24.08.2019
The child went to school and closed. The child does not want to go to school - is this normal? Child doesn't want to go to school - problem teacher
Question: The child does not want to study, is afraid and does not want to go to school. What should parents do?
Let's try to find answers to these questions together.
From the first days of school, a child is presented with a number of tasks that require the mobilization of his intellectual and physical strength. This state can be called a state of internal tension, doubt, and lack of self-confidence.
An educational supervision order is a court order that formalizes a plan made in accordance with the educational benefit in partnership with the child, parents and school, and other agencies if necessary, for a return to regular school attendance.
Further information can be found in the following leaflets. While some schools have programs that meet the needs of gifted students, others may not have the resources to accommodate children with academic needs beyond what the standard curriculum offers.
Such psychological stress, if long enough, can lead to disappointing results: the child becomes inattentive, undisciplined, absent-minded, indifferent to completing tasks. educational tasks, gets tired quickly, falls behind in his studies, and simply doesn’t want to go to school. Can parents somehow help him avoid this, overcome the difficult path “preschooler - schoolchild” without much shock and unnecessary psychological trauma?
Terry Mohaupt, who is a parent coordinator for the Illinois Association for Gifted Children and a father of gifted daughters, immediately saw how some of these options could come into play and lead to effective solutions. Another example took place at Northwestern University's Talent Development Center, where Mohaupt facilitates discussions with parents whose children are enrolled in weekend and summer classes. Many of them report how valuable this opportunity is because their schools - from different communities throughout the Chicagoland area - had so little on offer.
Today it is widely believed that the problem of modern children is the lack of a fundamental vector, a goal in life, the desire to get everything at once. But is it? Maybe it’s not that they know little about what it should be like “ real man", do not participate in public life Do you spend most of your free time at the computer or watching TV?
As many parents have discovered, there is more than one way to make them work for their children. Each of us must assess our child's needs and chart an educational path that is challenging and rewarding. At the same time, we provide our children with an environment to deepen their knowledge and develop confidence in success.
About 80 percent of all children survive school - sometimes more, sometimes less well. The remaining 20 percent experience such big problems, when they are going around the school and they decide to skip school. It affects mainly very sensitive, but also very gifted children, as well as children from socially disadvantaged backgrounds.
Over the past 20 years, our country has undergone such profound and serious changes that this could not but affect the school. More recently, reforms have come to schools. The family has become the main thing in raising children; responsibility for the child’s behavior and attitude towards the educational process now falls entirely on the shoulders of the parents, and this is completely natural - the teacher’s task is to provide the necessary amount of information, and our, parental task is to help our children absorb new knowledge. School has ceased to be the main link in the process of raising a child, and this must be taken for granted. We were left alone with the problems of our children. So let's learn to understand them without relying on outside help. Raising our children is solely our personal responsibility.
The student misses several hours and avoids annoying exams or complaints about absence homework without even going to class. Gradually, absences become more and more common, because the child does not even go to school. Sometimes this can be done even without the parents' knowledge if the student is so qualified and falsifies the parent's signature. When the school finally reaches out to parents, the horror is usually great. It becomes even greater when the child now resentfully refuses to go to school and goes on a school strike.
Why don't children want to study?
The first of September for a preschooler crossing the threshold of school is not only a new backpack, a large beautiful bouquet of flowers and new friends, it is also a rather serious test offered to him by life.
The physical and psychological stress that falls on a first-grader is almost heavier than those experienced by eleventh-grade graduates. Often, even well-prepared children who attended kindergarten and already having basic communication skills, difficulties arise.
Get over your shock, anger or disappointment as quickly as possible and begin to explore the reasons. Because a child who refuses to go to school definitely has a problem. Psychology mainly distinguishes three different reasons school strike. The fear of schools is beginning to expand, according to some psychologists, to some kind of epidemic. More and more students are suffering from insomnia; some symptoms of the disease, such as abdominal pain, cardiac arrhythmia, headache or blood circulation.
Excessive pressure to perform, fear of bullying, or stress with teachers put pressure on children's souls. Hard-working and industrious children are often affected. They do not meet high expectations, and the body reveals what they themselves cannot articulate.
The first year of school is an extremely difficult, turning point period in a child’s life. Its place in the system changes public relations, the whole way of his life changes, the psycho-emotional load increases. Active kindergarten games are being replaced by daily educational activities. Moreover, the classes are not very clear.
One first-grader proudly talked about how she goes to school to become a good student. She listens to the teacher very carefully, does not talk to her neighbor at her desk, learns her letters, but she liked it more in kindergarten, because it was more interesting there, and the teachers also loved her and allowed her to run around.
A heightened form of school anxiety is school phobia. The situation at school is less important here than excessive worry about separation. Family problems or traumatic disorders make it impossible to separate the child from his caregiver. But it is indispensable when it comes to school. School phobia also often affects children who are very guarded by their parents or who are very worried about their parents due to their excessive responsibility for them. In some cases, it is not the child, but the parent who has a separation problem that is passed on to the child and leads to school phobia.
It is very difficult for a first-grader to understand why he came to school; he needs not only to transform from an obedient child into a good student, but also to realize that the main thing is not the ability to “not make noise” or “not to fight,” but to gain knowledge. There is a certain substitution of the concepts of “learning” and “behaving well.” At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this - the student listens attentively, is not distracted during lessons, and accordingly, knowledge will come. But that's not true. The child experiences emotional discomfort due to the uncertainty of ideas about the teacher’s requirements; the task of teaching itself is not clear to him. He reads, solves examples, writes accurately, not at all because it is necessary for his own development, he will simply be praised for it. What if he doesn’t want to be praised, if he wants to play with his favorite doll or roll cars? Then the protest begins. Usually it is expressed in reluctance to go to school, nitpicking about clothes, and tears for no reason. Children cannot always explain their experiences, which is why they throw meaningless tantrums about the dress they won’t wear to school, the fact that they were woken up early, and the porridge for breakfast tastes bad.
Unlike school anxiety and phobia, truancy is not mental disorder anxiety, but a test of courage or the result of a social deficit. Parents are mostly ignorant for a long time. There is hardly a person who has not even missed his school days. However, it becomes problematic when it accumulates. Frequent tails are avoidance behavior: when school gets boring or difficult, you just can't go. Ultimately, a child who does not attend classes shows that he is complacent and unwilling to comply with social norms.
One of the students responded to the teacher’s question: “Natasha, why are you so sad today? Did someone offend you?”, she invariably answered: “My mother forbids me to wear sneakers to school.” One day, the teacher, having met with her mother, made a joint decision to allow the girl to come to class in sneakers (although, of course, a beautiful dark blue dress looks better with shoes). But, having received permission to wear sneakers, Natasha said the very next day that she always wanted to go to school only in boots.
Depending on the reason for the school's refusal, you should provide appropriate assistance to your child. In the case of anxiety at school, the cause is directly due to the school environment and therefore needs to be corrected there as well. Do research with your child and teachers and possibly a psychologist about reasons related to your child's school life. However, what you shouldn't do is helping your child's anxiety by keeping him at home. Vicious circle the fear only intensifies. Strengthening your child's self-confidence and reconsidering changing schools if necessary.
And these are not whims at all. This is a protest expressed in a way that a child can understand. In such a situation, before forbidding a child to wear sneakers, I would advise parents to carefully ask him about what he does at school and how his classmates treat him. It’s most convenient to do this in a seemingly random conversation, and under no circumstances ask “head-on”: “What did you do at school? Don’t the guys offend you?”
If your child has a school phobia, then the reason should be clarified psychologically. Therapy should then be provided that consistently supports the parents. It is especially important to ensure that your child attends school regularly, even if they feel unwell or complain of pain. Supporting avoidance behavior does not reduce anxiety, but rather increases it. It is also very important to inform teachers here. You should receive appropriate instructions for working with a child who is maintaining therapy.
If your child is a truant, then you need to. Set appropriate limits for your child and support him with clear expectations that cannot be overridden. Attending school is compulsory in Germany and your child should understand this. A child who accepts his parents as authority will also obey certain social conventions, such as attending school regularly.
Even if they offend, few people admit it - this is not a kindergarten, “schoolchildren do not slander their parents.” It is easier for your child to remain silent than to expose himself as a sneak or a loser. Therefore, it is best to start such conversations from afar, accidentally remembering one of your classmates or an event in which the class took part. Never rush, have patience and you may learn more than you intended. Hurry up - the child will close himself and next time he will be more careful when entering into dialogue.
If your child refuses to attend school, you should refrain from blaming or fining them. There is always a reason for school refusal - and that's the whole point. Often, our partially inflexible school system and outdated or undereducated teaching staff are responsible for your child's lack of education.
As several statistics show, about ten percent of those born leave school without a degree. This is more than 000 teenagers per year. The phenomenon of school fatigue is increasing, to the point of school failure. This means extremely poor job prospects for those affected, the loss of well-educated workers and for early school leavers who are worried about their future. What can the school, parents and I do to turn around?
So, we found out that from the first days of school, the child faces a number of tasks that require the mobilization of his intellectual and physical strength. How can we help him realize the need for “work for one’s own sake”? Of course, you can talk to him about the future, talk about those who studied poorly and did not go to college. This is very helpful information, especially for a first-grader, for whom “institute” and “space” are equally far away, and maybe space will even be closer. Any talk about a happy future at this age is pointless! Children live in the present. Naturally, they dream, but, I assure you, it is not at all about how they will become doctors or famous mathematicians, for them future career- This is a means of acquiring a new toy or the opportunity to go to the park for rides. And how then can you explain to a little person the importance of attending school, convince him of the need for a complete and final break with “kindergarten” ideas about classes?
This is how a student describes how she slipped into the walk in a classic, very typical way. School avoidance is a symptom that hides unresolved conflicts, such as individual, family, social or educational problems. This could include things like bullying, language problems, domestic violence, overuse mass media, financial needs or illness.
This phenomenon usually occurs at the end of the sixth, beginning of the seventh grade and reaches its peak in the eighth. However, this is only the perceived starting age. The roots of problems grow earlier. The reluctance, slow, frequent days of illness preceding are not yet perceived as absenteeism, but can be seen in retrospect as a harbinger.
Please do not forget that, despite new status, your child is still small, you should not tell him about his future going to college or how he will become a “janitor”. Try to get by simple examples and motives: “It’s so good to know a lot! How can we go on vacation to Egypt in the summer when you haven’t learned to write the name of this country beautifully?” etc. The new social situation of development requires a special activity from the child—learning.
Early warning sign for truancy
Basically, it's just the deadline hours that are missed, then certain, disliked subjects, and then whole school days: many of the indicators are perceived as ordinary normal "outliers" in school life that are not particularly disturbing. But if they add up, teachers need to be aware. These are the most important early warning signs.
Many delays and absences with dubious pretexts or a completely valid reason for the absence of a significant decrease in productivity passive behavior: constant daydreaming inside “notch” passivity, frequent visits to the toilet attracts attention: running, provocative transparent behavior of deviant social behavior: property damage, don't lie teacher No integration into the classroom. "You may notice on early stage“,” says educator Thorsten Burmann from the University of Paderborn, “these children are then absent at other times, they get hooked, for example, also from negotiations about the family dinner table.”
When a child comes to school, educational activities there is no such thing yet, no one is engaged in solving complex mathematical problems, the lessons are more of an educational nature than scientific, many of them are structured in the form didactic games. Therefore, we can talk about educational activities as a way of developing the ability and desire to learn. This is a special specific task for the junior school age. Unfortunately, the child cannot understand this specificity; the activities offered to him at school do not in any way correspond to his personal desires; he needs specifics that he can evaluate himself and tell his parents about. In kindergarten they explained to him quite clearly: if you behave well - well done, if you cleaned the bed after a nap - well done! Didn't run away during the walk - really good job! There is no such thing at school, especially in the first grade, when they don’t give grades, and you endlessly write out some sticks in a notebook, or draw Christmas trees in mathematics, or listen to a book that the teacher is reading. How can he, poor man, know whether he’s doing well or not! And then he goes to the teacher. And everything would be fine if he were the only one studying in the class, otherwise, besides him, there are 29 more people waiting for an assessment of their own work.
Personal relationships are critical
If it’s cool to hug and drink beer in the morning in a clique, taking a step towards your own absenteeism is not enough, because for this there is recognition from the group.
How common is school refusal?
First of all, students from primary, secondary and special education institutions were affected, but not many of them had passed through some of the other schools before. Not many of them also started in high school and went through stubborn school refusals after three or four other types of schools.Children from families in which either the pressure to perform is extremely high or, conversely, where an “all-inclusive attitude” predominates, are especially at risk. Both are true in all layers. In addition, school failure particularly affects migrant families, socially disadvantaged families and those who do not have a clear system of rules and values. But even socially unobtrusive families can be affected.
One second grader answered the question: “How are things at school?” answered: “I don’t know.” And he did not deceive, he sincerely did not know how he was doing: it seems that he is not scolded, it seems that he is not praised, and if he is praised, it is for activities that are absolutely incomprehensible to him. And any incomprehensible activity leads to “brain lull.”
A special feature of studying at school is receiving scientific knowledge. Only in school, where the main part of the activity is the acquisition of scientific knowledge, are special conditions created for exclusively intellectual activity.
Critical phases are breaks in biography, i.e. relocations, changes in school, or deaths in family and friends. Basically, all situations involving the loss of caregivers as a trigger for school refusal. Parents should take countermeasures in a timely manner. Even with good intentions, small white lies, such as unauthorized extensions of vacation or even apologizing for not wanting to be in school, can encourage children to become exhausted in school.
School disinterest often transfers from teacher to student
Relationships, participation and perspectives are what young people need, this is the conclusion of Thorsten Bührmann's research. He advises schools throughout the Federal Republic. When he asks teachers at conferences whether they enjoy going to school and look forward to school, the questions are often denied.
In the family, in the yard during a walk, in a game small man acquires everyday concepts, but within the walls of the school his task is to master theoretical and practical first scientific knowledge and skills. Throughout all years of schooling, the child is taught to learn, but in elementary school, when this type of educational activity takes shape and is formed, this task is the leading one.
But how can you explain to a child that “drawing carrots” is the path to future science? Many parents believe that nothing special needs to be explained to children: “He must do his homework! He must!”, there is another wonderful argument: “This is now your job, you must study! And if you get bad grades, I’ll never buy you anything again.” What if the child begins to study poorly, and not at all because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t, is not able to comprehend the material at a given pace, or has missed something somewhere and can’t catch up on his own? This also happens often. It is very important not to miss the moment when the child ceases to understand educational material when completing what you think is a completely elementary task turns into a problem for him. It doesn't have to happen in the first days of school or even in the first year, but one day you will encounter it one way or another. How to behave with a child in such a situation?
It seems that many parents have encountered a problem when a child flatly refuses to go to school. Reasons why children refuse to attend educational institution, are different, and therefore the solutions to the current situation are also different.
If the child entered first grade or moved to new school, most likely, his reluctance to attend classes is due to period of adaptation, which lasts differently for each child. Some quickly get used to everything new, actively get to know each other and show themselves, while others, on the contrary, are shy, uncommunicative and rarely make contact first - it can be more difficult for such children to get used to a new class, and they need more time.
According to experts, the adaptation period lasts 2-3 months. If it drags on for a long time, you should try to talk with the child, find out how things are going at school, without being satisfied with the answer “Good” or “Normal”. Questions must be posed in such a way that the son or daughter cannot answer them in monosyllables.
Perhaps the student has a problem conflict with teacher or classmates, which should be resolved in a timely manner, without leading to hysterics and psychological trauma in the child. The first thing you should do is talk to class teacher. If the problem cannot be solved, there is no need to persuade the child to wait and convince him that everything will work out sooner or later. It is better to take him out of school or transfer him to another class. This is quite possible and not scary. The main thing is that the child feels that he is under reliable protection.
One more common cause the reluctance of a son or daughter to go to school is failure in one or more subjects. Unable to master the material on their own due to lack of self-confidence or other reasons, the student abandons his textbooks. It is quite logical that the child does not want to go with unlearned lessons, and he decides to delay the unpleasant moment of being called to the board.
What is the reason for such fear? The reluctance to seem stupid and funny, or the pursuit of good grades, which are required in order to receive praise from parents?
If this is indeed the case, parents should consider: Are they setting too high demands on their child? After all, a child is a person who, like any adult, has his own characteristics, interests, and his own view of the world. A child should study because he is interested, and not because his parents want it.
This problem can also be solved through talk. It is worth talking with the teacher to understand the essence of the problem that has arisen and find adequate ways to solve it, and with the child himself to understand what he wants.
Besides, parents should ensure that the child learns homework every evening, without delaying it until the night. Now is the time to remember again that all children are different. It must be taken into account that even if there are older children in the family who learned their lessons independently and always successfully, this does not mean at all that youngest child will also be able to perform independently homework in the same capacity. It is important to convince the child that he is talented, smart and can master the subject. You should also remember that the main thing is not the assessment, but the knowledge gained. 
Another reason that is often found among students primary school, - This child's disappointment in school as such. Children who have attended some kind of clubs or classes up to this point rarely experience disappointment, because they are already ready to work. Difficulties arise with children who only attended kindergarten. It is especially important for such children to tell the whole truth about school, without trying to lure the child vivid descriptions. You can tell your preschooler that he will have to try himself in different areas and find new friends, which is always attractive. In addition, the child must be prepared for the fact that in order to make the lessons interesting, they need to work, something that elementary school students are not yet ready for.
It is also important to remember that a child’s reluctance to go to school may also be associated with banal fatigue due to heavy workload at school, clubs and sections. Correcting the situation is quite simple: parents should personally adjust the child’s schedule and daily routine so that the student has enough time to rest and go for walks.
