What is a person’s personal space? Psychology. Practical psychology: human personal space

Personal space is a part of the surrounding world that belongs to one person.

In other words, each of us has a personal space, and any intrusion into it without our consent affects us negatively.

Personal space can be any property (house, apartment, car) or territory, which is a continuation of the physical shell of a person. The size of such a territory depends on where a person lives. If he lives in a city, where the population density is greater than in the village, he will have much less personal space than a rural resident.

There are several types of personal territory:

— intimate space (from 20 to 50 cm). For us, intimate space is very important - we protect it as if our life depended on it. We allow only the closest people there;

— personal space (up to 1 m). We keep this distance with people we know well. But unfamiliar people can also enter the personal space zone. This usually occurs in crowds, parties or other events;

— social space (from 1.5 to 3 m). If we communicate with strangers, we try to keep such a distance from them. This is the only way we feel comfortable;

— public space (more than 3 m). At this distance we prefer to keep people in whom we have no interest.

Have you noticed how uncomfortable you feel in a large crowd? In queues or in a crowd, many of us get irritated, become quick-tempered and ready to lash out for any reason. The reason is simple: the whole point is that the boundaries of the zone of personal and even intimate space have been violated. Therefore, to feel confident and calm in any situation, always keep your distance. And don’t come too close to anyone, and don’t let others invade your personal space.

❧ There is such a technique in psychology: in order to confuse your interlocutor and make him feel awkward, you need to enter his intimate zone. So don't let them do this to you!

If a person tries to get too close to you, show that you don't like it. If he continues to try to invade your personal space, it is better to stop contact and continue communication another time.

Unfortunately, sometimes it is impossible to avoid close contact with other people. Let’s say, in an elevator, on public transport, at a concert, whether you like it or not, you are forced to come into contact with others.

To reduce Negative consequences invading your personal space and not putting other people in an uncomfortable position, follow simple rules:

- do not look directly at the faces of people who are standing opposite;

- don’t talk too loudly;

- gesture with restraint, do not wave your arms;

- no matter what happens, keep a neutral expression on your face;

- don’t look at other people’s clothes, even if they seem strange to you.

The most unpleasant thing is to find yourself in the heart of a crowd. After all, a cluster of like-minded people forms a common personal space and protects it as a single whole, as one person. If this space is violated, even verbally, the crowd becomes aggressive and uncontrollable. This is why it is so scary to get into a crowd.

If you find yourself in the heart of the crowd, try to quickly get somewhere closer to the edge or leave completely dangerous place. After all, people pressing from behind can crush you, but in no case can you resist the crowd. Otherwise, you may never get out of it alive!

Types of personal space

People's personal property is a type of personal space.

Pay attention to how car owners behave with “ordinary” people. It’s as if they weren’t people at all! Motorists seem to isolate themselves from the rest of the world with the help of cars. The car represents protection for them, which prevents the outside world from violating their personal space.

❧ Psychologists have established: if you want to establish contact with your interlocutor, do not act as if this person’s property is your property! Leaning on a table in the house of an unfamiliar person, it’s as if you are declaring that the house belongs to you. Thus, you are invading the personal space of your interlocutor.

If you even unintentionally “encroach” on another person’s property, don’t expect pleasant communication! Most likely, they will feel bad for you negative feelings, you will only cause discontent and negativism.

Do not violate the personal space of others! This especially applies to unfamiliar people people with whom you would like to establish close contact. Do you communicate with your classmates? Don’t rush to immediately switch to a familiar, familiar attitude. It is quite possible that this will cause aggression and even rage towards you. First, find out about the interests of the other person, his inclinations and hobbies, and only after that try to get into closer contact with him.

But what if you would be happy not to advertise your life, but your parents mercilessly interfere in your affairs?

Try to explain to them that you are old enough to decide some issues on your own. No, this does not mean that you should remain silent, like a partisan, and not answer a single question from mom or dad!

Share your experiences with them, but only those that you consider necessary. Your parents will be happy if you are open enough. After all, they are not your enemies at all! Sometimes their experience and knowledge are necessary to solve difficult life situations.

Would you say that they are constantly lecturing? Well, moral teaching is a thing from which you cannot escape. The most important thing is that mom and dad love you for who you are. And they read morals because they want you to be happy! So they are trying to impose their own model of happiness.

Listen to them and take some things into account. You don't have to do everything exactly as you're told. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to your parents' opinions. Believe me: they have more life experience than you, and your duty as a child is to listen to what they tell you and take note. It's up to you to decide whether to follow their advice or not. But don't hurt your parents' feelings! Don't let them feel left out of your life.

Isn’t it difficult for you to consult with them or find out the opinion of mom or dad on this or that issue? And they will be very pleased with this: it means that you value their opinion, it is important to you!

Therefore, do not start a stupid and senseless struggle for independence. It will bring you nothing but ruined relationships and negative feelings.

Thousands of books and articles have been written about how animals and birds mark and defend their territory, but we only recently learned that humans also have their own territory. When this became known, a lot became clear. People were able not only to understand the reason for their own behavior, but also to predict the reaction of their interlocutors.

Let's remember some obvious things...

American anthropologist Edward T. Hall was one of the pioneers in the study of human spatial needs. In the early 60s, he introduced the word “proximics” (from the English proximity - “closeness”) into use. His research in this area forced us to look at human relationships with others in a completely new way.

Each country has a territory that is limited by strictly defined borders, sometimes guarded with arms in hand. Each country has its own small territories - states, counties, republics. Within these small areas there are even smaller ones - cities and villages, which, in turn, are divided into suburbs, streets, houses and apartments. The inhabitants of each such territory are infinitely devoted to it and often go to any extent of cruelty in attempts to protect it.

Territory is a zone or space that a person regards as his own. It's as if she is an extension of his body. Each person has his own territory. This is the zone that exists around his property - the house and garden surrounded by a fence, the interior of the car, the bedroom, the favorite chair and, as Dr. Hall discovered, even the air space around his body.

In this chapter, we will talk specifically about this airspace and about people’s reactions to the invasion of it.

Personal space.

Most animals have a strictly defined space around their body that they consider private. The size of this space depends on the conditions in which the animal is located. A lion living in the vast savannahs of Africa may consider fifty kilometers or even more as his personal space, depending on the density of the lion population in that area. He marks his territory with urine. On the other hand, a lion living in a zoo, together with other lions, may consider only a few meters as his personal territory - a direct result of overcrowding.

Like other animals, man has his own “air cap”, which is constantly around him. The size of this “cap” depends on the population density in the place where the person grew up. In addition, the size of the airspace is also determined by the cultural environment. In countries like Japan, where population density is very high, personal territory may be small, but in other countries people are used to open spaces and do not like to be approached too much. But we are talking about the territorial behavior of people who grew up in Western society.

Social status also plays a big role in determining personal space. In subsequent chapters, we will discuss at what distance a person prefers to stay from others, depending on his position in society.

Zones.

Radius of the “air cap” around white man belonging to the middle class and living in Australia, New Zealand, England, North America or Canada, is almost the same. It can be divided into four main zones.

1. Intimate area (from 15 to 45 cm).
Of all the zones, this is the most important. A person views it as personal property. Only those closest to her are allowed to intrude on her. This can be afforded by lovers, parents, spouses, children, close friends and relatives. In inner zone(i.e. closer than 15 cm) can only be invaded during physical contact. This is the most intimate area.

2. Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.22 m).
We stand at this distance from others at parties, official receptions, friendly meetings or at work.

3. Social zone (from 1.22 to 3.6 m).
If we meet strangers, we prefer that they stay at this distance from us. We don't like it if a plumber, a carpenter, a postman, a salesman, a new colleague, or just a person we barely know came closer to us.

4. Public area (over 3.6 m).
When we turn to large group people, then this distance is most preferable for us.

Practical use.

Other people invade our intimate area for two reasons. Firstly, these could be close friends, relatives or people who have sexual intentions towards us. Secondly, invasion of the intimate area may be carried out with hostile intentions. If a person can still withstand the presence of strangers in the personal and social zone, then the invasion of the intimate zone causes physiological changes in our body. The person's heart rate increases, adrenaline is released into the blood, blood rushes to the brain, and the muscles tense in an unconscious attempt to repel the attack.

This means that when you give a friendly hug to a person you just met, he may treat you very negatively deep down, although outwardly he will smile and show sympathy so as not to immediately offend you. If you want people to feel comfortable in your company, keep your distance. This Golden Rule which should always be followed. The closer your relationships are with other people, the closer you can get to them. For example, new employee may feel that his colleagues are treating him coldly, but in reality they are just keeping him at a social distance. As they get to know him better, this distance will decrease. If the relationship goes well, the new employee will be allowed to invade the personal areas of colleagues, and in some cases even intimate ones.

If two people don't press their hips together when kissing, it says a lot about their relationship. Lovers always press their whole bodies against each other and strive to penetrate the partner’s most intimate zone. This kind of kiss is very different from a non-binding kiss during New Year's Eve or from a kiss with your spouse. best friend. During such kisses, the partners’ hips are at a distance of at least fifteen centimeters from each other.

The only exception to this rule is space determined by a person's social status. For example, CEO of a large company likes to spend weekends fishing with his subordinates. When fishing, they can invade each other's personal and even intimate areas. But at work, the director will keep his friend at a social distance. This is the unwritten law of social division.

The crowd in theater lobbies, cinemas, elevators, trains or buses leads to the inevitable invasion of intimate areas by completely strangers. The reaction to such an invasion is interesting to watch.
Here is a list of unwritten rules that Westerners strictly adhere to when caught in a crowd, a crowded elevator, or on public transport:
1. You should not talk to anyone, not even your friends.
2. You should avoid visual contact with others at all costs.
3. You must hide your feelings - any display of emotions is unacceptable.
4. If you have a book or newspaper, you should read it completely.
5. The more people there are, the fewer movements you should make.
6. In elevators, you should focus on the floor numbers that light up above the door.

We often consider people who have to commute to work during peak hours public transport, unhappy, pitiable and depressed. These labels are stuck to them because of the blank expression they maintain during the trip. But this is just a common prejudice. The observer sees only a group of people adhering to certain rules due to the inevitable invasion of privacy by strangers in a crowded public place.

If you doubt this, pay attention to your own behavior when deciding to go to the cinema alone. When the usherette takes you to your seat and you are surrounded by a sea of ​​unfamiliar faces, analyze your own behavior. You, like a programmed robot, will obey unwritten rules of behavior in in public places. Once you start getting into a territorial conflict with stranger sitting behind you, you will immediately understand why those who go to the movies alone prefer to enter the theater only after the lights have been turned off and the film has already started. Whether we are in a crowded elevator, in a movie theater or on a bus, the people around us cease to be individuals. It’s as if they don’t exist for us, and we don’t react to the invasion of our intimate zone, obeying long-established rules of behavior.

Angry crowd or demonstration united common goal, acts completely differently from an individual if his territory is encroached upon. Here the situation is completely different. As crowd density increases, each person has less and less personal space, creating feelings of hostility. That's why the larger the crowd, the more aggressive and uglier it is. In such a situation, unrest is inevitable. This is well known to the police, who always try to break up a crowd of naga into several small groups. Finding personal space, a person always becomes calmer.

Only in last years Governments and urban planners have taken notice of the impact that dense housing developments have on people. A person living in such an area is deprived of his personal territory. The effects of high density and crowding were revealed during observations of the deer population on James Island, located two kilometers off the coast of Maryland in the Chesapeake Bay in the United States. Many deer died, despite the fact that they had plenty of food and water, there were no traces of predators, and no infection was rampant on the island. Previously, scientists conducted similar studies on rats and rabbits. The same results were obtained. The deer died from overactive adrenal glands caused by stress from the reduction of their personal territory due to population growth. The adrenal glands are playing important role in the growth, reproduction and resistance of a living organism. It is overcrowding that leads to a physiological response to stress, not hunger, infection, or aggressive actions of others.

In light of all of the above, it is easy to understand why crime rates in areas with high population densities are much higher than in less populated areas.

Investigators often use personal space invasion techniques to break down a criminal's resistance during interrogation. They sit the person being interrogated on a fixed chair without arms in the center of the room, invade his personal and intimate area by asking questions, and remain there until they receive an answer. Often the criminal's resistance is broken almost immediately after the invasion of his intimate area. Managers use the same approach to obtain information from subordinates who may, for some reason, withhold it. But if the seller tries to resort to such a technique, he will make a grave mistake.

Rituals associated with space.

When a person is given a private space that is protected from others, such as a seat in a movie theater, a seat at a conference table, or a towel hook in a sports locker room, his behavior becomes very predictable. Usually a person chooses the largest space between two people present and sits in the middle. In a movie theater, audiences most often prefer a seat in the center between the person sitting in the row and the last seat. In a sports locker room, a person will undoubtedly choose the hook where there is most space, between two other towels or halfway between the last towel and the end of the rack. The purpose of this ritual is very simple: a person strives not to offend others by getting too close to them or, conversely, moving too far away from them.

In a movie theater, if you choose a seat that is not halfway between the last person seated and the end of the row, that viewer may feel offended by those that you sat too far away from him, or afraid that you were too close to him. Therefore, the main purpose of such an unconscious ritual is to maintain harmony.

The exception to this rule is public toilets. Studies have shown that in 90 percent of cases people choose the most extreme toilet, but if it is occupied, then the same principle of the golden mean comes into play.

Cultural factors influencing territories and zones.

A young couple who moved from Denmark to Sydney were offered to join a local club. A few weeks after their first visit to the club, several women complained that the Dane was harassing them. They began to feel awkward in his presence. The men decided that the young Danish woman was non-verbally letting them know that she was quite available sexually.

The fact is that for many Europeans the intimate distance is only 20-30 cm, and in some countries it is even less. The Danish couple felt quite comfortable being 25cm away from the Australians. They were completely unaware that they were invading their 46 centimeter intimate zone. The Danes are accustomed to looking intently into the eyes of their interlocutors, unlike the Australians. As a result, the owners got a completely wrong impression of their new neighbors.

Invading the intimate area of ​​a member of the opposite sex is a way in which people show their interest. This behavior is often called flirting. If intrusion into the intimate area is undesirable, the person retreats to the required distance. If the courtship is met with approval, then the person remains in place and makes no attempt to keep his distance. What was normal behavior for the Danish couple was considered sexual harassment by the Australians. The Danes decided that the Australians were cold and unfriendly because they always tried to keep a comfortable distance for them.

Spatial zones for city dwellers and rural residents.

Personal space necessary for a person, is related to the population density in the area of ​​his residence. Those who grew up in sparsely populated rural areas require more space than those living in crowded capital cities. Watching a person reach out to shake hands makes it immediately clear whether he lives in big city or came from the village. Citizens respect their usual 46-centimeter personal zone.

Two men from the city greet each other. This is exactly the distance between the wrist and the body. This allows the hand to meet the other person on neutral ground. Those who come from rural areas, where people are used to living freely, may consider a meter or even more to be their personal territory. Therefore, they extend their hand in a completely different way, trying to maintain a comfortable distance for themselves. Villagers are used to standing firmly on the ground. When greeting you, they lean towards you with their whole body. A city resident, on the other hand, will step forward to shake your hand. People who grew up in sparsely populated or secluded areas always need more space. Sometimes six meters is not enough for them. They do not like handshakes, but prefer to greet each other from a distance.

Such information can be very useful for city sellers who go to countryside sell agricultural equipment. Knowing that a farmer may consider a meter to two meters a personal zone and that he may regard a handshake as a territorial encroachment, an experienced salesperson will prefer not to set up a potential buyer negatively or antagonize him. Experienced sellers have long noticed that sales are much more successful if they greet a resident of a small town with a distant handshake, and a farmer from a sparsely populated area with a simple wave of his hand.

Territory and property.

He considers a person's property or any place that he constantly uses as personal territory and may enter into a fight to protect it. A car, an office, a house - all this is a territory that has a clearly defined boundary in the form of walls, gates, fences and doors. Each territory is divided into several subterritories. For example, a woman may consider the kitchen and her bedroom to be her personal territory in the house. She won't like it when someone intrudes while she's busy. own affairs. Every businessman has his own favorite place at the conference table, employees often sit at the same table in the cafeteria, and each father of the family has his own favorite chair. To mark his territory, a person can leave his things on it or use it constantly.

People sometimes even carve their initials on “their” place at the table, and businessmen put ashtrays opposite “their” chair, put pens, notepads or hang clothes, thereby limiting the comfortable 46-centimeter zone. Dr. Desmond Morris noted that a book or pen left on a reading room table would keep your seat unoccupied for 77 minutes, and a jacket hung over the back of a chair would guarantee a full two hours. A family member can mark a favorite chair by leaving personal items on or near it, such as a pipe or a magazine, to show their ownership of the seat.

If the head of the family invites the merchant to sit down and he completely unintentionally takes “his” chair, the prospective buyer will be so excited by this invasion of his territory that he will forget about the purchase and concentrate only on defense. A simple question like: “Which chair is yours?” - will help defuse the situation and avoid making a territorial mistake.

Cars.

Psychologists have noticed that people drive their cars very differently from how they behave in real life. Everyday life. The concept of territory in a car changes dramatically. It seems that the car magically affects a person's personal space. Sometimes personal space can increase 8-10 times. The driver feels that he can claim 9-10 meters in front of and behind his car. When another car appears in front of him, even if the possibility of an accident is excluded, the driver begins to get irritated, and sometimes even attack the other car. Compare this situation to an elevator. A man enters the elevator, and the one who tries to get ahead of him is already invading his personal territory. But still, the normal reaction in such a situation will be unambiguous: the person will apologize and let the other person go ahead. On the highway, everything happens completely differently.

Some people consider their car to be like a protective cocoon in which they can hide from outside world. They drive slowly along the side of the road, almost sliding into a ditch, but nevertheless, they are just as dangerous as those who rush in the left lane, considering the entire road to be their property.

Conclusion.

Others may accept or reject you depending on how respectful you are of their personal space. This is why a sociable person who constantly pats you on the shoulder or tries to touch you during a conversation causes subconscious rejection in the interlocutor. When assessing a comfortable distance for your interlocutor, you should take into account many various factors. Only after this can you make any conclusions as to why the person kept a certain distance from you.

Any, even the most ideal relationship sooner or later they become colder. And the reason for this is not a lack of love. Most often, the main thing is the need for personal space and... The average relationship goes through three stages:

Stage 1. A fairy tale in reality

At the beginning of a relationship, both partners devote all their time to each other. They tend to go for walks more often, play sports together, visit friends and parties. – the question is rhetorical. One thing is clear - without the opportunity to hug or even touch a loved one, a feeling of discomfort arises; you want to immediately find out where he is and what he is doing. During the first weeks or months, such relationships are like a fairy tale, because mutual understanding reigns between the partners, they know everything about each other, the interests, habits and preferences of the other half. Communication brings only pleasant emotions, but living separately plunges you into depression.

Stage 2. A little everyday life

Over time, constant closeness gets boring. No, love does not go away - a desire for personal territory appears, the boundaries of which are inviolable. Partners lose interest, the need to share plans or thoughts, and strive to be alone. The thought creeps into your head that love has passed, and this is not surprising. After all, strong and trusting relationships cease to be the same.

Stage 3. “You don’t love me!”

When such changes occur, lovers think that their other half has stopped loving them or is even having an affair on the side. Control and demands to be together all the time begin. This behavior is most often attributed to a woman, because a man is considered more freedom-loving and striving for independence. The image of a husband going fishing or Soccer game, and a wife who is trying to disrupt these plans. But men, zealously defending the right to their own territory and hobbies, often infringe on women in this desire. They seek to control her contacts with friends and demand that free time she was at home, prohibited from attending parties or other events. But representatives of the fair sex also strive for personal space. When faced with similar relationships on the part of a partner, they naturally demand equality. Very rarely, after all this, a couple maintains a relationship. If this succeeds, one of the parties remains oppressed or submits, sacrificing its interests.

The main reason for these disagreements and disagreements is the lack of personal space. It is caused by childhood ideas about perfect couple who is only happy together. In reality, such relationships are doomed to failure. You cannot start creating them without understanding that each person is an individual, and he requires a certain amount of free time and territory. No one likes constant monitoring or the need to account for every minute of free time spent apart.

In addition, reliable and stable relationships are the basis. If you are sure that your loved one will not betray you and will support you in any situation, checks and unnecessary questions are ineffective. Otherwise, ask yourself: “Do I need such a relationship?” After all, constant jealousy and wasted nerves will not lead to results. Calls every half hour, hundreds of SMS messages, checking emails and hacking pages in in social networks– women explain this behavior by the desire to keep their loved one, but they rarely manage to achieve their goal. The result of such relationships is a break.

After all, a person’s need for a certain freedom is as natural as the need for communication, respect or love. By depriving your other half of the right to independence, you not only infringe on her, but also jeopardize your own happiness.

What not to do if you strive for personal space in a relationship:

Devote all your free time

Is your loved one going to a match of his favorite team? Don’t rush to buy a whistle and become an ardent football fan - let the man be in the company of friends. At this time, you can meet with friends or organize shopping. But even if you stay at home and read a book, you should not call your loved one or write SMS messages - he will think that you are busy with something very interesting and will want to return home as soon as possible.

Caring too much

Remember how shy little children feel when their mothers kiss or hug them in front of their friends? It’s just as unpleasant for your significant other when you treat her with excessive care. No, within reasonable limits this is good, but constantly asking an adult if he is hungry or reminding him about his hat is pointless. After all, before meeting you, he managed calmly on his own - and remained healthy, well-fed and did not suffer from vitamin deficiency. Accordingly, he is now able to take care of himself on his own.

Control

Nobody likes when someone tries to control him. Calls every half hour or SMS messages a hundred times a day can drive even the most patient and calm person crazy. And if you also wait for him at the entrance to work or check his location, you can forget about normal relationships.

Forbid

Each person in the process of development and maturation has formed his own habits or hobbies. Let your partner remain as he is. With all the shortcomings and habits. After all, you loved him for who he is - so why remake your soulmate? If he likes to go fishing or visit the golf club every weekend, you should not insist on a joint picnic or a trip to his parents. Better take some time for yourself or organize a meeting with friends.

Blame

Is your loved one late at work? Or visited friends? You should not greet him with tears, the phrases “You don’t love me,” or a reproachful look. Asking for forgiveness or explanations does not add positivity and does not guarantee that this will stop in the future. On the contrary, they destroy the desire to be with you.

Check

Remember that the foundation of a strong relationship is trust. If you read your loved one's text messages, check new phone numbers, or eavesdrop, he feels cornered. Disappointment from the fact that they do not trust him and try to check every word or follow every step, love will win over time.

These six rules will allow you to take your relationship to the next level. new level, adding a little trust, mutual respect and...

3 ways to ensure your personal territory is respected and make your feelings burn with renewed vigor.

Personal territory

We are not talking about separate bedrooms. In the West, this tradition is very common, but here it has not yet taken root. Personal territory can be a small shelf or a separate workplace. There is only one rule - only the owner can have access to it. Even if your significant other's desk is in chaos, don't clean it. Let your loved one know that no one will rummage through papers or rearrange things - this will make the relationship more trusting.

Spend time away from each other

If on vacation in different cities or even countries, few would agree, spending just a couple of hours a day separately is a completely doable task. Go to a fitness class or visit a beauty salon, and let your loved one meet with friends or go hunting. At the same time, constant calls are definitely unnecessary. Let your loved one be alone with himself, and you will see that after the break you will rush to each other with new feelings.

Don't tell everything

Conversation is important and necessary. But there are situations when there is simply no desire to speak. There is no need to forcefully explain the reason for this condition. It is much better to say that you want to be alone and are not in the mood to talk. If your partner loves you, he will definitely understand and will not insist.

In each couple, everything develops individually. And the time that partners spend together depends only on their characters and preferences. But if a man and woman love each other, they will always find a compromise. Provide your partner with a territory whose boundaries no one crosses, and free time, which he can dispose of at his own discretion. As a result, coming home every day and sharing news will be a pleasant need, not a duty. 2-3 hours a day are useful because they give you the opportunity to get bored and give new sensations. And the confidence that your significant other trusts you and is not looking for confirmation of your words is simply pleasant.

If you strive to create a relationship based on mutual understanding and love, do not violate the other person's personal space. Awareness of freedom allows both parties to feel happy and confident in each other. Don't demand your loved one to be together all the time and don't control him/her. But don’t let anyone violate your personal space - you have the same right to it as another person. Remember: only by maintaining freedom and not demanding constant reports from your partner will you create a strong union based on trust and mutual respect.

Every person has personal space, and it implies a certain comfort zone where he feels calm and confident. Personal territory should be inaccessible to strangers.

Pharaohs ancient egypt they didn’t even allow those who had served them faithfully for years to approach them, and at French balls guests danced at a certain distance from each other, without touching their dance partners.

Traveling in crowded transport, large crowds of people on the streets, cramped apartments, annoying advertising companies- this is what constantly violates the boundaries of our personal territory in the modern world.

And how many wars were started because of the reluctance of one country to respect the state borders of another.

Personal space: Any animal is surrounded by a certain spatial zone. They consider this zone to be their own personal territory. How far does this area extend? Depends on how densely populated the habitat is.

Everyone knows that natural instincts have very big influence on human behavior. Therefore, a person also has his own air envelope surrounding his body and its size depends on the population density of people in the place of his residence, national characteristics, social status in society:

Let's consider the average size of a person's personal space:

1. Intimate area (from 15 to 46 cm). Of all the zones, this is the most important, since it is this zone that a person protects as if it were his property. Basically, only those people who are in close emotional contact with him are allowed to enter this zone.

Namely children, parents, spouses, lovers, close friends and relatives. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 cm, which can only be penetrated through physical contact. This is a super intimate area.

2. Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.2 meters). This is the distance that usually separates us when we are at cocktail parties, formal receptions, formal evenings and friendly parties.

3. Social zone (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters). This is the distance we keep from strangers, such as the plumber or carpenter who comes to do repairs on our house, the postman, the new employee at work, and people we don’t know very well.

4. Public area (more than 3.6 meters). When we address a large group of people, it is most convenient to stand at this distance from the audience.

Now let's look at how you can use personal space in psychology and communication:

1) Usually our intimate area is violated by one person or another for two reasons. The first is when the “violator” is our close relative or friend, or a person with sexual intentions.

The second is when the “intruder” shows hostile tendencies and is inclined to attack us. If we can tolerate the intrusion of strangers into our personal and social areas, then the intrusion of a stranger into our intimate area causes various physiological reactions and changes within our body. The heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline is released into the blood, and it flows to the brain and muscles as a signal of our body’s physical readiness for battle, i.e. alert.

2) If you touch the hand or hug a person you have just met in a friendly manner, this may cause him or her to react negatively towards you, even if he or she smiles at you and, in order not to offend you, pretends to that she likes it.

If you want people to feel comfortable, and when carrying out any psychomanipulative actions, follow the golden rule: you need to approach a person in stages, depending on how close you have established emotional contact with him. The warmer and more interesting the conversation, the more intimate our relationships with other people, the closer we are allowed to penetrate into their zones.

For example, a newly hired employee may at first think that the team treats him very coolly, but they simply keep him at a social distance because they don’t know him well.

As his colleagues get to know him better, the territorial distance between them decreases, and eventually he is allowed to move within personal zone, and in some cases penetrate into the intimate area.

3) The distance between two kissers can tell you a lot about the nature of the relationship between these people. The lovers press their bodies tightly against each other and are inside each other's intimate zone.

The distance will be completely different if you receive a kiss from a stranger wishing you a Happy New Year, or from your husband best friend, as both will place their lower body at least 15cm away from yours.

4) Crowding at concerts, in cinema halls, on escalators, in transport, in elevators leads to inevitable intrusion into each other’s intimate areas and it is interesting to observe people’s reactions to these intrusions. Many people try not to talk, even with friends. Almost no one looks directly at others.

The faces are impartial, thoughtful - basically no expression of emotion. If a book or newspaper is in hand, people are completely immersed in reading. The more crowded the transport, the more restrained the movements are. In an elevator, many people only look at the floor indicator overhead.

This all indicates that any person feels discomfort when his personal space is violated strangers, because natural unconscious instinct regards this as a threat or danger. As a result, the brain, in order not to overload itself, goes into a slight trance, and people who are not accustomed to city life even at first get lost in the crowd and forget where they are and where they are going.

But the boundaries of personal territory exist not only at the physical level. It is precisely because of the reluctance of many to take into account the boundaries of their partner’s comfort zone that discord occurs in married couples.

Define the boundaries of personal space in family relationships much more difficult than defending your territory from strangers and people you barely know.

At the beginning of a relationship, two people dream of being able to completely immerse themselves in each other's lives, building life together, but over time the idea of ​​“complete dedication and fusion of interests” becomes less fabulous.

This happens for the reason that each person has his own personal interests, hobbies, which do not always coincide with the partner’s worldview, and there is a discrepancy between the concept of comfort zone and personal space.

The comfort zone protected by everyone includes the opportunity to be alone with oneself at a certain time, to dream alone, to think about pressing problems, without explaining one’s desires to another person.

Of course, it is impossible to draw a clear line under the definition of personal territory, since it is purely individual for everyone and you can only learn about its boundaries from its owner, by asking directly or by noticing through long experiments. But, if you want to build a strong relationship, you need to decide on the boundaries of your partner’s private space in any case.

The boundaries of the comfort zone depend largely on the following points:

1. From the type of character

Extroverts do not set clear boundaries for personal space and can demand that their loved ones devote themselves to the “holy of holies,” while introverts, on the contrary, are very sensitive to encroachments on personal territory.

2. From a person’s self-confidence

Those who are insecure and constantly worry about being betrayed are more susceptible to the desire to “test” their loved ones. They try to check email or SMS, come home from work earlier than the scheduled time.

3. From place of residence and nationality

Residents of megacities, accustomed to being in a confined space with a large number of strangers, attach less importance to maintaining a comfort zone than those who are accustomed to living in spacious houses and who are surrounded by a small number of citizens on the streets.

4. From established traditions in the family

If it is customary in your loved one’s family to read other people’s letters and respond to personal Cell phones tell everyone who passes by them during an incoming call about the problems loudly, then, most likely, there will be attacks on your personal life from outside young man. And all your attempts to distance yourself or point out his incorrect behavior will be perceived at best as a joke, at worst as the most severe insult.

In our society, not even very well-mannered person knows that reading other people's letters, SMS, and checking incoming/outgoing calls is completely prohibited. Some people don’t do this for the reason - “the less you know, the better you sleep.” Of course, there are also people who want to know everything and be aware of everything that happens in the life of another person. Here it is already useless to fight and all that remains is to change the partner.

People having different opinions regarding where a person’s personal space ends, they often cannot understand each other at all.

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Photo: Viacheslav Nikolaienko/Rusmediabank.ru

What does this concept actually represent and isn’t its role in our lives exaggerated? Let's try to figure it out together and understand whether it's worth flaunting a fashionable term in conversation or throwing it out of your vocabulary.

What it is

This refers to the distance at which each of us is comfortable in contact with other people. And, on the contrary, violation of these boundaries is intuitively regarded by us as an expression of aggression. This term includes the concept of property (car, apartment), and the territory adjacent to the human body, and personal time, place, the opportunity to be alone with oneself. Living side by side, we often unintentionally invade vital territory loved one(we read letters, look through phones, re-educate, try to discourage him from his favorite hobby, etc.). And then we wonder why he moves away from us, conflicts and quarrels brew...

In fact, everyone needs personal space, because it protects us from outside intrusions. Therefore, it is so important not only to preserve what is ours, but also not to pose a threat to someone else’s. Of course, if we are interested in building strong relationships. But where to start with the correct balance of power? Psychologists recommend that you first study the features of the living territory of the two main types of characters and apply the knowledge in practice. So let's get started.

Personal space for introverts

They are also called “people within themselves”: they are accustomed to hiding their emotions and experiences in the depths of their souls, and calmness, silence and lack of communication are their leading character traits. For this type of soul, privacy is very important, so even the slightest violation of personal boundaries is considered by them as aggression on the part of a “stranger.” Even if the person closest to you acts as the “aggressor”. What does this mean? A quiet introvert can flare up so much that it doesn’t seem like much, or even bring himself to a nervous breakdown. How not to violate the personal space of this type of character and build a healthy relationship with him?

Firstly, you shouldn’t get too close to him, much less from behind.
Secondly, it is better to stop using the pronoun “we” when referring to you and the introverted person. Even if you come forward with the best intentions (for example, “we’re all having lunch, why aren’t you with us?”) or are actively interested in his affairs (“What are you doing? What is this? Let me see!”), for the person “in himself”, who likes solitude, this is akin to disaster. Is it any wonder that he is not eager to communicate? The most valuable thing an introvert has is the energy that is spent on social contacts. Maintaining “nutrition” is the main task. Therefore, the universal advice is this: if you want smooth and friendly relations with introverts, don’t interfere unnecessarily in their life “ball” (personal space), be friendly, don’t chat a lot, don’t bother them in vain, allow them to live at their own pace of life.

How do extroverts deal with this?

The main feature of extroverts is that they do not have clear boundaries of personal space, and life is unthinkable without communication. They allow many people into their life territory and sincerely do not understand why others do not reciprocate their feelings. Extroverts, unlike the opposite type, draw their energy from people, so do not refuse them communication. Otherwise, you risk finding a grouch and a grumbler instead of a cheerful friend. For the same reason, you should not limit the communication of an extroverted child with other children (for example, parents are in favor). Be prepared that the offspring will suck all the juices out of you, but will receive the necessary amount of energy. Of course, like any source of energy, the communication process for an extrovert also requires recharging. Therefore, you should not pester a loved one with questions if from time to time he withdraws into himself. We assure you: after such a reboot, the extrovert will become the same.

Since extroverts are very hospitable hosts and are happy to let people into their living space, some nuances should be observed for productive contact. First, praise them - approval gives extroverts vitality. Secondly, keep the conversation going if you decide things together. For comrades, this is not chatter at all, but an opportunity to think out loud.

Respecting the boundaries of other people's personal space is our direct responsibility if the goal is equal friendly relations. However, in this matter it is also important to protect one’s own borders from outside encroachment. Only in such a tandem can one derive joy from communication. It is much easier to do this if you already have the necessary knowledge.