Intimate life is intimate for that, so as not to let outside curious spectators into it and not to discuss it at every step, even with friends. But still, there are situations when it is possible and even necessary to talk about sexual life, for example, with a gynecologist after a successful birth. It is known, after all, that pregnancy and the birth of a new small family member leaves its mark on the relationship of the spouses. Including, and on sexual life, which is also undergoing changes and requires a careful approach to the resumption after childbirth.

Sex life after childbirth - abstinence for at least 4 weeks

Sexual life after childbirth is definitely necessary, that's just the question of when and how to make the first sexual contact after birth process, must be approached responsibly. It is no secret that childbirth is a certain stress for the mother's body, requires significant energy costs from her and leads to certain physiological changes. And after childbirth, a woman definitely needs time to recover: sexual activity in this case is usually shown no earlier than after 4-8 weeks. Of course, everything here depends on individual anatomical and physiological features of the “newly made” mother, as well as on how the birth took place, how difficult or easy they were.

In any case, earlier than after 4 weeks of sexual contact, doctors do not recommend allowing. This is the minimum time required for the resumption of the uterus after childbirth, as well as for its purification from blood residues. Return to intimate life immediately shortly after the birth of the baby, it is also contraindicated because during this period the uterus is most susceptible to infection. And the risk of infection will not disappear until she returns to her original state and recovers.

If the birth was difficult, with incisions, even more time should pass before the onset of sexual activity after childbirth. Many mistakenly believe that if the birth took place by cesarean section, then such problems regarding sexual life should not arise with the advent of the baby. And this is completely false statement: after the woman needs even more time to recover, until the stitches from the operation completely heal.

Ideally, the “permitted” moment for the first sexual contact after childbirth is better for the couple to discuss with the gynecologist. The specialist will examine the woman's genitals and evaluate the speed and degree of their recovery, which means he will be able to determine when it is possible to start resuming sexual activity. In addition, the doctor will be able to advise the most appropriate method of contraception in order to prevent re-pregnancy almost immediately after the birth of the baby.

Possible problems

But, even if the first sexual contact is made according to the recommendations of doctors, he still may not justify the “hopes” placed on him, both by the mother and the father. The most common problems that young parents face at first after the birth of a baby are anatomical changes in the vagina and its dryness. The first is due to the stretching of the vagina during the passage of the baby through the birth canal. Over time, doctors reassure, the vagina will take its original shape, and this process can be accelerated by performing special exercises (the so-called). A woman can perform them even during pregnancy, which avoids excessive stretching of the vagina and its quickest return to “tone” almost immediately after childbirth.

Vaginal dryness is also a temporary phenomenon that is provoked by estrogen deficiency in the period after the birth of a child. The same factor becomes decisive in the occurrence of postpartum depression and depression in the mother, which are aggravated by fatigue. In this case, men are advised to treat their beloved woman with understanding, not only helping her physically, but also supporting her morally. To cope with the dryness of the vagina will help special lubricants and creams.

Often, women also complain about the discomfort that they feel during sexual contact after childbirth, about the pain at the same time. This situation may arise if the birth took place with tears that require suturing. Painful sensations arise if the sutures "cling" the nerve endings, and in this case it is recommended to work together to look for the most optimal position for having sex, the maximum attention of a man to a woman's feelings. Over time, the nerve endings adapt to new configurations, but for now you just have to take care and listen to each other during intimacy.

Maximum attention and tenderness

After the birth of a baby, a woman requires increased attention and tenderness from a man. Now, more than ever (about the same as during pregnancy), she needs the psychological support of her beloved man. Regarding sexual life: even if sexual contact is undesirable at first, no one forbids tactile caresses. Now is the time to get to know each other's body again, find new sensitive areas and zones on it, treat each other with maximum caress and tenderness. But you need to be careful with female breasts if the new small family member is on breastfeeding. In general, the postpartum period is not only difficult, but also filled with new pleasant worries, joy and awe. This - new opportunity overestimate the relationship between spouses, the opportunity to re-live the first minutes of acquaintance on a physical level. The main thing here is love, mutual understanding, patience and the ability to listen to each other.

Especially for- Tatyana Argamakova

When to start having sex?

Psychologists consider the optimal age for the onset of sexual activity to be 19-20 years old for girls and 22-24 years old for boys, that is, there is a gap of 5-10 years between the first sexual desires and complete physical and mental maturation. And what to do all these years? Scientists say: refrain.

The largest endocrinologists, physiologists, gynecologists and psychiatrists agree: there are no diseases that could be caused by abstinence in this age period.

Moreover, the energy required by young people to reach full physical and social maturity is sublimated, that is, transformed from sexual energy. And when sexual energy is wasted, a person loses moral and physical reserves for growth and personal achievements.

This is well known to sports coaches. In big sport, sexual life is allowed only after 22-25 years, because only at this age does it become compatible with huge sports loads. And even for adults, physically mature athletes, 1.5-2 weeks before the competition, complete abstinence is recommended - for the accumulation and mobilization of forces.

When can you start having sex?

There are no strict age or physiological limits. You can start when the person is ready for it. Readiness is meant psychological and informational. Psychologically, you must want it, and want it with this person, right now, in the conditions that exist today, want it of your own free will, without feeling any sacrifice on your part. Informationally, you should know in detail the features of female and male anatomy, physiology, methods of protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, methods emergency contraception in case of unforeseen circumstances, have the coordinates of a doctor who can be contacted at any time for help and not be afraid that he will not take you seriously, scold you and tell your parents everything.

You must not only know the theory of contraceptive methods, but also have contraceptives with you and be able to use them, and also accept for yourself the principle for life - take care of yourself. Your protection is your own business, not your partner's, even if he is more experienced and promises to take care of everything and you believe him in everything - do not let anyone be responsible for your life and health, except for yourself - NOBODY else can handle it with such a burden, and pay for it - only you and your unborn child. You must forever forget about the so-called. calendar method, calculation of safe days, coitus interruptus and safety of sexual life during menstruation. All these are myths worthy of only one thing - to be forgotten forever. You should also be aware of the ways to diagnose early pregnancy and how to terminate it real, not mythical.

You should exclude such a source of pseudo-medical information as the advice and experience of girlfriends, mothers or partners, Internet forums, articles in popular magazines, films - all this is an exchange of myths and rumors between amateurs, reliable information can only come from professional sources. You should have a place where you can meet safely without fear and where hygiene products are available. You must have money to buy contraceptives and pay for doctor visits and possible treatment. You should think in detail about the issue of relations with your parents on this topic: what and when you tell them, so as not to live in constant fear - they will find out / kill and not lie.

The first time is remembered for a lifetime. Not only by conscious memory, but also unconsciously - this is the first experience that the organism meets, and it writes it down on White list as an example against which all others are then compared. The first time can define your ideas about the norm for life, it's like New Year- as you meet, so you can spend - Therefore, try to make it perfect, do not let random impulses spoil future happiness.

You must love and feel loved. You don't have to fight with yourself and force yourself. And you have to ask yourself a hundred times - WHY you want it .. and whether you want it. You must be confident and feel your dignity. If you hesitate, then it's not time yet. And it doesn't matter how old you are.

When NOT to start:

Blackmail. "If you love - prove it." Love has never been proven in bed - and it does not require proof at all, it is a way of life, not a set of proof actions. If you think that your love needs to be proved, then you yourself do not believe in it. You are a free person and are not obliged to prove anything to anyone - you are who you are - and you can pretend to be different, but not become. And if this does not suit someone, then it will not suit them further, and you will never be free with this person. If you succumb to blackmail and -prove-, you will simply voluntarily allow yourself to be used - and it is precisely from this that, first of all, it will be bad for you later - from the fact that you yourself allowed yourself to lose dignity and betray your love - and even blame someone.

Victim. "I want to give him the most precious thing, so that he understands how much I love him". This is the same as the first option, only an even more perverted idea of ​​​​love. Love has nothing to do with sacrifice - it is a feeling that only free people ready to recognize and respect freedom in others. Therefore, he does not insist - he respects your freedom and waits until you are ready and make your free choice, without sacrifice, yourself, without shifting responsibility on him. Appreciate his nobility and be worthy of your partner. Take responsibility for yourself - do things without sacrificing for someone, but because you want it yourself. If you don't want to, don't do it. Understand that he will not be happy from your sacrifices, after which disappointment, regret and accusations of ingratitude will surely come. Do not humiliate your love with evidence, wait until you are ready.

If you consider the Beginning to be a proof of your love, its necessary criterion, its guarantee, your duty towards your beloved, an exam for your devotion, a sacrifice expected from you on the altar of love, and other similar thoughts hover in your head -. You would still wait - but some kind of material reinforcement of your words is expected from you - wait! You are not ready yet.

Age. "It is time". This argument is not worthy of lengthy discussion. Readiness does not depend on calendar age. Why did you keep yourself up to such a respectable age, as you now think - In order to go against yourself with the same doubts as before - You do this to put a tick in front of some critical year - You are no longer a little girl, if you are so worried about age - it means that you already have the ability to imagine - what will happen next, after this desperate step - Something will really change for the better - Or you will then spend long nights communicating with your make excuses with your inner voice - If you are doing this because you are already so many years old, but still something is missing in life - learn to love. With this skill will come true readiness and a worthy object.

Self-assertion. "I'm already an adult, and this is the main occupation of adults." A typical childhood trait is to imitate adults, not understanding the essence of actions. Try on my mother's shoes, although they are terribly uncomfortable to walk in - why does she wear this, because she is an adult. Make up - but now you won’t touch your eyes, you won’t go out into the rain, and in general your face has become so sloppy - why does she do this, because adults all put on makeup, it’s necessary. Say -adult-words, although you yourself want to plug your ears- Try to smoke, drink, then suffer, then overcome your disgust and continue - and why am I worse than adults. And let it be bad for me, and let me be ridiculous in my childish attempts to imitate, and let me really not want all this at all. But that's how it's supposed to be. A teenager should rebel and do everything out of spite. He must be different from a child - adults must finally see that a teenager is NOT a CHILD, but an adult. And adults see a typically childish trait - to try everything that is unknown and copy their adult behavior in their own way. They have always been touched by this feature, and now they are touched by it in the back of their minds, because in the first place, of course, is their concern for your health, just like in childhood when you played with glass and fire. But besides these experiences, all the same, the remaining thoughts are not - -how he matured-, but -what a funny child he is, but I thought - he is already an adult-. Like this. Keep this in mind just in case when you do something to prove your worth. Consistency, independence, freedom, self-respect, responsibility - all these are signs of an adult, independent of his calendar age. And like all true values, they do not require proof, they are obvious! And if it seems to you that others do not recognize them for you, then they simply do not exist yet! Do not break your life, inventing evidence - engage in self-improvement, this will prove to everyone your Adulthood much faster.

And don't forget - adults do have more rights. But they also bear much more responsibility. And they dream of getting rid of it for a while and being able, as in childhood, to shift the responsibility onto another. For someone else to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. Unfortunately, in sexual life, each person clears up his mistakes himself - mom will be glad to transfer all your suffering to herself, but she can’t! Infections are for you to treat, abortion is for you, infertility after an abortion is for you to treat. You're old enough and ready for this challenge- Or maybe you should wait with that kind of self-assertion and go back to the good old antics like provocative hair and loud music. Let it be only touching, not tragic - evidence of your growing up.

Curiosity. "There's so much talk about it - you should finally try it." Also a childhood classic. Try how fire burns, try how a toy breaks, try how a pencil draws - try a drug, try sex. So much talk! I want too. I don’t like it - I won’t - it’s just a test - once.

You know, curiosity is generally a trait inherent in all living things. This is the basis of learning, gaining experience. This is a wonderful property when it is correctly satisfied - first at the expense of someone else's experience! Everyone knows the saying that a fool learns from his own mistakes, and a smart one learns from others. Let now you do not trust the specific adults who surround you, and despise them personal experience. But there are books! Mankind has written all its experiences in books more than once! Why not once - yes, because she also did not trust the experience of previous generations; But the moment must come when the next inexperienced person will be smarter than the previous ones - and will not just read, but BELIEVE the experience of mankind. He will believe that the drug differs from the usual substance in that it causes addiction - sometimes - the first time, and it is not known whether it will cause you the first time, therefore, you cannot rely on the experience of your friend. He will believe that it is easy to get pregnant and get infected from the first unsuccessful time, and sex becomes the best pleasure in the world only when a person is ready for it!

I get emails EVERY DAY that say: "I tried it. I didn't feel good. Why is there so much talk about it? What am I doing wrong?" Maybe someone will take into account this experience - the experience of your peers and contemporaries! I can assure you that if you are not yet ready, your curiosity will not be satisfied. You will remain in the dark, moreover, in disappointment, you will blame yourself and your partner, you may lose faith in yourself and decide that you are not allowed to experience this pleasure at all - remember the importance of the first experience - the body can remember it as the norm - and give out these feelings all subsequent times - In general, if you really want to know what it is - read books about love, watch movies, develop yourself as a person and learn to love. And you will know everything in due time - and only Small child may be offended by such a phrase, and the older a person is, the more often he repeats it - for a reason. And because it comes to him!

Fear of standing out. "In our class / yard / institute - EVERYONE is already walking and talking! I'm the only one" This is a famous joke. And you, too, tell! If you really want to be like everyone else. It's a classic sign of immaturity, but it does have an outlet. An adult, of course, will simply skip this item, because it does not concern him. The basis of his adulthood is that he is not afraid to be different. Not deliberately deliberately wants to stand out with an earring in his nose. This is a tool for those who have nothing else to stand out, forgive me those who want to be offended by this. Not on purpose not to be like everyone else - because this is also lack of freedom! And just do not be afraid in some situations, when there is a choice between personal freedom and dogmas established by someone - choose your freedom. Here it is important not to confuse dogmas (such as the onset of sexual activity before a certain age) with norms (such as the onset of sexual activity with a condom). Rules are for people's safety! Dogmas have no rational explanation. This is how they differ.

How to prepare for the first time

Get acquainted with basics anatomy And physiology female and male reproductive system. Find out how all this is correctly called, how it looks, how it works, what is true and what is a myth. There are many books and articles and even educational films about this. Do not trust information received from girlfriends.

Explore your menstrual cycle . Mark the days of the beginning of menstruation, count the length of the cycle. To then understand - a delay or not. Do not immediately be scared if the cycle is still irregular - this may be an age-related variant of the norm. Do not draw conclusions yourself - if something bothers you, the doctor should understand. Do not try to calculate dangerous and safe days- those do not exist, you can get pregnant on any day of the cycle, even during menstruation. If one of your acquaintances was carried away when they were protected by this method, this is a happy accident for them, which may not be so happy for you.

Find your doctor. Here you can use the advice of friends or mothers, search on the Internet. The doctor should be available to you - psychologically and financially, without this you cannot start. The doctor should advise you regarding the selection of contraception, preferably BEFORE you start. And of course, you should come to the doctor immediately after the Beginning - take smears, look at the condition of the cervix - and then do it regularly.

Buy quality condoms and learn how to use them. Condoms should always be with you, the myth that this is the business of a man is a myth, this is what you need first of all. There should be several of them with you - in case of repeated sexual intercourse, because everyone should be protected - do not run to the pharmacy in the middle of the process. condom - the best remedy for initiating sexual activity, because it alone prevents the transmission of germs. And even if you start with a person in whom you are confident as in yourself, the composition of microbes in this person is still different. And when other people's microbes (normal, not infection) get to another person, they often cause an inflammatory process - just as a reaction to someone else's. This inflammation is not always a sexually transmitted infection, but it is a consequence of the transmission of foreign microbes, therefore it proceeds with the same signs and is treated in the same way - with antibiotics. Inflammation of the genital tract - colpitis, - thrush - and Bladder- cystitis - very frequent companions of the Beginning. If you start with a condom and use it for the first few months, trouble can be avoided. Even if you and your doctor have chosen hormonal contraception as a protection against pregnancy, you still need to use a condom at the beginning - because hormones do not save you from infections.

A condom only works if it is put on on time- at the very beginning, before the introduction of the penis into the vagina. Otherwise, if you put it on just before ejaculation, it is practically useless: the lubricant released from the head of the penis during intercourse contains spermatozoa and microorganisms - thus. and unwanted pregnancy and infection can occur even though you put on a condom afterwards. That is why such a common method of contraception as interrupted sexual intercourse is also ineffective, except that partners do not always have time to interrupt it. And again, if you have a lot of acquaintances who so far - carried - you should not risk your health - you should have an abortion, not them.

How to use a condom and what to tell your partner

To keep the condom from falling off did not break in the process, it must be of high quality (well-known companies: Durex, Lifestile, Contex, Preventor, Innotex, and not cheap Chinese), with an unexpired shelf life, bought at a pharmacy. Young people reading this paragraph should also remember that some girls, wanting to get pregnant, pierce packages - and check the integrity of the package yourself, and best of all - use those that you buy yourself. What if it's true.

You also need to know putting on a condom correctly: they all have a sperm reservoir at the tip, so it is necessary that there is no air in the condom (and in this reservoir in particular). It is when there is air inside that the pressure increases during movement, and the latex breaks. In order not to leave air inside, before putting on (before rolling out), it is necessary to tightly clamp the reservoir, releasing air from it, and then put it on an erect penis, again pressing tightly and all the time squeezing out possible air down from the condom - into the street - . This is a certain skill that is not at all ashamed to learn alone on a cucumber or a banana.

During anal sex, some anatomical features when even expensive condoms break, and also when you know that your partner is a carrier of a serious disease, for example, hepatitis B, or when, due to some circumstances (taking antibiotics, potent drugs, etc.), pregnancy is not just not needed, but its onset catastrophic - sometimes it makes sense to put on two condoms at once.

Take off the condom it is also necessary on time and carefully, otherwise all precautions will be taken in vain if, after removal, the sperm enters the vagina.

Remember that pregnancy and infection can lead to contact sperm into the vagina. This does not necessarily mean violation of virginity. Spermatozoa can get from hands, clothes, underwear - during games and caresses. The hymen is not a barrier to sperm - it has a hole in it! You can get pregnant during anal sex if the sperm gets into the next hole later. You can get pregnant with interrupted intercourse, in particular - repeated, when the first one was with a condom - because there may be remnants of sperm on the penis. It is impossible to get pregnant during oral sex, but it is possible to get infections - the same as during normal sex.

Remember that you have 72 hours after unprotected intercourse for some reason to resort to the so-called. emergency contraception- postinor - but this is just in case of an accident - rape or a rupture of a condom. It is an alternative to abortion and should be treated as such, it is not much more harmless.

Know about the structure and features hymen. Everyone has it. But it is easily stretchable and does not always break. Very often it only strains, then there is very little blood for the first time, but it appears on the second and third time, along with unpleasant sensations - it turns out that every time is like the first. Don't worry, sooner or later it will end when it finally breaks completely. If bloody issues during proximity, they have a source not external, but internal - you need to go for an examination and check the condition of your cervix, with erosion this phenomenon is quite frequent. But we have already said that going to the doctor in any case is obligatory after the Beginning. Sometimes the hymen does not even tear, but only stretches. Then there is no blood at all, and you may receive a reproach from your partner for not virginity. Meanwhile, this is the most common possible situations. The hymen is stretched, you feel discomfort not only for the first time, but also in subsequent ones, especially at the very beginning, which then disappear - this is normal! The hymen hole remained as it was, so at the beginning it is always unpleasant. But it stretches, and in the process the discomfort disappears, especially if there is enough lubrication. Finally, the hymen will most likely tear during childbirth. As you understand, virginity is not a state of the hymen. You can keep anatomical virginity by years of engaging in sophisticated forms of sex with different people, and vice versa - you can lose your virginity as a result of trauma or rape, remaining completely inexperienced for a long time. But if it is the state of the hymen that interests you, such “virginity” is easily restored surgically. Who are you fooling with this way - man also judges your experience not by the appearance of the hymen. And he also knows about the operations to restore virginity :)

Learn about pregnancy diagnostics. If you doubt the reliability of your protection in advance, before menstruation, you can find out about pregnancy 8-10 days after intercourse by donating blood from a vein to the pregnancy hormone - beta-hCG. There is NOTHING to know before. None of the "signs of pregnancy" - nausea, change in taste, sensitivity to smells, sensations in the abdomen, lower back, increased urination, sore breasts and/or nipples, breast engorgement, changes in weight and mood - are not reliable signs of pregnancy, as well as their absence is not a guarantee of its non-occurrence. Sometimes even menstruation cannot be a guarantee, because in early dates pregnancy may be a threat of interruption, expressed by bleeding. In the people it is called -washing the fetus-. Such - monthly - as a rule, differ from the usual ones in terms of abundance and soreness, after them all the sensations of "pregnancy" remain. A urine pregnancy test can be done no earlier than the first day of delay, before that its indications are invalid. It can be false negative even after a delay, so if it does not show pregnancy, but there is no menstruation, go donate blood. Ultrasound shows pregnancy in the early stages - only after a week of delay and only done by a vaginal sensor and a skilled specialist. Otherwise it negative result doesn't say anything. An examination by a gynecologist on a chair will also not say anything specific in the early stages. Therefore, the only reliable test is a blood test in combination with a vaginal ultrasound. Again - assess your readiness - You can go to a paid laboratory and take a paid urgent blood test from a vein for pregnancy in your city -..

Learn about. Termination of pregnancy is called abortion and there are no alternatives to it. No hot baths, herbs, milk with iodine, pills and other shamanistic tricks. All attempts to get rid of pregnancy without going to the doctor are dangerous for your life.

Get to know the basics psychology of the opposite sex. For example. Men tend to clearly separate love and sex. Women tend to combine them. The ability to share (even with the same person) comes with experience, but at first for girls these are synonymous words, and this is the reason for their broken hearts. No need to overtake your experience and stock up on cynicism - you just need to try to understand that your partner's attitude is different from your attitude. And this is normal, and he does not want to offend you, and he is not guilty of anything and he does not deceive you! It's just that men and women have different truths, that's all. Women tend to have sex because they love. And men - because they want to have sex. And how can you blame them for being honest, and women live in captivity of their fantasies, transfer their ideas to him and think that he lives according to their laws and if he has sex, then he loves- How can you accuse men of cheating when they succumb to the persistent requests of women who have hearing - erogenous zone- -say that you love-- How can you blame them when they repeat this to please a woman, because if they keep silent out of honesty, she will be even more unhappy, they already checked it- How can you later, when it turns out, that for them it was just sex, to claim that they deceived you - you deceived yourself, not knowing, not wanting to know the features of their physiology and psychology. Men and women are people with different planets and if you want to keep your sanity while gaining experience, always remember this and don't be fooled. Be free and let your partner be free - and enjoy free communication.

Learn to please yourself. Study your body, your reactions, learn to have an orgasm. For some reason, many people think that a partner should teach them. Why he should know you better than you yourself - It is very important to learn BEFORE you start, then you will know what and how you should achieve, you will be able to teach your partner how to properly please you, and you will not be disappointed by early starters . For they often begin in order to find out why. And if you find out in advance, then this reason will disappear, and then there will be time and strength to wait for the true reason - mutual love. You will also be able to give pleasure to yourself and your partner without violating your virginity and without exposing yourself to the risk of infections and unwanted pregnancies. And of course, in advance, avoid the need to pretend, imitate pleasure, so as not to convey your disappointment to your partner, who is not to blame for anything.

Train pelvic floor muscles. There are special Kegel exercises, the simplest - squeezing the muscles of the anus and holding it in a compressed state, as well as interrupting the stream of urine during urination by force of the muscles - and holding it. This is not only useful for the pelvic organs - like any exercise, it not only increases the sensuality and strength of orgasm, it also helps prevent such a frequent unpleasant phenomenon as air entering the vagina during intimacy - this happens due to untrained muscles that cannot grip the penis tightly - then, as in the case of air in a condom - during movement, the pressure rises, and the air comes out with force - only in this case it exits through the entrance to the vagina, making a characteristic sound that can ruin your whole mood and sometimes - for a long time to settle in you shame and awkwardness.

Find the right one place, time and resolve the issue with parents.

How to start

First, you must be confident in yourself, that you are doing the right thing, of your own free will, and do not feel guilty about it before anyone.

Secondly, you must be confident in your partner and not be afraid to tell him something. He is not obliged to guess (and this is impossible) the thoughts in your head, and believe me, he is now worried a little less than you, and really wants to do everything that depends on him so as not to harm you. Because he treats you well and because he also understands the importance of the First time for subsequent ones - what attitude do you have towards It now - it will be very difficult to deal with such a later in the future, so it is beneficial for everyone that the first impression is good! Therefore, since you have common goals and tasks - help each other, do not become isolated in your supposedly personal problems, but learn to trust and talk about what worries you. Then it will be much easier for others to help you. Arrange in advance for signal, which will mean - immediately stop! - just in case.

Thirdly, you must create the right atmosphere. There must be a bath or shower, there must be a comfortable and -quiet-, not creaky bed, there must be a closed door, there must be peace of mind that no one will open this door from the other side.

To relax a little, a little wine won't hurt. Only a LITTLE - and wine, not vodka and beer. Otherwise, the action will be quite the opposite. Intoxication should not reach such an extent that you forget the need and the rules for putting on a condom.

Teach your partner to please you and get orgasm BEFORE penetration. Substances released in the brain during orgasm - endorphins - a person has learned to synthesize artificially - and called them narcotic analgesics - they eliminate pain, lull and cause addiction. Use natural analogues - it's that easy!

After you have had pleasure, endorphins own your brain, and the amount of lubrication is enough for penetration, the condom is put on correctly - you can have the first sexual intercourse itself - defloration. Still, remember the physiology - there is a hymen and it needs to be torn - so the feeling of an obstacle is normal, the unpleasant sensations of tension and even creaking are normal, acute pain is normal, blood is normal. Also remember that for many, the hymen does not tear, but stretches, and therefore the absence of a sensation of an obstacle, the absence of blood is also normal. Do not leave the pain - on the contrary, lean towards it and open up - you yourself want it - so do what you want yourself - and enjoy it - it will quickly cover temporary pain. If anything - you always have the opportunity to give the coveted signal. An alternative that is sometimes resorted to - artificial, surgical defloration - going to the doctor and cutting the hymen with a scalpel or a surgical laser - does not solve the problem of pain - the hymen itself remains in place and still there will be pain at the first entry. In addition, the incisions can heal - and everything will have to start all over again. In addition to pathological conditions - see the article "" - natural defloration can be tolerated, especially if you get an orgasm before that. The main reason for your sensations during sexual life - pleasant or unpleasant, the selection of one among all and fixation on it - is psychological, not physical. Therefore, you must first prepare and solve problems in your head and life, and then start new life with joy, not fear and deliberate expectation of the bad.

If lubricants not enough, you can use artificial, BUT! When using a condom - only water-based - gels. You can special, sold in sex shops - for example, Montavit gel. You can use other gels sold in a pharmacy, for example, solcoseryl gel - not intended for lubrication, but which can replace it. Fat-based creams and ointments, including hand creams, face creams, baby creams, liquid paraffin, dissolve latex, so they should never be used with a condom.

After any intimacy, a shower is desirable, and after defloration, a shower is required. Or a bath.

Then you can do whatever you want - everything you read about and saw in films, everything you dreamed about - love each other. Do not forget that EVERYONE should be protected sexual intercourse in your life, not just the first.

If you know all this in advance, along with the basics of contraception, you will be really ready for the No-Drama Beginning. No one gets behind the wheel without learning the rules of the road. And how well a person has learned them, as well as how well he understands driving a car, depends on his own safety, even if other drivers make mistakes.

And once again about age. Where, after all, is that criterion - up to this moment it is still too early, but from this moment - it is possible - And why does age not matter when the Beginning is a clear exit into adulthood. You can't become an adult when you're a child. And you can't, as an adult, keep your virginity - it's illogical. In fact, there is a criterion. And it really is adulthood. Adult- this is a person who is able to take responsibility for his health, his life, and is also ready to take additional responsibility for the health of another adult person - his partner, and also - always ready to take responsibility for possible child, which can always appear in an adult. That's when you - financially, informationally, psychologically - are ready to take responsibility for yourself, your partner and your unborn child - to bear it yourself, without blaming anyone, knowing what you will do specifically when problems arise - this means that you are old enough to start. And then, when you want to do this, this is already your free choice, which should absolutely not depend on age and other false reasons that we tried to sort out in this article.

After the birth of a child, a woman must follow the rules and recommendations of a doctor so as not to damage her health. To the question When can you have sex after giving birth?, the doctor will answer only after examining the woman in labor, identifying the presence or absence of complications after labor.

When to make love

It is not uncommon for situations to arise in which a woman has no desire. This is a fairly common manifestation, which can be caused due to postpartum depression. To do this, you need to improve your mood by the presence of your loved ones nearby, and tune in only to positive thoughts. If a woman does not want to sleep with her husband for a long time, but we can talk about psychological disorders that only a specialist will help to cope with.

How to increase desire for sexual intercourse

There is no need to panic, because after a while this syndrome will go away, and you will enjoy the delights of family sex life. If, after childbirth, a woman is not psychologically ready for this process, it is worth creating a romantic atmosphere conducive to relaxation and intimate mood. When after childbirth you can live an intimate life will depend not only on the general physical condition of the woman in labor, but also on the psychological factor.

After the birth of a baby, a young mother has a lot of worries: feeding the baby, caring for her and herself, while no one has canceled household chores! She continues to cook, wash, clean and be a wife. After childbirth, a woman needs support, tenderness and affection, and after some time, the spouses come to a common decision to continue their sexual life. But, unfortunately, not everything is so simple in the intimate relationships of a man and a woman after the birth of a baby.

Reasons for not having sex immediately after giving birth

Each birth is purely individual. From the weight of the child, its location, the condition of the woman, the medical staff depends on how well the process of the baby's arrival in this world will go. Sexual life after childbirth is possible with good health young mother.

There are several things that make it difficult intimate relationship or make them impossible.

1. Physiological reasons. After childbirth, a woman's hormonal background changes, so libido may disappear, and vaginal dryness may occur. Also, sexual life after childbirth can fail due to weakened muscle tension in a woman. As a result, she does not get proper pleasure.
2. medical reasons. Difficult natural childbirth or caesarean section entails the emergence of fear of pain in a young mother. If the stitches have not healed, then you should wait a bit with sex, otherwise the woman's sex life after childbirth will turn into a nightmare.
3. psychological reasons. Fear of getting pregnant again, being unattractive to a husband (especially after partner childbirth), waking up a child, not experiencing pleasure - all this comes from the psychological state of a woman after childbirth.

The beginning of sexual activity after natural childbirth

Natural childbirth is a process in which a woman herself helps the baby to come into the world. This does not require surgery.

After such a process, every woman has a cleansing of the body. At this time, she has spotting according to the type of menstruation, the uterus gradually returns to its previous appearance. Also, a young mother may notice that she has become more feminine, has acquired rounded shapes of her breasts and buttocks. Naturally, such changes will not go unnoticed by the husband. He has like normal man, there is a desire and desire for his woman. Therefore, the spouses ask themselves the question: "Sexual life after childbirth: when can I start and will it be complete?" Doctors note that after natural childbirth, if there are no contraindications, you can have sex after 4-5 weeks. But there are many reasons why these dates are significantly shifted. We will consider them below.

Sex after caesarean

Sexual life after childbirth in the first month is strictly prohibited for women who gave birth with the help of caesarean section. Yes, and in the second month it is difficult, because sex involves the tension of some muscles, their work. And this can lead to a divergence of the seams and severe pain. It should be borne in mind that it takes time to restore the uterine mucosa, the sutures on it. In the case of surgical intervention during childbirth, it is important for spouses to know how long it will be safe to have sex after childbirth. Gynecologists advise starting it no earlier than 1.5 - 2 months after the operation. For your own peace of mind, before continuing an intimate life, you need to go for a consultation and examination with a doctor. After all, the seam on the skin heals faster than on the uterus.

Lack of sexual desire: psychological aspects

After the birth of a child, young spouses may experience fear before starting a sexual life. This can also be facilitated by the peculiarities of the psyche of the woman who gave birth and the man who was present at the birth.

The lack of desire to have sex after childbirth may be due to some psychological reasons. Although sexual life after natural childbirth may begin earlier, there is no guarantee that a woman is psychologically ready for it. The fair sex always wants to look beautiful. It's no secret that the pregnancy period can end extra pounds. On this basis, plus post-natal psychosis, various complexes may appear: regarding appearance, inconsistencies in the expectations of a man in sex, fear of the influence of sexual life on the release of milk. If the husband was present at the birth, the wife for some reason thinks that he will cool off for her. All these complexes are ordinary myths if the spouses have strong family relationships. The birth of a child only strengthens them, although the man saw the suffering of the woman, although she changed a little. Sincerity in relationships, agreement and trust are important for starting a sexual life after childbirth. Then there will be no reason to deny yourself pleasure.

What could be the physiological reasons for the long absence of sex?

These factors include complications after childbirth and lack of desire, which is expressed at the physiological level.

Sexual life after childbirth can be complicated by such medical reasons as stitching stitches, their long healing. You just need to be patient and wait for a favorable time for an intimate relationship.

Another reason, no less important for spouses, is the dryness of the vagina and its expansion after childbirth. As a result, sexual intercourse does not bring pleasure to a woman and a man. Vaginal dryness is caused by the hormonal background of the body of a young mother; lubricants can be used to solve this problem. Another possible problem is the low tone of the muscles of the vagina, which prevents it from returning to its original shape. As a result, a woman does not have the opportunity to experience an orgasm, and a man does not experience the same pleasure as before. Naturally, who would like such a sex life after childbirth? Reviews of young mothers indicate that only after 8-12 months they were able to feel like a female lioness in intimacy with their spouse. We see that you just need to be patient, and then sex life will return to normal.

The Third Extra, or Fear of Sex Because of a Child

Another reason for the lack of sexual desire in a woman is the feeling of a third superfluous in the room - a child. She constantly twitches when he grunts, worries that he will wake up at the wrong time, and so on. To do this, you need to plan the time and arrange a romantic dinner, being sure that the child is sleeping. A simple solution this problem will be leaving to another room for the duration of intimacy.

Contraception after childbirth

Many couples think in advance about how a woman does not get pregnant again. There is an opinion that with constant breastfeeding until the onset of menstruation, spouses can not be protected. But this is not a 100% method of contraception. Every woman has a different hormonal background. And if one after childbirth can become pregnant only after a year, then the other - after a month. There are many methods of contraception, some can be used immediately after the birth of the baby, others cannot. If you do not know which methods of protection against unwanted pregnancy to use, then you need to contact a competent specialist.

When is a specialist consultation necessary?

We looked at the main reasons why sex after childbirth may not bring any pleasure. In the case of slight deviations from the norm of physical and psychological health, with the support of the husband, these problems are easily solved. But if a married couple is not able to cope with them on their own, then one should not neglect the advice of such specialists as a gynecologist, psychologist, sexologist. Then sex life after childbirth will acquire a new taste for husband and wife.

Obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor of ultrasound diagnostics, candidate of medical sciences, specialist in the field of aesthetic gynecology Appointment

As in all areas of family life, sexual sphere after childbirth, huge changes occur that are associated with both the physiological and psychological state of the woman who has given birth, as well as with a change in family structure, especially if the newly born baby is the firstborn.

Physiological characteristics of a woman after childbirth and sex

After childbirth, a woman's body needs to be restored, because pregnancy and childbirth are the biggest burden that a woman endures during her life.

And the sexual relations of spouses after childbirth are influenced by many factors, among which the nature of the course of childbirth, their severity, the presence or absence of any complications, the well-being of the woman herself during pregnancy, during childbirth and in the postpartum period.

If natural childbirth proceeded normally and was not accompanied by any complications or medical intervention, then the uterus is freed from blood remnants in about 4-6 weeks. The same time is needed for the uterus to return to its previous state after all the changes that have occurred in it during pregnancy. During this time, the uterus contracts, and tissues damaged during childbirth (for example, the site of attachment of the placenta, which after childbirth is an almost open wound) are restored.

0Array ( => Pregnancy => Gynecology) Array ( => 4 => 7) Array ( => https://akusherstvo..html => https://ginekolog..html) 4

Of course, during this time, sexual intercourse is more than undesirable. This is due to two reasons.

Firstly, the genital tract of a woman after childbirth is especially susceptible to all kinds of infections, the introduction of which is possible in the vagina, cervix and the uterus itself. Infection of the uterus after childbirth can cause its inflammation - endometritis, one of the most severe postpartum complications.

Secondly, during intercourse, bleeding from vessels damaged by childbirth can resume. Therefore, doctors strongly recommend waiting for the resumption of sexual activity at least six weeks after childbirth.

We repeat that we are talking about the resumption of sexual life after normal, what is called easy childbirth. If during childbirth or in the postpartum period there were any complications, then the duration of sexual abstinence should be increased by as much as is required for the complete healing of the woman's birth canal.

This can happen in two or three months, depending on the specific circumstances, in which case the timing of the resumption of sexual intercourse will be determined by the attending gynecologist. Especially often, such a delay in the period of sexual abstinence is associated with suturing after ruptures of the soft tissues of the birth canal or episiotomy.

A woman should feel her readiness for sex herself. And in order to be sure that the resumption of sexual contacts will not harm her, a woman needs to see a gynecologist before they start.

Only then will she be able to make sure that the body is ready for sexual life. In addition, a woman needs the help of a gynecologist to choose the most suitable for given period contraceptives.

In addition to questions about the beginning sexual relations after childbirth, new parents often have a question about how these relationships change. No one doubts that sex after childbirth is not at all what it was.

According to statistics, almost half of women who have given birth three months after giving birth experience discomfort in intimate life or perceive sex as an unbearable duty, and about 18% face these problems during the year. Of course, this does not mean that each specific young mother will not be able to get into the remaining happy percentages that do not experience any problems with the start of a sexual life after childbirth.

Immediately after childbirth, sex for many women is painful, and the duration of these painful sensations cannot be determined in advance. Painful or uncomfortable sensations during sex after childbirth can be caused by many reasons, in addition to those listed earlier.

If, as a result of ruptures or episiotomy, sutures were applied to the perineal region, then the nerve endings damaged during the rupture or incision of the perineum, which are very numerous in this area, could be clamped in them. Therefore, even in those positions that were previously completely painless and pleasant for a woman, pain can now occur. It is possible that pain will eventually go away on its own as the sensitivity of the nerve adapts to new conditions.

Can play an unkind role and changes in the configuration of the vagina, which sometimes occur after suturing. In addition, the mucous membranes and skin in the area of ​​​​the entrance to the vagina and perineum in the postpartum period become especially sensitive. In the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe seams, especially with pressure, which is almost inevitable during intercourse, pain may occur. It is useful to soften the seam area with ointments used for keloid scars. These include Solcoseryl, Kontratubeks and others.

After childbirth, the anatomical ratio of the genital organs of a man and a woman also changes. This is due to the fact that during childbirth, the vagina expanded very much in order to pass the child through the birth canal, therefore, for the first time after childbirth, it remains in a relaxed, sluggish state.

Of course, this will not last long, but it too often seems to a woman who has given birth that she will look the way she does now for the rest of her life. This is also facilitated by the “horror stories” that are common in the female, and especially in the girlish environment, about how terribly the vagina expands during childbirth. If a woman is sure in advance that she will not feel the man's penis inside the vagina, then most likely it will be so, more psychological reasons than for any other.

Although in the first time after childbirth, the vagina is really less elastic than before them, and therefore it is more difficult for a woman to get an orgasm. But the size of the vagina quickly returns to normal, especially with a little help with the famous Kegel exercises, the same ones that a woman regularly performed during pregnancy.

ONLY IN MARTEsave - 15%

1000 rubles ECG recording with interpretation

- 25%primary
Doctor visit
weekend therapist

980 rub. initial hirudotherapist appointment

therapist appointment - 1,130 rubles (instead of 1,500 rubles) "Only in March, on Saturdays and Sundays, an appointment with a general practitioner with a 25% discount - 1,130 rubles, instead of 1,500 rubles (diagnostic procedures are paid according to the price list)

By the way, if during pregnancy she really did gymnastics regularly, then problems with changing the size of the vagina may not affect her at all, because the muscles developed by exercises will quickly return everything to its place. We repeat that these exercises are needed not only before childbirth, but also after them.

A man also experiences some problems associated with a change in the size of the female vagina after childbirth. During the first months after childbirth, during sexual contact, a man may not feel the walls of the vagina. However, he needs to understand that this condition is temporary, and it should not be a cause for concern.

In some cases, pain during sexual intercourse is associated with serious violations of the anatomy of the vagina that occurred after surgery during childbirth. It is extremely rare, but it happens that doctors have to perform reconstructive surgery in order to help spouses establish a normal sex life.

It is somewhat easier in this regard for those women who gave birth by caesarean section - their genitals are not changed by childbirth, and the cervix and the vaginal wall remain the same as they were before pregnancy. However, they have their own problems and, as a rule, they are associated with a suture on the uterus, due to which the restoration of sexual life can occur even later than in women who have given birth naturally.

Almost all women, regardless of how the birth proceeded, in the postpartum period, there is a pronounced lack of estrogen hormones. This leads to the infamous postpartum depression, as well as to smaller problems, one of which is vaginal dryness, which also causes tangible inconvenience during sexual intercourse. This problem is easier to fix than others if you use any lubricants, neutral creams or gels. You just need to carefully monitor the composition of these lubricants and do not use those that contain hormones if a woman is breastfeeding.

Of course, all the above limitations and difficulties associated with sex life after childbirth, concern only vaginal and anal contacts. Therefore, a couple practicing oral-genital contacts can resume them as soon as possible after childbirth.

And finally, we can also say that many women after childbirth do not experience any problems with sex, on the contrary, they say that the attraction to her husband has become stronger and the orgasm is brighter.

In the medical center "Euromedprestige" under the guidance of an obstetrician-gynecologist, you will learn to feel your body, understand yourself and your desires. The doctor will advise you on sexual life after childbirth, help you find a compromise between your desires and possibilities, your habits and the new state. You will receive advice specific to your couple from your doctor.