Types and methods of dealing with impulsive behavior. Strengths of an impulsive person and working on mistakes

Useful tips

Cheating on someone you thought you loved and who you trusted , is one of the most difficult life situations.

Infidelity can manifest itself in different ways, but it still hurts deeply.,and we pull our hair out, trying to figure out what was wrong.

This is actually a scary question, but the answer can be found quite simply. If you gather guys who have ever cheated and ask them about the reasons for their action, you can trace a certain pattern.

Here , some psychological reasons, explaining why some men are forced to cheat.

Cheating on a man

15. You cannot stand up for yourself, and you allow him to show all his negative essence.

If you fail to set clear boundaries and you allow your boyfriend to get away with doing things that make you feel insecure, he may just cross the line. Setting clear boundaries means being able to say “no” when a person’s actions conflict with your needs.

You need to be able to stand up for the things that matter to you, and you can do this in a kind but assertive way. People will respect you for this, and your man even more so.

14. In a relationship, you want to do everything yourself, and do not give him the opportunity to want you.

If you constantly try to suppress him, and spend a lot of time and energy on him, he will simply be depressed, and will be ready to run away from you anywhere. Some people find it difficult to cope with this level of attention, and perhaps they feel unworthy of it - but don't go too deep into this topic. The point is to give no more than you receive. A well-balanced relationship is one that is free of frustration and resentment (the silent relationship killers).

13. You put him on a pedestal and don't want to see his mistakes, essentially idealizing him.

When we idealize someone - we consider a person better than he actually is - this creates pressure on the person. Most people want to be accepted for who they are, with all their pros and cons. When your partner sees your flaws and still loves you, you know that you have it for real.

Weak relationships are built on illusion. When you idealize your partner, he may find it unnatural and therefore think that you don't care about him.

This behavior can lead to a guy starting an affair with someone who sees the real him.

12. You don't share with him your feelings related to your relationship.

So, if you avoid honest conversations with your guy, thinking that it might scare him, then this may push him into an outside relationship where you will share your feelings and thoughts about the relationship with him.

Communicate with him and you will build a healthy relationship in which you value each other.

11. He is an impulsive person and needs constant attention from everyone and everything.

Impulsive people often make a good first impression, they are the life of the party, and they attract attention. Everything is great until you get to know such a person better.

When in a relationship a person constantly wants to make faces and behave like a child, it becomes difficult to tolerate him. An adult knows how to control himself, understanding where he needs to joke and make jokes, and where he needs to be serious.

Impulsive and overly active people are practically unable to sacrifice their behavior for the sake of a long-term relationship.

Why men cheat

10. He acts like he's tough, but inside he's an insecure person.

For such men, women are like currency - the more partners they have, the richer they become. Such a currency feeds their fragile ego until the next wave of uncertainty hits them (which usually happens quite quickly).

Men who connect intimacy and their self-esteem are more likely to cheat. This is due to the fact that they cannot for a long time show passion, since their essence manifests itself quite quickly, and they are not able to pretend to be cool for a long time. The partner sees this, and the man needs to switch to someone else who does not know about his weakness.

9. Relationships lack emotional intimacy and connection.

If your relationship is connected only by bed, then after a few months you will lack emotional intimacy. It will be difficult to turn you on, and you will stop seeing something new in your partner.

At such moments, in normal couples, a man and a woman try to find a more intellectual and emotional connection, which will be the beginning of something new for everyone. But some men believe that a dying flame of passion means something is going wrong in the relationship. Because of this, they begin to look for this passion on the side.

This behavior deprives them of a deeper and richer form of love.

8. It seems to you that he did not live up to your expectations, and you begin to constantly criticize, suppress and devalue him.

Sometimes, when we have been together for quite a long time, we, knowing our partner well, begin to little by little try to control him. This behavior is based on an illusion - in our heads we have built a picture for ourselves of what we want our partner to be, but when it turns out that everything is not as we imagined, the fairy tale collapses.

This may cause constant criticism. In such cases, a man begins to look for relationships on the outside in order to again find a healthy relationship in which they can be themselves, and in which they are not ignored or devalued.

7. You act paranoid, constantly being jealous and trying to control him even though he gave no reason.

When a person is overly jealous and has a desire to control, this indicates insecurity and lack of self-esteem.

Imagine the scenario: you discover that your boyfriend is chatting with new friends, and as in real life, and on the Internet. There is a girl in a group of friends who seems to be around him too often. You feel danger, everything inside begins to shake, and emotions begin to prevail over common sense.

You begin to suspect him and ask him about every like, comment and every step. This behavior can cause your nightmares to come true. The guy sees that you don’t trust him, although he didn’t give any serious reasons for this.

6. You are well settled in your daily routine, and he wants to add some sparkle to the relationship.

Everything is quite simple here - a guy cheats simply because he wants a little adventure to break up his routine. The truth is that a long-term relationship with one person can become boring, especially in bed.

To maintain a good relationship as a couple you need to work hard. Of course, the easiest way to temporarily correct the routine is a short betrayal, and then the man returns to his ordinary life. It's like a hamburger - you want to eat it, but you don't want to eat it all the time.

Beloved man cheats

5. He never really loved you - he just confused temporary insanity with love.

Such men only need a temporary relationship. They don’t have time for constant affection, compromise and real love, and they don’t want to show their vulnerability (in a relationship, sooner or later you will have to show your weakness to a woman).

They just want an easy, unobtrusive and low-cost relationship that they don’t have to throw themselves into. But at the same time, they want their short relationship to be wrapped and decorated like a beautiful gift, and for them to feel like they are in a “real” relationship for at least a few months, and then they change partners.

4. It turns him on when he has to keep everything a secret, lie and do things behind your back.

Most men don't like to keep a lot of secrets and do things and lie behind your back. But, as with everything, there are exceptions. Some call such people sociopaths, but let's not go deeper into this topic. It's just worth saying that there are men who are turned on by lying and keeping secrets from the people they love.

Unfortunately, they may appear sweet and sincere at first to distract you from their true self. Most often, the real essence of such people is revealed too late, when the relationship has gone quite far.

Impulsivity in psychology is considered as a predisposition to a spontaneous, lightning-fast reaction to any external or internal stimuli without taking into account possible consequences. Within the framework of this concept, they speak of impulsive behavior, when a person acts thoughtlessly, but subsequently often repents of his actions or, conversely, further aggravates the current situation. This feature character can manifest itself both in childhood and in adulthood due to increased emotional excitability, overwork, emotional stress, as well as certain diseases.

Such qualities as impulsiveness, initiative, flexibility of behavior, and sociability are characteristic mainly of extroverts. The concept of impulsiveness can be contrasted with reflexivity - the tendency to carefully think about a problem and weigh the decisions made.

In psychology and psychiatry, impulsivity is also interpreted as a painful form of behavior in which a person performs certain actions in obedience to irresistible impulses, that is, almost unconsciously. It turns out that impulsive people have a reduced level of self-control, and their actions are more of an automated nature.

Impulsive behavior and its types

Impulsivity is manifested by difficulties in resisting certain momentary impulses, which in the end almost always lead to troubles, both for the patient himself and for his immediate environment. Here are some examples of unhealthy impulsive behavior:

• kleptomania - a painful desire to steal;
• gambling addiction – pathological attraction to gambling;
• impulsive purchases - purchasing unnecessary things, preoccupation with purchases;
• pyromania - an irresistible urge to commit arson;
• impulsive sexual behavior – uncontrolled, excessive sexual activity, which can manifest itself not only in sexual promiscuity, but also in voyeurism, fetishism, sexual activity and other inclinations;
• impulsive eating behavior - compulsive overeating, anorexia, bulimia, etc.

The above disorders are quite common among adults and adolescents, and lead to a significant decrease in quality of life. However, increased impulsivity is quite easily eliminated with the help of competent cognitive-behavioral psychotherapeutic work.

Impulsive behavior in childhood

Impulsivity in children is also a character trait that consists in acting on the first impulse due to the influence of any emotions or stimuli. Due to age-related underdevelopment of behavior control, this feature is often found in preschoolers and primary schoolchildren. With adequate development of the child, this form of impulsiveness can be corrected quite easily, but it is possible that as the child grows older, this behavioral feature will return again.
In adolescence, impulsivity often becomes a consequence of emotional excitability, overwork, and stress.

Most psychologists consider the impulsive behavior of young children as a normal phenomenon, since due to age and a number of other objective factors, they cannot be required to fully control their own behavior. The central nervous system is actively formed in the first few years of life, and the child begins to more or less regulate spontaneously arising impulses only by the age of eight. In fact, the lack of voluntary regulation of behavior is simply a natural age-related feature.

Revealing

Diagnosis of impulsivity is carried out by a psychologist or psychotherapist using special questionnaires and tests. A final diagnosis is made if the patient's condition meets the following criteria:

• impulsive behavior is constantly repeated, despite negative consequences;
• the patient cannot control his own behavior;
• the patient experiences a literally irresistible desire to commit an impulsive act;
• After performing an impulsive action, the patient feels satisfied.

Impulsivity is a condition that must be combated, first of all, to improve the quality of life of the patient himself. Depending on the reasons that caused impulsive behavior and the personal characteristics of the patient, an individual treatment method is selected.

Fighting methods

So, the psychotherapist always determines the most preferable method of correction strictly in accordance with individually, considering many factors, including developmental features nervous system patient. In some cases, well-chosen pharmacological therapy with the use of antidepressants and antipsychotics helps to get rid of impulsivity. Medicines are prescribed in cases where impulsivity is a manifestation of any mental disorder personality.

Various psychotherapeutic methods also help combat impulsive behavior. The most widespread is cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, which is most effective when carried out individually, but attending group classes is also possible.

Impulsivity in childhood also cannot be left to chance. And although a child’s behavior will change as he grows up, the main task of adults is to develop his ability to correctly balance his own motives and expected results. That is, the child must understand that all his actions will entail certain consequences. At the same time, it is important to develop a reward system so that the child develops the concept of “correct” behavior. Essentially, the adult guides the child in the right direction and gradually shifts responsibility for his behavior onto him. It is worth noting that the biggest mistake parents make is that they try to “train” their own child by teaching him self-control through punishment. This strategy is fundamentally wrong and can lead to the development of serious mental disorders in the child in the future.

Joint games that involve restraining impulses and taking into account the interests of other participants are of great importance in correcting impulsiveness in preschoolers and primary schoolchildren. In the future, educational activities will further contribute to the normalization of behavioral activity.

For most of us, the worst thing that can happen is love relationships- this is treason. It destroys everything that is best and brightest, breaks something inside. Although betrayal affects only spouses, it still has a destructive effect on all family members, including children, and can lead to a serious crisis or even the breakdown of a marriage.

Healing wounds after betrayal is difficult—and not always possible. It is better not to treat the disease, but to prevent it. Knowing in advance what type your man is and what circumstances might push him to commit adultery, you can protect yourself from the threat of betrayal on his part.

In this section:
Partner news

Most common reasons men's betrayal are:

Unsatisfiedsexyneed. He wants more than you can give him. This pushes a man into fleeting relationships with unfamiliar partners, however, without the desire to start serious relationships on the side. Some women are able to forgive an “affair without consequences,” taking comfort in the fact that he “always loved only her.” Whether you are capable of such generosity is up to you to decide.

LongpartingWithwife. No matter how strong your love is, if life circumstances or career separate you for, say, six months - so long separation provides fertile ground for adultery. Here it is no longer just a matter of shortage intimate relationships, and also in the lack of support, shoulder loved one near. By the way, women are almost more prone to this type of betrayal than men.

Underinfluence"random"circumstances. An extra cocktail at a daring and cheeky party promises a “non-boring” continuation of the evening. And, if there is no wife nearby, another woman may take her place. Take a closer look at your chosen one: does he like to drink too much, and most importantly, does he become more cheeky and prone to various “amusements” under the influence of alcohol?

Too muchstrongperseveranceyoursrivals. The obvious motivation here is “just to get behind,” and the hidden one is “confirmation” of male sexuality, a reluctance to admit intimate impotence.

TreasonVqualityself-affirmation, and also in order to diversify the sensations... For many men, sexual victories are equated to victories in everyday life, at work, among friends - in short, to increasing their status. The vanity of such men is amused by the number of bed victories.

LoveToanotherwoman. This is the most terrible situation for a wife. Sex on the side, in this case, is something taken for granted, a detail in the complex mechanism of human relationships.

Having understood the reasons and situations that push your loved ones to have an affair on the side, it is also worth deciding on the types of men prone to extramarital affairs. After all, even in the presence of all the “favorable” conditions, a man who is not inclined to betrayal will not succumb to the influence of the situation and impulses.

The behavior patterns of unfaithful men are, of course, individual. But in general they are due to a mixture main typesmen potentially prone to cheating:

"Don- Juan"- This is an immature personality, obsessed with the desire to please. A man of this type wants to be in an eternal state of love. And if he is your chosen one, then you should be prepared for the appearance of many rivals. But they don’t stay with him for long; as soon as he feels the seriousness of his mistress’s attitude towards him, he leaves. It is almost impossible to keep such men from extramarital affairs; the only chance is to help him develop into a harmonious, self-sufficient person who will not need such confirmation of his own strengths. But without his desire, this, as you understand, is pointless. But typical “Don Juans”, as a rule, do not have such a desire.

"Collector"- Mistresses are an opportunity for him to diversify his bed life. He decides to cheat with fear. The way to keep such a man is to provide him with the variety he desires. Role-playing bed games and dressing up will come to your aid.

"Conqueror"- the whole point of a relationship for him is to achieve a woman. He is prone to boasting, constantly demonstrates his advantages, and endlessly uses the word “I”. Your behavior strategy should be like this: “Your elbow is close, but you won’t bite.” You can never become subjugated by him. Even if you have been married for twenty years, remain close, but always inaccessible to the peak.

"Foreverdissatisfied"- his doubts and uncertainty extend to his relationships with women. He is constantly in search of the “best”, and is never sure that the woman next to him is the one. If you need to keep such a man, then you have to prove to him your uniqueness, as well as the fact that an alliance with you is the best thing that could happen to him. Think about whether you are ready to spend your energy and the time of your life on this - considering, moreover, that there are still no guarantees of success. Perhaps he just likes to be offended by life.

"Man- male", aka "Macho". The status of “married” does not affect his lifestyle in any way. He, just as before, has fun with friends, considering this a normal man’s life. By trying to block his access to such adventures, you will force him to go back to single life. Only a revaluation of values ​​can influence his behavior. It is quite possible. Talk to him seriously and then give him time. Usually “macho” is not a type for life, but only a stage of development normal man. Perhaps your loved one is already ready for a gradual change in values.

"Impulsiveman". He behaves like a capricious child who wants to get what he instantly wants. A very difficult type. His “I want” defies logical explanation and system. Everything happens spontaneously, on demand. But he, like a child, easily switches from one object of passion to another. If you come across such a person, you can try to find this switch in him. Another question is whether you are ready to live your whole life with a capricious child.

"Vertextriangle". Manipulative men who love to watch women fight for them. Such men want to be caught cheating, or directly report the presence of a mistress. The purpose of their betrayal is not romance, not sex, and of course not love, but the clash of rivals for war. Run away from such a man without reasoning, no matter how much jointly acquired property and common children you have, before he destroys your self-esteem and personality.

We are all different people: some take it for granted and feel comfortable to weigh every step in life many times over, while others are capable of making serious, life-determining decisions on the fly. IN wide range One of the most striking human character traits is impulsiveness - this is the tendency of a particular person to act quickly and rashly, when only one’s own motives, emotions, circumstances and people nearby are taken as a basis.

Surely everyone in their own environment has met such a person: he does not think about his actions, speech, decisions, he instantly reacts to circumstances and the actions of other people, but this haste often makes him repent of his own behavior. Impulsivity is typical for children - preschoolers or younger children school age They still cannot give an adequate assessment of their actions, and therefore do not bother much about thinking about them. For teenagers, impulsivity can be a consequence of increased emotional and hormonal excitability. Impulsivity in adults manifests itself in neuroses, overwork, states of passion and in some diseases.

Impulsivity comes in different forms and, depending on the degree of manifestation, can cause slight inconvenience to its owner or become a real problem in his life and environment. Impulsive behavior ranges from mild expressions of dissatisfaction, hasty decisions and rapid return of self-control to painful impulsive manifestations:

kleptomania (craving for theft);
gambling addiction (compulsive gambling);
fetishism and other manifestations of impulsive sexual behavior;
anorexia or, conversely, overeating, etc.

Impulsive person

Weigh the pros and cons? - no, this is not about impulsive person. And he is also beyond the control of even a momentary reflection on his actions, and it is this factor that distinguishes an impulsive personality from a decisive one. In both cases, there is a quick and energetic reaction, but for impulsive people it is more likely to have a minus sign than a plus - just as quickly as they do, they repent of their rash and inappropriate actions.

How do you know if you are an impulsive person? There are several signs that determine the manifestations and tendency to impulsiveness:

previously unnoticed things and people in the environment begin to irritate;
emerging neuroses, stress, inability to cope with one’s own excited psychological state;
“starting up half a turn” is now not a problem at all;
– from melancholy to unreasonable aggression;
After a successful manifestation of a rash act or actions caused by impulsiveness, a person feels satisfied.

If impulsivity begins to create serious problems that a person cannot cope with on his own, it is recommended to seek help. specialized assistance. Psychologists and psychotherapists will be able to professionally assess the patient’s condition, and questionnaires and tests will specify the problem. It is imperative to fight the impulsiveness that subjugates a person: this will straighten out relationships with others and increase the quality of a person’s life. At serious problems and in accordance with the reasons that caused impulsiveness, medical specialists will recommend individual (under personal characteristics patient) treatment method.

Female impulsiveness

If you look at gender, women for the most part are much more impulsive and this is understandable: emotional, without sufficient conscious control, they are driven by their own impulses without logical planning of consequences. This does not apply to every girl or woman: some sensible ladies, when buying their fiftieth blouse, try on another twenty, and, for example, having their own baby in a stroller adds a sense of responsibility to a woman, forcing mommy to work on herself.

Women are more emotional creatures than men, and therefore more susceptible to a psycho-emotional state, which is impulsiveness. For women, and for any other person, impulsiveness can create considerable problems at work, in close relationships, in raising children - negative impulsiveness requires you to “let off steam”, and therefore an impulsive person (regardless of gender) is advised to understand himself and understand the reasons the emergence of this state and learn to master it.

How to get rid of impulsiveness?

If you do not pay attention to the first signs of impulsiveness in time, it will quickly develop into a persistent character trait and become a stumbling block in relationships with other people - after all, they are not interested in the reasons, they only see their unpleasant manifestation. What to do with impulsiveness and how to get rid of it? We offer simple ways:

Relieving nervous tension and fighting stress: meditation, SPA treatments and massages, pleasant hobbies, sports and visiting the pool, even shopping - everything that will allow you to return emotional condition back on track and will not allow the genie of impulsiveness to break out.
It is recommended to set specific achievable goals for deadlines: do you need renovations in your apartment, but don’t have the money? – renovate the apartment gradually; Don’t have time to go to a water park with your child? – a walk in the nearest park on skis will be a good alternative; Are your relatives and friends “fed up”? - turn off your phone after 21:00 and enjoy or read a book.

3. Impulsivity can manifest itself due to a banal lack of time: endless requests from relatives, demands from superiors, children demanding attention - where to find the necessary time for all this? And now even an efficient woman turns into a twitchy monkey who has no time to even look at herself in the mirror. When should we sit down and calmly think about pressing matters? In this case, healthy selfishness will help:

you can calmly explain to relatives that they themselves are able to choose a new leash for their dog in the store;
You can’t argue much with your superiors, but an adequate superior person will listen to healthy arguments and take note;
You can’t push children aside, but there will certainly be something for them interesting activity, capable of occupying children's brains and hands for at least a couple of hours.

4. and impulsiveness are concepts that, to some extent, peacefully coexist exactly until the moment when the latter develops into hot temper and hysteria. In such cases, psychologists recommend starting from the root causes (lack of attention and sex, fear of losing such a loved one, etc.) and talking with your partner about problems arising in the relationship.

5. Find the causative agent of the problem that causes this condition: it certainly exists, and when it is eliminated emotional background You will become calmer and more balanced, and the rationality of thoughts and actions will not take long to appear.

In any case, it should be remembered: impulsivity is not a disease with a critical diagnosis, but an emotional and mental state of the individual, which, under the influence of circumstances and environment, can arise in anyone. Depending on the situation, impulsiveness becomes a defense or turns into attack and aggression. It suddenly appears and just as suddenly goes away. She is easily provoked, but is subject to control if she works on her own behavior.

Hello! I have this situation - my man is very impulsive, during a quarrel he says that that’s it, nothing will work out for us, and he doesn’t need anything else. Moreover, the reasons can be different, by and large, far-fetched. I have to put up with him myself and restore our relationship (we don’t live together), because he himself will never call or write first. After reconciliation, he is usually grateful to me and asks for forgiveness for his behavior. but it’s starting to seem to me that maybe he doesn’t really need me that much if he can calmly turn around and leave. Apparently, he is sure that I will run after him in any case, and he will never lose me. I don’t need relationships that rely only on me, I want to see that I am valued and valued. Because of him, I separated from my husband, and during the last quarrel he told me that I have no moral principles, because I abandoned my family, that is, I cannot be trusted. I answered him - how can he blame me for this - after all, I did it because of him, so that we could be together. although his words offended me very much, the next day I tried to talk to him, to which he said that he no longer wanted to communicate with me. what is the reason for his such behavior? and is it worth trying to restore the relationship?

Elena, Moscow, 28 years old

Art psychologist's answer:

Hello, Elena!

In any relationship, the balance “GIVING – RECEIVING” must be maintained (read my answers, I write about this very often). And if in a couple one person begins to take full responsibility for the relationship (“a relationship that rests only on me”), then they are doomed. The one on whom everything rests sooner or later gets tired of holding it, and the one who is forced to be in such a situation begins to get irritated and leave the relationship, since he is constantly made to feel guilty for something and is forced to do something ( “I want to see that I am valued and valued. I separated from my husband because of him”). You expect gratitude and understanding from him, but a person always acts, does something for himself and because of himself. You expected something from the relationship, you counted on something, you came up with something for yourself, you divorced your husband, but that was your will. It was your desire, and to demand that someone appreciate your “feat” and feel obliged to meet your expectations would not be entirely true. You did this not because of him, but because of yourself, don’t forget that! You wanted it so much! The reason for this behavior young man a lot of it. Perhaps he is tired of being owed and guilty. He has a defensive reaction: “I (you) have no moral principles, because I (you) abandoned my family, that is, I (you) cannot be trusted.” Perhaps he wants to relieve himself of responsibility for what is happening. Relationships are only possible when the give-receive balance is restored and both partners are responsible for the relationship. Otherwise, situations similar to yours may arise. Draw conclusions and change tactics. I think that now it makes sense to pause, think about everything that is happening and finally allow your man’s initiative to manifest itself.

Sincerely, Fuzeynikova Irina, art psychologist