Download as a woman wants full version. Read the book “As a woman wants. Master class on the science of sex" online in full - Emily Nagoski - MyBook. What I didn't like

"As a woman wants. Master class on the science of sex" - a book that will help you get rid of complexes and understand many important issues. It is intended primarily for a female audience, but men can also find a lot of interesting things in it.

Emily Nagoski, physician, sex education expert. She has been studying and researching sexuality and psychology for over 20 years. Emily posts periodically science articles on these topics and they are always popular. The book “As a Woman Wants” was published in Russia in 2016.

Every woman often experiences certain doubts and complexes, which often negatively affect her sex life. Sometimes this concerns weight problems: after all, the media industry, with enviable persistence, instills in us certain beauty standards that the majority of the population does not fit into. Or it may refer to the inability to achieve vaginal orgasm. Some even consider themselves frigid. And women who have been sexually assaulted are sometimes afraid to enter into any relationships with members of the opposite sex. Or in married couple who has spent more than one year together, suddenly everything disappears sexual attraction. One way or another, over time these complexes develop into serious ones. psychological problems, which can poison the rest of your life.

In his book, the author answers everything in detail current issues, explains cause-and-effect relationships and provides numerous examples. She also gives recommendations that are aimed at solving certain problems. The book is written in the style of a warm, pleasant conversation. You get the feeling that you were talking to your mother, who also has professional education behind your shoulders. After reading this book, you will look at the world with different eyes!

As the woman wants. Master class on the science of sex

Emily Nagoski

The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Simon & Schuster Paperbacks

New York London Toronto Sydney New Delhi

Published by permission of SIMON & SCHUSTER, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Published in Russian for the first time

Introduction. Yes, you are completely normal

Being a sex education expert means answering questions endlessly. I had to stand in the middle of the college cafeteria with a full plate in my hand and talk in detail about orgasm. I arrive at a conference and they stop me in the hotel lobby strangers to ask about vibrators. Once I was sitting in the park and reading the news in social network, and then a question came from a stranger about the asymmetry of her genitals. Students, friends, friends of friends, and strangers endlessly send me questions about sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, and pain associated with sexual relations, about orgasms, fetishes, fantasies, discharge and a host of other things.

Here are some examples of such questions.

* When my partner takes the initiative, I willingly play along with him. But I never seem to suggest sex myself. Why?

* My boyfriend says: “You’re not ready yet, you’re completely dry.” But I know that I’m still ready. Why isn’t it wet between my legs?

* I've seen programs about women who don't enjoy sex because they're always unhappy with their bodies. This is just about me. How can I get rid of this habit?

*I read somewhere that sometimes women in long-term relationships become uninterested in sex, even if they still love their partner. This is exactly my case. What can you do to want sex with your partner again?

* I think I urinated during orgasm...

* I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm...

Behind each of these questions lies one and the most important: “Am I even normal?” (And almost always the answer is yes.)

In this book I have collected answers to a wide variety of questions. I saw dramatic changes in those who received answers based both on the latest scientific evidence and on examples of women who understood the sexual side of their lives and changed their relationships. own body. These women became the heroines of my book. By telling their stories, I really hope to empower you to forge your own path and realize your sexual potential.

The True History of Sex

There are many books, TV programs and blogs about sex in the world. Why do we still have so many questions about topics related to it?

The problem is that these texts and programs lied to us. Not on purpose, I think, but nonetheless. For a long time in scientific and medical circles Western world female sexuality was seen as a lighter version of male sexuality: almost the same, but a little worse. For example, it was generally believed that since a man achieves orgasm during intercourse, that is, inserting the penis into the vagina, then a woman should also achieve orgasm during intercourse. Otherwise, there is something wrong with the woman.

In reality, only 30% of women consistently achieve orgasm during intercourse. The remaining 70% succeed during sexual intercourse only sometimes, or even never - but they are all completely normal and healthy. A woman is able to achieve orgasm with a mass in various ways: during oral sex, during manual stimulation, during nipple stimulation, with the help of vibrators, and sometimes from sucking a toe - and during sexual intercourse, orgasm may not occur at all. And this is not a deviation from the norm.

Previously, it was believed that since in men the reaction of the genitals reflects the emotional state (that is, if the penis is erect, then the man really feels aroused), then the female genitals should reflect the emotional state of the woman. And again, for some women this is true, for others it is completely different. A woman may be completely healthy and normal, but experience nonconcordance, where the genital response (wetness or dryness) is inconsistent emotional state(feeling of excitement or lack thereof).

It was assumed that since men experience spontaneous arousal, then women should also become completely spontaneously aroused. It turned out, however, that this is true, but not always. Completely healthy and normal woman may never experience spontaneous arousal: her sexual desire occurs only in situations with obvious erotic overtones.

Current page: 1 (book has 30 pages total) [available reading passage: 7 pages]

Emily Nagoski
As the woman wants. Master class on the science of sex

Emily Nagoski

as you are

The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Published by permission of SIMON & SCHUSTER, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

© Emily Nagoski, PhD., 2015

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2016

* * *

Introduction
Yes, you are completely normal

Being a sex education expert means answering questions endlessly. I had to stand in the middle of the college cafeteria with a full plate in my hand and talk in detail about orgasm. I arrive at a conference and strangers stop me in the hotel lobby to ask me about vibrators. One day I was sitting in the park and reading news on a social network, and then a question came from a stranger about the asymmetry of her genitals. Students, friends, friends of friends and strangers endlessly send me questions about sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, as well as pain associated with sexual relations, orgasms, fetishes, fantasies, discharge and a host of other things.

Here are some examples of such questions.

When my partner takes the initiative, I willingly play along with him. But I never seem to suggest sex myself. Why?

My boyfriend says: “You’re not ready yet, you’re completely dry.” But I know that I’m still ready. Why isn’t it wet between my legs?

I've seen shows about women who don't enjoy sex because they're always unhappy with their bodies. This is just about me. How can I get rid of this habit?

I read somewhere that sometimes women in long-term relationships become disinterested in sex, even if they still love their partner. This is exactly my case. What can you do to want sex with your partner again?

I think I urinated during an orgasm...

I don't think I've ever had an orgasm...

Behind each of these questions lies one and the most important: “Am I even normal?”(And almost always the answer is yes.)

In this book I have collected answers to a wide variety of questions. I saw dramatic changes in those who received answers based both on the latest scientific evidence and on examples of women who understood the sexual side of their lives and changed their relationship with their own bodies. These women became the heroines of my book. By telling their stories, I really hope to empower you to forge your own path and realize your sexual potential.

The True History of Sex

There are many books, TV programs and blogs about sex in the world. Why do we still have so many questions about topics related to it?

The problem is that these texts and programs lied to us. Not on purpose, I think, but nonetheless. For a long time, in scientific and medical circles in the Western world, female sexuality was viewed as a lighter version of male sexuality: almost the same, but a little worse. For example, it was generally believed that since a man achieves orgasm during intercourse, that is, inserting the penis into the vagina, then a woman should also achieve orgasm during intercourse. Otherwise, there is something wrong with the woman.

In reality, only 30% of women consistently achieve orgasm during intercourse. The remaining 70% succeed during sexual intercourse only sometimes, or even never - but they are all completely normal and healthy. A woman can achieve orgasm in a number of different ways: through oral sex, through manual stimulation, through nipple stimulation, with vibrators, and sometimes from toe sucking - and during intercourse, orgasm may not occur at all. And this is not a deviation from the norm.

Previously, it was believed that since in men the reaction of the genitals reflects the emotional state (that is, if the penis is erect, then the man really feels aroused), then the female genitals should reflect the emotional state of the woman. And again, for some women this is true, for others it is completely different. A woman can be completely healthy and normal, but experience nonconcordance, where the genital response (wetness or dryness) does not correspond to the emotional state (feeling arousal or lack thereof).

It was assumed that since men experience spontaneous arousal, then women should also become completely spontaneously aroused. It turned out, however, that this is true, but not always. A completely healthy and normal woman may never experience spontaneous arousal: her sexual desire arises only in situations with obvious erotic overtones.

Women and men are different from each other.

But excuse me: both women and men experience orgasms, desire, and arousal. Men also experience both conditioned desire and inappropriate arousal and do not achieve orgasm when the penis is inserted into the vagina. Both women and men can release fluid during intercourse. Both women and men fall in love, fantasize, masturbate and do not always understand everything about sex. Both experience ecstatic pleasure at times. Both explore their fantasies, sometimes forbidden, and encounter unexpected and incredible manifestations of sexuality in different situations - including the fact that sex may disappear from their lives altogether. So... are women really that different from men?

The problem is that we tend to think about sex in terms of behavioral responses, rather than in the context of the biological, physiological and social processes underlying this behavior. We pay attention to physiological manifestations: blood pressure, genital discharge, heartbeat. We talk about behavior itself: what we do in bed, with whom and how often. Numerous sex books tell you how many times a week on average couples have sex or how to achieve orgasm. Of course, there are certain benefits from such books. But if you want to know what human sexuality is, then you can't focus only on behavior: it's like trying to understand what love is by looking only at the wedding photos of a happy couple... and their divorce papers. A simple description of events: two people got married, then divorced - will not help us much. We want to know why and how this happened. Maybe the two fell out of love with each other after the wedding and that’s why they got divorced? Or were they never in love with each other and they were forced to get married, and then they finally got divorced? Without knowing the details, we are just guessing.

Until recently, people talked about sex in much the same way - mostly guesswork. We are now at a turning point in the study of sexual relationships, because scientists are moving beyond just describing how sexual responses occur and are finally starting to understand why and how these responses occur. We are getting closer to understanding the processes underlying a variety of behavioral manifestations.

In the last decade of the 20th century, researchers Eric Jansen and John Bancroft of the Kinsey Institute for the Study of Sex, Gender and Reproduction developed a model of human sexual response that provides fundamental insight into sexual behavior. According to this “dual control model,” our brains have a pair of universal elements, the gas pedal and the brake pedal, that control responses to sexual stimuli, including genital stimulation, visual imagery, and emotional context. The sensitivity of each of these pedals varies among people.

It turns out that almost every person experiences sexual arousal, desire and orgasm. But when and how this happens largely depends on the sensitivity of our personal system of excitation and suppression, that is, on the gas and brake pedals and on what kind of stimulus acts on them.

This mechanism underlies human behavior and helps us understand the “how” and “why”. In my book, I adhered to the following rule: we consist of the same elements, but these elements are organized differently for each of us, and over time the organization can change.

This is not to say that someone’s key elements are better or worse organized, and no phase of life can be considered better than others - it’s just that everything changes. An apple tree is healthy no matter what type of apples grow on it. At the same time, apples of the same variety need direct sunlight, while others are better off growing in the shade. An apple tree is equally healthy at the seed stage, as a small sprout, as it turns into a tree, as it loses its foliage with the onset of autumn, and when it bends under the weight of fruits at the end of summer. It is important to understand that at each stage the apple tree has different needs.

You are healthy and normal both at the onset of puberty and development, and when you begin to enjoy yourself and confidently exist in your own body. You are healthy both when you bask in the sun and when you seek shade. And it is true. We are all the same. We are all different. We're all normal.

How is this book organized?

The book consists of four parts: “(Not So) Elementary Anatomy”; "Sex in Context"; "Sex in Action"; "Ecstasy for all." The three chapters of the first part talk about those important elements that each of us receives at birth: the body, the brain and the entire world around us. In Chapter 1, I talk about the genitals: how they work, the meaning we assign to each of their component parts, and the scientific evidence that your genitals are normal and beautiful, no matter what they are. In Chapter 2, we take a closer look at the mechanism of sexual response at the brain level: the dual control model of suppression and excitation, or brake and gas. Then, in Chapter 3, I'll talk about how your inhibitory and arousal mechanisms interact with other brain systems and with outside world and what determines what impact (stimulating or suppressive) a particular sensation or person will have on you at a particular moment.

In the second part of the book, Sex in Context, we will reflect on how all organs and systems behave in the context of emotions, relationships, body image and sex. Chapter 4 examines the two basic emotions, love and stress, and their conflicting effects on sexual responses. In Chapter 5, I'll describe how society and culture shape and limit sexual expression and how you can embrace the positive and protect yourself from negative influence external environment. We're learning that context—external circumstances and your mood—has just as much influence on sexual health as your brain and body. If you master and begin to apply the information in these chapters, your sex life—and your life in general—will be transformed.

In the third part of the book, Sex in Action, we will talk about sexual response, and I will debunk two long-standing and dangerous myth. In Chapter 6, I will show that sexual arousal is not always directly related to what happens in the genitals. We will learn why the nonconcordance that I already mentioned is quite normal. After reading chapter seven and hearing someone use the expression “sexual attraction”, you will think: “What nonsense, sex is not just attraction.” I will explain how “adaptive desire” works. If you or your partner have ever noticed a change in interest in sex - an increase or decrease - you should read this chapter with special attention.

In the fourth part of the book, Ecstasy for Everyone, I will explain how to gain complete control of your sex life and achieve peak sexual pleasure. Chapter 8 is about orgasm: what we know is true and what is not; how to achieve orgasm, and the kind they write about in books. In Chapter 9, I'll talk about the most important thing you can do to improve your sex life. In general, let me tell you right now: it turns out that the most important thing is not what elements we are made of and how these elements are located, but what we feel in relation to each of these elements. By understanding and accepting your own sexuality, you create a context that creates the conditions for achieving maximum and even ecstatic pleasure.

In several chapters you will find questionnaires and assignments. For example, in Chapter 3, I'll suggest thinking about times when you've had great sex and what environmental factors influenced that. This is how research data and scientific calculations turn into practical advice and techniques that can transform your personal sex life.

Throughout the book, I tell stories from the lives of four heroines: Olivia, Merritt, Camille and Laurie. I created these four images based on numerous stories of real women who attended my lectures, spoke with me, sent me questions about e-mail. Each of these images is like a collage of photographs: the face of one woman, the hands of another, the legs of a third... and the images turned out to be quite complete, because I found a logical way to connect the individual fragments.

There is a “Summary” section at the end of each chapter. Here I briefly reiterate the main ideas of the chapter. So if, while reading, you suddenly think, “Wow, my friend should definitely read this,” or “I wish my partner knew about this,” you can start by showing them 1
I say “they” and “they” so I don’t have to write “he or she” all the time. It’s easier to include in the context of the story wide range different stories, including homosexual relationships.

A couple of caveats

First of all, when I write “woman”, I mean everyone who has the body of a woman, who was raised as a girl and is now within social relations identified as a woman. There are many women who do not meet the entire set of criteria, but are confirmed by research data on the sexual side of the lives of transgender people 2
Transgender is a term for people whose gender identity (social sex) does not match the sex they were assigned at birth. Note translation

And genderqueer 3
Genderqueer is a term for people who do not fully conform to either a male or female gender identity. Note translation

Very few, and I can't say what's true for cisgender people 4
Cisgender is a term for people whose social sex (gender) matches their biological sex. Note translation

For women, this is also true for transgender people. This may be true, but I still want to emphasize that I am talking primarily about cisgender women in this book. And by the way, it’s okay if some of these words are not completely clear to you.

Secondly, I am inspired by the role of science in women's sexual health, and I worked hard to include research that can help women learn to live in their own bodies with pleasure and confidence. As I debated whether to include the results of certain studies in the book, I kept asking myself whether this information would help women improve their sex lives or whether it was just an interesting puzzle. So, I crossed out the puzzles.

In the book I left only data that directly affects our daily life. That’s why you won’t find here a complete and comprehensive history of female sexuality: I think that a whole book wouldn’t be enough for such a story. But I included many stories that I learned from students and clients that illustrate ideas about female independence, the right of each of us to pleasure, and ways to achieve sexual health.

The purpose of my book is to offer a new and evidence-based perspective on female sexuality and sexual health. As is often the case with innovative opinions, my approach raises questions and challenges hitherto accepted theories. If you want to dive deeper into the topic, use the source links provided in the notes, as well as large-scale and comprehensive research, based on the results of which I tried to formulate clear and practical recommendations.

If you or someone you know is unable to achieve harmony

One more thought before we move on to Chapter 1. Remember when I said we've all been lied to, but it's no one's fault? Now I want to explain the damage such lies cause.

Many women come to my lectures, sign up for my seminars and read my blogs, convinced that something is wrong with them and their body is not working correctly. They feel abnormal. They are also confused, devoid of hope and constantly worried, because neither doctors, nor psychologists, nor partners, nor friends, nor relatives help them find the information they need. They are told: “Just relax and drink wine,” or “Women just don’t want sex that way, so calm down,” or “Sometimes sex isn’t very pleasant. Forget and get over it."

I understand the confusion and despair of these women - and in the second part of the book we will talk about the neurological side of the process by which people see neither joy nor hope. I will offer scientifically based methods to help you get out of such a trap.

For now, what you need to know is this: the information contained in this book will help you realize that everything you experience in connection with your own sexuality (problems with arousal, desire, orgasm, pain, lack of sexual sensations at all) is the result of normal the functioning of your sexual response mechanism... in an abnormal world. You are normal - it is the world around us that is not normal. And this is quite bad news.

A good news is that when you understand how your sexual response mechanism works, you will take control and external environment, and your own brain to maximize your sexual potential even in an imperfect world. And when you change your environment and your brain, you will change the sexual side of your life.

I saw how, with the help of the information I provided, women radically changed their sex lives, and men learned to find mutual understanding with their partners. I've watched same-sex partners turn to each other and say, "Oh, so that's what it's all about!" Students, friends, blog readers, even fellow sex educators ask the question again and again: “Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before? This explains everything!”

I know for sure that this book can help you. It probably won't solve all problems related to sexuality, especially since in our culture a woman often finds herself in a situation where, no matter what she does, everything will be “wrong.” But by using the tools I have suggested, you will definitely begin to heal your wounds.

Why am I so sure? I know from experience, of course! At the end of one semester, I asked all the students (there were one hundred and eighty-seven of them) to write down what was the most important thing they heard in my class. Here, for example, are the answers I received.

"I'm normal!"

« I'm normal».

“I learned that everything that happens Fine. Thanks to this, I can continue to live with confidence and joy.”

“I found out that I’m normal! And I realized that for some people desire arises spontaneously, while for others it occurs only as a reaction to external factors. “I have clarified a lot about the events of my personal life.”

“All women are different! And just because my sexuality manifests itself differently from others, I cannot be considered abnormal.”

"U different women sexual desire, arousal, reactions manifest themselves in different ways.”

“The most important thing I've learned about sexuality is that everyone is very, very different.”

“Everyone is different, and everyone is equally normal; no two are alike.”

“No two people are alike!”

I sat in my office and read these answers with tears in my eyes. It turns out that it was extremely important for the students to receive confirmation that they were normal, and my lectures allowed them to believe this.

I promise that no matter where you are in your sexual journey, whether you're completely satisfied and want it to get better, or you're suffering and looking for answers, you'll definitely discover something that will improve your sex life and change the way you understand sexuality and sexuality. relationships. You'll see that you're sexually whole and healthy—even if you're not entirely sure about it yet.

Science confirms this. And I will prove it to you.

Emily Nagoski

As the woman wants. Master class on the science of sex

Emily Nagoski

as you are

The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Published by permission of SIMON & SCHUSTER, Inc. and literary agency Andrew Nurnberg

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

© Emily Nagoski, PhD., 2015

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2016

Introduction

Yes, you are completely normal

Being a sex education expert means answering questions endlessly. I had to stand in the middle of the college cafeteria with a full plate in my hand and talk in detail about orgasm. I arrive at a conference and strangers stop me in the hotel lobby to ask me about vibrators. One day I was sitting in the park and reading news on a social network, and then a question came from a stranger about the asymmetry of her genitals. Students, friends, friends of friends and strangers endlessly send me questions about sexual desire, arousal, pleasure, as well as pain associated with sexual relations, orgasms, fetishes, fantasies, discharge and a host of other things.

Here are some examples of such questions.

When my partner takes the initiative, I willingly play along with him. But I never seem to suggest sex myself. Why?

My boyfriend says: “You’re not ready yet, you’re completely dry.” But I know that I’m still ready. Why isn’t it wet between my legs?

I've seen shows about women who don't enjoy sex because they're always unhappy with their bodies. This is just about me. How can I get rid of this habit?

I read somewhere that sometimes women in long-term relationships become disinterested in sex, even if they still love their partner. This is exactly my case. What can you do to want sex with your partner again?

I think I urinated during an orgasm...

I don't think I've ever had an orgasm...

Behind each of these questions lies one and the most important: “Am I even normal?”(And almost always the answer is yes.)

In this book I have collected answers to a wide variety of questions. I saw dramatic changes in those who received answers based both on the latest scientific evidence and on examples of women who understood the sexual side of their lives and changed their relationship with their own bodies. These women became the heroines of my book. By telling their stories, I really hope to empower you to forge your own path and realize your sexual potential.

The True History of Sex

There are many books, TV programs and blogs about sex in the world. Why do we still have so many questions about topics related to it?

The problem is that these texts and programs lied to us. Not on purpose, I think, but nonetheless. For a long time, in scientific and medical circles in the Western world, female sexuality was viewed as a lighter version of male sexuality: almost the same, but a little worse. For example, it was generally believed that since a man achieves orgasm during intercourse, that is, inserting the penis into the vagina, then a woman should also achieve orgasm during intercourse. Otherwise, there is something wrong with the woman.

In reality, only 30% of women consistently achieve orgasm during intercourse. The remaining 70% succeed during sexual intercourse only sometimes, or even never - but they are all completely normal and healthy. A woman can achieve orgasm in a number of different ways: through oral sex, through manual stimulation, through nipple stimulation, with vibrators, and sometimes from toe sucking - and during intercourse, orgasm may not occur at all. And this is not a deviation from the norm.

Previously, it was believed that since in men the reaction of the genitals reflects the emotional state (that is, if the penis is erect, then the man really feels aroused), then the female genitals should reflect the emotional state of the woman. And again, for some women this is true, for others it is completely different. A woman can be completely healthy and normal, but experience nonconcordance, where the genital response (wetness or dryness) does not correspond to the emotional state (feeling arousal or lack thereof).

It was assumed that since men experience spontaneous arousal, then women should also become completely spontaneously aroused. It turned out, however, that this is true, but not always. A completely healthy and normal woman may never experience spontaneous arousal: her sexual desire arises only in situations with obvious erotic overtones.

Women and men are different from each other.

But excuse me: both women and men experience orgasms, desire, and arousal. Men also experience both conditioned desire and inappropriate arousal and do not achieve orgasm when the penis is inserted into the vagina. Both women and men can release fluid during intercourse. Both women and men fall in love, fantasize, masturbate and do not always understand everything about sex. Both experience ecstatic pleasure at times. Both explore their fantasies, sometimes forbidden, and encounter unexpected and incredible manifestations of sexuality in different situations - including the fact that sex may disappear from their lives altogether. So... are women really that different from men?

The problem is that we tend to think about sex in terms of behavioral responses, rather than in the context of the biological, physiological and social processes underlying this behavior. We pay attention to physiological manifestations: blood pressure, genital discharge, heartbeat. We talk about behavior itself: what we do in bed, with whom and how often. Numerous sex books tell you how many times a week on average couples have sex or how to achieve orgasm. Of course, there are certain benefits from such books. But if you want to know what human sexuality is, then you can't focus only on behavior: it's like trying to understand what love is by looking only at the wedding photos of a happy couple... and their divorce papers. A simple description of events: two people got married, then divorced - will not help us much. We want to know why and how this happened. Maybe the two fell out of love with each other after the wedding and that’s why they got divorced? Or were they never in love with each other and they were forced to get married, and then they finally got divorced? Without knowing the details, we are just guessing.

An extremely necessary and disgustingly published book: a soft and instantly frayed cover, a stupid picture (compare with the original), a translation of the title that is far from the original ("Come As You Are"), some problems with the editing - I noticed the words mixed up at least twice , in whose place there clearly should have been others. The book, however, is not written very well for a science fiction writer: constant semantic leaps “we need to talk about... although no, I’ll tell you about it in two chapters,” a lot of water, endless conversations of fictional characters and an overabundance of metaphors in which at some point you get lost and you completely forget what kind of gardens, hedgehogs and rings of omnipotence these are, and what relation they have to the structure of the brain and the human psyche. It’s terribly annoying, I highly recommend reading it with a pencil: you’ll see a long-described metaphor, immediately write down a short definition that you understand on the flyleaf, then you’ll start referring to the definition more than once.

And yet, this is the most useful book on female sexuality that I have seen in the last couple of years. You can read it and not look at my blog for six months - you’ll have enough pumping, and by that time I’ll have mastered something else exciting.

Why do I think the book is useful?

First, I immediately trusted Nagoski when she detailed the main question women ask her: “Am I normal?” - because this is the most frequently asked question, which is asked to me myself. Everyone wonders if they are okay if they (almost all) do not fit into cultural norms. But in fact, not everything is in order with our culture, and we are just okay, and if the author of sex guides does not see this gap and talks not about the development of each individual’s individuality, but about ways to get closer to the norm, he has no faith.

Secondly, the writer treats her readers very carefully. For example, it warns before chapters about trauma after sexual assault, who may find this text painful, and it rare case in guides to female sexuality - at least in Russian.

Thirdly, Nagoski is very realistic. She addresses the book to cisgender women (that is, those with the same biological and social sex), knowing that this is not the only type of woman. She understands how much people bring into each relationship from previous ones (to the issue of violence, the attempts of which women face almost without exception). Realizes that most people, due to upbringing or something else, strive for monogamy and associate their happiness with this, therefore he considers different variants paired unions and tries to suggest ways for their long-term preservation. In particular, he gives examples of intra-pair communication.

Fourthly, the author is again realistic, and talks about sex not as a thing in itself and a technique that can be learned, but as an ordinary human function that is influenced by everything, including stress, mood, habitual rules of behavior and the surrounding reality. The best aphrodisiac is the ability to relax and start doing what you want, and the most effective method become sexier - stop learning how to have sex and start admiring your own body.

Fifthly, the book is full different exercises, I started making them myself. If something works out, I'll tell you.

Overall, I seriously recommend the book to both women and their partners because it helps reduce unrealistic expectations from sex life, reduce tension and bridge misunderstandings associated with our ignorance of most physiological and psychological processes in the sexual life of women. Well, as a result you will get much more pleasure.