Age crises in men. Midlife crisis in men: how to save a marriage

If the crisis of female identity is more related to appearance, then for men, suffering revolves around potency and intimate achievements. Moreover, a man is equally acutely experiencing both an excess and a lack of sexuality. Let's consider the problem in detail.

Testosterone is an aggressive hormone. When a man is stressed male hormone splashes into the blood in such quantities that all relatives are looking for the fifth corner in the house. Suitable for every household. And a wife, and a mother-in-law, and children, and a budgerigar.

If the crisis of female identity is more related to appearance, then for men, suffering revolves around potency and intimate achievements. Moreover, a man is equally acutely experiencing both an excess and a lack of sexuality. Let's consider the problem in detail.

1. "Youth-hormonal." 13 - 22 years old

SYMPTOMS:

“I want” knows what, but there is no way to satisfy the desire. The hormone boils in the blood, and the girls are waiting for romance, walks under the moon, and even then not from all the guys. In the class, one or two handsome men are successful, the girls look at the rest of the guys as if they were an empty place. "Empty Place" has to try very hard to be noticed. It is in youth that men fill the most painful love bumps. (Actually, there was a temptation to edit this phrase. Somehow it’s a little not in Russian - “to fill a love bump.” But nevertheless we decided to leave it as it is - it sounds painfully figurative. You look, with our light hand, the innovation will take root. " How are you?" - Yes, fine. But yesterday I filled myself with such a love bump! Show?" - Ed.) There are several scenarios here: the girl could be rude, or require long courtship, or simply refuse, or quit after a short romance. In any case, the outcast will endure for a long time from the crucible of youthful passions hostility to the girls: "They are all fools." But this first discovery, for example, is false. For life, the second is more useful: "Sex is a responsibility." Someone slept with the girl and forgot, and someone slept - and got a bag with "gifts". Either they are pulling to marry, or even acknowledge paternity.

PROBLEM:

First and most the main problem- Resentment and guilt. The young man could be rejected only once, but he will carry this trauma through his whole life. The girl was alone, and now he does not trust all the women in the world. And after the story of pregnancy, she may generally begin to shun intimate relationships.

The second is a feeling of impossibility to agree with oneself and understand one’s own desires. It is all the more difficult to guess what another person feels, in this case, a girl. The feeling of psychological impotence leads to irritability and aggression.

During this period, guys are very eager to do something extraordinary in order to prove to themselves and the girls around how cool they are. Someone begins to enthusiastically follow their appearance, and someone rushes headlong into extreme sports. And it's all good. But the main thing is that the teenager does not just start running away from his thoughts into drugs, alcoholism. Not everyone can withstand a sense of responsibility, which is especially strong during this period. It turns out it's a heavy burden to be a man.

Don't fall into skepticism. There are many girls, and among them there are a lot of good ones. Time works for a man. He is adorned with experience. Psychologists say: if you were refused a hundred times, you will definitely be lucky for a hundred and first! And every year will carry more and more. Closer to 25, you will have a huge choice. The main thing is not to withdraw into yourself and communicate. And do not forget about contraception!

An important point: if you have any psychological difficulties, resentments or questions that you cannot find an answer to, solve all this now, at this age. A couple of visits to a psychologist - and everything will fall into place. Otherwise, a small unresolved issue in your youth may wind up in the future and develop into a real problem that you will solve all your life.

2. "Middle age." 35 - 43 years old

SYMPTOMS:

After 35, sexual activity decreases slightly. Erotica used to be main part relationship, now something else is needed ... If a person has experienced a painful divorce or breakup by this age, he may stop looking for serious novels. It is during these years that people begin to get involved in various spiritual practices, their philosophical interest in life intensifies. This is the period of the first debriefing. IN love sphere a lot is changing too. Women's bodies are basically the same. For a 35-year-old man, this is obvious. The question comes to the fore: “What am I worth socially?” To this question, a man is looking for answers from women. Now the main thing is not their quantity, but the quality of the attitude towards him - to his powerful ego.

PROBLEM:

Married men at this age do not just have affairs on the side - they fall in love. And they often leave the family in search of understanding, which is no longer with his wife. He needs a soul mate, a muse, not just attractive woman. Everyone chooses a different muse for himself, as a rule, as opposed to his wife. From a harsh and intractable spouse they run to an accommodating one who listens and assents. From an emotional, unrestrained wife to a balanced, serious and authoritative one.
And if a man created new family during this period, then soon he begins to try to fashion an old one from a new wife.

If this crisis has overtaken you, especially if the family is bursting at the seams, do not shift the responsibility for what is happening to you onto your wife and children. Don't take your frustrations out on them. These are the people you will feel a strong sense of guilt towards when the storm subsides. And you'll have to live with this feeling long years. It is not recommended to create a new family during this period. Among marriages entered into immediately after a divorce, only 5% survive. The family is new, but the psychological problems are old. It will not be possible to escape from the crisis to a new wife. A woman can increase sexual and intellectual self-esteem, but not a salary, not a position, and not the prestige of your profession.

3. "Gray hair in a beard, demon in a rib." About 55 years old

SYMPTOMS:

Life has finally settled into a calm rut. Children, grandchildren, cottage. Sexual opportunities are noticeably reduced, and boredom sets in.

A man needs young peach cheeks and a round ass, which both raise self-esteem and return to the days of teenage hypersexuality. With a young girlfriend, a man feels young again full of life and sex. He wants to get a boost of youth for the future. Wants to increase the baggage of sexual stories. And he rushes into all serious, dragging behind 20-year-old girls. Maybe not always leading to sex ... The main thing is to convince your wife that there was no sex.

PROBLEM:

In this crisis, a man rarely leaves his wife. He understands that the young couple does not suit him in essence. All day and night to be next to a young nymph is beyond your strength, and there is nothing to talk about. With the same age - more interesting. General biography, friends. This is also explained by the fact that in our rapidly changing world the cultural continuity of generations is broken. Modern 20-year-olds find it difficult to answer the question of who Brodsky is, and older people have no idea what “Prodigy” means. The worst thing in this situation is that the wife of her “late Romeo” does not kick out, but simply removes her from family affairs. In Russia, the life of a traditional family is built around the grandmother. Who sits with grandchildren? Who will support the young family with advice, participation and homemade canned goods? Grandmother is now an authority and a formidable social force, and all relatives will condemn and boycott the walking grandfather. Moreover, divorce, most likely, is not formalized. Therefore, the fact is not reflected in the statistics.

Your wife, believe me, is also worried. She has the “closed door” crisis described in the last issue. Plus grandchildren, a dacha, etc. And here you are still jumping on "heifers". Here you need to step on the throat of your belated marriage song. Or perishing to make your sexual raids unnoticed by the second half. And to his wife to sing praises and convince her of her fidelity, even if she sensed something. This is a white lie.

The crisis will pass, but the celebration of life will continue, and it would be good not to be an outcast on it.

Tatiana OGNEVA, Daria ZAVGORODNYA

VICTIMS NOTES

No guys, it's not like that...

I had a rather serious crisis yesterday after I read a material about male crises. As they say, "despair took possession of me." Why? Yes, because my life, it turns out, well, did not succeed at all. Judge for yourself.

How beautifully the period from 13 to 22 years is described! I just want to exclaim: people live! And I ... I didn’t withdraw into myself, I wasn’t disappointed in women, I didn’t knock anyone up. Why, I didn’t even fill myself with love bumps. It's embarrassing, right?

Go ahead. In the period from 35 to 43 years old, everything went wrong for me too. I didn’t survive a divorce, I didn’t get carried away with spiritual practices, my philosophical interest in life didn’t become aggravated. The thought that " female bodies... all the same”, for me it did not become obvious (there are still some differences). Is there something wrong with me again? On the other hand, you can find consolation in the fact that if I didn’t have a midlife crisis, then maybe I myself average age hasn't arrived yet? So, let's live!

It is alarming that for some reason the third crisis (“gray hair”) came on me much earlier than the prescribed 55 years. There is a beard, gray hair too. Children, cottage - everything is in place. The need for "peach cheeks and round bums"? And then! But why should I consider all this a crisis? I don't know, I like it.

And yet, instead of criticizing the theory of three male critical periods(on the sole ground that my personal experience does not confirm it), I want to say that I consider the material of D. Zavgorodnya and T. Ogneva to be the highest degree timely and definitely helpful. By reading it, men will be able to find an excuse for many of their actions, for which they would have been ashamed before ("I'm sorry, dear: the crisis has escalated, if it was not good"). Women will become more tolerant of the light pranks of their lovers. And claims about a late return of a husband home or traces of lipstick on the collar of his shirt will sound softer.
Moreover, women themselves, as follows from our publication on November 10, have 4 crises in their lives, while men have only 3. So, excuse me, girls, you still owe us.

Everyone knows that men, by definition, are considered representatives of the stronger sex of humanity. In principle, such a statement is 100% true, however, even the strongest physically and morally stable person sometimes has such periods in his life when he does not understand where and what exactly he is going for, what he wants in the future, boils in his soul dissatisfaction with their current achievements. The crisis of 30 years in men is just characterized by such manifestations internal state. We will talk about the life of a man at the beginning of his fourth decade in this article.

What is going on

At the age of thirty almost everyone normal man subjected to a thorough analysis of his already passed life path, determines its achievements and fiasco. At the same time, a person finds out that although life has already more or less developed materially, his personality is still far from the desired perfection, and a lot of time was spent completely in vain and he did much less than, in general, he could. The crisis of 30 years for men is, in fact, the moment of maximum reassessment of values, a close and careful review of one's inner "I". Even a successful macho understands that he is already unable to change many things. This is where the desire to “change and change something” arises. The realization of this desire depends on many factors, but in general key points are only willpower, diligence and diligence. After all, it has long been known that folk wisdom, which says that patience and work will grind everything, is more relevant than ever today.

Gender Feature

Most often, the crisis of 30 years in men is manifested primarily in dissatisfaction with their position at work and financial situation. That is why strong people at this moment, they decide to change their profession, while leaving the desire for career heights at the same level.

Typical Behaviors

At the age of 30, a man acquires certain skills and life experience. At this age, the representatives of the stronger sex very often behave on the basis of the three psychological models described below.

“Unstable” are men who do not have any clear goals set in more early age, and continuing to experiment like eighteen-year-old boys. Such people can grab onto a lot of things, but at the same time, none of them will be brought to the end. They have no idea what kind of profession suits them perfectly, what specifically attracts them, and in general they do not strive for certainty and any kind of constancy in life.

The crisis for such men is manifested directly in the fact that they are very inertly floating with the flow of life, destroying themselves from the inside. Although it is fair to say that in some cases the "unstable" are able to achieve a positive result, but this happens in cases where endless experiments help them form a clear basis for the final choice.

Average variant

"Closed" - perhaps the most common category of people. Men of this type quite calmly, without any problems and scrupulous introspection, set goals at the age of 20. They adhere rigidly to the chosen path, are very reliable, but still morally suppressed.

The crisis in such men is manifested in the fact that they may begin to regret that in early years their lives, they did not explore it as much as possible, did not set up experiments. However, courageous people may well use their thirties to their advantage: they begin to destroy their stereotyped “sense of duty” if the peaks they have reached in their careers no longer suit them.

Unrecognized geniuses

"Geeks". Almost every one of them is businessmen, who at one time achieved success before his peers, overcame the most difficult professional trials, climbed to the top, although sometimes he does not stay on it. As a rule, for such adult guys, the line between personal life and work merges into a single whole. From the age of 30, such men begin to be afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know and can do everything. They are also afraid to let people get too close to themselves, because there is an all-consuming fear that someone will be able to find out about their weaknesses and secrets.

Why is the thirty year crisis dangerous?

The severity and drama with which a man experiences a midlife crisis can be different for a number of reasons. This is easily explained, because each person has his own characteristics. Therefore, manifestations can range from an ordinary feeling of inner discomfort, a mild and absolutely painless process of change, to a very stormy, emotional flow of passions that can break the previous well-established relationships with the outside world and are accompanied by the deepest feelings, which in turn may well lead to physical and psychological diseases. character.

Underwater rocks

As practice shows, the age of 30 for a man can bring extremely unpleasant changes in his personal and professional life. Such a moment is especially dangerous for those people who have been married for a long time and have already got children. Indeed, in this case, the man is already quite firmly on his feet: he has his own housing, he may not like work, but at least he provides all the necessary things. At the same time, life has lost its bright colors, a person seems to be walking in a circle and cannot break it in any way, plunging more and more into the abyss of dullness and despondency. The dream is lost, surprises disappear, everything is boring and monotonous. Life with his wife may no longer bring the former bright, voluptuous sensations, and here comes the moment when a business man decides on adultery, which can eventually lead to the destruction of the family, which often has an extremely negative impact on relations with children left without the father’s attention . And what is the result? Of course, divorce and even worsening of the situation. Fortunately, such a scenario is not massive, but it still takes place in our harsh reality.

How to be saved

Age-related problems, which are most common in men aged 30 and older, can be avoided or at least try to minimize their impact. So, in particular, long-term in-depth studies have shown that if a representative strong half humanity married after 25 years, that is, avoided early marriage, then its many features of the crisis (for example, fatigue from family life) will be bypassed. In addition, those men who have a further, real prospect career development, are also less susceptible psychological problems at the specified age. Quite calmly pass the thirty-year milestone and people who are constantly developing as individuals and striving to become better, paying attention to self-learning. In many cases, the psycho-physiological health of a man also directly depends on whether he is able to diversify his life, bring a “zest” to his family, which would strengthen the relationship between all relatives, make him take a fresh look at his other half. In addition, a clear realization that a lover or new wife in no way, under any circumstances, will save from the occurrence of a personality crisis, it also contributes to the normal course of a man's life in the period from 28 to 35 years.

Conclusion

Of course, even under such rather favorable conditions described above, longing can still overtake a person. However, he will be able to develop his future without destroying the present. In this case, the crisis of 30 years for men will have a favorable outcome: there will be a feeling of self-confidence, new goals will appear on the life horizon, and the desire to be responsible not only for themselves, but also for their family will increase.

The man's health will be preserved if he passes safely given period. To do this, he will need to gather all his will into a fist and try to get hung up on problems. Considered to be one of the most effective methods overcoming the crisis is to deepen their professional knowledge and skills. It is also recommended to concentrate on your personal tasks, find new interesting goals, break out of the extremely pessimistic "never" and "everything is bad." To some extent, a person should be selfish in order to immerse himself in his inner world and understand your current needs. As a result, the crisis will completely pass, and the man will save his family, increase his achievements and once again feel a burning desire to live. And in general, it is necessary to remember the wisdom spoken by the ancient king Solomon, which sounded like: “Everything will pass. And that too."

Your man entered the age of 35-40 years, and you increasingly began to notice inexplicable changes in his behavior? Do you love your husband, but have completely ceased to understand him? So, it's time to find out what a midlife crisis in men is!

What it is

Psychology is firmly established in everyday life, so the phrase "midlife crisis" today no longer surprises anyone. But few people are aware of the reasons that turn a loving and caring family man either into a selfish teenager, or into an “alpha male”. Having stepped over the threshold of 35 years, a man can suddenly and inexplicably change his worldview, habits and motivation.

The consequences can be very different: from changing jobs to leaving the family. Apathy, depressive states, panic attacks, periodic sprees or hard drinking, the search for a new “love of life”, unmotivated aggression towards family members (especially towards the wife) and other negative changes in behavior complete the picture. The situation is aggravated by the fact that the wife is also going through a midlife crisis at this moment. However, the midlife crisis in women manifests itself in a completely different way, which further exacerbates the situation in the family. Husband and wife no longer understand each other, which often leads to divorce or strong resentment that destroys the family. What can a woman do if she sincerely wants to help her husband overcome his midlife crisis? First of all, learn to recognize its beginning and understand the causes of its occurrence.

Gray hair in a beard...

Psychology considers the midlife crisis in men as an absolutely normal phenomenon. Almost every second man aged 35 to 42 is faced with this phenomenon, but not all of them have it acutely. If during this difficult period of life, a loving and understanding wife turns out to be next to her husband, then such an age crisis does not last very long and does not have devastating consequences for the family. How long can this state last? With a favorable set of circumstances, such a crisis passes in a year and a half.

If a man is faced with misunderstanding or attempts of violent control by his wife, then he may leave the family or begin to show aggression. In this case, the symptoms become more pronounced, and the man simply "indulges in all serious." The crisis is dragging on, and only some out of the ordinary event can resolve it. Therefore, much depends in this situation on the woman. Knowing the causes and the ability to recognize the symptoms of this age crisis in time will help keep the family together and help your loved one survive it.

Bes in the ribs...

How does this age crisis manifest itself in men? What are its reasons? It all depends on the person's personality. Here are some of the most common causes leading to this condition.

The first reason: revision of life attitudes and motivation. The age of 35-40 years is the middle of a person's life. Having reached this age, a man begins to analyze and compare his own and other people's successes and achievements. The realization that life is passing pushes him to sudden changes in behavior. This age is often perceived as the last attempt to "jump into the outgoing train", to do everything that there was neither time nor energy for before. Hence the sudden change of interests, change of place of work and field of activity, passion for extreme sports;

Reason two: fear of impending aging. Not only women are afraid of impending old age. A man begins to notice age-related changes (an emerging tummy, muscle flabbiness, baldness), and this frightens him greatly. Many at this age manifest various chronic diseases, which is also not encouraging. It seems to a person that another couple of years, and he will turn into a useless old man. A man begins to take care of himself intensely, he develops an interest in fashionable clothes, new friends and acquaintances appear, the way of spending free time changes. Sometimes the fear of old age results in panic attacks or hypochondria, and then the man becomes a regular at clinics and medical sites;

Reason three: the first symptoms of erectile dysfunction. Many men in their 30s experience the initial signs of fading. sexual attraction. In addition to natural causes, this is greatly facilitated by an unhealthy lifestyle, hormonal changes and environmental conditions. Fear of becoming impotent makes a man pay attention to new sources of arousal. He begins to look at young women, which quite often leads to betrayal. It is important to understand here that the point is not that he has ceased to excite own wife, but in a fundamental search for new sensations that only a mistress can give. wife disclosure love relationship on the side often leads to divorce. According to statistics, most divorces at this age are due to the infidelity of the spouse;

The fourth reason: growing up children. By this age, husband and wife are again together. Children no longer require as much attention and care as they used to. "Now I want to live for myself!" - the man declares and indulges in all serious. This is especially evident in those families where there is no real respect and understanding. When a wife tries to restrict her husband's freedom, he is quite capable of rudeness and aggression towards her;

The fifth reason: changes in the behavior and appearance of the wife. If the spouses are the same age, the situation is aggravated by the midlife crisis in women, which the wife is experiencing. Although it does not manifest itself so clearly and has completely different symptoms, a man cannot help but notice that his wife has become more rigid and strong-willed, trying to command and control him in every possible way. Assessing the appearance of his wife, which changes greatly due to age-related hormonal changes, the husband comes to the conclusion that she has ceased to take care of herself. Reproaches and accusations begin in the direction of the wife, that it is she who is to blame for everything;

The sixth reason: stress and poor adaptation to the existing life situation. Life is full of stresses, and resistance to them decreases every year. The inability to find oneself in life often leads to apathy and depression. A man can begin to abuse alcohol, make new unreliable friends. In a word, he begins to behave like a teenager who cannot find his place in life.

How does it manifest

What can be expected from a person in this age crisis? Psychology knows several options for the possible development of events.

Option one: your man is successful and strong-willed person. Having crossed the 35-year milestone, he has already managed to achieve a lot in life and start a family. This is where boredom and fear overtakes a man, that everything is behind him. It begins to seem to him that he has already managed to do everything that is possible, and nothing more interesting awaits him. Life flows measuredly and calmly, next to his wife, whom he loves and respects, but, unfortunately, she is no longer as inspiring to exploits as it was in her youth. Work, home, work... and so on every day! There is something to fall into despair! By the way, the midlife crisis in women can also have this reason, it is especially acute in business ladies who have managed to make a career and see a lot.

Bored, the man begins to look around in search of new sensations. In this state, he can make an unexpected decision to change not only the place of work, but also the field of activity in general, or even quit it altogether, deciding to “think more about the soul.” Naturally, such behavior does not find approval from the spouse. But it does not matter, because there are many young girls who are ready to look at an accomplished and self-confident man with admiration and adoration! And the man does not just go on a spree ... he sincerely falls in love! He needs not so much sex as the feeling that he is needed and irreplaceable. He really wants to feel like a hero again, and his wife knows not only all his advantages, but also his shortcomings. So our "hero" finds himself new love, and then leaves the family, or even files for divorce. Another thing is that in a couple of months he may regret his hasty decision, but there is already a new wife nearby and there is no turning back.

Option two: your husband is a good family man and wonderful person but nothing special stands out. He doesn't have a lot of money to work. female attention he is not spoiled, and in general is not too pretentious in life. In this case, the midlife crisis manifests itself in a different way. There comes a moment in a man's life when he realizes that "everything is passing by" and he will not be able to change much. He becomes depressed, becomes apathetic or, conversely, too anxious. He begins to pay attention to his physical condition, look for symptoms various diseases. Often this is accompanied by a panic fear of death or the development of an incurable disease. A man tries to explain his state of mind by misunderstanding on the part of his wife, begins to accuse her of all sins. Cheating in this case is quite rare, they are based on the desire of a man to catch up and feel young again.

Naturally, for loving wife neither the first nor the second scenario is suitable. How to be? What can a wife do if her husband is going through a similar age crisis?

To understand and to forgive

First of all, be patient. Sooner or later, your husband will return to the person you once loved. And now your task is to help him get through this. life test. The advice of psychologists can help with this:

1. Become your husband's friend. Your man, more than ever, needs understanding. Help him talk, encourage conversations about his inner experiences. Support him in every possible way and inspire optimism. Make it clear that you accept him by anyone, do not forget to talk about your love for him;
2. In no case do not become a "mom"! Attempts to control or nurture a husband can lead to the fact that he begins to behave aggressively or even leave the family! Your task is to support it, not solve all the problems!
3. Take care of yourself! The midlife crisis in women that you are experiencing at this moment requires your attention no less than the problems of your husband. Take a critical look at your appearance and think about what you can change about it. Take care of your health. Find yourself a new hobby and go out more often. Your task is to become interesting to your husband again, and for this you need to constantly develop, both spiritually and physically.
(Votes: 1, 5.00 out of 5)