How to get rid of pain in the soul. Who suffers more often? Mental and physical pain

There is physical and mental pain. The first one is quite easy to deal with, because modern medicine can quickly determine its source and prescribe the necessary course of treatment. But with mental pain everything is much more complicated. Therefore, many people live with it for years without fully understanding what caused it to appear.

But psychology does not stand still. Having delved into the nooks and crannies of consciousness, experts have learned a lot about the human psyche, in particular how to get rid of mental pain. Following simple tips, you can not only overcome your inner suffering, but also regain lost happiness.

Mental pain: what is it?

It is very difficult to give an accurate description of this phenomenon. After all inner world impossible to measure, touch, and even less see. But at the same time, the sensations of psychological trauma are no less painful than those of a fracture or burn, and sometimes they can be much worse.

So what is heartache? First of all, it is a feeling caused by consciousness in response to emotional shock. Depending on the cause of its occurrence, the pain can be either barely noticeable or heartbreaking. But even after minor shocks, a person feels overwhelmed and broken, as if he had run out of electricity.

And if you do nothing, then soon the pain will be complemented by despair. And when you give up completely, depression will come. But fighting this enemy is much more difficult, and sometimes even impossible without the help of a specialist.

But before you learn how to cope with mental pain, you should understand its sources. After all, this is the only way to overcome her without harming yourself.

Where do emotional shocks come from?

Many are sure that emotional distress can only arise after serious emotional upheaval. For example, the death of a loved one, the discovery of a serious illness, an accident, betrayal, and so on. Naturally, such life shocks will affect a person’s psyche, but the truth is that in most cases, the causes of mental pain are less noticeable reasons.

So, what can disrupt inner harmony and let confusion into your soul?

1. Life behind the mask. IN modern world Often you have to lie, not only to others, but also to yourself. This is necessary to present yourself in a better light - to become more significant. But you will have to pay for the lie with your peace of mind, because our consciousness does not like being played with. And even more so, it will not calmly accept the fact that they want to change it.

2. Unfinished tasks. Quite often, mental pain arises from dissatisfaction with one’s own actions. For example, when, because of work, you have to sacrifice a child’s performance, or when, instead of going to the gym, a person lay on the couch all day. All these unfulfilled dreams, plans and meetings fall like a dead weight on your shoulders and are guaranteed to lead to emotional depression.

3. Impotence. Lack of money, strength, beauty, health, knowledge - this list can be continued for a very long time, but the essence is the same - powerlessness. When a person cannot get what he wants, he suffers.

There's nothing worse than unrequited love

Heartache from love is isolated case. Unlike other troubles, unrequited feelings can hurt greatly. And what more people strives to get the object of his admiration, the stronger the pain digs into his heart.

In such cases, it is often said that the person seems to be drying out. This is partly true, because apart from dreams of his beloved, he is not interested in anything. It becomes completely unimportant what is happening around, what people are around and what to do next.

And in order to save its owner from danger, consciousness sends him an alarm signal - pain. In this way, the brain tries to force a person to look around and understand that it is impossible to live like this any longer.

Three strict prohibitions

Before you begin your own healing, you should remember one thing important rule: Never slide into the abyss of vice. Indeed, during this period the temptation is very great, and, alas, many succumb to it, making more and more attempts to quench their pain with the help of alcohol, nicotine and drugs.

This method not only does not relieve pain, but also increases emotional distress. The feeling of one’s own lack of will complements the already gray picture, pushing one to give up. Having set foot on this path, a person is deprived of the opportunity to reason sensibly, which will certainly lead to defeat.

Therefore, it is worth strictly prohibiting alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. This will not only help you concentrate on finding a solution to the problem, but will also keep you healthy. And, as you know, it is worth its weight in gold. It is much better to get addicted to green tea, it is not only healthy, but can also lift your mood a little.

Awareness is the first step to peace of mind

As stated above, heartache comes in many forms. Therefore, it is important to understand what caused it this time. Having looked into yourself, you should understand your own feelings, how long ago they appeared.

In most cases, the answer lies on the surface, you just have to look a little closer and you will find it. After this, solving the problem will be much easier, because, knowing the enemy by sight, you can build a war strategy.

But sometimes there are several sources of emotional excitement, and they are so closely intertwined that it is difficult to distinguish them from each other. Therefore, even when the main problem is found, you should continue to search, because who knows what else is hidden from view.

Perhaps, at first, such an exploration of one’s own consciousness will not be easy, but you should not stop. Over time, this practice will become commonplace, Furthermore, the brain will begin to take it for granted, opening access to hidden corners of consciousness.

Not all problems can be solved

Sometimes it is impossible to eliminate the cause of mental pain. For example, you cannot resurrect a dead person, erase memories of a loved one, become someone else at one moment, and so on. What to do then? How to cope with mental pain?

Answer: no way. It is simply impossible to completely get rid of such pain, no matter how much time passes. The only thing that remains is to learn to live with this feeling, to accept it as part of yourself. This will help reduce the pain just enough that you can calmly coexist with it.

Although this does not seem like a very happy prospect, it is still the reality. And accepting it means embarking on the path of getting rid of suffering. This is the only way to get the much-desired peace and begin to experience joyful feelings again.

Eat, sleep and walk

Due to emotional stress, the body weakens, and as a result, problems become more and more difficult to deal with. Therefore, it is very important not to forget about things like sleep, food and walks in the fresh air.

1. When going to bed, a person is left alone with his problems, which sometimes makes it very difficult to fall asleep. But you need to understand that without night rest the brain does not work well, which will further aggravate the situation. To fall asleep faster, you should use counting rhymes; they help you to distract yourself and relax.
2. Healthy eating. You should not eat stress with anything, otherwise stomach problems will be added to the mental trauma. It is also worth taking care of your daily intake of vitamins and minerals; they will strengthen not only the body, but also the psyche.
3. Walks. Even though in times like these you might want to hide from the world, you shouldn’t do that. Short walks around the area will not only enrich your blood with oxygen, but also help you unwind a little. The main thing is not to delve into yourself, but to try to catch something new in the surrounding landscape.

Sport is the best doctor

Nothing dispels sadness like active training. Fortunately, in the modern world there are a huge number of all kinds of sports clubs And gyms, so finding the right one won’t be difficult.

Sport can not only distract from current problems, but can also strengthen the will. Will make the mind more resistant to psychological stress and stress. He teaches you to win and overcome own fears and failures.

The most difficult thing in this method is to take the first step, go out the door and go to the right address. And if you still can’t force yourself, then at least you should start doing exercises in the morning. Even if not much, it will help.

Visits to a psychologist

Experts know how to get rid of mental pain. A qualified psychologist will not only help you find the cause of suffering, but will also suggest the most effective ways her decisions. Unfortunately, many people are afraid of such meetings, because, in their opinion, this is a manifestation of weakness, and sometimes even worse - a mental disorder.

But the reality is that a psychologist can really help. And if you make an effort on yourself and turn to him, you can avoid many problems, including the appearance of depression.

But be that as it may, one thing is important - mental pain exists, and we need to fight it. There are many methods for this, but their essence is one - move forward, no matter what happens.

This article will talk about a state when the soul is tormented, suffering, and a person sometimes wants to commit suicide. Because his pain tormented him so much that it was better to resort to the very last option. This is to take your life and be done with it. In fact, this is the lot of weak people, and if you are like that, then I hope that this article will be of benefit to you. Because we will consider options that will allow you get rid of heartache.

In the article "How to get rid of mental pain" we will try to consider all practical options and methods that will allow you to feel yourself again a free man. Therefore, start reading, but it is better, if you are suffering from this mental pain now, put into practice everything that will be said here. But don't expect quick results (although you can). Because every person is special, and some will get rid of mental pain quickly, while others will be a little behind.

Causes of mental pain

Of course, there can be many reasons, since each person worries in his own way. We will not touch on small experiences. We will look at the most common reasons that cause mental pain. It’s not very pleasant to write such a tragic article, but if it helps you, then that will be just wonderful.

One of causes heartache is death loved one. We are all going through this stage very difficult, and what’s most offensive is that we all go through this and must go through it. Unfortunately, this is so and it would be better if you enjoyed the presence of people close to you. In particular, I am talking about relatives. In other words, I would like to say that we will all learn what hell is on Earth. We are all human beings and we have feelings that make us living people.

Second common reason Mental pain is parting with a loved one. And the stronger the love was, the more it will be more pain. Here I would like to say that no one is immune from the loss of a loved one, and it is better if you prepare yourself for this in advance. One way or another, betrayal can also be expected from other people who are also close or family to you.

Third reason- loss of a job or business. This is very unpleasant and also hits " soft" soul. Especially if it was a favorite thing. The fact is that, in my opinion, the most difficult thing in life is find a job you like and do what you like. And if you have already coped with this stage and are really doing what you like, then you are lucky.

Naturally, losing this is difficult and painful. Especially if this is your life's work. It becomes a part of you and your soul. Only those people who really know what it means to engage in their activities will understand this. Because many people are almost sure that your business is the meaning of your life. Do what you like and bring benefit to people.

The next reason is "nobody needs". We all live in a society, and we all want to be friends, communicate and share news, problems, and so on. But there are situations when you realize that no one is interested in you. That no one needs you. Nobody wants to communicate with you and doesn't pay attention to you. And it brings heartache.

There could be many reasons why you - "Nobody needs it." Maybe your character is like this, or maybe you are a different person from a different circle. What to do here, I immediately want to advise you to read the article "How to become more sociable" And "Conflict situations. 5 types of behavior." You will need this if you have problems related to this.

What does mental pain lead to?

This leads to suffering and depression. There can be mild depression, but there can be long and painful depression. You wouldn't wish it on your enemy. You can read everything about depression Here.

Well, we have discussed the causes of mental pain and it’s time to begin ways that will allow you to get rid of this depressing feeling.

How to get rid of mental pain?

First what we need to do is realize that sooner or later, we will all face this phenomenon. suffer All and you are no exception. Some are more, some are less. If you are one of the first, then you should visit this site more often. Because it gives positivity and teaches you to live a full and pain-free life. The most interesting thing is that a person by nature runs from pain to pleasure. And the more and more diligently he tries to escape, the better it doesn’t get. The pain will still overtake him. So please take note — Don’t run from pain, but learn to deal with it. Then you can easily accept it.

Second tip For those who have not yet encountered this pain, be prepared. You know that very saying right? It is better if you initially mentally prepare for the expected misfortune that will cause you mental trauma. And if this moment comes, it will be easier for you to cope with it. Why? The fact is that everything that we imagine in our heads is twisted several times, and what we experience in our heads, in our thoughts, is no weaker than in reality. And when real trouble comes, it no longer seems so terrible to us, and the pain is not so strong.

But I’ll say right away that it’s better not to do this intentionally. Usually fear itself overtakes us and gives rise to some kind of these thoughts. "He will leave you. He will betray you. You will lose everything." etc. and so on. Therefore it is important change your attitude to what happened. Tell your fear this phrase when it starts to repeat itself again. : "So what!! I'm not afraid of it." And then everything will fall into place. Don't be afraid of it!!

The next tip is meditation. About, how to meditate correctly, You can read Here. Once you know what meditation is and how to meditate, it’s time to transport yourself to a world where everything is good. Where you are loved, where you have a favorite and profitable business or job. Where are your friends, both people and animals, who can also talk to you. Transport yourself to a sunny place and soak up all the goodness of the world. Then you can attract it into your life.

Physical exercise- will also help you forget about the pain. While you are studying, you don't think about what happened. The best way to forget is running. Morning jogging will be beneficial for your physical and mental health.

Take a piece of paper and write down everything that worries you. It’s no longer a secret that writing helps a person rethink his situation and do better. to handle the stress. Therefore, this will be another effective option.

My next favorite way is look at things from a different angle. You can download this chapter from the book Rainbow of Happiness, passing HERE. You will learn what this method is and how it should be applied.

Physical pain is actually much easier to stop than mental pain. If not with medical help, then upon reaching a certain pain threshold, the body will “turn off” your consciousness itself. But mental suffering, as the experience of many shows, can continue almost indefinitely.

I once heard a phrase from a client that perfectly conveys this fear: “I am afraid of constant emotional suffering.” Yes, indeed, a person is afraid that he will not be able to stop his mental pain, and with good reason - a person’s brain works even in a dream, and most often it is the source of mental pain.

But let's take a closer look at its "anatomy".

Navigation for the article “Where does mental pain come from?”

It is no secret to many that under the influence of certain bodily factors, mood can change. Hormones, for example, play a very important role in this.

There are also factors that are difficult to notice with the naked eye: a person may lack certain chemical substances, which may affect his mood (for example, serotonin or dopamine deficiency), but not know about it.

Often, if this deficiency is acute enough, it can lead to chronic, which doctors call endogenous, increased anxiety, depression, apathy or uncontrollable mood swings.

And if you notice that your depressed state is not corrected by any psychological methods, then most likely you should examine your body chemistry as seriously as possible.

But now we will talk about what happens to ordinary people, with most of us - fluctuations in the emotional background, which can be unpleasant, but not acute and do not last very long. However, this is often perceived as heartache.

Most women, for example, experience symptoms of premenstrual syndrome or mood swings after childbirth, during breastfeeding. Such sudden mood changes are also common in men; it’s just that the cyclical nature of hormonal fluctuations in men is more difficult to track than in women.

As a rule, the situation looks similar for both men and women. Suddenly, without visible reasons everything began to seem disgusting, everything irritated, or vice versa - indifference set in, all desires disappeared.

To begin with, of course, it is worth thinking about the reasons. How – we will talk about this below. But if you understand well that there are no obvious reasons, and the processes that are taking place in your life do not in any way point to the cause of such drastic changes, most likely it is physiology.

Sometimes nothing can be done about it in emergency mode. After all, to find out what reason led to such a chemical failure, a whole program of analyzes is needed. And while you (even if you wanted to) did this, the fortune would have exhausted itself long ago.

There is only one way to cope with this - not to draw any serious conclusions from it. At a minimum, don’t do them right away.

Often a person begins to focus on this state, to experience it as something significant that determines his entire life. later life. And it is, of course, perceived as heartache, and completely seriously.

Through the prism of this state, he thinks about whether he is doing the right thing in life, and sometimes takes rash steps.

In my practice, there was an example when a woman, being subject to periods of such a state, each time began to think that she needed to separate from her husband. Claims and quarrels began, she had the feeling that their marriage had not worked out, that there was no understanding, that everything depended only on the children.

She literally started packing her bags. And then, after a few days, this whole state seemed to dissolve. The feeling of hopelessness and total loneliness, alienation, disappeared, and the woman realized that she did not have a single truly deep complaint against her husband.

It passed, and in return came an understanding: even if there is something to work on in a relationship, everything is not so serious as to devalue their marriage.

Interestingly, all this was not tied to the monthly cycle; she was visited by this state more often than once every few months. Perhaps it was tied to some seasons, we were not able to fully find out.

Something else is important. She underwent a medical examination, but it did not reveal anything serious. Her fatigue from periods of acute despair and hopelessness was already very great. But we managed to develop a different attitude towards him.

We are not only what is with us this moment is happening. Emotions, especially when they are connected to physiology, like the wind, the ebb and flow of the tides, like the rain - what can you do about the fact that this is happening?

Think: in different periods In life you experience different feelings and are in different states. And all of this is you. Joy and sadness, suffering and delight, mental and physical activity, logic and intuition coexist perfectly in a person.

At any given moment, a person’s condition is determined by several leading factors. And they change depending on life situations, health status, presence/absence of support and warmth, availability of space for oneself, environment, situation, etc.

Can we, getting into one of our many states, consider it the only true one and draw conclusions from it about our entire life? No. However, this is exactly what often happens, as in the example of the woman who made very global conclusions about her life based on a temporary state.

The observer is that part of the personality that helps you experience the state, immerse yourself in it if you need it, not suppress the feelings you are experiencing, but at the same time remain “in touch” with the understanding that this state is temporary and can Don't talk about anything serious yet.

The observer is something like a black box in an airplane. He records and remembers everything that happens. Only, unlike an airplane box, you can decipher it at any time. It is the observer who will tell you that this has already happened to you.

The observer is a mechanism of internal reflection, it is a constant critical view to myself. Critical in the sense of “from the outside,” and not in the sense of “criticizing.” This is the one who will help you not only see what is happening, but also remind you, for example, that something similar has already happened to you, and when.

To develop the observer in you, imagine that you are telling someone about what is happening to you. Train yourself to do this constantly, as if you were writing a book about yourself every day and voicing this text within yourself.

It doesn’t have to be a highly artistic work, it’s only important for you. The most important thing in this text is to begin with, name your feelings: “I’m angry”, “this irritates me”, “I feel sad”, “I feel depressed and despair” or “I feel real delight”, “I feel very calm” , “I feel sympathy”, etc.

Over time, you may no longer need this text, you will observe yourself without words, but words at first are very helpful in not identifying yourself 100% with emotional background inside you.

I would like to draw your attention once again: observing does not mean suppressing feelings, not forbidding yourself to experience them. It’s just seeing what’s happening a little from the outside and being able to describe your state for yourself. While continuing to naturally experience the feelings that are currently relevant.

A person who does not have this inner observer suppresses his feelings more often than one who does have it. By naming a feeling, you make it conscious and clear to yourself. And by not naming it and not wanting to observe it, you are most likely repressing it before it even becomes clear to you.

But, what is most interesting, it is precisely in case of insufficient awareness of your feelings and motives that you begin to act under the influence of this state. It’s as if there is no feeling, but the action is there.

A person in this state describes his actions as follows: “when he did/said this, I wanted to do/say this in response, I did, and it led to this.” More often - to something not very desirable.

Look carefully: the action of another is described and the response that occurs immediately, without understanding why it is like this, on what basis, what feelings and motives led to it.

And most importantly, it is as if a person is depriving himself of the choice of this reaction, acting “automatically”, and under the influence of this temporary emotion, which he himself does not even really know about.

It is not surprising that in this situation people step on the same rake, do not learn from their mistakes, and most importantly, the mental pain in their lives grows day by day.

The picture of such an attitude towards life and towards others reminds me of a battlefield where everyone is hitting each other blindly, not understanding who is friend and who is enemy, receiving blows from all sides and not being able to stop all this violence.

Having an observer helps you come to an understanding of what, when, how and for what reasons you react, where your mental pain comes from. Subsequently, identify some kind of system in this. Get to know yourself better and learn to manage yourself.

Managing is not the same as suppressing and controlling. To manage is to understand the essence of your reactions and be able to make free choices regarding these reactions.

Yes, not in all cases you can fully make this choice - just when your condition is dictated by physiology, then perhaps you cannot change the condition itself, but you can change your attitude towards it.

And by this you will already achieve a serious advantage - you will stop “winding up” yourself and aggravating the already unhappy state with a negative assessment of it, you will not “increase the degree” of this state due to suffering over the fact that it exists at all.

But in most cases, you can not only change your attitude, you can change the condition itself if you are aware of it and can understand its causes. We'll talk about this next.

Conflict of expectations and reality

Heartache mainly stems from this conflict. You have an expectation/desire for it to be this way. Reality is not always disposed to realize this expectation exactly the way and exactly as and when you would like.

Moreover, the person himself sets too many conditions for reality: it should be now/tomorrow, it should come from that person, in exactly this form, and if everything does not happen exactly like that, then you experience resentment, powerlessness, pain and suffering .

Buddha also said that desires are suffering, and if we become too attached to them, we suffer very much. But a person cannot help but desire, and someone who does not want anything and does not strive for anything is also unlikely to be happy and productive.

How to find the balance point in this process? Form your own hierarchy of values, realize what is important to you and what is not so important, be able to isolate the essence of your desires and not set too many conditions for the universe.

In this process of figuring out the relationship between reality and expectations, there are several points that you should pay attention to.

1. Degree of importance

We don’t always understand what we really want and what we are ready for. A person fantasizes that he could have a job like a friend’s, but at the same time he does not know all its possible side effects.

We sometimes create ideas about something based on distorted or incomplete information. As in this example with work - without knowing everything, a person snatches some pieces from the surrounding reality: high salary, prestigious social status, project management.

But in reality, an acquaintance sometimes takes work home, he is sometimes called on weekends, his boss is a complete tyrant, and his team is so-so. An acquaintance may be ready to put up with this for all the above-mentioned advantages, but whether you are ready to put up with exactly this is a big question.

Or, for example, you want meet your other half. And you also begin to assemble the image of the “prince” from pieces - once upon a time at your first young man, with whom we broke up “out of stupidity,” had blue eyes. And now you definitely want blue ones, because you have created for yourself the belief: “with blue eyes will definitely be fun,” just like the last guy was.

And your friend’s husband is an IT specialist, he’s calm and doesn’t find fault with everyday life, so, you think, you too would like someone who doesn’t find fault, otherwise you don’t want to stand at the stove all day long, not for the sake of any prince. This is how the conviction arises that it would be better if he were a computer scientist, etc.

This is how images of what we want are constructed from the parts we see. Of course, such an image cannot be called complete, and not a single person will correspond to the wishes “pulled” by you from different layers of reality.

And the most unpleasant thing about this is that you still won’t be able to create a complete picture of what you want in detail, because the brain, like a computer, operates only with loaded information. And you have to be very arrogant to think that you know everything about this universe and its possibilities.

Therefore, try to highlight the most essential - what you definitely cannot do without. And this is unlikely to be a person’s specific profession or the color of his eyes. Of course, we have some significant guidelines regarding the appearance of our partner, but try to highlight what is really important and what is not so important.

It is not the profession that is important, but the attitude towards everyday life. What is important is the color of your eyes as such, and the ability to rejoice that you associated with it. It is important not what specific books and films a person has read/watched, but what kind of worldview they have formed, etc.

1. Deadlines

In general, most of us want everything “immediately and now,” or better yet, “yesterday.” Sometimes, of course, specific deadlines are set - “in a year”, “in a month”, “in five years”, etc. But you determine this period based on the situation at the moment.

What will happen in a week? Or in a month? It may happen that a lot will change. But most often forget to revise plans in accordance with new changes in reality. Or he doesn’t notice these changes at all.

The deadline is approaching, the plans do not come true - and here you are again in mental pain. But have you asked yourself the question - why exactly such a period? What changes so significantly if this period is different?

Example. “I’m already 30, and I still don’t have children, I planned that by 30 I would already have two!” - the life of this woman passes in constant suffering about her inferiority, the conclusion about which was made only on the basis that the plans did not come true.

Ask yourself a few questions. Why do I need this? How will I feel if I receive this? Could I have similar feelings in a different situation? How is my feeling connected with the object or situation that is the object of my desires?

A simple example. A man wants a car. For what? In theory, to travel, to go out of town or not to carry bags from the store. Why else? To experience feelings. Comfort, safety, security.

Then does it really matter whether he buys a used Opel or a new Nissan Qashqai? By and large, none. But sometimes a person convinces himself that without “qashqai” he cannot be happy.

Although, if he had thought about why he needed the Qashqai, he would have understood: he lacks respect from others. And “driving warm and not carrying bags” could be provided by an Opel.

And only because his colleagues associate this particular car with success, good luck, a good life, etc. - he wants a Qashqai, takes out unaffordable loans, and then the car often sits outside the house, because there simply isn’t enough money for gasoline, as well as for full maintenance.

The machine is not meant to provide respect. It is designed to ride and carry, with varying degrees of speed and comfort. And if a person had asked himself all the questions listed above in time, then perhaps he would have been convinced that he didn’t need a car either.

False desires are, as a rule, those that someone imposed on us by manipulating our feelings: fear, the desire to gain respect and recognition, the desire to feel complete in the eyes of others, the desire to prove something to someone, etc. And behind this there is often the main thing - the desire to accept and love oneself.

We become most attached to false ones precisely because we do not believe in the possibility of obtaining the feelings we are looking for (and, of course, the feelings we need) in another way, we do not see these ways.

But if you break the usual connection in your head “respect - fashionable car” and leave only “respect”, a lot of options will appear. Another thing is that often a person is simply scared to look for these options.

After all, here it seems like it’s already been verified, they respect it. Almost a guarantee. And if you look for other options, it remains to be seen whether you will be able to get what you are looking for.

On the contrary, true desires are those to which we go no matter what, no matter what the opinions of others, despite someone’s protests or bewilderment. This is what we do calmly and confidently, and we are not particularly tormented by the timing or the exact contours of the event.

Example. If a person needs his own home, then the most basic thing in this desire will be a certain sense of ownership of his own space, but the timing, contours and where this house may be located are easily subject to correction during the search process.

And it is in such a search that a person easily interacts with the environment. Let's say the opportunity comes up for him to buy a room. Yes, this is not a dream home, but the most important thing for a person is to have his own space. Well, he thinks, this is where he can start.

And he begins to actively invest in this space - strength, money, skills, soul, in the end. In this process, he learns even better what his home should be like. At first he thought it was an apartment. But living in a communal apartment changed his view, he began to understand that he wanted a house outside the city, and he is grateful to this communal apartment for a more accurate understanding of his own goal.

And then he gets the opportunity to buy a wrecked car on a good plot of land and not far from the city. He sells the room and buys a junk car. At the same time, it is also not the house of his dreams, but he again begins to invest his strength, skills, money and time.

After a while, a decent house turns out of a tumbledown house.... Need I tell you that after some time this person may well end up in a luxurious mansion on the sea coast?

And it's simple - he managed to do a few key things:

• Indicate the most important thing in what you are looking for
• Do not be rigidly attached to the form and deadlines
• React flexibly to suggestions and opportunities of reality
• Learn from them and from them
• Be happy with what you have and invest in it, without waiting for “ideality”
• Don’t be afraid to adjust initial plans and be able to give up false ideas
• Don’t get stuck on achievements, set new goals and go towards them

So, let's summarize

Heartache comes from:

1. Not a convenient, not environmentally friendly attitude towards those temporary states that arise in each of us due to a complex chemical structure. Simply put, the majority not only goes along with any emotions, but also aggravates them with a negative assessment of the very fact of their presence
2. A conflict between expectations and reality, while a person rarely critically rethinks the specific characteristics of what is desired and the timing. He often confuses what was imposed from the outside with his own real needs, and becomes too attached to the specific contours of the desired events, unable to highlight the most important things in his desires, as well as flexibly respond to the opportunities provided by reality and interact productively with them.

In the next article I will try to describe how to use the inner observer, how to specifically work to become aware of your needs and how to stop being attached to specific contours of events: How to become conscious: practice and techniques

Mental pain is a feeling caused by a great shock: the death of a loved one, separation or divorce, resentment and similar situations. However, the stress we experience as a result of the above-mentioned situations is often not as big as the person makes it out to be. Yes, grief and a painful feeling of emptiness literally overwhelm you, but do not forget that in any case, life goes on. How to cope with mental pain? You need to continue to take care of loved ones, go to work and do all other daily activities.

How to deal with mental pain on your own

It is necessary to slightly change the attitude towards the situation that caused it. And most importantly, do not forget that self-deprecation and self-deprecation will lead to mental disorders, but will not at all improve the situation, especially if it can still be improved.

If we're talking about about the death of a loved one. Understand that tears and self-torture will not bring him back, and the fact that by killing yourself you are ruining your life and the lives of other people close to you will not make anyone happy and will not bring anyone back.

When parting with your loved one, do not despair and believe that time will put everything in its place and help you make the right decision. In the meantime, take care of yourself and everyone who depends on you. For example, during a divorce, women are often so carried away by their feelings that they forget about their children.

If you want to cope with mental pain, try to think positively yourself, tune yourself to positive emotions, believe and hope for good things, move more among people. Switching to other destinies, to daily problems and other loved ones makes it possible to understand that in fact many people experience similar situations.

If you suffer from unrequited love, understand that you are wasting time on an object to whom you are indifferent and risk missing the moment when there will be a person nearby who loves and longs most of all to be with you.

In overcoming mental suffering, it is important to communicate more, visit public places and entertainment events, watch comedy films, etc. New hobbies or old hobbies will also help take your mind off sad thoughts. Activities, sports and physical exercise They also help a lot in avoiding negative thoughts and overthinking.

And sometimes, there are situations when you need to grit your teeth, move on and perceive everything as it is. Then the pain dulls and recedes.

This does not mean that all wounds resulting from a bad sexual experience will be immediately healed. God forgives, but some of the natural consequences of your sin may remain.

If a man is in drunk crashes into a telephone booth, crashes his car and breaks his arm, he can turn to God with a prayer of repentance and receive forgiveness, but he will still have to go to the doctor and have his car repaired. Thus, repentance does not completely remove the scars of mistakes. What should we do with these scars?

The Bible teaches us to be honest in everything. If you have been sexually active in the past and are now planning to get married, you should be honest with your potential husband or wife. There should be no skeletons in the closet in married life.

What happened, happened, and nothing can be done about it! Your chosen one must know the whole truth about you, otherwise there is no point in starting a family with him. Reveal your cards. Accepting each other for who you really are is an essential condition of a marital relationship.

Additionally, before you can be accepted by a potential spouse, you must accept yourself and overcome your past. If, say, you feel an aversion to sex because of a bad experience, you shouldn’t hide it and act like nothing happened. To deal with heartache, acknowledge the problem and try to solve it.

You may need psychological help, which also includes spiritual healing. For a Christian, it all begins with a deep study of Scripture. Your attitude will change because the biblical view of intimate relationships between spouses is positive.

This is great, healthy sexual intimacy, plus it's designed by God. Knowing the truth in this matter will free you from a negative attitude towards it. Thank God and ask Him to give you feelings that correspond to the truth.

You are not doomed to an unhappy marriage because of past mistakes. You will just have to go through some heartache and remove some stones from the path that would not have been there if you had followed God's perfect plan from the beginning. But don't be sad, because Jesus came to remove our weaknesses and help us reach our potential!

We have discussed with you the pillars on which marital unity is based. If sex is your only goal, then everything we talked about earlier will seem unimportant to you. If all you want from marriage is... tasty food and bills paid, find yourself a suitable partner.

If you dream of harmony and unity in your married life, check whether you have a strong foundation for this. Do not marry until you have sufficiently strengthened the foundation to support the burden of a lifetime of commitment.

Recent studies show that 87% of single people who have never been married want to get married once and for life." They have witnessed their parents' divorce and do not want to repeat their experience. The first step to a happy, long-lasting marriage is right choice spouse(s).

How to learn not to feel mental pain

Each of us from time to time in life there are situations in which we experience mental pain. Sometimes this feeling is so unbearable that our brain and body try to fight it, but this is not always effective. From the body, this pain emerges in the form of various diseases. And the brain is looking for logical exits and moves to deceive us and let us understand how to learn not to feel pain.

Why are we testing it? Many believe that to feel joy and love, to know the value happy life, you definitely need to experience pain for comparison.

But having experienced pain, we close ourselves off from the question of ourselves, our character, our development. We never think that we might need to improve our character in order not to feel pain. This feeling practically manipulates the behavior of all people.

We always say: “Look what you brought me to!” Change and my life will become much better!” Blaming each other, we never think that it is worth changing not our partner, but ourselves.

First, if you want to cope with emotional pain, you need to learn to be mindful of this feeling. Can you answer the question: “My pain, what do you want to tell me, what should I pay attention to?” Look for the answer in your heart. For example, you heard your partner accuse you and are now experiencing pain. Now can we start researching what is causing this pain? Everyone will have their own answer.

Accept that you are not perfect. Don't try to idealize yourself. Look at what you do not own, not as a deficiency, but as a personal resource that can develop in you at any moment.

Do not engage in self-flagellation by diagnosing yourself. Try not to feel emotional pain about this. But when you need it, at any moment you can develop it in yourself to understand. It's the same in relationships. Accept that just because you can't solve a problem doesn't mean you're a complete idiot.

At any time, you can start attending trainings, reading the necessary literature regarding the question “how to learn not to feel pain” to develop this skill in yourself.

Forgive your loved ones and friends, rejoice at your mistakes. To cope with mental pain, ask your loved ones, friends, colleagues to teach you something.

Every day, set yourself a goal to develop or maintain a skill in yourself, so that you are always in shape.