Men's crises. How to recognize and how to fight. When a midlife crisis occurs in men: symptoms

Everyone knows that men, by definition, are considered representatives of the stronger sex of humanity. In principle, such a statement is 100% true, however, even the strongest physically and morally stable person sometimes has such periods in his life when he does not understand where and what exactly he is going for, what he wants in the future, boils in his soul dissatisfaction with their current achievements. The crisis of 30 years in men is just characterized by such manifestations of the internal state. We will talk about the life of a man at the beginning of his fourth decade in this article.

What is going on

At the age of thirty almost everyone normal man subjected to a thorough analysis of his already passed life path, determines its achievements and fiasco. At the same time, a person finds out that although life has already more or less developed materially, his personality is still far from the desired perfection, and a lot of time was spent completely in vain and he did much less than, in general, he could. The crisis of 30 years for men is, in fact, the moment of maximum reassessment of values, a close and careful review of one's inner "I". Even a successful macho understands that he is already unable to change many things. This is where the desire to “change and change something” arises. The realization of this desire depends on many factors, but in general, the key points are only willpower, diligence and hard work. After all, it has long been known that folk wisdom, which says that patience and work will grind everything, is more relevant than ever today.

Gender Feature

Most often, the crisis of 30 years in men is manifested primarily in dissatisfaction with their position at work and financial situation. That is why strong people at this moment, they decide to change their profession, while leaving the desire for career heights at the same level.

Typical Behaviors

At the age of 30, a man acquires certain skills and life experience. At this age, the representatives of the stronger sex very often behave on the basis of the three psychological models described below.

“Unstable” are men who do not have any clear goals set in more early age, and continuing to experiment like eighteen-year-old boys. Such people can grab onto a lot of things, but at the same time, none of them will be brought to the end. They have no idea what kind of profession suits them perfectly, what specifically attracts them, and in general they do not strive for certainty and any kind of constancy in life.

The crisis for such men is manifested directly in the fact that they are very inertly floating with the flow of life, destroying themselves from the inside. Although it is fair to say that in some cases the "unstable" are able to achieve a positive result, but this happens in cases where endless experiments help them form a clear basis for the final choice.

Average variant

"Closed" - perhaps the most common category of people. Men of this type quite calmly, without any problems and scrupulous introspection, set goals at the age of 20. They adhere rigidly to the chosen path, are very reliable, but still morally suppressed.

The crisis in such men is manifested in the fact that they may begin to regret that in early years their lives, they did not explore it as much as possible, did not set up experiments. However, courageous people may well use their thirties to their advantage: they begin to destroy their stereotyped “sense of duty” if the peaks they have reached in their careers no longer suit them.

Unrecognized geniuses

"Geeks". Almost every one of them is a business man who at one time achieved success before his peers, overcame the most difficult professional trials, climbed to the top, although sometimes he does not linger on it. As a rule, for such adult guys, the line between personal life and work merges into a single whole. From the age of 30, such men begin to be afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know and can do everything. They are also afraid to let people get too close to themselves, because there is an all-consuming fear that someone will be able to find out about their weaknesses and secrets.

Why is the thirty year crisis dangerous?

The severity and drama with which a man experiences a midlife crisis can be different for a number of reasons. This is easily explained, because each person has his own characteristics. Therefore, manifestations can range from an ordinary feeling of inner discomfort, a mild and absolutely painless process of change, to a very stormy, emotional flow of passions that can break the previous well-established relationships with the outside world and are accompanied by the deepest feelings, which in turn may well lead to physical and psychological diseases. character.

Underwater rocks

As practice shows, the age of 30 for a man can bring extremely unpleasant changes in his personal and professional life. Such a moment is especially dangerous for those people who have been married for a long time and have already got children. Indeed, in this case, the man is already quite firmly on his feet: he has his own housing, he may not like work, but at least he provides all the necessary things. At the same time, life has lost its bright colors, a person seems to be walking in a circle and cannot break it in any way, plunging more and more into the abyss of dullness and despondency. The dream is lost, surprises disappear, everything is boring and monotonous. Life with his wife may no longer bring the former bright, voluptuous sensations, and here comes the moment when a business man decides on adultery, which can eventually lead to the destruction of the family, which often has an extremely negative impact on relations with children left without the father’s attention . And what is the result? Of course, divorce and even worsening of the situation. Fortunately, such a scenario is not massive, but it still takes place in our harsh reality.

How to be saved

Age-related problems, which are most common in men aged 30 and older, can be avoided or at least try to minimize their impact. So, in particular, long-term in-depth studies have shown that if a representative of the strong half of humanity married after 25 years, that is, he avoided early marriage, then many of his features of the crisis (for example, fatigue from family life) will be bypassed. In addition, those men who have a further, real prospect career development are also less prone to psychological problems at that age. Quite calmly pass the thirty-year milestone and people who are constantly developing as individuals and striving to become better, paying attention to self-learning. In many cases, the psycho-physiological health of a man also directly depends on whether he is able to diversify his life, bring a “zest” to his family, which would strengthen the relationship between all relatives, make him take a fresh look at his other half. In addition, a clear realization that a lover or new wife in no way, under any circumstances, will save from the occurrence of a personality crisis, it also contributes to the normal course of a man's life in the period from 28 to 35 years.

Conclusion

Of course, even under such rather favorable conditions described above, longing can still overtake a person. However, he will be able to develop his future without destroying the present. In this case, the crisis of 30 years for men will have a favorable outcome: there will be a feeling of self-confidence, new goals will appear on the life horizon, and the desire to be responsible not only for themselves, but also for their family will increase.

The man's health will be preserved if he passes safely given period. To do this, he will need to gather all his will into a fist and try to get hung up on problems. It is believed that one of the most effective methods of overcoming the crisis is to deepen one's professional knowledge and skills. It is also recommended to concentrate on your personal tasks, find new interesting goals, break out of the extremely pessimistic "never" and "everything is bad." To some extent, a person should be an egoist in order to immerse himself in his inner world as much as possible and understand his actual needs. As a result, the crisis will completely pass, and the man will save his family, increase his achievements and once again feel a burning desire to live. And in general, it is necessary to remember the wisdom spoken by the ancient king Solomon, which sounded like: “Everything will pass. And that too."

Surely everyone has heard about the crisis of 40 years for men. Some consider this to be an invention of psychologists, but one cannot but admit that the problem really exists. It is at the age between 37 and 45 years, on average, that most of the sudden changes in the behavior of a man, depressive states in the representatives of the stronger sex.

Causes of the crisis

Psychologists have known for a long time about what happens to a man at the age of 40, and they analyzed the reasons.

1. By the age of forty, a man begins to sum up the intermediate results of his life. He understands: there is not much time left to realize dreams and plans. If a career has developed, a family surrounds it, all this begins to seem unimportant, small compared to what he could have done. If the successes are average or none at all, the realization of one's "worthlessness" can lead to prolonged depressions, which are sometimes tried to be cured with alcohol.
2. Health starts to falter. The level of testosterone decreases, which affects potency. obsessive thoughts To become incapable of delivering maximum pleasure to a woman is what oppresses a man the most. He is drawn to repeatedly check the male solvency on the side.
3. Real financial or family problems can be exacerbated against the backdrop of a crisis age.

Crisis Symptoms

External signs of a midlife crisis are manifested in the following symptoms:

1. Irritability, frequent silence, rapid mood swings, constant complaints of fatigue.
2. In conversations, dissatisfaction with oneself appears. Loss of interest in life.
3. Changed for the worse attitude towards the spouse, nit-picking, reproaches, accusations, sometimes ending in assault.
4. The sudden interest in healthy lifestyle life that is obsessive. Sports, diets, etc. begin. Sometimes such manic addictions can rather do harm.
5. Awakened interest in appearance, the desire to change clothes for youth, to make a different hairstyle.
6. The appearance of fears about male insolvency, the desire to use funds for potency, even if this is not necessary.

Symptoms can be seen individually or in different combinations.

Depending on the social status of a 40-year-old man, the psychology and motives of his behavior differ.

Married man

An exemplary family man who looks happy in marriage, after 40 years, suddenly starts relationships outside the family, or even does not stop at one woman at all. Typical signs of a crisis.

The reasons for this behavior may be caused by getting used to the spouse for long years family life. She lost her former attractiveness, and sex became boring, without emotions. Of course, a man is sure that a woman is to blame: she holds back her freedom, does not respond sensitively to questions that concern him, is mired in household chores, and cannot adequately assess her husband.

An affair on the side fills a man with forgotten romantic emotions, the former sensuality wakes up. New woman can admire them, listen carefully, reassure them. If there are no strong feelings on the part of the unfaithful spouse, then soon the mistress gets bored, and the man consoles himself on the other.

Important! A wise and patient woman will find the strength to wait for the end of her husband's throwing - it is possible to save the marriage. But it doesn't always happen. Divorce often occurs.

divorced man

A divorced spouse, contrary to expectations, does not find peace. A young lover rarely stays with a man. And he soon realizes that he made a mistake.

In loneliness comes the understanding that freedom from former family ties does not bring such joy that a man counted on. Some continue to search for their ideal, others find a sexual partner, but they rarely decide to remarry. The previous experience is also alarming.

Family situations are different, sometimes divorce is a boon for both. But more often a divorced man experiences psychological discomfort, up to depression.

Bachelor

A man who is accustomed to loneliness is also subject to an age crisis. It is almost impossible for him to overcome the psychological barrier to create a family. A bachelor lives in his established environment with developed habits; it is difficult for him to imagine a "soul mate" next to him.

The age of 40 years is the time when unpleasant thoughts about your uselessness, aimlessly lived life without heirs, appear. Bachelors are somewhat later subject to the onset of a crisis than family men. But it is much harder to overcome it.

A man with a narcissus complex

There is a phenomenon characterized as "narcissism". A “narcissist” man is in love with himself, tends to overestimate self-esteem, cannot stand any criticism, is focused on his personality and is deaf to the problems of other people - a typical egocentric. It is difficult for such a person to build relationships, and often the "narcissist" remains lonely in adulthood.

The crisis of 40-year-olds can have a beneficial effect on this category of people. "Narcissus" begins to think about his place in life, which makes him rethink the scale of values. From the height of the past years, much is seen differently, the “narcissist” for the first time blames himself for life's failures, although before self-criticism was not his feature.

Important! A man experiences severe psycho-emotional stress, after which he significantly changes his behavior and is able to change his fate. Thus, the "narcissist" uses the crisis for self-renewal.

Help in overcoming the crisis

No medication to help resolve psychological problems, does not exist. Not everyone turns to psychologists, although their help can be effective. Many do not even accept behavioral change as a crisis. But loved ones, to one degree or another, suffer and can help to survive the negative moments, showing understanding.

If a man notices mental discomfort, the following tips will come in handy:

1. A change of scenery has a good effect. You can go on a trip - new impressions will distract from experiences, return joy to life.
2. Do your favorite sport, but without obsession. Sports activities will support health, improve mood.
3. If a person has long dreamed of some kind of hobby, but strong employment, routine interfered with him, the moment has come to fulfill his desires. And there will simply be no time for depressive thoughts.
4. Finally quit smoking. Sometimes the abandonment of old habits can increase depression - it is imperative to combine it with activities that cause a surge of positive energy (sports, hobbies).
5. We must learn to understand that existing family You really appreciate when you lose. line up marital relations with a new partner is always harder than solving emerging problems with your spouse. In other words, it is worth looking at your achievements in family life from a different angle.
6. Diversify your diet, eat more vegetables and fruits, and to keep your libido at a high level, treat yourself to aphrodisiac foods - chocolate, dates, seafood, nuts.
7. And it is also recommended to try something new in sex with a partner, it always brings together and gives a new breath to relationships.

Important! If a man is married, the crisis must be overcome together with his wife, relying on her support.

How to behave as a woman

The help of the spouse does not consist in, like the attending physician, controlling the condition of the husband, showering him with recommendations. This is the choice of a model of behavior, unobtrusive and calm, but at the same time such that a man feels the indifference of his wife.

We need to prepare for the fact that the crisis can last for a long time, sometimes years. Therefore, patience is very important.

1. You can’t force your husband to go to a psychologist, give unsolicited advice, reproach yourself for the situation that has arisen.
2. Excessive control, surveillance of calls, SMS will only increase irritation.
3. You need to sincerely praise your husband for real achievements, but not flatter.
4. You should never allow him to feel the superiority of his wife, much less talk about it openly. Do not let friends and relatives speak condescendingly towards her husband if he is nearby.
5. It is important to take care of your appearance, to be always well-groomed and vigorous.
6. Many men have increased cravings for alcoholic beverages. You don't have to keep him company. It is better to try to stop dangerous hobbies. If necessary, undergo treatment with a narcologist.
7. If you suspect a secret intimate life of your husband, you should not immediately sort things out. You need to act as if nothing is happening. This is the only way to save the marriage.
8. Scandals, reproaches - the shortest way to divorce. It is probably difficult to restrain oneself, but one must understand that the state of a man is vulnerable, he will not accept criticism, but will only be angry. Driven to despair, he can just walk away.
9. A woman must maintain restraint, not try to pity her husband with tears, not threaten with any serious consequences.

Important! It must be remembered that a successful marriage is, first of all, patience and the ability to survive crises.

Finally

Each man experiences the crisis of 40-year-olds in different ways. Some people practically do not notice it, others go through trials, and it helps “narcissists” to change for the better.

Men who are aware of family support are easier to get out of a difficult situation, learn to understand that at any age life has its advantages, and the simplest values ​​are eternal.

From time to time, all people experience not only depression, but also crises. The most severe and longest crisis in a man's life is the so-called "mid-life crisis", which occurs in age period from 40-42 to 48-50 years. During these years, most men begin to feel a decline vital energy(“I used to be able to stay up all night and nothing, but now I don’t sleep for two hours - I’m broken all day”) and sum up the first results of life (“What I did, what I didn’t have time and I will never have time”).

Doctor and psychotherapist D. Dobson names four "enemies" in the life of a middle-aged man: his own body, work, family and Destiny.

So, the first "enemy" is the aging body: "That guy, whose name was Joe just a few years ago, is now starting to fail. His hair is falling out, despite frantic efforts to maintain and protect every remaining strand. "I'm bald!?" - he shudders. Then he notices that he no longer has the stamina and vitality he once prided himself on. He begins to choke as he climbs the stairs. Gradually, the expression of confidence fades from his face, and in front of the mirror he remains depressed, amazed at all the discoveries and incredulous Joe."

The second "enemy" is work: "Dissatisfaction in their professional affairs reaches its maximum strength in men, usually in middle age. Awareness of the brevity of one's existence makes a person think about how not to miss a single day of the remaining years of his life. However, most men have few options to choose from.The financial needs of the family require them to continue their efforts in the previously chosen field, since the children must go to college, it is necessary to pay for the house, in general, to do everything so that the life that the family is used to can continue. sometimes it becomes more and more difficult for a man."

The third "enemy" is the family: "The turbulent years of self-doubt and digging into their problems can bring devastation to family life. Such a man can become embittered, depressed or aggressive. All these manifestations can turn against those closest to him. He begins to resent even the fact that his wife and children need him.No matter how hard he works, they demand more money than he can earn, and this leads him to great irritation ... And the man again begins to embrace the desire to get rid of everything.

The fourth "enemy" is Fate: "With the help of rather strange logical manipulations, a man begins to blame Fate for all his misfortunes, rising into a pose of anger and rebellion."

How Russian men are struggling with the crisis and what are they doing? The main "healing" remedy needed by a man during this period is an emotional or physical shake-up, activation of vitality. It is possible to achieve an inner uplift, which energetically nourished a man during his youth, different ways and everyone chooses their own path.

Which paths are most often chosen by our Russian men is known to me and the reader. So, it can be a series of love affairs with young or completely young women. It's no secret that new love and the new sensations and experiences associated with it act excitingly, increasing vitality and exerting a certain rejuvenating effect.

Quite often, unfortunately, such an aphrodisiac is alcohol, which at first really brings relief from difficult experiences.

Many of successful men middle-aged people "with their heads" go to work, trying to climb the career "ladder" as high as possible and becoming truly workaholics.

There are also cases of unexpected "leaving" - the transfer of affairs to a trusted person and departure from the city (to the dacha, Vacation home, growing flowers, breeding domestic or exotic animals).

In all these cases, one can see the desperate desire of a man to "run away from himself", to forget himself, to shield himself from physical, emotional and spiritual problems. In addition, during this period, a man harms both himself and others. Romances with young girls are the destruction of one's own family, in which a wife, a middle-aged woman, and growing children. Alcohol at first brings relief, then addiction sets in and an even greater increase in depressive emotions. In Rus', there is nothing worse than alcoholism: loss of work, family, devastation. But strange "leaving" or "running away" into the forest-fields is also an injury, most often to loved ones.

But excuse me, why should the crisis be experienced as a destructive life period? Why in these years you need to worsen your life and the lives of your loved ones? Why do you need to count your years with fear, fall into depression and suffer, forcing people who are significant to you to suffer? After all, the crisis can be experienced in a completely different way: calmly and constructively, improving your life and the lives of people around you!

What needs to be done for this?

First and foremost: calmly and with dignity to accept your age and the physical, emotional and spiritual changes associated with it. In fact, the middle of life can be the most flourishing, valuable and fruitful period in a person's life: experience and knowledge have been accumulated, there is energy and activity. A man knows what he wants from life, and understands his aspirations.

Personal life was determined and settled, children grew up and got stronger. On Sundays at the dinner table sits big family, the center of which is the spouses, and the man here is the leading center.

Second: tune in to a constructive living of your crisis life period, not worsening and destroying your life, but on the contrary, improving it and rising to a new, qualitatively better one. high level.

Third: rebuild your life and develop a "program for successfully coping with the crisis." As we wrote above, a man needs a physical and emotional shake-up. This can be achieved in "civilized ways": there are activities that are associated with a powerful activation of energy. Thus, my observations show that the repair or exchange of an apartment, a change in the situation in the house, the construction of a new country house, the purchase of a car, etc. have a huge therapeutic effect on an active man. Improve internal state and various hobbies bring positive emotions (collecting, doing something with your own hands, etc.).

Fourth: a middle-aged man needs to take care of his physical condition. It has also been noted that men who are stout, friable, who have forgotten themselves like that when the body was obedient, and the muscles are strong and elastic, are experiencing the most difficult crisis. And this can be remembered: a swimming pool, playing sports, hunting and fishing, etc. Many men who have returned to sports are surprised to notice how quickly the body gains flexibility and mobility, and there is no trace of difficult experiences.

Fifth: it is necessary to organize your life in such a way that there is a place for joy, some kind of pleasure, positive emotions. And make sure there is time for it. It's great if there is a favorite job in which a person experiences ups emotional states: creativity, solving deadlock problems, finding original and fresh solutions.

Remember what brings joy to you personally?

N.V. Samoukina
An excerpt from the book "Extreme Psychology", 2000.

The male midlife crisis marks the beginning of a short, but often not the most rosy period in life. For many men, this is the time when they have to take a sober look at the past years and critically assess their small world in which they have lived so far. Some of them come to the conclusion that they can become happier if they radically change their lives, while the desire to act (“here and now!”) They can be very strong.

If a man who has exchanged his fortieth birthday begins to have such thoughts, it can be safely assumed that he has begun a crisis. It's like a fork in an unfamiliar road index sign. And here it is important not to make a mistake in your choice, which often determines the future image and quality of life, and for many years to come.

How to determine its development?

The midlife crisis can have different degrees of severity. In some men, it causes an irresistible desire to radically change their lives, often on hastily, under the influence of a momentary impulse. And at such moments, stories about our acquaintances are born, in the manner: “he left a note to his wife, withdrew money from the bank, left everything and moved to another city.”

Fortunately, such cases are rather exceptions to the rule. Most often, a person goes through this period more measuredly and only gradually makes small changes in his life. However, the revision of values, desires and emotional needs will not be completely avoided anyway. Therefore, the percentage of divorces, job changes and other similar "innovations" during this period is quite high.

Signs that you are going through a male midlife crisis, or about to enter one, include:

a) You celebrated your 40th birthday. It has long been established that in the period between forty and fifty years, men experience an age crisis. Although it ends in the same period of time, only rarely touching the beginning of the sixth decade.

b) You are visited by anxiety, anxiety or a feeling of dissatisfaction. It can be caused by dissatisfaction with your job, career, marital relationship, or health condition. At the same time, such thoughts are accompanied by a firm intention to take action and try to change everything for the better.

c) You seem to be running out of time to take a new direction. Many people feel (sometimes quite painfully) a similar feeling when they notice, after forty significant changes in your appearance; or when they become grandparents; or their parents or close friends die.

d) You make an unusual choice. Men at this stage may repeat their rebellious behavior patterns that they experienced during adolescence. They feel trapped, they want to act in such a way as to literally blow up their lives. This is a sure sign that a midlife crisis has arrived. At this time, they often begin to drink more, make lovers, leave families, may pay great attention to their appearance, feel the need for excitement and thrills.

Overcoming the crisis

A midlife crisis can lead to either growth or self-destruction. It all depends on the man, or rather on how he intends to act.

In both cases, a person first looks for the causes of his misfortunes. But then he either makes reasonable and effective decisions to eliminate them (here is growth for you), or commits impulsive and thoughtless actions (here is self-destruction for you).

A good example here is this situation. A man every day, on his way to work, drives past a car dealership in which he has looked after himself for a long time, while he will either consult with his wife and, possibly, postpone the purchase for some time (having heeded the wife’s persuasion that you first need to help his son buy apartment) or, without discussing with anyone, spontaneously one morning will go to a car dealership and issue an expensive car of choice on credit (at the same time, putting himself and his family in a cramped financial situation for the next few years).

Any age crisis can be endured quite comfortably if you follow these recommendations:

1. Remember that your feelings are not commands yet! Just because you feel it's time to leave your home or job doesn't mean you're right to do so. To feel does not mean to have to do something. Our feelings can change over time, but the actions that we do under their influence can sometimes be very difficult to reverse. Therefore, decisions should be made during this period, guided by an exceptionally cold head, repeatedly weighing everything and considering “for the future”.
2. Be grateful for all the good things. It will take time to be grateful for those moments in your life that have made or even will make you happy. Ask yourself how you would feel if you suddenly took an action that made you lose those moments.
3. Consult. Before making important decisions, discuss them with someone whose advice you trust. A friend, minister, or counselor can help you look at your problem from a different perspective before you make your final choice.
4. Ask yourself: Are your desires realistic? People make many successful changes in their 40s and even 50s: someone starts their own business, someone makes some significant travel, and someone decides to go back to school. Just make sure your new goals are practical and within your reach.
5. Avoid upsetting your loved ones. Even having made a firm decision to "blow up" your life in order to make it better, do not bring it down overnight, do it gradually in order to protect the feelings and souls of your loved ones as much as possible. While drastically changing your own life, try as much as possible not to destroy the lives of those who are close to you.

The male midlife crisis is actually not so terrible if a person has someone to rely on, and he himself is reasonable enough not to turn his life into chaos. In this case, the joy in life will not disappear and these years will be pleasant to remember.

Men's life - "tears invisible to the world." Painful crises of self-identification flow one into another throughout life. The search for meaning at every stage of life plunges a man into a state of confusion and aggressiveness. How to help your man? The well-known psychologist and radio host Elena Novoselova argues.

A person can laugh at the notorious "midlife crisis", consider it the lot of weaklings and losers or the invention of psychologists - but you never know what else ... But exactly until one morning he wakes up irritated, with heaviness in his chest and incomprehensible longing . And he doesn’t get lost with this feeling for several months, until, finally, he realizes that he was “covered” and something needs to be done about it. This is at best. More often, the situation is much sadder: troubles in the family, difficulties at work, flight into alcohol or the search for new love relationships as a panacea for troubles...

Unfortunately or fortunately, a person goes through several turning points experiencing them painfully and hard. Problems arise out of the blue, out of the blue. Yesterday, a person was full of plans, prospects, he knew why he lives and works. And today everything has become meaningless. It’s not clear why you should give all your best at work, it’s boring to spend the weekend with your family, you want to burrow into a hole and not see anyone. And all this - out of the blue, without visible reasons. This condition is called an identity crisis.

He matured, which means he began to be afraid at the dentist not of pain, but of bills.

A person is arranged in such a way that his personality grows through a sinusoid of crisis states, and not smoothly and upwards. Crises are like the birth of oneself, and being born is always painful and risky. It seems to me that we live not one, but several lives. In each of them, of course, the same personality acts, with its own emotional, behavioral and logical structure. But the content, the way of thinking and feeling, the alignment of values ​​change in the course of development, that is, the change of "lives", very significantly. And this, in turn, changes the person's perception of reality and himself in it. This means that the way of life is changing. This is connected, in my deep conviction, not with age-related changes, but with how a person survived his crises, how he was "born again." Failed and despaired - there will be one result. He successfully passed the test, built new values ​​inside himself, fell in love with them - that means he became wiser, matured, fell in love with life and began to appreciate it more. He began to treat many things more condescendingly, including himself.

In psychology, it is customary to associate personality crises with hormonal changes, with sex life, with decreasing male potency and female menopause. This, of course, has its reasons. But no less important and significant for a person are the search for the meaning of existence. And not high philosophical meaning, forcing you to look for answers to "cursed questions", but in the daily saturation of your day with these very meanings. The meaninglessness of living life day after day leads to depression, deprives of joy and pleasure.

Identity crises don't just come with age. There is a crisis of achievement that can manifest itself both along with the crisis of the thirties, and in the "fatal forties". And also the crisis of an empty nest, characteristic of experiences at fifty. I would not distribute crises either by age or by situation. In my opinion, a crisis can occur both with burdens and without them. It still hurts the person. It still bugs him!

I say "man" and "he" for a reason and not because I have not met with similar experiences in women. Of course they happen. But not with such regularity and tragedy, as in men. Until men started talking about it, I for a long time believed that the periods of personality development in men and women pass along the same sinusoid. I had no idea that where a woman has a "pit", a man has an "abyss". And this has its reasons.

Background

About the crisis of identification, the crisis of midlife, they began to talk with or without reason relatively recently. Twenty or thirty years ago, no one had heard of him. This does not mean that before people did not experience, did not look for themselves, did not feel inexplicable longing and disappointment. Of course it was all. Everyone remembers the film "Flights in a dream and in reality", in which the hero of Oleg Yankovsky toiled between love and duty, the desire for the significance of his own life and the nonsense of existence. The style and atmosphere of Roman Balayan's wonderful tape breathes the crisis of the protagonist. To say that crisis states are only a sign of our time is wrong and frivolous. I think that men's crises in our time are exacerbated by many factors: the loss of a leading position in society, strict criteria for success, the loss of priorities.

Midlife crisis in men - when a mistress is no different from a wife ...

It is generally accepted that the myths about the heroes of the times of the birth of our civilization reflected the ideas of the ancients about agricultural cycles and astronomical observations. In my opinion, there is another hidden meaning in them: the development of personality, the achievement of new, previously unknown limits.

The heroes of ancient myths, whether Osiris, Balu, Adonis, Attis or Dionysus, come into conflict, which is caused by an encroachment on their well-being. The enemy belongs, as a rule, to the supernatural world. The hero dies, that is, leaves the ordinary world, fights otherworldly forces, defeats them, or takes possession of the object he needs to restore his well-being. The death of the Hero is accompanied by the fading of nature, depression and barrenness, sadness and anxiety. The return and resurrection of the Hero is the resurrection of life, the triumph of victory over darkness. In myths, this event is associated with the spring revival of nature, novelty and promises of well-being. The rebirth of life itself. The gospel story about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ also tells about this.

Are not the stories of mythological heroes a vivid allegorical description of the state of a man in a period of crisis? Maybe the ancients knew about this cyclicity and conveyed to us the idea of ​​human development in a poetic form?

Speaking of identity crisis, we are in more we mean a man, and much less a woman. Not only is the male personality crisis going brighter and harder, but it is also almost unbearable for others, since it is often destructive. Male hopelessness and apathy, which arose for no apparent reason, frightens women, they begin to conjecture the non-existent: "Changes, fell out of love ..." - and further in the text. Paranoid surveillance begins, nervous conversations, suspicions. In short - the end of a quiet family life!

A man experiences such conditions several times during his life.

Thirtieth Anniversary Crossing

The male crisis of thirty is like a two-faced Janus.

One of his "heads" looks into the past, evaluating what has been done and achieved. And as a rule, there, in the past, almost everything is not as it should be. There is a very accurate anecdote: “If you didn’t have a bicycle as a child, and now you have a jeep, you still didn’t have a bicycle as a child.”

Midlife crisis: old age is approaching, but there is still no Lexus.

The second head looks to the future and asks with horror: "Is that all? Now it's just a repetition? No sharp feelings? Life is over and all the fun is over?" The soul of a man protests and demands change. Thoughts rush about from changing families to moving to another country. Most often, a man decides to change jobs or activities. He may sharply want to get a new education, go into business from a well-paid position. He can turn quite cool, sometimes not paying attention to the reasonable arguments of his wife and friends. Or he may suddenly become addicted to competitive or extreme sports. After all, at this age, nothing is too late, all roads are still open ...

A man at this age is so drawn to exploits and the search for strong emotions, the same notorious phallic aspect of his life. A man needs bright victories. And fast and with honors. He longs to realize his own childhood and youthful dreams of heroism, a vibrant life, independence and adventure. Maybe you can still catch up with childhood? Well, unless he is unlikely to become an astronaut! And then, who knows...

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, of course, does not come on a birthday, exactly on the clock. It can occur in the range of 28 to 34 years. And it proceeds in different ways, depending on the luggage with which a person reached the first peak.

Paradoxically, but the richer the luggage, the stronger the man is covered. If by the age of thirty he has been married for a long time and tightly, has children, a permanent job with a stable income, then the feeling of hopelessness and longing is especially acute, since the crisis of achievement is added to the crisis of revaluation. The man studied, worked, made a nest ... It seemed to him: just a little more (a little, and it will be possible to relax. He thought: "Here I will buy an apartment, and we will live ... Here I will become a leader, and it will be possible to live more calmly ... Here the children will grow up a little, it will become easier. "The apartment is bought, the position is won, the children have grown up, and what's next? Solid deja vu? Now everything will go according to a pre-planned scenario: winter holidays, summer vacation, and between them work in a circle. And no surprises! And no dreams! No bright emotions! It remains only to live ... Unbearable.

What's behind? Yes, everything is also on the "C grade", as with a bicycle: sheer regrets and fantasies: "But if I then ..." But this is only suffering for the unfulfilled. And in my head it knocks: "Never, never, never..." Being becomes meaningless. If dreams of bright emotions, a happy joyful family, big victories are only an illusion, and life is worries, responsibility and duty, then why live for? For the sake of gray everyday life, repeating like a bad dream? ..

In these difficult times, the stereotype learned in youth often works. New love will bring flight and the desire to move forward. Fresh feelings for a woman, like living water, will wash the soul, return joy. This means that life will again find meaning and fullness.

Such a train of thought leads a man to the saddest consequences. A crisis is a deeply personal, personal event, little dependent on other people. It happens to a man not because his wife turned out to be a witch, and the work turned into a routine. But because the time has come for him to rethink himself, his goals and values. If a person does not solve them in an established family life, then transfer untouched problems into new relationships. And in a year or two everything will repeat from the beginning, but it will be even harder - the person will feel empty.

So it makes no sense to resolve internal conflicts by changing external factors.

most efficient and safe way go through this period - grow professionally and learn. Concentrate on your own and only your personal tasks, find new goals, go beyond the pessimistic "never". Don't be afraid to be selfish. This is a short period of concentration only on yourself. It will end, but everyone will remain intact.

The first crisis can go more or less smoothly and push a person to development. Experience shows that the crisis is easier if:

1. The man married after twenty-five, avoiding early marriage.
2. The man has the prospect of career growth, and the maximum has not yet been reached.
3. He has not stopped developing, he wants to change further, and his ambitions are quite high.
4. He will risk bringing something new, special, but not destroying the family into his life.
5. He realizes that a new wife or mistress will not save him from a personal crisis.

Longing can overcome a person even under these favorable conditions. But he will create his future, not destroy the present. A successful exit from the crisis is characterized by a sense of confidence, new clear goals, responsibility for oneself and the family.

Opening prospects return to a person the excitement and joy of life. The identity crisis is over! The crisis of thirty years is not so typical for a woman - at this time she actively resolves her problems. Its revaluation is associated with completely different achievements. Despite equal training and education, boys and girls are almost always set up for different life. For the girl, as it was, and remains one of the main life tasks - to create a family and give birth to children. Even if the woman does brilliant career and postpones this process for the time being. If a woman has fulfilled her program at least by the age of thirty, that is, she has established herself professionally, she has a good husband and has a child, then the crisis will pass her by. She does not have the question "What's next?". The road is more or less clear. Women's nature is in harmony with the social role.

Discussion

I'm a man, I'm 33, it started to cover at 32, it's been going on for half a year, it's covering in full .. I drink antidepressants and I can't get off of them. Without them, from longing, I want to do something with myself ..
How much more to endure? When will he finally let go, people?

ahh we're all gonna die

That's right, it's about family and family relationships. Men are experiencing much harder than us women, family strife. But they can't do anything, but we can. And our defiant postures will not help us understand each other.

Men have crises, and women endure them all their lives?! .. There was an excuse for the "strong" sex))

here Alt at one time was much more concise.

Or maybe him - confused and aggressive. you can always find someone who is not confused and not aggressive. Why waste so much effort. Construction is much more efficient than restructuring.

Why isn't it in the Men's Club conference?

touches "to be continued" ...)))

judging by the photo, or just received in the eye. or teeth hurt

oh my god ... a set of stamps ... the limit of men's dreams and the measure of success - "Lexus" ...

editorial selection is awesome...

Comment on the article "Midlife crisis in men: how to save a marriage"

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men. Midlife crisis at 40. And one more thing: if in women menopause mainly occurs at the same age (52-55 years), then the level of testosterone in the body of men decreases in different ways: it can begin at 45 years (in ...

Discussion

If you don’t want to, don’t live. Everyone makes a choice how to live and how to end his life.
We got such prosperous well-fed healthy bored aunts.
There are a lot of people who have no choice, and life due to illness is limited to a few years.
And they don't whine about a cold husband and stupid kids.
It's all secondary

Dear author. You are still doing well. Feelings have cooled, the husband has cooled off, and you have cooled off. But something connects you? So there is hope. I had the same, almost. But she endured. Dissolved in the family. When the son grew up and began to live separately - in her husband. Spoiled like a child. She endured drunkenness. She took me on trips. Supported, instilled confidence .... Waiting for rare moments when he smiles, hugs. And then the husband said that he wanted to live alone. He just said without explanation. He said that even behind the wall in the apartment it was hard for him with me. I tried to explain myself, I don’t make contact, I repel hugs, I see that I disgust him. And so half a year already. We live in the same apartment. Two strangers. We do not talk, we close in the rooms. And they have been married for 25 years. I cry, I suffer, I try to speak, I cook, I clean up, but I understand that if I suddenly disappeared from his life, he would be immensely happy. Sometimes such anguish finds, but I never thought that I didn’t want to live. I won't make him happy! I would very much like to go to adultery, but it's so disgusting, so disgusting in my soul. If close person brought so much grief, then what to expect from the first comer? I think with horror about cold rainy evenings, like today, about lonely old age, illnesses. But I still love life and believe in its hidden meaning.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men. Middle age crisis? My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I am 35, he is 40. We have a long-awaited 5-year-old child. listen .. this is a different situation .. this is not a situation when a man tears his roof from the desire of another woman ...

Discussion

So, to walk and fall in piles, there will be no more. But, you know, and well, less problems.
For sex, the young is not a problem to find. Not such a big difference in appearance, no matter what they say. But I tried to live with this ... it's hard. I want relationships that are not tied to sex and domestic plans (as in my youth), but banal peace and will. To have a good friend nearby, partner. Here are the problems with this. It is hardly possible to find a "gtovoy" friend and husband at this age. So, if marriage has not grown together by 45, then this is a diagnosis. Sex will be as long as necessary. Even marriage will be called more than once (if the sex is good). But you won't go on your own.

Yes, do not lose heart, every age has its advantages. For example, at 50, one 45-year-old whipped me, asked a friend for a house phone and called, I refused to meet, then my husband told him on the phone. a couple of affectionate, only then lagged behind, so it's not so bad at 50

Midlife crisis: when a man destroys everything. What to do? At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now.

Discussion

I'm a little older than you. I share my own, very recent experience. I was covered in the same way this fall, although my favorite job (apparently, professional burnout), and golden children, and everything is calm in family life.

I decided to act like this: I have been working with my head all my life, now I will work with my hands for a change. I remembered that 30 years ago my grandmother taught me to knit, took the book "Housekeeping", which was left from my grandmother, and refreshed my knowledge. I found a blouse model and literally began to devote every free minute to knitting.

At first it was very difficult, I disbanded the already connected ranks several times, but, oddly enough, it was this struggle with difficulties that distracted me from heavy thoughts. And when it started to turn out, it gave me strength: I can create beautiful thing. I bought more books on knitting and improved my work so that now it's a pleasure to look at.

Little by little, I decided to aim for more: the blouse began to turn into a dress. And my hands were already moving mechanically, and it became boring for me to knit looking only at the knitting needles. I began to download various films that are considered masterpieces of world cinema, but which I somehow had no time to watch before, and knitted, looking at the screen with one eye. I got a lot of emotions from watching a really great movie.

Long sitting behind the knitting needles began to strain my back, and I drove myself into the pool, where I began to walk with pleasure and lose weight. In the meantime, the state of health was getting better and better - both psychological and physical. For the dress, which will soon be ready, the whole family began to respect me in a new way. And I was so carried away by working with wool that I signed up for art felting courses and am going to make jewelry and clothes for myself. And if my products ever manage to monetize! ..

This is just one of possible recipes but in my case it really worked. I want you to find yours too!

Get involved in community work. Do not want? Well, okay, live on as you want.

The situation is standard - my husband has a midlife crisis, depression, a new love, money appeared. I also did not work for almost 4 years, I just went to work, and then he began to have a crisis - do not think about tomorrow, about what kind of man you want see around...

Discussion

But these tips are only if you really love him and want him back.
If not .... cry, swell, survive and move on.
If you need details of behavior and strategies for returning your husband, write in a personal, I will answer

I was in your situation seven years ago. I only have one child. My son was then 4 years old, and we were both 30 years old. Then I didn’t work for almost 4 years either, I just went to work, and then a crisis began for him - he didn’t live like that, with the wrong ones, with the wrong life, and so on. It turned out that he has "unearthly, strong love, which he has been looking for all his life and with which they are like two halves in life. "For clarification, I also want to say that at that time my husband began to earn good money, went uphill, we bought a large apartment, completed repairs there, my husband bought new car. Of course, he said that she didn’t need his money, she herself earns a lot, and she is with him solely because of her feelings. At first, when I was very worried, I cried, he was like a sad knight, he told me, no one is to blame for anything , it just happened. He said that he would leave the apartment to me and the child, would not share or take anything, and would pay good alimony. Then I didn’t need anything myself, I didn’t think about sharing at all, since my friend found a good lawyer and just kicked him. The lawyer then said, do not waste time, we must begin to draw up documents. But))) I gave a reverse move, my husband began to say that he might come back. In less than two months, everything turned upside down. My husband completely refused to leave us an apartment, he said, at most an old odnushka, otherwise you won’t get anything, alimony is only from the official salary. Send threats, blackmail. I, too, then thought of a slander and the evil eye, etc.))) He lost a lot of weight, I threw off 10 kilos in a month. I want to tell you, you don’t need to return it, you still need to think about how you will continue to live. You never know what he now says and promises. This divorce gave me a strong kick in the ass - I changed my profession, learned to drive a car. I hope only for myself. What is he? Well, of course, there was a lot to do with money. He now has no apartment, no car, no good business. All this time, everything that he acquired was registered with her parents. For the last two years, from mutual acquaintances, I began to hear his complaints about his current life and talk about how he regrets that he did this then.
Let your husband go, well, let him go, let him live as he wants, since he wants to. There are no slander, no evil eye. There is only a banal spermotoxicosis))) But all the same, as long as he agrees, formalize the division of property. Then it will definitely be too late.

Middle age crisis. Does it only happen to men? Or women too? We bought sweets for the kids yesterday. I didn't even try one. Section: Wife and husband (37 male wicked rough midlife crisis). At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now.

Discussion

Sorry, if not quite "at the box office", I came across a text about a midlife crisis more applicable to women ...
And, however, I think you can learn something from here:
"In general, a midlife crisis is the norm. No one is spared. Just intellectually developed people experience it more clearly. If you dig well, any human fear is the fear of death. But in youth, we believe that time is infinite, and we spend it left and right. And suddenly, at some point, you clearly understand: life is finite and you need to somehow justify your existence, find exactly your goal, your Purpose. I woke up with this thought at the age of 35 at three in the morning.
So, banal physiology, multiplied by "extra" brains. But since I have them, it is worth using them and abusing official powers in order to figure out how to survive the crisis with less loss and more benefit.
- What then to do if you are already "covered"?
Many people change their lives at this moment. Unexpected divorces, change of job or status often external signs midlife crisis. Such "throws" should not be considered a panacea. But think about it - is that what you are doing? - costs. As well as to resolve the accumulated problems with loved ones. Everyone has their own story of disappointment. So that this load does not hang, repay debts. The easiest way is to meet the people who hold you back the most - whether they hurt us or we hurt them."
http://love.behappy.ru/documents/kriz

At that time, this crisis began for me from the age of 16 until now. Anyway, there is always someone more successful. try to restore his self-confidence by visual comparisons. Go to rest in some backwoods, where people don’t even dream about a car, just to earn a piece of bread. and no canaries

This is a painful condition associated with age-related decline in free testosterone levels. By the way, a very dangerous condition, because against the background of a hormonal shift in men, the risk of heart attacks and strokes increases tenfold. The period from 38 to 52 years is considered especially dangerous, then testosterone levels return to normal.
A decrease in testosterone is manifested, by the way, not only and not so much in a decrease in potency (it just may not be reflected in it), but in a depressed state, nervous breakdowns, weight gain ...
I got all this from my long-standing interview with a good andrologist doctor ...
But this can be treated with testosterone preparations, such as Andriol, and there are several more - but here it is necessary that the doctor prescribe ...