23.11.2019
Which is more scary? What scares residents of megacities the most? Fear for yourself
And how to get rid of these fears.
Still from the series "The Walking Dead"According to surveys, 40% of people are afraid to speak in public. Many people fear this more than death or snakes. Speaker and coach Philip Pape also experienced such horror at one time - when he was an intern at student years, he pretended to be sick so as not to give a presentation about the results of his work on the last day of the internship. Now he tells how to overcome such fear.
Imagine that you are on stage and there are three thousand people in front of you. They all look at you expectantly. There is silence in the hall. You are the center of attention. Does this thought fill you with confidence and enthusiasm—or does it awaken your worst fears?
“What if I forget the right words?”
"I'll do something stupid and embarrass myself."
"They don't understand what I'm talking about."
“I’ll sweat and everyone will see!”
Why public performance do they scare us that much? In fact, this fear breaks down into three main components. And everything can be overcome if you understand what they are and adopt the right strategies. Here's what people are afraid of - and here's how to deal with it.
1. How do you speak
Here's how to deal with this fear. Are you trying to memorize your speech from a written text? If yes, throw this text away. Make one sheet of notes—well marked, in large font. Then practice the speech—out loud—three to six times, depending on its length and your command of the material.
When I started performing, I used to write the entire speech and memorize it. But the problem is that any mistake leads you astray, you begin to lose the thread of the story, and this awakens such strong fear in us. If you use more schematic notes that capture the most important points performances, each rehearsal will feel more like a conversation and your performance will develop organically.
Once you have your presentation and notes compiled, find a venue or room that is as similar as possible to the location where you will be presenting. Use a projector at rehearsal if you have slides, and get a feel for how the performance flows from start to finish: how you move from one point to another, in what places you need to get the audience’s reaction.
Rehearse the beginning, end and critical moments especially often. This will boost your confidence at the beginning of your speech (when you're most nervous) and help you finish it calmly and make a good impression at the end.
2. What do you look like?
The second fear is the fear of looking awkward, clumsy, stupid. Should I fold my arms or gesture? Are you making enough eye contact with the audience? Do you sway, rush, or make nervous movements? Is your facial expression correct? A million such thoughts run through your head, but they have nothing to do with the essence of your speech. It just seems to you that you are about to be judged.
How to get rid of this fear. We all have habits that make us appear nervous (even though we may not actually be nervous). If you understand what they are and develop a new demeanor, you will learn to appear confident - regardless of whether you really are confident. Oddly enough, even confident people sometimes behave in ways that make them seem nervous.
If you know you fold your arms across your chest, practice turning your palms toward the audience and creating a “power pose.” If you know that you have a tendency to stare and look at one person (usually the one who looks friendliest), practice moving your gaze from one person to others so that they too feel like you are interacting with them.
But the only way to understand all this is to get feedback. I have two approaches to this, and you can use both.
Record your performances on video. Take a smartphone or a cheap video camera and record yourself speaking for five minutes. Then watch the recording and write down those nervous manifestations, which are most noticeable. This will give you basic feedback that will help you replace these habits with something that signals more confidence.
Join the speakers club. These groups typically provide participants with collective feedback and practice in a live setting. This will help you quickly realize and feel how you behave during a performance.
3. How do you make contact?
This is the third fear - the fear that you will not be able to connect with the audience. Why are you performing at all? To inspire, convince, teach, inform people. Maybe you have the most brilliant idea in your head - but you are afraid that the audience will not understand it. You are afraid that you will not establish contact with her.
Here's how to get rid of this fear. Remember that you are trying to solve some problem for the audience - to inspire, teach, etc. They came not to listen to you personally, but to learn something that satisfies their urgent need or relieves them from serious problems. Therefore, this technique helped me - contact potential participants in advance or even conduct a conversation with them. If you manage to talk to at least two or three future listeners, you can tailor your speech to exceed their expectations. And then it will be easy for you to establish contact.
Also, talk to your audience before your speech. This will calm your nerves, give you the opportunity to ask what people expect (and adjust accordingly), and appear more confident, sincere, and likable.
It’s normal to be afraid of something - this is how a person adapts better to life in the city. However, many live with their fears for years and do not seek help.
Top 3 phobias
Russians worry most about the health of their loved ones. In second place is the fear of a painful illness, and the third is the fear of poverty and misery. These statistics are provided by the Levada Center. This is the national average, fears in major cities much more sophisticated. People are afraid of crowds, open and closed spaces, heights and man-made disasters. Some people are afraid to step on manhole covers or take an empty escalator. According to experts, the busy rhythm of life provokes constant psychological discomfort, which over time turns into a phobia.
The weakest link is health
Fears about your health are one of the most common phobias. big city, says Yuri Dzhangildin, professor of the Department of Psychiatry, Narcology and Psychotherapy at the Scientific and Practical Center for Psychoneurology. Take the situation with the virus: oxolinic ointment and medical masks become scarce during an epidemic, this is a frightening symptom. Perhaps, starting this year, there will be more Russians who are afraid of getting sick, because the tense epidemiological situation can become a trigger for phobia.
Fear can develop completely unnoticed in completely sane people. A phobia excludes all logic and makes you fear one thing, regardless of the situation (for example, the fear of germs can haunt you both in the subway and in a sterile hospital room).
In general, the treatment tactics sound like “knocking out a wedge with a wedge” - with medication support (if necessary), the doctor gradually teaches the patient to fight fear - first with the help of psychotherapy, and then in reality, smoothly working through frightening situations. Phobias, but that doesn’t make them any less painful.
1. Height. This fear is triggered when the inner ear senses an increased gravitational pull. The brain immediately receives a signal about dangerous distance between you and the ground. If the height exceeds 9 meters, you begin to have a panic attack.
It is noteworthy that children do not have a fear of heights. This fear develops with age as the child explores space and movement.
2. Snakes. Innate fear, because for many centuries, people have been victims of fatal snake bites. Because of this fear, our eyes have evolved to be better able to discern snakes' camouflage and colors in general.
3. Spiders. Knowing, it is difficult not to agree that these are some of the most vile creatures on the planet. Arachnophobia is in our DNA, thanks to the fact that our ancestors were afraid of them. Scientists have proven that they are much more afraid of spiders than men. This is due to the fact that when primitive men went hunting, the ladies looked after the household and children. One of the biggest threats to a child's life was poisonous spiders.
4. Eyes. Avoiding eye contact? You are following another ancient instinct. Even babies prefer not to make eye contact stranger. The fact is that we are afraid to show our weakness and/or provoke a person.
5. Public speaking. A fear experienced by people all over the world. When a person speaks publicly, he feels threatened by others: in 99% of cases this is strangers, 100% - the audience will only be interested when you publicly screw up.
6. Sudden movements, sounds. There are often cases when a person died of fear when he heard sharp, unexpected sounds. The reason for this is the powerful release of adrenaline into the body and brain. Some people love this condition, but their body wears out much faster.
7. Fear of blood. Many are afraid of the mere sight of blood, often causing them to faint. Believe it or not, this is an absolutely normal reaction of the body, developed over thousands of years. The point is that for our ancestors, seeing blood meant danger. When we faint, our body performs a protective action, supposedly pretending to be dead. On the other hand, the more often a person sees blood, the stronger the immunity to this fear.
8. Fear of death. One of the most common fears that has become less popular these days. The reason for this is a bunch of fairy tales, theories and
1. Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Obviously, what scares you the most is the idea of having to put your life on hold for your partner and relationship. You tend to live life at speed. Which means you usually don't like slowing down for anyone. But what if your partner can't keep up with your pace? The thought of having to adapt really scares you.
2. Taurus (April 20 – May 21)
You are afraid that your trust and loyalty will be betrayed. It's hard for people to earn your trust and respect. You are very stubborn and rarely give in to influence. But when someone does manage to earn your loyalty, you remain faithful to them for the rest of your life. For this man you will go to the ends of the earth; but that is why it will hurt you so much if your trust is betrayed.
3. Gemini (May 22 – June 21)
You are afraid to face yourself from the inside; and that's exactly what you have to do in a relationship. You are very accustomed to adjusting your personality depending on the situation you are in and the people around you. But in a relationship with someone you really have to be yourself; and you're afraid of what that will mean.
4. Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
You are deathly afraid of being hurt in a relationship. You are afraid of being vulnerable because of how intense the pain is. You rarely like to expose your insecurities to people. And in a relationship, you're scared of how much you'll have to reveal about your life.
5. Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Your biggest fear in a relationship is that your laurels will be stolen from you. You always want to be in the spotlight. But what if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who simply outshines you? What will you choose – love or victory over your partner? This is a terrible dilemma you don't want to face.
6. Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Your biggest fear is that the relationship will ruin your plans. You are a perfectionist and you have your own methods. But relationships mean that you have to adjust from time to time - and that really scares you.
7. Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Naturally, your biggest fear in a relationship is that you will fall out of love. You are a desperate people pleaser. And once you manage to get into someone's good graces, you want to stay there forever. You always do your best to please people. And you're scared that you might disappoint the people you love.
8. Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)
You're scared of how much you have to reveal about yourself in a relationship. You are a natural observer; but don't like to share. You like to really notice what's going on around you, but you don't like to share information about yourself. And this is exactly what you will need to do in a relationship.
9. Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)
Of course, you are afraid that your freedom will be taken away. You always want to roam the world and live life the way you want to. You don't want to feel tied down or domesticated; and you worry that the relationship will not allow you to be who you want to be.
10. Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
You have a lot on your plate. You are a hard worker; and your biggest fear is that your relationship will distract you. You are incredibly keen to focus on achieving your dreams and are afraid that a relationship might throw you off course in some way.
11. Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
It's no surprise that your biggest fear is facing your feelings; and show them to your partner. You are not very emotional. You tend to live according to the principles of logic and common sense. But love is an emotional game; and you will have to learn to play it.
The feeling of fear is familiar to every person early childhood. Very young children are afraid of monsters under the bed and the dark; as they grow older, more conscious phobias appear - fear of social condemnation or physical violence. Normally, most fears are forgotten by a person as he gains personal experience. However, you shouldn’t think that adults don’t know how to be afraid. Fears accompany every person throughout his life, but sometimes the idea becomes too intrusive. And this is already a full-fledged phobia. If hostility towards certain objects interferes with life, you need to think about treatment. But first, let's try to figure out what many people are afraid of and how to deal with it ourselves.
What are the types of fears?
Fear may be justified or unfounded. The simplest example- fear of harmless insects or fear of car accidents. There is also a classification according to the type of phobias and their causes: you can worry about yourself or someone else, and the unknown is often scary. Fear can also be caused by a well-known object, the previous contact with which did not bring anything good. To independently determine the type of fear, you need to ask yourself about its causes. Do you avoid dogs and wild animals because they might bite? for the safety of your life and health, which can also be based on your own experience. You can probably remember a few examples yourself in response to the question: “What are many people afraid of?” This is darkness, pain and death, some specific animals. But you shouldn’t think that everyone is afraid of the same thing. There are enough rare species phobias that seem strange to many.
I don't like people
Dislike of being out in public often is common these days. Development modern technologies only encourages her. Today you can shop, communicate, work and have fun different ways without leaving home and being physically alone. You can understand whether this is really a person who is afraid of people by trying to establish contact. If this behavior is temporary and caused by some significant events in the patient’s life, try to wait for a natural resolution of the problem. A completely different matter is people who consciously choose loneliness and are not capable of fully adapting to society. We are talking about sociopathy. Calling this phenomenon a disease is not entirely correct, since people of this type They think rationally and logically, and can have developed living thinking. They are often given away by their undisguised pride and emphatically formal style of communication.
There can be a huge number of reasons for this fear. This includes the fear of being rejected or ridiculed, dependence on outside opinions and an acute reaction to criticism. Also, many people of this type tend to put themselves on a level higher than everyone around them due to real and imaginary achievements. Dislike for others can manifest itself in different ways. One prefers not to appear where there are too many people, the other can hardly tolerate the presence of even loved ones on their territory. There are various reasons why a person is afraid of people; it is necessary to understand each specific case individually. A common reason is worries about your health or property. IN modern world It is not customary to trust strangers, and therefore it is not surprising that many people experience anxiety and discomfort during any communication with a random passerby. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he offered to walk you home at a late hour or asked for directions to the right address, the imagination has already painted him in the image of a serial maniac or at least a robber.
You'll get burned once, but you won't get through it the second time!
There is another category of fear of people - reluctance close communication. With this phobia, most often there are no signs of sociopathy or misanthropy. A person happily attends social events, goes to large stores every day and has a lot of friends. But he has no real friends or love partner. All attempts by others to get closer and transfer relationships to new level do not bring results. How to understand why with this behavior? In most cases we're talking about about the negative experience gained. Most likely, there was a death of one of the dear people or betrayal on their part. As for the sphere of love - periods of aversion to opposite sex observed in almost every person who has recently left a relationship. But some people may be quite consciously wary of starting a family, based on pragmatic calculations regarding how their life will change after marriage.
If it's so scary, why not stay alone?
Relatively few people actually live in isolation from society. Do not forget that the need for communication is important for any person. Perhaps someone you know really rarely attends parties and prefers to spend more time at home. But at the same time, he is unlikely to refuse the available virtual communication. Being in complete isolation, any person will feel unhappy, and it’s not for nothing that life imprisonment solitary confinement is still considered the most scary looking punishments for criminals. This is one answer to the question: “What are those who appear fearless afraid of?” Loneliness. Fear can take many forms, it all depends on how the individual interprets it this concept. For some, loneliness means being forgotten and unwanted; for others, it means losing mutual understanding with loved ones.
Fear for yourself
It is very difficult to find a person who is sincerely not afraid of death. This feeling can be called normal only in a number of situations when the feeling of despair or humility comes first. They wish for death and are not afraid of its occurrence in moments of severe depression against the background of significant irreversible events. Sometimes even for those who are terminally ill or elderly due to serious health problems, death in this case seems like a liberation. At normal conditions found in all animals. It is also common for a person to try to avoid performing actions that could cause serious harm to health, cause pain or lead to fatal outcome. This phobia can take any form - it is a fear of transport, visiting doctors or other people. No matter how it manifests itself, a true description of what a person fears most is to cease to exist or to suffer incurable injuries.
Irrational fears
In addition to the “main” fears, the nature of which is not difficult to explain, many people are afraid of the most ordinary objects and living beings. What is noteworthy is that objects that can cause real harm are not always frightening. Non-venomous spiders and snakes, dragonflies, beetles and other insects, threatening sculptures and objects associated with mysticism - this is what many people are afraid of.
It is not always possible to identify the reasons on your own. Most often this is an involuntary fright, for example, in the case of a friendly prank. Many phobias of this type are established in childhood; the child does not even need to be frightened on purpose; it is enough for him to see a scary picture or an excerpt from a horror film. After this, the fact that mice or spiders are scary will become an axiom for a long time.
Is it possible to stop being afraid?
Now you know what many people are afraid of, and the question is brewing: “What to do about all this?” Serious mental disorders require professional correction. If a person is able to control his feelings and emotions, he can try to heal himself.
The easiest way is to study your fear in detail. If a person is afraid of something tangible, he should start by collecting theoretical information and gradually approaching the subject. Suppose a person is afraid of snakes - he first needs to learn as much as possible about these animals, then watch a video about them and go to the terrarium. To consolidate the effect, you can purchase a snake as a pet. If you know why a person is afraid, you need to help them understand the reasons. To do this, psychologists offer whole sets of exercises and use hypnosis techniques that allow you to relive everything again and get rid of negative emotions.