the deceased about the sad event.

It is considered proper to come to say goodbye to the deceased, even if you have not received a personal invitation. After all, relatives in their grief can easily forget about someone. If you were in a strained relationship with the deceased, then you need to come to the funeral to show that hostility is broken by death.

If you cannot attend the funeral, although you live in the same city as the deceased and his family, you must apologize to the relatives.

The reasons for the absence from the farewell ceremony should be weighty enough so that the relatives of the deceased are not offended by the inattention.

Relatives and friends of the deceased person living in other cities are notified in writing. If they cannot come to say goodbye, they should send their condolences and express how dear the deceased was to them.

The funeral rite prescribes a special behavior for all relatives and friends. So, next to the deceased, it is considered indecent to talk loudly and discuss issues not related to death. It is unacceptable to discuss news, work affairs or joke. Too obvious manifestation of grief is also condemned. It is assumed that on the day of mourning, all those who come share similar feelings. It is inappropriate to talk a lot about your condolences to relatives or about your love for the deceased. By doing this, you only risk inflaming the wounds of loved ones.

The memory of the deceased is celebrated after nine days from the moment of death, followed by forties and then a year.

What to wear to a funeral

Mourning etiquette involves a special form of clothing. In our tradition, the color of mourning is black. Men usually wear a black suit with a light or dark shirt for the mourning ceremony. It is acceptable to replace the shirt with a turtleneck.

Both men and women must wear closed clothing.

Festive decorations, glitter and bright decor at a funeral look indecent. On the head it is desirable to wear:

• black scarf;
• hat;
• scarf.

If a parent does not know how to dress a child for a farewell ceremony, then it is worth remembering that the same rules apply for children's clothes as for adults. Let's make a reservation right away, mourning etiquette admits that very young children may not be present at parting with distant relatives or acquaintances.

How long does mourning for relatives last?

Quite often, the relatives of the deceased are concerned about the question of how long the mourning lasts. The period of mourning is proportional to the degree of kinship. It should also be remembered that this entire period is divided into two equal parts: mourning, when the restrictions imposed are especially strong, and half-mourning, designed to gradually adapt a person to Everyday life.

The deepest mourning is for her husband.

Within a year (or two years), a woman not only avoids bright colors in clothes, she also changes her behavior. In particular, the widow is prohibited from attending any entertainment events, as well as remarrying. After six months, a woman can change strict black dresses for clothes of dark colors. It is acceptable to use white elements. But it is better to refrain from cosmetics and jewelry for the entire period of mourning. It is interesting that spirits can be used during this period. Tradition does not forbid it.

So women have to grieve long enough. Now let's see how much mourning men who have lost their wife wear. Oddly enough, a widower wears mourning for six months. Accordingly, three months - deep mourning, three more - semi-mourning. After six months, a man can remarry and return to his normal life.

Children wear mourning for their parents throughout the year. At the same time, the color of the clothes gradually changes from black to lighter tones.

It is customary to wear mourning for children, as well as for grandparents, for six months. However, it happens that mothers who have lost their children wear mourning all their lives.

We especially note that children under the age of 12 can wear mourning only for their parents, grandparents.

No matter who you grieve for, you should remember: mourning for the deceased is not only external attributes, but also a special way of life. It is assumed that at this time a person thinks about the eternal. It is necessary to observe restraint, do good deeds in memory of the deceased, give alms and pray (if you are a religious person). The day of mourning is a time when a person thinks about himself, his loved ones and about the meaning of life.

Observance of mourning in a modern city is often difficult: the dress code at work, life circumstances and much more often force the relatives of the deceased to refuse to wear black things.

How many days to wear dark, of course, you decide. But remember, sometimes a temporary rejection of familiar things helps to deeply realize your loss and survive the pain.

A sample of the text of obituaries can be found in the media. Article informs about death specific person. The daily newspaper says exact time and the date of the memorial service. Nowadays, it loses its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify only relatives and friends about the tragic event. Some people don't know what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to be left out. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.

An obituary, in its essence, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually compiled from a team: colleagues, relatives. It is a photograph of the deceased and an article with short biography. A sample obituary in the newspaper is provided in the photo.

Relatives and friends in farewell speech express personal grief. Colleagues, colleagues and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience loss more than friends who rarely see each other. Do not forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their family.

The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this man. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. All this below in the text.

There is no single sample obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Obituary samples are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.

If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat concise. Only dry official language not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will definitely notify you “with regret”, etc. Stick to a few ingredients, and you end up with a full obituary text.

1. Full data is placed next to the photo in a black frame:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

1. The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the team of which enterprise or organization reports the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "regretfully." A naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the relatives of the deceased.
2. What year did he die? What was the reason for this (suddenly, after prolonged illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
3. Briefly describe biographical facts, with a mention of the importance of individual moments for society and relatives. Colleagues in obituaries indicate milestones career development what degrees and titles he achieved. Highlight the main achievements in the professional field, what benefit did the production bring to the business of the company.

For relatives, human qualities come first. All the things for which he was valued and respected. For example, "he was a support for relatives", "a loving spouse and father."

1. For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was a hope and support for his elderly parents”, “ loving husband and father of two small children.
2. In conclusion, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
3. The last line can be a short, relevant quotation or epitaph.
4. If the publication of the newspaper in which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of the burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a well-written obituary even stranger may well imagine: who he was, what he had to endure and achieve for his life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from the living and remembering him.

Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.

Sometimes fate disposes in such a way that only an obituary is able to make people meet. IN last time to say goodbye and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary needs to be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post something later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?

With the change of generations, the values ​​of culture also change. Time will show. IN this moment messages on social networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the “wall” of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.

At the word epitaph, a short inscription on the monument immediately appears. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable grief for centuries. More than one generation will change until a tombstone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Under this concept, any speech over the grave was designated. From the Greek "epi" - over and "taphos" - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite sections of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of their kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps, thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.

IN ancient world similar inscriptions on the plates are found everywhere. IN Ancient Egypt hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan transferred their Eastern philosophy from antiquity in epitaphs. For example, the saying: "it is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."

In Western culture, it is customary to pick up a gravestone inscription for oneself during one's lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves, if not ourselves? You can send a message to posterity, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write an epitaph for yourself. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the robbers of the cemeteries would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed."

Thanks to Peter the Great, European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, they adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose thoughtful quatrains, therefore poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:

“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,

With love, laziness spent a merry age,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, good man."

The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in the hearts to give pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: "If you were lying, I would read." We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose it during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument of rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he immortalized his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself during your lifetime means to preserve your memory in exactly the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world in the best possible way. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of Pushkin A.S. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism prophesied that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more.”

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What kind of epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.

"Always expect, but do not fear death, both are true traits of wisdom."

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you tell with certainty where great-grandparents are buried? What did the ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many do not have this information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future. In the past, there was no unified database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This is due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. In one century, more than one change of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is possible that your family is not from the same places as you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. Burial places ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become neglected.

To prevent this from happening, a "Virtual Cemetery" was created on our website. The Book of Memory is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Let relatives and friends honor the memory of the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery there is an opportunity to put a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. The usual sign of attention relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. Grieving people need such signs of support in a difficult moment for them. In the "Links" tab, in one place you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your relative or loved one, including the links of the deceased person to pages in social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website aims to keep the memory of those who have passed away alive.

Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a dead person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory, everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrow, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great remoteness from the place of burial, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very hard, then we recommend that you read the article on how to deal with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life in order to keep the memory of us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, do not allow future generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will keep the memory of the dead forever.

How do you deal with grief after the death of a loved one? There is already a wrong approach to the problem in the formulation of the question. A couple of effective tips will help you cope with the state of depression and return to your usual lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you should not try to deal with grief. You will be unsuccessfully at war with yourself. This is the part inner peace. your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, let it out!

Do not artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. Hangover syndrome greatly increases longing and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you will become an alcoholic”, “cry and you will feel better.” It's wrong to ignore phrases that repeat centuries different people. If the semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words come down to us through the centuries? All right. Ordinary logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out all the burden of accumulated experiences. Drunk tears give no consolation. Crying drunk in the company does not cause sincere sympathy. Only pity bordering on contempt. And you feel ashamed when you sober up. Therefore, only in solitude, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as the weary mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of each to the tragedy that has occurred through the prism of his personal worldview. There are no universal means. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we could come up with a drug that could help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Just dilute 30-50 drops of this remedy in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than the usual motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.

If you rely only on this tool, then you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Therapy by Artur Yanov.

Cry therapy.

Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who experience grief after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach a critical mass and the outcome of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are released from the negative charge. negative emotions that has accumulated over time. This gives a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There is balance, peace and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry itself breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment, because the pain is unbearable. She can't be kept inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person in a cry.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Crying is the obligatory follower of pain. One of the main mitigating factors from grief.

In the US, cry therapy is done in groups. For half an hour, everyone screams at each other intensely to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will interfere. The main thing is that you yourself have invested in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan a field trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a deaf and deserted place. A strong effect gives a cry in the mountains or near water bodies.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can scream from the roof of houses and balconies. WITH high altitude the scream is not heard below. Shout in the car, or at work if conditions permit, at home into your pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which one is completely predisposed to withdraw all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed entirely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: news of death, sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to endure after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and lingering. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you scream. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather the opposite. The casual hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.

This is the peace that can bring out prolonged depression. It remains only to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

It's all relatively simple once you figure it out. Artur Yanov's scream therapy is able to take you out of the cyclical state inherent in depressed people after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about scream therapy.

Find an environment where yelling is okay. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a mass gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that screaming becomes the norm. Maybe it's a KVN competition. Choose an event to your liking. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.

Avoid loneliness.Talking to friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and perhaps material assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't hesitate to help out. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be one of the main factors in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between the physical and emotional state, it is possible, by influencing one, to improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then emotional condition will not keep you waiting. The merging process will take place. You will feel much more confident. healthy image life and healthy eating- the basis of the foundations.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help get rid of depression after the death of a person. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not match the one you used to see before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it's time to take care of yourself. Do not scare your relatives and friends with your appearance, go to the store. Negative emotions deplete vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and a decent appearance is already a sign of a way out of a depressive state.

Fill your soul void.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen at this place: the longing and pain that have returned again, or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to do a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one often does not give one detail that is not given much importance. Often in moments of sorrow, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds of different words, which we do not attach special importance to death.

Write a letter of repentance to a dead person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn't have time to say. Everything you feel right now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. Waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that it is up to you to decide when the wound heals. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.

The realization that many come out of shock much faster makes the depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. Return to early stages experiences can be temporary and lingering.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the various reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Sad experiences and the emotional state of a person are broken down by time.

After death, for several weeks, the mourner has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition worsens. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. A person begins to realize an irretrievable loss, but is not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help from relatives in the misfortune that has befallen, support too. The reasons for anger can be completely different. Appears in the mourner often unreasonably. This is an emotional state.

Those close to the mourner need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock, it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, there is a directly opposite state of mind, when people become isolated after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the mourner. Avoid long periods of loneliness. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.

Search

After the stage of shock, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear footsteps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to bring back the dead. Denies the very idea of ​​the irretrievability of loss.

acute grief

The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. Manifest general ailments regardless of physical activity: fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, sleep disturbance. Increased odors and appetite. It happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.

mood swings

Three or four months begin to alternate days of spiritual upsurge and falls into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable, quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural warehouse of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infections may occur.

Depression

Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “talk” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".

recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. Each time, grief attacks appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of individual attacks. Health and performance returns to normal.

The final and last stage for the grieving people

About a year later, the final stage of mourning begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking over. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules slow down the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until last days for her dead husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much mourning to wear can be found here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Next to the mourner should be close people who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.

It is generally accepted that "spiritual wounds are best left undisturbed." This is already from the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out first phrases that can hurt a grieving person. In the event that there really are no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .

Sooner or later, everyone is faced with the loss of loved ones. How to properly organize the ceremony of farewell to the deceased, what rules must be followed, how to behave during the period of mourning and how long it lasts - these questions arise before many people who are faced with death.

Mourning is a spiritual grief for a deceased person, which has an external manifestation and requires the observance of certain rules of behavior. During the mourning period, the grieving person refuses to attend entertainment and recreational activities, wears clothes of a certain color, observes some restrictions in everyday life. Each religion has its own rules and rituals that should be followed during mourning for the deceased. These features must be taken into account, since neglect can become offensive to the relatives and friends of the deceased.

Mourning in world religions

• orthodoxy- in most cases, it lasts from 40 days to a year, the mourner himself determines the duration of mourning;
• Muslims- Islam does not advise wearing mourning robes for more than 3 days, the only exception is widows who observe mourning for 4 lunar months and 10 days;
• Buddhism- depending on the degree of kinship, mourning is from 49 to 100 days.

1. Africa - mourning for the deceased is accompanied by chopping off the fingers and cutting off the hair, widows do not leave the closed premises for a month, after which they inflict deep wounds on the limbs and chest with a sharp stone.
2. Japan - the deceased is mourned for 49 days, after which it is believed that his soul leaves the world of the living.
3. Korea - relatives wear mourning for the deceased for 30 days.
4. China - the duration of mourning for deceased parents is 3 years.

How to properly mourn

Christianity highlights several important points in commemoration of the deceased - the third, ninth and fortieth day after the burial. During this period, close relatives must observe mourning. External manifestation spiritual sadness for the deceased is to wear mourning clothes. For the Orthodox, black is considered the traditional mourning color, although in some religions it is allowed to replace it with gray or another dark shade.

Basic rules of conduct in the days of mourning:

• refusal to wear bright colors;
• bright makeup, catchy, festive decorations are not recommended;
• you can not attend entertainment events and entertainment venues;
• it is not recommended to drink alcoholic beverages;
• for a year after the death of a loved one, it is necessary to pray for the repose of his soul;
• A widow cannot marry for at least a year after the death of her husband.

How much to mourn

The observance of mourning in Orthodoxy lasts at least 40 days from the moment of the burial of the deceased. During this period, close relatives wear mournful clothes, women wear black scarves. It is believed that on the 40th day after death, the soul of the deceased finally leaves the world of the living and goes to the Almighty, where further purification awaits it. That is why it is extremely important to observe strict mourning for at least 40 days after the funeral.

Mourning in Orthodoxy

When answering the question of how long mourning is observed according to the Orthodox, it is imperative to take into account the degree of kinship with the deceased. For example, many clergy believe that the longest period of mourning should be observed by a widow - a year from the moment of her husband's funeral. A widower mourns for the deceased for 6 months. The same period of mourning is established in relation to brothers, sisters, grandparents. In the event of the death of an uncle or aunt, this period is reduced to 3 months.

Mourning for her husband in Orthodoxy

According to the Orthodox religion, during the first 3 days after the death of the body, the soul of the deceased is directly near the members of his family and leaves the world only for 40 days. That is why it is very important to pray every day for the forgiveness of sins for the deceased relative, and if he was a deeply religious person, be sure to order a memorial service in the church.

How to observe mourning for a father?

The Orthodox religion recommends that the children of deceased parents observe all the rules of grief for a year from the moment of burial. After this period, a person can gradually return to his usual clothes and lifestyle.

Mourning for parents in Orthodoxy

Mourning for deceased parents for children continues throughout the first year after their death. At this time, you need to regularly pray for the soul of the deceased parent, attend church, remember your father or mother only with good, kind words.

In the event of the premature death of a child, parents must also mourn for at least six months. Although the Orthodox religion knows cases when a mother or father whose only child has died observes the rules of grief throughout the rest of their lives.

Mourning for mother in Orthodoxy

Special days of commemoration of the deceased mother - 3, and 40. These days it is necessary to hold a memorial dinner, inviting only the closest relatives and friends to it, order church service for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

Regarding how much to wear mourning for a dead mother, each person decides this issue for himself individually. If, at the end of the year from the moment of the funeral of the parent, the feeling of deep spiritual grief does not disappear, the duration of mourning can be increased.

Mourning for a deceased relative is not just about wearing black or not attending entertainment events. This is a special way of life, which consists of regular prayers for the salvation of the soul of the deceased, the distribution of alms and the performance of good deeds in memory of the deceased.

Additionally

A grief happened in your family - a person died. What to do?

Christianity does not like the word "death" very much. It exudes grave cold and hopelessness. We use other expressions, for example, dormition.

Dormition - sleep, falling asleep. The body fell asleep in a deathly sleep, but the soul is alive, the soul is awake ...

Or another word - resignation. We pray for the newly-departed servant of God. Was with us - moved to another world.

For Christians, death is just a transition to another level of being, a departure to God. And a funeral for Christians is not a terrible farewell to a person who was, and now he is gone, but a farewell to another world of a loved one, whose soul is immortal.

And we must lead a person beyond the borders of the earthly world with dignity. A worthy farewell is a church burial.

It is performed only on a baptized Orthodox person.

Go to any temple and talk to the women selling candles or the priest. There you will be told how to organize a funeral, how to order a commemoration. All this is a well-thought-out and, if I may say so, well-established procedure, so that you will be treated with attention and delicacy and will not be tormented by bureaucratic nit-picking (as is often the case in government agencies).

We usually bury the funeral in the temple on the day of the funeral. Then the deceased is taken to the cemetery, and in the temple his name remains recorded for church commemoration. They pray for him.

What are the types of prayers for the deceased?

A lot of them. For example, a memorial service is a small service during which we ask God to forgive the sins of the deceased, to accept him into the Kingdom of Heaven. (It is memorial services that are served in cemeteries when we invite a priest to visit the grave.)

The highest form of commemoration is at the Liturgy. Then the commemorated people become participants in Communion, unite with Christ. At any Liturgy, the living who are in the church (for example, you and me) commune with the soul, and all those for whom they pray, even if the person has died, partake of the soul.

In candle stalls where notes are accepted, they usually write: “To mass” or “To proskomedia”. This is exactly what commemoration at the Liturgy means.

What is a magpie?

And this is the commemoration of the deceased at the Liturgy, which will be performed for 40 days. (I’ll clarify: many people think that the magpie commemoration is ordered only for the dead. This is not so: for the magpie, they also serve about health.)

In addition, you can order a commemoration for six months, a year, and even ... forever. Eternal remembrance is the remembrance of a person, which will be performed in this temple as long as the temple stands. (After the revolution, when churches and monasteries were closed and books were seized from them, memorial lists from pre-Mongol times were found.)

Excuse me, but if the person was not baptized?..

We can only pray for an unbaptized person ourselves - at home or in church. In the notes submitted for remembrance, we do not write the names of the unbaptized. This does not mean that such a person is cursed, as one sometimes hears from ignorant people. (I myself have unbaptized relatives, whom I remember with warmth and love.) It’s just that the Church prays during worship only for its members, people who want to be Christians, or those for whom this decision was made by parents (if a person was baptized in infancy) !

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after death mean?

I won't go into detail about this, but it is special days for the soul separated from the body. These days, as well as on the anniversary of death (this is, as it were, a new birthday, that is, a birth on new life) you need to come to the temple and pray for the deceased.

How long to mourn?

A few days ago a woman came to my temple and asked for a blessing to get married. At the same time, she added: "I am a widow." I asked when she buried her husband. "It's been almost six months now..."

This is the very example when we do something wrong ... Until the year we pray for the deceased as a newly reposed, at the same time you can wear mourning. Although there are such losses that even after many years it is difficult to come to terms with the loss ...

In conclusion, I would like to recall the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, our patriotic ascetic of the 19th century. He once said: "Let's cry for the deceased ... But cry like a Christian!" This means that in our tears there should be no hopelessness and despair. This separation is not forever, but only for a while. In due time we will all meet beyond the threshold of this life.”

Moreover! The person who “left” us can participate in our life, he hears our requests, he loves us. When we pray for the deceased, by this we establish a connection with him, as if extending a hand of support to him.

Lastly, we will all stand before God. And let us give Him an answer in the way we lived. While it is not too late, while it is still possible to fix something (when we die, there will be nothing to fix), to repent, to change for the better - let's use this opportunity.