Freedom is the inner state of the human soul. Reflections on freedom. How to get rid of intrusive thoughts

Good day, dear readers of my blog! Breathe deeply, realize your desires and realize them. Make decisions without being influenced by others and allow yourself to be yourself while staying true to your identity and belonging. The ability to make a choice and be responsible for it, without blaming or punishing oneself for mistakes and imperfections - this is what the inner freedom of a person means.

How do restrictions appear?

Opinion of others

Have you noticed how much energy young children have? With what excitement and interest do they live every day? And the thing is that they are spontaneous and do not stop themselves in their desires. Until they grow up because caring parents and strangers begin to teach them the norms of behavior. Often, according to my observations, it looks like this: "Don't do this, otherwise everyone will laugh at you now." And the kid who heard the groovy music at the bus stop has to stop dancing to the beat, because it's embarrassing and those around him will look at him, and even laugh.

And then, already in adulthood, he will stop doing a whole bunch of things that, in his opinion, will attract attention to him, after which he will definitely be very ashamed. For example, to propose at a meeting your idea on how to increase sales in order to have a chance to advance in your career, or to approach the girl you like ... A lot of things, because the fear of condemnation and depreciation will live inside.

This process is called introjection. This is the most basic enemy, because of which there is no freedom. That is, beliefs, norms of behavior, priorities, etc., which we did not come to on our own, but by adopting from others, significant people for ourselves, even whom we hate. After all, then their image sits deep inside, and we are used to using it in any life circumstances. Signs can also be attributed to introjects.

For example, a woman does not take care of herself during pregnancy, that is, she does not do makeup, does not dye her hair, etc., because there is a sign that prohibits this process. And then a very wonderful time, when, in theory, a woman blossoms, carrying a child under her heart, becomes unbearable for her and not as beautiful as it seemed. She hates her reflection in the mirror, and is waiting for the moment when she finally gives birth and can feel attractive again.

Bad experience

It also arises due to some bad experience that is deposited in the subconscious. In moments similar to the previous situation, there is a feeling of fear, confusion. After living through a traumatic experience, a person can generally close in on himself, not risking showing up and trying to block emotions so as not to feel pain. In this case, some part of the personality is blocked and becomes unfree. For example, after violence, a woman is afraid to show her femininity and sexuality, she experiences tension in the presence of men, and sometimes even aggression. What kind of inner freedom, then, can we talk about when there are such weighty restrictions?

Often we stop ourselves for fear of ruining relationships. The difference between a free and not free person here is one, the first one makes a conscious choice. For example, without telling the boss your opinion about him, because he understands what consequences this will entail. But the second one is from good breeding, after all, they are not rude to seniors, and in general, because it’s disturbing for a person to tell the truth in person, and then he will endure injustice, allow himself to be taken advantage of, without making attempts to look for more decent job with the right leadership.

Not accepting yourself

A serious problem, which is very restrictive in presenting yourself to the world, is not accepting yourself as you are. Some qualities, body parts, personal characteristics, life history ... As a result, low self-esteem appears. Against its background, there will be a constant unconscious comparison of oneself with others, and not at all with positive conclusions. Having got into the company more successful people, a person who has many internal limitations will not feel comfortable. He will try not to stick out and seem invisible.

Many women do not accept their body as it is. Dreaming of losing weight, changing, and having the idea that outer shell plays the most leading role in life, and that after these changes everything will work out and become different. But, having lost weight, they rarely feel the expected happiness, because inside they have remained the same. What kind of woman will attract more male attention who is beautiful but very shy, reserved, socially aloof, and overly tense? Or who, for example, is overweight, but at the same time energetic, free and enjoying life?

Fear of the unknown

Some people have a fear of the unknown, when it's uncomfortable, when things don't go according to plan, when it becomes necessary to adapt. Therefore, such individuals control, or at least try to control, not only the lives of loved ones, but also circumstances. And this, as you know, is impossible. And not only they suffer from this, but also those who are controlled.

For example, a completely natural fear of losing a child turns into torture. When a mother gives up her personal life, guarding her son, not giving him freedom and checking every step. She suffers both from anxiety and the inability to live, enjoying, satiating and fulfilling her needs. The son will also suffer, who feels in a vice, not also having the opportunity to live as he wants and gain experience by trial and error.

Finding freedom first of all begins with the realization that you are responsible not only for your life, but also for its quality. Therefore, you should not try to be "good" and please everyone, sacrificing your own interests, or expect " good wizard, which will appear and change everything. Therefore, if something happens that makes you unhappy, consider whether it is worth to endure further, or still take the risk and try in a different way.

You can take a leaf, divide it into two columns. In one write down the cons and consequences if you leave everything as it is, well, for example, without getting divorced or quitting. What is fraught with and what will it lead to over time. And in the second column, write risks, fears and fantasies about how everything will change and what will happen if you risk changing something in life that you don’t like. And if you make a decision that you leave everything as it is, this will be your conscious choice.

For example, I stay with my alcoholic husband because I value those moments when he is sober, and this is my choice. Then I will not look like a victim and wonder how to find happiness, then I am a free person who knows what he is doing and why.

2. Dependencies

Dependence partially deprives us of the right to choose, limiting our actions and opportunities in general. On the path of self-development, this is a significant obstacle that will not allow you to breathe deeply and boldly declare that you are free, conscious person. I recommend reading a few articles that I devoted to this particular topic: "" , And

3.Settings

So, the Xs raised their children, instilling the value of getting an education, and in their era it really was a guarantee successful life until perestroika broke out. And if earlier this introject worked, now it is possible to earn a million even without obtaining a diploma. The main thing is to believe in yourself and not stop in front of obstacles. But in order to please their parents, many unknowingly go to universities, doing something completely different from what they want and spend whole years in vain before they find themselves.

How often do you think about such unconditional value human life like freedom? This refers to spiritual, inner freedom, not physical. By freedom, everyone understands something of their own: it is both the freedom to live one's own life and freedom from public opinion and prejudices, and, in general, freedom from any dependence. Utopian, right? Few people today are so spiritually perfect that they have managed to achieve this most desired absolute freedom. Why is it really so difficult to find inner freedom?

We are all dependent on the opinions of others to one degree or another.

The only difference is that some people are influenced by society as a whole, while others are only influenced by the opinion of their closest people. We care what others think of us. However, in both cases, they cannot be considered free. This does not interfere with someone at all, it oppresses someone and forces them to look for ways to get rid of this addiction. Some even get it to some extent.

We are all prisoners of our emotions

We depend on feelings of anger, resentment, fear, envy, sadness, loneliness, passion. It has long been noticed that negative emotions have the strongest impact on us. It is they who drive us in making important decisions, choosing a life path, setting goals, attitude towards the world and people. It is these emotions that interfere with our personal development, full, happy and healthy life to achieve harmony. They bind us, depriving us of the opportunity to move in the right direction, bring us illness and disappointment. And only release from negative emotions can change our lives for the better, often in a dramatic way.

Many esoteric and psychological teachings tell how to get rid of the influence of negative thoughts, learn a positive perception of reality, gain control over unnecessary emotions. And many do not understand how to get rid of negative emotions, do not get rid of the positive, how not to turn into a passionless being?

We are addicted to our desires

Whether we like it or not, our desires move us, and we do not always know whether the fulfilled desire will benefit us. The sages of the East said: "Beware of your desires, they tend to come true." Why should you be afraid of your desires? Because we do not always ask correctly, we do not always ask for what we really want, we do not know how to rejoice at the fulfillment of desires. Sometimes we want something so badly that we miss other opportunities and gifts of fate.

Is it possible to become free?

Inner freedom is possible, and it is worth striving for in order to gain the courage to live the way you want, to stand out from the crowd, to be yourself, not to depend on negative emotions imposed by social stereotypes. Life is too short and amazing to watch from a spiritual cage.

The main thing is that a person gain spiritual freedom thanks to his wisdom, and not as a result of the complete collapse of his life, after which he simply has nothing more to lose.

What does inner freedom mean to you? Is it the same as happiness? And can you confidently say - "Yes, I'm free"?.. Write in the comments.

Where he puts the power of his attention, then it is realized.

If a person wants to gain spiritual freedom, he will find it.

And if he wants to remain a slave, he will remain a slave.

To live or die - the person chooses.

THEM. Danilov

Man is given life. And everyone is free to choose how to live it, regardless of whether he realizes this right of choice for himself or goes with the flow, laying responsibility for life path on other people. This is the beauty of life, justice and the way of knowing a person.

People want life to bring joy and happiness. For many, this is the main priority, despite the fact that it may not be manifested and hidden in the subconscious. It is important to understand what is joy and happiness for a person, what he puts into these definitions. Happiness is not temporary, because it is not happiness if with a change external conditions it ceases to be so. This can be an emotional outburst, release of hormones, endorphins, bringing a state of euphoria. After euphoria comes a state of emptiness, disappointment. And happiness is permanent. Quiet, calm, measured, coming from within, from an internal inexhaustible source. A person can find real happiness only within himself, being in harmony with his soul.

For people, freedom is the fundamental basis of life. It is glorified, glorified, a lot is said about it, and people are ready to sacrifice a lot for the sake of touching this state. Someone really succeeds, and the person is transformed, shines with love, joy, light and goodness, and for someone it becomes a horizon. A person constantly strives for it, sets new goals, achieves them, but there is no joy, happiness does not come.

We, as researchers who know this world, should figure out what kind of freedom that gives life, fills a person from the inside with love and tranquility, and what is another, ephemeral, ghostly, turning into the category of an unattainable goal, to which constantly throughout life a man strives, just like a donkey behind a carrot hung in front of him.

Despite the fact that the theme of freedom seems so attractive, most people prefer to run from it like hell from incense (this is a well-known phenomenon described by Erich Fromm in his book "Flight from Freedom"). At the same time, some sincerely lie to themselves that they are in fact free, that they can do whatever they want, not noticing or not wanting to notice that the scope of their freedom is reliably and severely limited by the norms of education, petty-bourgeois or intellectual morality, parental attitudes, stereotypes of behavior.

As Goethe said about this « the biggest slavery- not possessing freedom, consider yourself free("Elective Affinity"). In this they are reminiscent of alcoholics who, drinking a “chekushka” every evening, sincerely believe that they are not slaves of alcohol, but only “drink culturally”.

First step to freedom

As in the case of any illness, where the path to recovery begins with the recognition of the very fact that you, friend, are sick, the path to finding inner freedom begins with the realization that you are really a slave. First of all, the slave of the ways of thinking “installed” in your unconscious in the course of upbringing and socialization, worldview attitudes, rules of conduct, decision-making criteria, etc., that are inadequate to reality. and so on.

As a result, many things that a person would like or could do and that would bring him new opportunities, new resources, pleasure from life, happiness, comfort and spiritual well-being, he does not do because “it is indecent”, “shameful”, “so normal people don't do" and other "stoppers". As a result, he lives a relatively well-fed and safe life, every single day deceiving himself that everything with him, in general, is not bad, that he lives, in principle, no worse than others.

The unfortunate fate of many people is a consequence of the choice they did not make. They are neither alive nor dead. Life turns out to be a burden, an aimless occupation, and deeds are only a means of protection from the torments of being in the realm of shadows.
Erich Fromm

To recognize oneself as a slave is unpleasant, uncomfortable, painful for pride, but without this one cannot find inner freedom. You can lay clean fresh parquet on a leaky rotten floor and for some time everything will be fine, for some time the illusion of “repair” will work. But one day the floor will fail along with the parquet and the unlucky poor fellow who laid it.

Methodically squeeze the slave drop by drop

Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, in a letter to his colleague Alexei Suvorin, advised:

Write a story about how a young man, the son of a serf, a former shopkeeper, singer, high school student and student, brought up on servility, kissing priests' hands, worshiping other people's thoughts, thanking for every piece of bread, cut many times, going to lessons without galoshes who fought, tortured animals, loved to dine with rich relatives, hypocrites both to God and people without any need, only from the consciousness of his insignificance - write how this young man squeezes a slave out of himself drop by drop and how, waking up one fine morning, he feels that it is no longer slave blood that flows in his veins, but real human blood ...

Suvorin did not write the story, but the phrase became catchy.

It is precisely to squeeze slaves out of oneself drop by drop that is the only possible, reliable and effective strategy for gaining inner freedom. This process is not very pleasant, painful, because you have to tear out from the flesh of your consciousness the slavish attitudes and ideas about life that have firmly sprouted there. Comfortable walk around sea ​​shore(as many people think of the process of personal growth) this is definitely not.

Well, WHAT exactly to do is generally clear. And now, please, HOW exactly to “squeeze a slave out of yourself”, HOW to increase the level of inner freedom in yourself? Perhaps this is the question that interests the reader the most. And perhaps I will disappoint him by saying that HOW - this, in fact, is the whole process of methodical and consistent (but unlike technical instructions) personal growth, regular work on squeezing out various kinds of blockages from your psyche. Yes, there are special techniques for this (access to them can be obtained, for example, within the framework of the School [of systemic development]), but the point is not in techniques, but in intention and self-discipline. What is the use of a pistol if at the right moment there is no inner readiness to pull the trigger to shoot?

On the road to freedom

The main obstacle to freedom is not outside, but inside. This concentrated expression of all the restrictions imposed by society on the individual can be called an internal controller or overseer. You can consider it a "program", an aspect, a subpersonality, an inner voice, a Freudian Superego - the name is not important. It is important to understand its function. And it is very simple - not to let you go beyond what is permitted by the system of ideas about life that prevails in society (morality, culture, historical and ideological mythologemes, etc.).

The overseer points out what to think about and what not to do, because it is “indecent”, “shameful”, “shameful”, “uncomfortable”, “not good”, “wrong”, “bad” and so on and so forth. Since you are not aware of the fact that your behavior is being controlled by the overseer, it seems that it is all you think and do, that this is your choice. But it's not.

Path to freedom is the way to weaken the overseer. It is impossible to defeat him, and even unnecessary, since such a victory means a final break with society, and hence the rejection of self-realization, because self-realization involves vigorous activity in society, promoting its change and development. The desire for absolute freedom is essentially a fiction, unattainable within the framework of a separate human life.

And in order to weaken the overseer, you need to be strong. Strong in spirit. Be aware of and control your aspirations, desires and other motivations. This is again the way of working on oneself, the way of serious, adult personal growth.

Surrounded by slaves

Many researchers have noticed that despite all the progress public relations man did not become freer from this. The reason here is that freedom has and flip side- you have to answer for it. Before yourself. Since all your decisions have consequences, and the consequences tend to affect you in the most direct way, before taking any serious step, you need to think carefully, weigh the risks. It is easier for a person who is not free - decisions are made for him by others. And even though he still feels the consequences in his own skin, but the responsibility for this can always be pushed onto others - they say, "it's their fault." From this, the soul becomes more comfortable.

Therefore, most people are internally slaves. So it's easier and easier for them. These slaves, like dogs tamed by man, can be different. Slaves are well-fed, slaves are hungry and dissatisfied, slaves are well-groomed, well-fed, idle, slaves are chained, slaves are pitiful in their insignificance, slaves in a "bread place", retired slaves, and so on. But you can’t despise them for this, only weak and vile people scoff at the unfortunate.

Therefore, we need the understanding that everything around us is a slave, first of all, to realize one simple, but looking (from the point of view of the internal “taskmaster”) terrifying thought. This thought is as follows: the opinion of others is ALWAYS the opinion of slaves, and the value of the opinion of slaves is equivalent to the value of a dog barking at a passing caravan. In other words, the quality of an internally free person is a complete disregard for the opinions of others. Agree, the idea is seditious. But there is no other way.

Inner freedom is the basis of successful self-realization

Obviously, the smaller the framework inside a person, the more successful he is in his actions, since he is able to do such things and in such ways to solve the tasks set, about which a common person not even able to think, because they are outside of his slavish outlook.

For example, it didn’t occur to people with a slave worldview that medicine could be obtained from mold (the invention of penicillin by Fleming), because mold is “kaka”, digging into it is “indecent”, somehow inconvenient to the question of others “what do you do? » answer "I'm digging in the mold." Somehow not solid.

If we put it in the form of a metaphor, then free man climbs a tree (that is, engages personal growth) and surveys life from there in all its breadth and splendor, understands what's what, where, where and why. While an internally unfree person with a slavish morality is trampling around, because it’s scary to climb up, but it requires effort, if only without any labor! and right at the top. And the unfree sees only bushes, trunks, windbreaks, and the darkness of the forest. And so he lives his life in ignorance and according to someone else's rules, without realizing his potential. Sorry for him.

Therefore, for those who want to build their own lives, according to their own canons, according to their own, worked out, suffered through, based on real facts worldview. Who wants to live their life happily, fully, doing what they want, to realize their life purpose, building their relationship with the world as it suits them. For such people, the issue of gaining inner freedom is a matter of a breath of oxygen. Without any "either-or".

P.S. Specific tactical issues of gaining inner freedom will be discussed at an online seminar. Please register.

If you are free in a relationship, then you do not condition your behavior on how your partner will react to it. Allow yourself, for example, to get angry and express anger because you want to, and do not stop yourself because a loved one is offended by this.

But here you need to understand one rule:
If you do not limit yourself to duties and rules with other people, then the psyche begins to compensate for the appearance of an internal structure (that is, wars begin to appear). internal rules and restrictions neurotic character). Therefore, in order to preserve oneself, it is important to build one's own, internal structure, one's own rules and restrictions, and not someone else's (public or parental).
For example: “I can express and do something contrary to the prohibitions of relatives or people around me, but at the same time be clearly aware of why I am doing this, what my values ​​\u200b\u200bare defending and what goals I pursue, taking into account my own responsibility and the consequences of my actions. Then I'm really free."
Thus:
If you are free in your relationship with another person, you can behave with him in accordance with your needs and desires. If you are a psychopath, then that is all. If not, and relationships with another are important to you, then you listen to his desires and needs. And you can satisfy them (if it is in your power), or you can not satisfy them. The feeling of freedom for you is in the presence of a choice and the strength to implement it.

What else is important for gaining inner freedom?

The cost of an hour of consultation with a psychologist

First of all, it is required mobility and flexibility. You can cling to your rules and principles, and hold on to them even when they have lost all relevance and are harmful. Then we can talk about internal lack of freedom, turning oneself into a slave of principles, which ignores the meaning laid down in the previously adopted rules. Principle for the sake of principle, idea-fix. Provided that internal beliefs and principles cannot effectively allow solving life's difficulties, an internal conflict inevitably arises, to which the brain reacts with various symptoms: from illness to mental illness.

The second thing that is important for inner freedom it is the existence of alternatives and associated prospects.

Here are some examples:

• An adult son tried all his life to get love and recognition from a cold, rejecting mother, and he had no other alternatives - until he thought about the fact that it was apparently impossible to achieve this love ...;
• A woman obsessed with order and tired of the eternal struggle for "cleanliness" with her family, began to gain freedom at the moment when she thought about the question, is there any alternative to an apartment torn to a shine;
• The husband, who did not even allow the thought that it was possible to get a divorce, and who felt himself in real bondage, breathed differently when he allowed himself to think about divorce and realized (with all his being!) Its possibility. Didn't have to split...

Awareness of the existence of alternatives is the beginning of freedom. If there are no alternatives, there is no freedom and no prospects. But this is only the beginning, because the alternative must still be able to use.
Awareness " I want and I can do otherwise!” comes along with when you start doing something differently, then forces are taken to something else. You don't have to do everything differently, it's enough to have a clear vision of other options and the knowledge that you can use them in order to feel free and change in your relationship with people and public institutions.
Otherwise everything remains “just in the head”, but it will not become easier to breathe. And these " you are incapable of anything», « it's all useless», « no point in trying», « still don't change anything” and others are beneficial only to those who are already satisfied with what they live in. And this is no joke. But then there is nothing to complain about.

Third component It is non-attachment or desire for it. We ourselves lose our freedom when another person has something that we need. It may be something concrete-material, or it may be something else - for example, or a recognition from this specific person. In this case, you personally "give" gains power over you.

Exit- start learning finish building» yourself to another person you depend on. Learn to get what he has, but in his own ways. And if he wants to, he will give you what you need. If he wants...

Finally so that you know exactly when you deprive yourself of freedom:

1. You deprive yourself of freedom when you do not come up with a conscious alternative (choice).
2. You deprive yourself of freedom when you do everything to deprive yourself of the strength / energy to realize alternatives. And this is exactly: making scandals, crying, drinking pills, blaming yourself, thinking negatively, etc.
3. You deprive yourself of freedom when you create a fixed idea that you are obsessed with.
4. In depriving yourself of freedom when the other person has what you want to get from him at any cost.