The complex process of establishing and developing relationships between people.

Throughout our lives, we communicate with different categories of individuals: by age, by position in society, by professional skills. Thanks to communication, we exchange information, gain useful experience, learn to listen and be understood by others.

It turns out that the ability to communicate with people is a big science. Depending on who we have to face, we must learn how to communicate in different situations. For example, negotiations in progress business meeting will be very different from a conversation with family and friends - content, emotional color, time.

The ability to communicate with people is very important in modern society. In any team there are individuals of different character and beliefs, and it is important that communication has a positive connotation and brings joy and pleasure. From birth and throughout life, our exchange of information with others continues. Words always help to present information, to interpret thoughts. But the main thing is that our speech should win over the interlocutor and be understandable.

Introverts are silent and it is quite difficult to communicate with them. They are quiet and rather closed, they hide their victories and experiences deep inside. Maintaining a conversation with introverts is quite difficult, but learning is quite possible.

Sometimes we have to communicate with people with whom we do not like to talk. How to communicate with unpleasant people, with those who call negative emotions and even annoying? It can be enough to simply avoid common topics with such people. However, because often the topic is related to professional activity. Therefore, the most main advice It is to try to speak calmly and restrainedly, while not showing emotions. Always try to find in such communication, and in the interlocutors themselves positive sides. Your tactics will definitely lead to a good result.

If you need to discuss business matters, and this is inevitable, your tone should be formal and correct. The topic of negotiations should be related to professional issues. Addressing a colleague as “You”, clear questions and answers, and a working atmosphere will help you. The main thing to remember is that a person you don’t like is just an employee at work who has his own point of view and is not obliged to like you.

There is also a conversation with an unpleasant relative. Such communication is often unavoidable. Try to ignore the conversation as much as possible, or even better, joke about an unpleasant topic. Calmness and balance with an unpleasant relative will become your trump cards.

How to stop talking to someone

Often we need positive and even negative experiences, because that's how we learn. But sometimes it becomes necessary to stop communicating with a person. Before you decide to do so, consider whether it is worth it. It may be worth taking a short timeout, and you will understand yourself and the reasons for such an act. Do not immediately stop talking, and then regret it.

The ability to communicate with people comes with experience. It is never too late to learn to understand a person and respect his thoughts and feelings. Become more open and sociable.

Today we continue the conversation about the unconscious (from the point of view of Ericksonian hypnosis and Ericksonian therapy)
And let's talk about how to establish contact with your unconscious.

Let's start with the main one. What is the unconscious anyway.
To be honest, no one knows for sure, the unconscious is like a black box, like an unknown force inside of us.

in different psychological concepts there is a different understanding of the unconscious.
And there are also different opinions among people.

For example, there is an opinion that the unconscious is a force that works against us, repository of injuries and complexes.
This point of view has the right to life, and this is also true.

However, in Ericksonian hypnosis and Ericksonian therapy, we look at the unconscious from a different angle:
The unconscious is our wise helper, a repository of resources, it can become a support for us., friend and support. You can establish contact with your unconscious, learn to receive help and support from it.

In my experience, both points of view are valid. The unconscious has both sides.

I like the understanding of the unconscious in Psychosynthesis(my essays were about him, links to them will be below)
Let me remind you briefly:
There is a lower unconscious, a middle unconscious and a higher unconscious.

lower unconscious governs the life of the body, the basic drives, instincts and primitive urges. There may also be fears and phobias. Psychosomatic manifestations also usually come out of it.
Middle unconscious: In it, the experience gained is assimilated and the fruits appear. daily activities mind and imagination
Behavioral strategies, beliefs, habits (both useful and not very useful) are also located there - everything that usually works “on the machine”.
Higher unconscious: Responsible for intuition, inspiration, talents, compassion, empathy, connection to something greater.

Of course, such a division is arbitrary, and nowhere in our unconscious is there a boundary that would separate the average from the lower and the higher. But it does give some idea of ​​what might be in the unconscious at all - and I find such a concept useful.

Now let's talk about how and why to establish contact with your unconscious.

Why make this contact:

• learn to hear and understand yourself better


• connect with the resources that are inside


• approve different faces side of your personality


• move towards greater integrity and inner harmony


• find support within yourself

Is there some more interesting view work, with metaphors and materialization of experience, I often use it.
Example (with the permission of the client).
A man, a business owner, came to the next session - and I immediately noticed that he was preoccupied with something.
He said that he had a problem in his business that he did not know how to solve. Already looked from different sides, and this way and that ... But he does not see a solution.
I suggested that he work with the unconscious. Because if there was a solution at the level of consciousness, he would have already found it.
I have a children's designer in my office (colored wooden figurines of various shapes).
He laid out his problem from these cubes, as he sees and feels it now. And then I invited him to rebuild it all and post the solution.
Moreover, at the level of consciousness, he did not quite understand what kind of solution he was laying out. But at the level of the unconscious, at the level of feelings and bodily sensations, he felt that he had found a solution.
The decision came to the level of consciousness later, a few days after the session. The next time the client shared that he saw the solution and realized it.

And now I suggest you do the practice yourself, if you wish.

Below you will find a video - this is an audio practice to get in touch with your unconscious.
The unconscious does not speak the language of words. It can give you signals in the form of bodily sensations or visual images.
The audio practice is built in such a way that first you dive into yourself (enter a state of light trance), and then turn to your unconscious.

You can watch the video with me, where I talk a little more about this.

And here is the audio practice itself

Write in the comments what results you got from audio practice. And if you have questions, then ask.

We have already found out that without communication, a person’s life will not only lose its meaning, but it will definitely not be the same as before.

However, communication in which there is no feeling of freedom and goodwill will also not bring anything good.

In order for your conversation to go on a positive note, you need to establish contact with the interlocutor, and it does not matter if you have no idea how to do this - we can help you.

Study everyone you come in contact with.
Bruce Lee

So, what factors will help to establish contact?

To level these barriers, it is worth periodically agree with the interlocutor, showing that you respect his point of view, thus removing contradictions. As a rule, a person, seeing that you agree with his position, will begin to agree with yours in response.

In addition, to start a conversation, you need to choose some kind of neutral topic that will allow you to gradually move on to what excites you.

Now you can start looking for similar interests and points of contact with the interlocutor.This will be the beginning of the rapprochement phase between you.

From such a conversation, we can conclude that if your opinions are the same on neutral topics, then perhaps they are similar on the issue that concerns you.

A positive outcome of such a conversation will help to achieve the same positive tone in a conversation related to any problem. You should show that you are interested in the opinion of the interlocutor, express your comments on this issue.

After all this, you can already imagine what principles of communication the person speaking to you adheres to.
It would be wise to agree with these principles, this will contribute to the establishment of more trusting relationships. However, this does not mean that you cannot hint to the interlocutor about what principles of communication are acceptable to you.

The next step may well be an attempt to create a trusting relationship.
To do this, you will have to adapt at least a little to the behavior of the interlocutor, showing him that you are ready to understand and accept his opinion.

What else is required?

• Try not to condemn the position of the interlocutor - he has the right to it. It is better to show that you respect his opinion, although you have your own.

• Try to determine what type of character your counterpart belongs to. For example, if he is phlegmatic, and you are, then your violent gestures and fast pace of speech may annoy him.
  As often as possible, call the interlocutor by name This will also help build trust between you. In addition, you can occasionally compliment, just don't start flattering!

What is the result?

It is not possible to do good to everyone, but in relation to everyone it is possible to show goodwill.
Jean Marie Guyot

Any communication can be made positive and you can get the result you need, you just need to be considerate and friendly towards your interlocutor.

Find mutual language with a child and making sure that he is here and now with his thoughts is not as simple as it seems at first glance. How to establish contact with the child for easy comfortable communication?

Components of speech development

Communication consists of three components, each of which is a separate level with its own characteristics and problems that may arise.

First- this is a contact during which the child's interest in communication is manifested, his desire to conduct a conversation, support and direct in the right direction.

Second- this is an understanding of speech, since he needs to respond to what is said and, in accordance with this, build further actions, remarks and judgments.

Third- active speech, which allows you to carry on a conversation. Improving the speech of the child, it is necessary to work on all components, but you should start with contact.

The issue of the development of active speech is described in more detail in the article.

For full-fledged communication, it is not enough to understand speech and be able to use active speech. These two skills lose all their advantages if the child is not interested, bored or unable to communicate for a number of reasons.

He does not want to spend time with adults and communicate with them, or he is silent all the time, preferring to be a listener. Working on understanding speech will not solve this problem, so contact should be dealt with.

How is contact built?

Contact is a necessity for any kind of communication, it is he who is the most important component of communication. There are three basic components on the basis of which the contact is built.

• Feel

Here we are talking about sensations that are transmitted through sensory systems - tactile, visual, auditory, vestibular, proprioceptive, etc. A lot affects what a person feels and how exactly the connection with the environment occurs.

This is especially important for children, who usually trust their own feelings more than what they hear from adults. Communication can be built on the basis of feelings, share them and analyze them.

• Emotions

Every day a person is faced with certain emotions - with joy, surprise, happiness, sadness, sadness, delight, anger, shame, relief. Throughout the day, emotions change each other, depending on what situations you have to face.

In a child in a younger preschool age there is not yet such a large list of emotions that he experiences every day, but this affects his mood.

When a child is sad, he does not want to deal with both parents and teachers. Therefore, before starting the lesson, you should cheer up the baby, understand his problems.

• Ideas

They guide many children's actions. Gradually, thoughts appear in the head, they are formed into specific images, which later turn into actions. Ideas are closely related to the desires and interests of the child. Based on this, he decides what to do (for example, watch a cartoon or play Lego).

Considering sensations, emotions and ideas, it is necessary to analyze these components in interaction, as they constantly influence each other. When a child decides to play his favorite game (he has an idea). At the same time, he experiences certain emotions (usually positive, when everything works out for him) and sensations (he sees what is happening, feels, hears).

In every game there are those components of contact that prevail. For example, in the nursery rhyme “a horned goat is coming” sensations (tactile and proprioceptive) and emotions (since the child feels joy from the game process) predominate, but the idea itself is lost and is present only indirectly (it is used by an adult to support the thread of the game).

Three steps for comfortable communication

There can be many reasons why a child is distracted. These are difficulties in self-regulation, features of the work of sensory systems, poor health, mood, puzzled thoughts, unwillingness to engage in this moment. All this makes it difficult for parents, teachers and speech therapists to communicate with the child.

Today I want to offer a simple algorithm that consists of three steps. This will allow you to establish contact with the baby and achieve mutual understanding.

Step One: Evaluate

Assessment of the situation and its analysis are the foundation for further contact with the child. This step includes the following:

• You should understand the child's preferences, his interests and hobbies. From this it will be possible.
• What upsets the child, and what situations make him feel uncomfortable. Such details manifest themselves in the first minutes of communication.
• What place and what time are optimal for classes based on the workload of the child and his daily routine.

Step Two: "Follow"

Children appreciate when adults trust them and blend into their environment. To make contact, you can use the following recommendations:

• To begin with, it is enough to be close to the child, without insisting on your own. This approach will allow you to get closer and find common interests and topics of conversation.
• Shared interests should be given sufficient attention. The more points of contact that are identified, the better.
• Small steps are better than sudden actions. They will help strengthen relationships through a solid foundation.

Third step: "Develop"

Any contact that is made with a child needs to be developed. The desire to strive for the best should be in all areas of life including in dealing with children.

It is worth remembering that:

• Contact is the basis of the relationship with the child, it is the "cement" that subsequently holds the relationship together. Communication allows children to learn the world(both independently and with the help of adults).
• Every step forward should be encouraged.
• The overall goal is to expand skills, it can be approached both directly and through auxiliary tasks.

A few simple conditions to strengthen contact

1. It is necessary to listen to his desires - what type of activity he likes more, what format of classes is more attractive.
2. The topic of conversation should be interesting for the baby - for starters, you can discuss your favorite fairy tales and cartoons. Also, the baby can share his desires, fantasies. It is not necessary that the subject of the conversation be real, it can be fictional. The main thing is that it attracts a child.
3. You should not “push” if the baby is not currently in the mood for a conversation. It is necessary to choose the time when he will have good mood. And then it will be much faster to establish contact.
4. Regular classes with a variety of exercises. Offer your child something interesting and do it every day. Only what is done on a regular basis will bring the desired results.

When contact is found, it will be possible to proceed to the development of speech understanding and active speech. Contact is a good foundation for communication. Without it, other components depreciate and lose their practical significance.

It is necessary to build classes with the child in such a way that the development and strengthening of interest comes first. And after that, all other skills and abilities are connected.

Contact with the child is established gradually, through the study of his desires, habits and personal qualities. Tact and slowness will make communication informative and interesting for the child.

You will learn how to professionally deal with your child on your own. With the support of school specialists, you will develop individual program, receive support for the entire training. Choose the format of communication that is convenient for you - via Skype or through any of the messengers. All video recordings of consultations will remain with you forever. Join online school

There are people with whom we feel comfortable talking, we can talk, laugh and have fun with them. And there are those with whom, on the contrary, it is impossible to find general theme for a conversation. Establishing contact is key here.

How to please the interlocutor?

Establishing contact involves three main steps:

• verbal interaction. Implies Speech should not contain obscene expressions and swear words. The purer and more beautiful it is, the more pleasant it is to listen to it.
• Voice interaction. It is necessary to communicate in a calm tone, carefully pronouncing each phrase. If a person chatters or swallows half of the words, then it is quite difficult to understand him.
• visual communication. A pleasant interlocutor should look neat, it is necessary that the facial expression be friendly, so that he smells good. It is unlikely that someone will be pleased to communicate with a groomed person.

• Non-verbal communication. This concept refers to the technology of gestures. If a person constantly fusses, waving his arms and making sudden movements in an attempt to explain something to the interlocutor, then he will arouse suspicion. Psychologists say that an open, confident posture contributes to trust.

Thus, the technique of establishing contact with a client rests on three main pillars: competent communication and a beautiful voice. Judge for yourself, who would have aroused more confidence in you? A pleasant person who knows how to convey information correctly or unkempt, pronouncing chaotic phrases and making incomprehensible gestures. Agree, the conclusion is obvious.

The first stage is the regulation of relationships

Beautiful appearance and competent speech are not enough to establish psychological contact. In order for the meeting to be as productive as possible, you will need to follow five more basic steps.

The first stage involves the regulation of relationships. A person who is in an unfamiliar society for him will feel slight discomfort. The first thing to do is to remove this psychological barrier.

At the first meeting, you should agree more and argue less. Let your opinion be slightly different from the opinion of the interlocutor, you will resolve this disagreement later. Now your main goal is to relieve verbal tension. If the meeting is taking place in a business setting, it is recommended to talk a little about general topics, such as the weather, sports or politics. Here, your assessment of what is happening should also coincide.

If, after 20 minutes of communication, the duration of pauses has decreased, and the dialogue has become more productive, then the first stage of the process of establishing and developing contacts between people can be considered completed.

Stage two - point of contact

At the second stage of communication with the interlocutor, it is necessary to find common ground. The person concerned must first inquire more information about the person with whom the meeting is planned. Perhaps he is an avid hunter or fisherman, collects antiques, and is engaged in needlework. You can find out all about his interests in in social networks or through mutual friends. About your favorite hobby, you need to say as if by chance.

The second stage can be considered successful if the interlocutor noticeably perks up during the conversation and periodically returns to his favorite topic. Correct location common points contact guarantees fruitful cooperation and a pleasant impression of yourself.

Stage three - establishing a single principle

Establishing a single principle is the most milestone in the process of communication. This concept refers to the formation of an opinion about your interlocutor. In total, there are several principles on which further relationships can be based.

1. "I'm ready" - a person is a self-confident person. It is difficult, almost impossible to embarrass something. She will perceive any problem not as a limitation, but as a test of her abilities.
2. “I am open” - a person is completely open to his partner. He does not flatter him and directly talks about his positive and negative qualities. Such a psychological object will not say that he will always arrive on time, he will say that he, like everyone else, has human qualities that he cannot control (there will be no flight vehicle, the alarm clock will not ring, the pipe will break at home, etc.)
3. "I am straight" - a person always tells the truth about everything and never embellishes to look better.

All of the above principles play a positive role in the process of establishing contacts between people. There are several principles that can cause the interlocutor to have a negative opinion.

1. “I am reserved” - a person has difficulty making contact, he does not want to provide information about himself and is not ready for a productive dialogue.
2. “I’m not sure” - a person will always doubt his abilities, he will not be able to give an affirmative answer to a single question.

Such qualities will let the interlocutor understand what kind of person is sitting in front of him, and whether he will have a desire to continue communicating with him.

Fourth stage - pitfalls

The fourth stage begins when the process of establishing a business contact has dragged on for several days. With close proximity, partners will begin to notice that they know incomplete information about each other. Finding out the truth about these "pitfalls" is possible only by acting as an initiator. For example, it seemed to you that the person with you is not direct and open enough. Ask him and carefully analyze his reaction. This method will quickly dispel all possible doubts.

Fifth stage - adaptation

The last (final) stage of establishing contact involves the adaptation of partners to each other. By this period, two psychological object already know all the positive and negative qualities about each other. Now they can, based on this information, find an approach to their partner.

What is it for?

Separately, it is worth talking about why you need to develop this connection in the process of communication:

1. It is important to know the technique and ways of establishing contact with the client in order to inspire confidence in him. A properly organized conversation will set him in a positive mood - this is the basis of a productive relationship.
2. These qualities are essential for an interview. A person who is neatly dressed, speaks beautifully and “puts on” positive communication principles is more likely to get this job.
3. Every businessman should know about the process of establishing and developing contacts. Proper communication will have a huge impact on his activities. Who wants to cooperate with an ignoramus who is unpleasant to associate with?
4. The right organization of building relationships is necessary for every person. After all, every day people closely interact with other personalities in shops, restaurants, transport and other in public places. "Quality" communication creates a positive opinion about yourself.

Feedback

Feedback is another method of establishing contact. This approach will create right opinion about your interlocutor.

• It is required to pay attention to how a person answers the question. If he looks into his eyes, then this indicates that he is as interested as possible, the topic of communication is really close to him. A languid look at the situation in the room or the window indicates a lack of interest.
• Very good sign if the person is taking notes in a notepad during the conversation. This suggests that he responsibly approaches the negotiations. You should pay attention to what points he focused his attention on as much as possible.
• During negotiations, various barriers will appear. For example, a person will not understand the interpretation of various terms and formulations. Good sign if he asks a lot of questions and tries to reveal the whole essence of the ongoing conversation.

Feedback is a very subtle psychological approach. If you want to create a good impression of yourself, it is important to pay attention to these nuances in advance.

Appearance

Most effective method establishing contact during negotiations - creating an attractive image. It is undesirable for an interview to dress up in the most expensive suits. It is important that the image is restrained and neat.

A woman is recommended to wear a stylish dress for negotiations, which will emphasize all the advantages and hide the flaws of her figure. Another good option is a formal suit. In no case should clothes show legs and chest. Such a depraved image is unlikely to inspire confidence in the interlocutor. Hair should be styled as much as possible. It is necessary that the makeup is not defiant, but, on the contrary, emphasizes the natural beauty of the face. For manicure it is worth choosing discreet varnishes.

A man is recommended to go to a meeting in a business suit. Classic jeans with a shirt can be a great alternative. It is not at all necessary that the clothes be from an elite designer. Usually interlocutors pay attention to the quality of shoes and the brand of watches. An accessory can create a special impression about a person.

Separately, it is worth talking about the color palette. For an interview, it is not recommended to combine several bright colors. For example, if the blouse or shirt is bright, then the accessories, trousers or skirt and shoes should be in a neutral shade.

Non-verbal communication

Plays an important role non-verbal communication. Psychologists call it hidden dialogue. How a person behaves during a conversation can tell a lot. For example, if he sits idly by, then most likely he is closed or hiding something. An open, relaxed posture indicates his willingness to communicate.

You should be alert if the person is nervous. This may indicate that he is not confident in himself or is hiding something. Contributing signals will be the following: if the interlocutor begins to touch something in his hands, for example, actively fiddling with a button from clothes or a teaspoon.

Facial expressions should be carefully examined. A huge plus if a person has a friendly smile on his face. This is a sign that he is in the mood for productive communication.

Establishing contact with the child

Separately, it is worth talking about establishing contact with the child. If you do it right, you can noticeably get closer. There are several effective psychological methods to improve interaction. Among them are the following:

• Intense rhythm brings its own rules into our life. Moms are engaged in building their careers, appearance, household chores and other useful deeds. No matter how hard it is, it is worth allocating at least one hour a day for communication or games with your baby.
• You should communicate with your son or daughter as calmly as possible, without raising your tones. If a parent constantly scolds his offspring, then there is high degree the likelihood that he will grow up a closed person.
• You just need to love your child. Read books with him, go for walks, clean the house, cook together and just chat. Even the most qualified nanny with a pedagogical education cannot replace the care of a beloved mother.

Establishing contact with the child is really very important. It contributes to the formation between close people, which is important.

Conclusion

If you don’t know how to communicate with people, every interview ends in failure, you have problems in relationships with relatives, then it’s time to think about how to learn how to establish contact between people. Some simple rules will allow you to do it much more successfully.