Love without conditions. Now I know what unconditional love is! Accept your negative thoughts and habits

“Don’t be born beautiful, but be born happy,” as the famous saying goes.

Most people do not feel happy - and, without understanding true reasons This, they ask the question: “Why do the years go by and still there is no happiness?”

Understanding well how important it is for many to understand the causes of their problems, I begin to post articles on the site, which in the future should turn into a book “Wasn’t I born happy?”

I don’t know yet how soon the articles will be compiled into a book. But I am sure that even individual articles will be very useful to very, very many.

Where do we start our conversation? Of course with love!

After all, all we need is love, right?

Wait a second... Before we start talking about love, I want to mention one simple fact. When there is no REAL, it is human nature to be content with a fake, a surrogate.

And therefore, love also comes in two types - real and surrogate. Most people, without knowing it, settle for a surrogate - and I'm going to explain to you what the difference is.

LOVE IS REAL, UNCONDITIONAL

As the name suggests, this love comes with no strings attached. I love you simply because you exist. Simply because you are you. I love you because I want to love you. Because I love loving you.

Are any more reasons needed?

It would seem so simple and natural.

I’m not going to dive into the topic of relationships now, so first of all, what I write concerns maternal love.

It is natural for a mother to love her child simply because it is her child. Simply because he exists.

How could it be otherwise?

Alas, it can.

And here surrogate love, or, in other words, conditional love, comes onto the scene.

CONDITIONAL LOVE, SURROGATE

The peculiarity of conditional love, which is obvious from the name itself, is its conditionality.

How does this manifest itself? Again, I will not touch intergender love. Because, alas, many mothers, not knowing how to raise their children differently, constantly set CONDITIONS for them.

If you study well, then you good girl(or boy)

If you listen to your mother, it means...

And if you don’t obey, that means you’re a bad girl, and I won’t love you.

Do you feel it, my dear reader (or reader)? The bidding has already begun. The trade in love has already begun.

And the child is already beginning to understand that they will not love just like that. What love is needed DESERVE. That mom will only love you when you please her, when you fulfill some of her requirements.

Selling, surrogate, conditional love - it is this, this is the love of a mother for her child that lays an unconscious stereotype, a pattern of behavior in the child for the rest of his life.

Namely: the lives of most people are spent in barren trying to EARN love. The love of a wife, husband, boss and colleagues at work, the love of one’s own children and even - isn’t it a paradox! - your own love and your own approval.

Conditional love is bought. It is not bought for money, but for good behavior. For behavior that is pleasing to others and people around you.

One single belief, learned once, a long time ago, in distant childhood: “I’m not good enough on my own.” To be loved, I need to improve” - it is this false belief that is the cause of the suffering of most people.

We all go through these lessons, lessons through which we learn to accept and love ourselves and other people unconditionally. Ultimately, all life lessons come down to one thing - learn to love unconditionally. This is both easy and difficult.

I am often asked: " What it is, unconditional love? "Before answering this question, it is necessary to understand what conditional love is. Conditional love- this is when we love conditionally - " if you behave well, I like you, I love you", "if you bring straight A's from school, I love you", "if you don't deceive me, I love you", "if you bring home a lot of money, I love you", "if you don't cheat on me, I love you", etc. Got it? That is, conditional love is when we set conditions, when we love for something.

Can you accept a person as he is?

Do you want to be accepted for who you really are?

Attentively take a closer look at yourself, hear you pronounce these terms. Many of them sit on a subconscious level. But they can be seen from those situations, from the problems that we encounter in life. This is a message to us from ourselves - how we do not love and do not accept ourselves and how we do not love and do not accept our loved ones. We all need love, like air, and our loved ones need it too.

Unconditional love- this is when we love and fully accept ourselves, this is when we love and accept those close to us and the people around us as they are, and not as we would like them to be. Do not impose on them your ideas about what to say, how to behave, how and what to do. Ultimately, all this shows you is how you would like to be yourself.. So become like this!

Don't demand the impossible from others! They have their own tasks in this world. They came into this world for their own lessons, not yours. They came into this world to live their own life, and not yours, which, as you may tell yourself in moments of self-revelation, “failed” or “not quite succeeded.” Don't try to change the world without changing yourself. Don't try to change your neighbor. This is how violence enters our lives. The road to hell is paved with good intentions! Change yourself first. By changing we change the world. If we change, those around us will change, our lives and our loved ones, who are connected to us by very close ties, will change. Not right away, have patience, but it will definitely happen, because the external is a reflection of the internal.

Unconditional love is similar to the love a woman experiences when she gives birth to a child and holds him in her arms for the first time. At this moment she is all glowing. Then it becomes clear that love is light. She loves her child in every way. He doesn't let her sleep, sometimes he hurts her, he messes her diapers, he takes up time, but she loves him, loves him unconditionally. But months pass, and conditional love begins to creep to the surface, gradually displacing unconditional love. " If he sleeps peacefully and doesn't scream, I love him", "if he gives me the opportunity to do household chores, I love him"If the opposite happens, irritation, anger and other negative energies, and they in turn attract other situations. The wheel of karma begins its run. The external reflects the internal. Like attracts like.

Hate attracts hate love attracts love. Only unconditional love can heal a person and help him realize himself in life. I was struck by one example related to unconditional love, very revealing. An evangelical preacher from Finland spoke about this in a sermon. This is the story of his life. He had a brother who was a drug addict who lived in New York and a father who was an alcoholic. This went on for a very long time, and he could do nothing to help them. At some point in time, he realized what unconditional love is and let it into himself. And, as they write in the books, “a miracle happened.” My brother recovered from drug addiction, and my father stopped drinking. He realized that he loved them conditionally. He realized that he loved thoughts about them, not them themselves.

Another example that happened to me. We have Everyone has problems communicating with their own children.. We all don't like something about their behavior. However, we don't even realize that our children reflect ourselves. They reflect some trait in us that we don’t like, for which we don’t like ourselves, and sometimes even hate us. But we never admit this to ourselves, because that would mean looking directly and honestly at ourselves, at our own face. And it can be very unsightly. Therefore, we put on all kinds of masks, just so as not to see the truth and not show people the true thing that is inside us. That's why we don't like it when people show us ourselves.

In addition to the fact that we passed on our children own fears and blocks genetically, in addition to the fact that they have absorbed our beliefs from the atmosphere at home - in addition to all this, we literally provoke them by the presence of our fears, blocks, beliefs. They, like in a mirror, reflect ourselves. Our thoughts simulate a situation in which they behave this way. If you don't like something in others, then it is present in you. Search. Like attracts like. The external reflects the internal.

So, here's an example from my own life. My daughter had one bad habit. In certain situations, she began to behave as if she was deliberately irritating me, which I naturally did not like. I tried to somehow cope with this situation, tried to reason with my daughter, educate her, but this, of course, did not help. Before changing others, change yourself first! At some point, it suddenly hit me, and I realized that with such behavior she wanted to tell me something about myself. She reflects me! (I wonder why I was blind until that moment?) And I went inside myself. At first I couldn't see anything. Mask - "I’m not like that, I’m fine, it’s them who need to change" — can be very strong, and here you need to have a great desire to know the truth, honesty and courage to see yourself as you really are. And this can be very painful.

And I saw it. I saw that there was something in me for which I did not love my daughter. And I saw something for which I did not love and did not accept myself. The light of consciousness illuminated one of the dark corners of my soul. Then all I had to do was forgive and accept myself for who I really am - not a very attractive process, especially considering that all our lives we have been told that we must strive to become better. And this really should be so, but how will we become better if we don’t see who we really are?

When this happened, when I saw the real me and forgave, and this happened within an hour, my daughter immediately changed her behavior pattern. I never saw this character trait in her again. I changed, she also changed with me.

What does it mean to accept yourself as you are and forgive yourself? I usually give the following example. Imagine that your one-year-old child took something very dear to you and accidentally broke it. What are your thoughts, feelings and actions? Now imagine that your ten-year-old son or daughter did the same thing, only before that you told them a hundred times not to touch this thing? Do you feel the difference? In the first case, you reconciled yourself, forgave the child - what will you take from him? - and accepted what is. You have accepted the fact, you have accepted reality as it is.. In the second case, you don't want to come to terms with the fact, you don't want to forgive. Close your eyes and imagine both of these situations right now, without procrastinating, and compare the feelings. You will understand what it means to forgive and accept. You will understand what it means to take a situation for granted. A person does not know how to forgive either himself or others, which is why I gave the example of a baby. The feeling of unconditional love is still alive here. The process of forgiveness and self-acceptance is very similar to the process of repentance, repentance and humility. All this must come from the heart, otherwise nothing will happen.

Notice your behavior in relation to the people around you and loved ones. Notice what you don't like about their behavior, what irritates you about it. This is your next thought form (belief, block) that has risen to the surface from the subconscious and is simulating the situation so that you can once again try to learn the lesson of forgiveness and unconditional love. And you will constantly encounter this until you complete the lesson. If you don't like rudeness, it means either it's inherent in you, or you have the conviction that you are a weak person and a victim. In both cases, you will attract situations to yourself until you understand something definite about yourself and the outside world.

Yes, what has just been said at first glance does not inspire optimism and love for life. But this is only at first glance. In fact, it's the other way around. This is perhaps the most optimistic information you have received in your life. In order to move forward, we need to know where we are and what we really have.

How can we change ourselves if we don’t know who we are and what we are? What should we change then?

How can we grow spiritually if we don’t even admit to ourselves that we are capable of lies and deception?

You may lie to others because sometimes it can be painful and dangerous to open up to people. They can use this against you. They, just like you, are afraid of this world and take measures to protect themselves. Just notice how you do it every time. But don't lie to yourself. Information obtained from honest dialogue with yourself is the most optimistic information that can appear in your life. Because the light of consciousness drives out darkness from our souls. This a step towards unity with yourself, this is a step towards unity with the world, this is a step towards unity with God.

Which of us can say about himself that he is a saint?? Nobody. Therefore, we must learn to look honestly into ourselves and accept ourselves as we really are. We need to learn to love ourselves for who we really are.. How can we take a step towards inner perfection if we do not accept ourselves? A runner must push off the ground to run forward. In the same way, we must see and accept what is hidden within us in order to begin to move forward. This is true self-love. Otherwise, we will again and again push the negative sides of our personality deep inside, afraid to look ourselves honestly in the eyes, and situations will happen to us again and again in which we will suffer.

Dealing with our own masks, we can endlessly “strive for perfection,” but nothing will ever change until we see our true selves.

Having learned to understand and accept ourselves, having learned to love ourselves, we will learn to understand, accept and love other people. That's what it is love and compassion for one's neighbor.

2. VITAL LOVE

ASTRAL LOVE, DEPENDENCE

The principle of pure pleasure is the basis of vital love. The Astral Body has a wide range of feelings: likes and dislikes, thirst for possession and hatred, kindness and anger, vanity and jealousy...

This love has its own levels of comprehension.

Sympathy arises at the first stage of development of emotional vital relationships. The reasons for sympathy are the external characteristics of a person, the degree of physical attractiveness, social status, behavior. These characteristics of a person are open to observation, do not require a long time, and are therefore noticeable in the first stages of communication. In terms of duration, sympathy is the most short-term and fleeting type of emotional relationship.

Love. Lovers perceive each other as if through a special filter: they see in each other only what they like, what corresponds to their inner ideal. Lovers see and enhance only the merits of the other, and either do not notice the shortcomings or minimize them: “I don’t know the person who he really is, but I think that he is the best, good, kind...”. And after a while the expectations dissipate, and a real man: “I was thinking, what kind of guy did he turn out to be...” From this moment, love begins to wane, a person’s merits decrease, and shortcomings, even minor ones, increase in our eyes.
When falling in love, all the means of a person in love are directed towards winning the sympathy and affection of the chosen one. All efforts of both boys and girls come down to either sex, satisfying lust, receiving pleasure, or possessing an object of love.
During the period of vital love, ocean waves of passions and tragedies can rage in a person, rivers of tears flow, tides of suffering, floods of jealousy flood a person from head to toe. Outbursts of passion lead to insane arguments, terrible murders and desperate suicides. Falling in love arises quickly (“love at first sight” is falling in love), and is short-lived (no more three years), and passes quickly. When falling in love ends, what remains is vital attachment.

Why awaken a memory in your soul?
And disturb the sinful heart with your gaze again,
And a fleeting, momentary desire
Again pass it off as pure love?

Why are words worthy of prayer?
For earthly feelings, my friend, use,
And in the flames of the passions of a mad battle
To defile hearts with an unworthy desire?

Why play in an endless play?
All the same roles that you have played many times?
And be forgotten again in careless madness,
Reading an unfinished story from the end?
Veretennikov Sergey

Vital love simply means: “Give me - give me more and more!” This is exploitation, this is what Martin Buber calls the “I-it” attitude: “You are a thing and I want to use you.” A man uses a woman, a woman uses a man, parents use children, and children use parents, friends use friends. They say: “A friend is just a friend; a friend in need is really a friend.” Use, reduce the other to a commodity. Then you will become things - not persons, not people, but simply material things. Poorest man in the world - the one who lives in the “I-it” relationship.

Vital love - exploitation.

Unconditional love is completely different. Love is not exploitation. Love is not an “I-it” relationship, it is an “I-you” relationship. The other is respected as a person with rights of his own; the other is not a thing that is consumed, used, manipulated. The other is an independent personality, freedom. You need to communicate with others, not exploit them. Love is a communication of energy. Vital love is only: “Give me, give me, give me more!” Therefore, the vital relationship is a constant war, conflict, because the other also says “Give me!” Both want more and more, and give only so as not to lose “their thing.” Hence the conflict, the escalation of the war. And, of course, whoever shows great strength, he will exploit.

Because a man is a man stronger than women, he used it: he reduced women to complete nonentities. He destroyed the personality of women. And it was easier for him if his personality was completely destroyed. For centuries, women were not allowed to read. They were prisoners in houses; they were cheap labor force, working, working, working all day long. And they were reduced to sex objects. In the past there was no big difference between prostitutes and wives. The wife was reduced to a permanent prostitute, that’s all. The connection was not a connection, it was property.

Love respects the other. It's a give-and-receive relationship. Love enjoys giving, and love enjoys receiving. This is co-ownership, communication. In love, both are equal.

In vital love there is an “I-it” relationship, in unconditional love there is an “I-thou” relationship.
But one more step must be taken: we must move to a relationship where two individuals no longer exist as two, but exist as one. Immeasurable unity, harmony, deep consonance - two bodies, but one single soul.

EXCESS POTENTIAL- this is a violation of any balance. At the energy level, it is always an excess or lack of energy in a uniform energy field. Excessive potential is created by thoughts when some object is given too much great importance.
At the core of the Productive Force is desire. Desire has enormous potential power regarding the phenomena of life. Desires (see) can create the phenomena of life.
Wish- this is excess potential, it strives to attract the object of desire to where it does not exist. The desire to have something that a person does not have creates an energetic “pressure difference.”
Excessive potentials: dissatisfaction, condemnation, admiration, admiration, idealization, revaluation, vanity, feelings of superiority, guilt, inferiority.
“For every action there is simultaneously an equal and opposite reaction.” If excess energy potential appears, equilibrium forces arise aimed at eliminating it, which gives rise to the lion's share of problems. A person gets a result that is exactly the opposite of his intention.

ADDICTION. If love (infatuation) turns into a relationship of dependence, then excess potential is inevitably generated.

IMPORTANCE- most general type excess potential. It occurs where something is given excessive meaning. To eliminate excess potential, equilibrium forces create problems for the one who creates this potential.
Intrinsic (self) importance manifests itself as an overestimation of one’s strengths or weaknesses.
External importance- this is when a person attaches great importance to an object or event outside world. Love addiction has the same roots as nicotine, alcohol, and drugs. You must be able to be happy without any doping.

ATTACHMENT- this is when we become strongly identified with what we have. Attachment, the desire to possess, gives rise to control. Now our love is controlled by the mind. We control this person because we understand perfectly well that if he is so good and in this moment loves us, then with the same success he can love another. There is a fear of losing this person - suddenly someone will “intercept” him. We begin to use the other person as a thing, but this is a utilitarian approach. Now we terrorize him. A woman, for example, begins to follow a man, asking when he left work, whether he was at work at all, checking his pockets, seeing if he has someone else’s hair on his jacket, traces of lipstick, etc. A man controls a woman in his own ways. This utilitarian approach, based on attachment, gives rise to fear. What is love now? We became police officers, we became guards for a person who showed feelings for us and a desire to be with us. This happened because fear entered. And because of attachment, because of possession, the main thing is lost because of which we met each other. We can no longer trust anyone. We have no trust in another because we do not believe that we can be loved. We have colossal inferiority, immaturity and immaturity in love. We can only conduct relationships based on gender. That is, when a man declares that he loves a woman, she begins to terrorize him. She now has a reason to scream, rage, tell and prove how he should talk to her, how he should look at her, etc. There was only love, there was only falling in love, we got together to travel through life, enjoy each other - and everything turned into poison. Now we are monotonously poisoning others and ourselves at the same time, because we are distorted - fear is constantly present at the subconscious level. This is what makes attachment and possession so painful. We prepare our own poison and drink it ourselves. And if we drink it, then everyone who comes up to us will unwittingly drink with us. In the beginning there was a certain beauty, a certain grace in the relationship, but love story It didn't work out that way. The result was pain, sorrow, bitterness and fear of the future. If they leave us and another person approaches us, history will repeat itself, now the mind will produce the same thing constantly. Whenever love or friendship happens to us, it does not matter, we will appropriate a living person as a thing that should give us pleasure.
A person is not a thing. He doesn't have to give us pleasure. He can live his life, live with us and share his life with us. We will poison all relationships until we recognize our own worth, until we have dignity and self-respect.
Attachment is associated with the subconscious feeling of a person’s energetic dependence on the object of vital love, with energetic, emotional vampirism, with the receipt of new pleasures in thoughts and feelings. The slightest reasons for "freedom", hints of a "jump to the side", a play of imagination on this topic instantly awaken feelings of jealousy in vital lovers. Hence - frequent disagreements between lovers, constant nervousness and aggressiveness.

Feelings can be inspired by stars
If they are preserved and not tyrannized.
And, on the contrary, it is bitter to ruin,
If you hurt in any way.
Can be found and opened
Everything, literally everything that brings us together,
And, on the contrary: if you don’t trust,
You can pick, like sores,
That's all that divides.
Now we have smiles, now we have torments,
That chilling soul reproaches,
That merging of lips, and hands, and souls,
That is enmity almost to the point of adoration.
That bliss intoxicates us,
We mercilessly gnaw at hearts.
Showering jealousy phrases,
But not for a day, not for an hour
We still can’t separate...
Eduard Asadov

The mechanism of attachment is very well described by A. Saint-Exupery in “The Little Prince”, when the Fox asks The Little Prince tame him. Infatuation differs from falling in love and affection in that you react emotionally to the real qualities of another person, what really exists in the other. For passion, we need to see in another person his individuality: his sporting achievements, literary abilities, artistic talent.

Three Great Destroyers of Love:
1. (requirement),
2. ,
3. .

It is impossible to truly love a person if any of these elements are present. And of course, it is impossible to love a God who encourages us in any of them, much less all three. However, this is the God many believe in, and since they have declared that such love is good for God, they believe that it is good for them.

CONDITIONAL LOVE

"She doesn't love him, but her love for him"

Every child dreams of being simply loved. But only a few have such happiness. Usually, good attitude adults to children, everything is woven from conditions. Most people grew up in such an environment and became so entangled in these snares that when their turn comes to be parents, they treat their children according to the developed stereotype... This is how a network of conditions is woven.
“I love you when you are an obedient boy.” Will love really disappear when he starts acting up?
“I brought an A, how I love you!” What if I brought a deuce?
“If you kiss mommy, she’ll buy you a chocolate bar.” Can't you buy it just like that, without a kiss?
Is it possible real love depend on behavior, clean clothes, grades at school or washed dishes?
Deluding ourselves about the concept true love, adults mislead children too. “If you don’t sit down at the table right away, you won’t get sweets.” “If you finish the year with no grades, I’ll buy you a new bike,” the parents continue to weave a web of conditions around their child. Getting used to endless “ifs,” children draw the conclusion that, it turns out, it is necessary to follow the rules of behavior not because it is customary among educated people, but because otherwise they will be punished. You need to study well not in order to become an educated person, but in order to receive a gift. Children need parental love like air, and they are constantly under fear of losing affection, attention, sympathy, respect and love. How difficult it is to live in constant fear!
Cm.

MAKING A CLAIM

The filing of a claim is related to false authority. For a certain amount of time we looked at a person with a critical eye, were negative towards him, and, having accumulated dirt on him at the subconscious level, we make a demand on him. Thus, we have earned a false authority to demand that another person fulfill our conditions, since, after consulting with ourselves, we mentally proved that he is behaving inappropriately towards us. But this did not come from an internal understanding of our relationship, but came through collecting dirt on this person and now we demand. And presenting a demand is a condition set for a person to do what we demand from him, otherwise we reserve the right to punish him in one way or another. After some time, our mood and state will change, but ambivalence towards this person will certainly remain. Having presented a demand to him, we will again begin to look at him only critically, and will no longer be able to see the positive, because our gaze will look for the negative. At the same time, everything positive in our relationship is excluded and not seen at all. Thus, we fall into a trap that creates constant ambivalence, regret and fear. As a result, we will depend on this same person, controlling and fearing him at the same time.

If we are straightforward, we can say the same words, but they will not constitute a demand. We listen, see, understand and feel everything that happens between us and another person, without judgment, without dividing into good and bad. And at some point we can innocently and straightforwardly express to a person what is unacceptable to us. We reflect the behavior of another person, penetrating into the essence of what is happening, and we do not speak from the position critical view, but because they were attentive to our relationship. In this case, we speak out of awareness, so no duality or regret arises. We responded totally to the situation, and what was said will not leave any emotional wounds in us or in another person.

CONFLICT OVER EXPECTATIONS

Conflict over expectations is associated with existing projections onto another person, that is, ideas about how he should act towards us, how he should fill and decorate our lives. And then, no matter what the other does, for the one who waits, everything turns into insignificance. He is waiting for his idea to be fulfilled, how everything should be and what exactly someone else should do for him. When a person does not get what he expects, he is haunted by constant discontent, which sooner or later develops into conflict. When we project, expecting something from another person, we are dissatisfied with what is. We are sick with what is because what is happening cannot satisfy us. We are waiting for our idea to come true in the hope that when it comes true and our idea, our ideal comes true, it will prove that our relationship was worth it. This speaks of a suppressed doubt that was never allowed into consciousness: is this the person we were waiting for in life. By entrusting the fulfillment of our ideas about love, friendship, relationships to another person, experiencing passion, becoming attached to him, becoming dependent on the relationship, we begin to suppress doubts so that they do not dilute or darken our addiction, our affection. When we want everything to happen according to our scenario, we close our eyes to the rest and don’t want to know anything about our doubts. But in any case, doubt cannot be suppressed indefinitely in the subconscious and one day it comes out into the conscious part of the mind. It shows what was hidden in the subconscious idea about relationships, about how the other person should behave towards us, which manifests itself in the form of reproaches and accusations, becoming a conflict.

LOVE-OBSECTION

Love-obsession, love-dependence, love-madness, when a person cannot see the white light without his partner, is usually considered a non-creative feeling. But let's take a closer look at it: what benefits does it bring? How can it be useful to us and our partner?
“A white light has converged on you like a wedge” - this is about love-obsession. When the whole meaning of life is seen only in one person, when the presence of this person becomes the only meaning of life for another. In such relationships, the partner is idealized and placed on a pedestal. Focusing on one person can be destructive - after all, this is where jealousy, possessiveness, and emotional dependence on the object of love are most clearly manifested.
But there are other aspects to this love, and if you show a little wisdom and channel it in the right direction, this feeling can bring a lot of benefits to both partners. After all, this is where the most vivid feelings are experienced. Idealizing a partner, noticing only him through a giant magnifying glass positive traits, we invite him to see himself this way, to believe in his strength, regardless of the circumstances. We see in him the greatness that lies within him, the best that can and is ready to blossom, and we believe that this person will be able to realize his potential in the best possible way, even if he has not yet succeeded. It is precisely this kind of faith, by the way, that helps raise brilliant children, even if society makes different judgments about little man. Unconditional faith and unconditional love have the ability to work miracles. Such love can forgive a partner his weaknesses, thereby encouraging him to show his best qualities.
When a partner becomes a god for the lover, he truly approaches the experience of his (his) divine nature. After all, we love in others what we love in ourselves, so it is useful not only for the one who is loved, but also for the one who loves. This kind of love can move mountains if necessary. Inspired by such a feeling, a person can achieve high altitudes in a task that he would not dare to undertake without the incentive of the happiness of his loved one. The highest concentration of attention and intentions on one person generates energy of unprecedented power. Such love will change the lover himself; it is like a fire in which everything small and insignificant burns. This kind of love compels action, and it is a tremendous force.
As with any force, the direction of the vector of this force is important here. If a person can overcome his fear, sense of ownership, excessive pride, then this love can help both partners reach a different level of existence, raise them above themselves, change them, as in a smelting furnace, recreate them in a new quality.
The same force, which has the vector of possession at any cost, controlled by fear, can become a huge destructive wave that can inflict deep wounds and cause a lot of trouble both to the object of affection and to the person obsessively in love. From this great love truly one step away from deepest hatred.
Therefore, if you are passionately in love and dependent on your partner, you need to be very attentive and aware of your intentions, and then you will be able to channel this energy into a creative direction.

Unconditional love is so different from the love we are used to receiving that most of us don't really know what it is.

Nowadays, "love" is understood as various shapes falling in love, passion, intimacy, affection, codependency and selfish needs and all this is not about true love.

True love is a rare and incredibly valuable feeling. The moment you experience true unconditional love is the moment you feel fully seen, understood, forgiven, accepted and able to love yourself just as you are. It is the most all-encompassing and liberating feeling you have ever experienced.

Unconditional love is the most healing power in the Universe. But, unfortunately, we are so hungry in our Everyday life that we become emotionally and spiritually unhealthy. One of the saddest looks you will ever see is from a being who has been deprived of unconditional love.

« Love is patient, merciful, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, is not rude, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never fails, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.»
Bible 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Unconditional love means loving someone or something without any conditions. In other words, no matter what the other person says, does, feels, thinks or believes, we still love them unconditionally. Unconditional love can also be applied to other beings such as animals. But perhaps most importantly, unconditional love can be applied directly to ourselves.

The more we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, the more we will be able to love others in the same way. This principle echoes the famous words of Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” and other enlightened masters such as Lao Tzu, who said, “When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.”

« If we generalize everything that is called love in the world, then we get a certain intense feeling mixed with physical attractiveness, the desire to possess and control, as well as dependence, eroticism and novelty. Such “love” is usually short-lived and changeable, and depending on the circumstances it either grows or decreases. When plans are upset, then in place of this emotion often appears anger, which was previously hidden under the guise of love. It is widely believed that there is only one step from love to hate, but what is being said here is not Love at all, but rather a sentimental feeling of dependence.»
Dr. David R. Hawkins

Conditional love is the exact opposite of unconditional love. In fact, conditional love is not “love” in the truest sense of the word because it comes from the ego and not from the heart.

Unlike unconditional love, which is given freely, conditional love must be “earned.” When this false form of love is earned, only then is love, respect and kindness given.

While unconditional love is limitless and vast, conditional love is constraining and limited. While unconditional love does not need anything, conditional love is given only when something is received.

The equation looks like this:

I will only love you if _____ (you do this, say this, provide this, make me feel this way).

Conditional love is inherently selfish and self-centered. Conditional love only lasts as long as certain unspoken rules are maintained or followed.

Some of the most common unspoken rules behind conditional love include:

• I will only love you if you make me feel good.
• I will love you only if you look attractive.
• I will love you only if you are successful and popular.
• I will only love you if you have a good career.
• I will only love you if you do what I say.
• I will only love you if you believe in what I do.
• I will only love you if you support my bad habits.
• I will only love you if you keep giving me money.
• I will only love you if you are good in bed.
• I will only love you if I can control you.
• I will only love you if I approve of your life decisions.
• I will only love you if you behave correctly.
• I will only love you if you sacrifice something for me.
• I will only love you if you give up your dreams.
• I will only love you if you love me.

You can see how conditional love is doomed to failure and absolute misery.

Relationships with your partner, children, family, friends and parents can be conditional love. Many of us have experienced these types of shallow relationships.

Unconditional love does not need to be earned or proven. It is eternal and endless. If you want to learn to experience unconditional love, you must be willing to change your habits.

Here are some effective ways to practice unconditional love for yourself and others:

1. Whenever you experience unloving emotions, accept them rather than push them away.

Since childhood, we are taught to avoid and suppress “negative” emotions. Hidden emotions begin to create darkness. The practice of accepting how you feel instead of fighting to stop the emotion or artificially forcing yourself to be happy. Respect your emotions and the messages they bring.

2. Practice mindfulness and connect with your body

How do you feel your body? Do you feel pain, fatigue, stiffness, tension or heaviness? Practice consciously observing these sensations without judgment. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to relax. Observe your body and allow whatever you feel to be, you will have access to deeper levels of peace.

3. Accept your negative thoughts and habits

Remember, it is normal to struggle with negative thoughts and habits. It's important to remember that these thoughts and habits do not define you - you allow them to exist, but you don't have to identify with them. Accept your tendency to be negative and even self-hating. Even self-hatred is an opportunity to forgive and practice unconditional self-love.

4. Ask yourself: “Am I putting conditions on this relationship?”

Be honest. Does someone's behavior or beliefs prevent you from loving them? It is normal to feel angry and sad towards another person. What can you do to open your heart to the person or group of people in your life?

You can try this little practice every day. For example, you could pay a compliment, do someone a favor, let someone go ahead of you in line, or do any other form of help that will brighten someone else's day.

6. Become aware of the triggers that make you switch off.

Triggers are wounds within us that have not yet healed. When someone touches our unhealed wound, the triggers cause us to react with anger, isolation, and even hatred. By paying attention to your triggers, you will develop more self-awareness. The more mindful you are, the more you can practice self-love and forgiveness of others.

7. Forgive others (and yourself) and set yourself free

Forgiveness is an act of self-liberation. You don't forgive others for the sake of being a self-righteous saint, you forgive to release the weight of resentment from your heart. Think about all the resentments you may be holding right now. What can you do to find peace through forgiveness?

8. Practice loving yourself and others “as is”

Unconditional love means accepting all the good, the ugly, and the ugly about yourself and others. Remember that no one is perfect and no one can ever be perfect. Life is a constant journey and growth. Don't love others based on what they look like, who they are or what they do, love a person exactly as they are at that moment, simply because they are worthy to be loved. The same advice applies to you: embrace all the pain, wounds and imperfections within you. Love without conditions.

What is unconditional love? It is unconditional self-acceptance and openness towards yourself and others; this is the most powerful force in the Universe.

I hope you now have a clear understanding of the meaning of unconditional love and how to start applying it in your life. If you have any questions or would like to schedule a consultation, please write your question in the comments at in social networks, A for consultations contact me using the form feedback or by phone by going to the contact page.