Self-confidence: light and dark sides. Difference Between Overconfidence and Confidence Overconfident and Confident

Unlike self-esteem, which is based on self-confidence, it is a completely unreasonable belief of an individual in his ideality and the absence of shortcomings, both internal and external.

It is necessary to distinguish the concepts of self-confidence from self-confidence. The latter is a subjective positive assessment of one's own strengths, capabilities and potential, which are necessary to achieve a specific goal or accomplish a task.

How people see us is largely based on how we see ourselves. Excessive self-confidence can often alienate others, but at the same time it increases as the individual acquires success. We cannot always see the line beyond which our self-confidence turns into too high self-confidence, and not all factors that influence this are subordinate to us.

Overconfidence

Some mistakenly believe that there are certain positive aspects to self-confidence. However. On the contrary, research in psychology proves the fact that in most cases the cause of failure is precisely the overconfidence of the individual. It leads to the fact that forces and real prospects are viewed distortedly, from an idealized point of view, so that as a result, success is never achieved. Overly self-confident people do not admit mistakes, and when faced with failures, they attribute them to some external circumstances. They consider their own to be the only right one, while more often than others they are prone to conflicts, as a result of which there is a complete misunderstanding in their relationships.

Psychologists most often talk about self-confidence in a negative way. It can cause failure in many areas of life, because, developing, it prevents the individual from perceiving the real correlation of problems and internal forces, violates the adequacy of thinking, and affects self-esteem. Of course, such a variant of events is not excluded, when such a belief is beneficial, but this is too dangerous an extreme. In addition, it negatively affects the development of the individual. Self-confident people do not take mistakes personally, therefore, they are not able to analyze them, accept them as an experience and not make them again in the future. Mistakes for them are something too natural, the result of exclusively external conditions and combinations of circumstances, failure.

In some cases, self-confidence is a real threat to the individual. In particular, when the problems relate to financial issues or health. We are talking about self-treatment, which rarely leads to a really positive outcome.

The hallmark of self-confidence is that it has no foundation whatsoever. Self-confidence is based on an objective assessment of opportunities and potential, which are supported by past successful experience.

Self confidence and confidence

In psychology, self-confidence and confidence of any individual are quite clearly distinguished. The paradox lies in the fact that the appearance of self-confidence is the first and practically the main sign of an individual's lack of confidence in his abilities. That is, it excludes true self-confidence. Such people have a habit of hiding their shortcomings and complexes even from themselves, hiding behind feigned courage. They are characterized by ostentatious and mannered calmness, a tendency to bravado and boasting, at the same time, excessive aggression and irritability are noted.

Of course, all such traits are laid down in childhood, and their adequacy depends on education. Incorrectly brought up in relation to self-esteem and confidence, a person grows up quite closed, angry, fussy. It is precisely such people who in the future tend to hide under the mask of self-confidence, since they do not want to show their real “appearance”. At the same time, they also have incorrect ambitions. They hide their fear or even complexes under the constant desire to dominate everywhere and occupy a dominant position. They overly love the non-existent image of their “ideal self” they have created when they meet with disagreement with their opinion.

As for the self-confident individual, he is in harmony with the real "I". Such a person independently accepts the disadvantages and advantages, is able to correct them. He is not prone to hypocrisy, unlike a self-confident person, he is open to the people around him and in turn accepts them as they are in life.

So we come to the conclusion that self-confidence is something bad. You should not resort to extremes, because even our negative traits can play a certain positive role, depending on the situation. Your shortcomings should not be eradicated entirely, it is better to control them or even use them at the right time.

Self-confidence can be used by adhering to the expressed politeness in a conversation, but not to provoke conflicts, but to resolve them and mitigate circumstances. Think as little as possible about how you appear in the eyes of others, direct your energy to thinking about your real affairs. Being confident is good, but don't forget to control your behavior!

Psychologists give a number of tips with which it is possible not only to develop your sense of confidence at the right time, but also to learn how to keep it under control:

1. Organize your wardrobe. A strict style in clothes has a positive effect on your sense of self. Appearance has a lot to do with relationships with people. Men in this regard are a little easier, since it is enough for them to keep their clothes clean and regularly put themselves in order.
   2. Practice a quick gait. It doesn't really matter where exactly you go, whether it's work, a date, another important matter. Confident people rush more often than usual, and they walk firmly and confidently. By acquiring the habit of fast and precise walking, you can increase your sense of self and increase your self-confidence.
   3. Watch your posture! A person who demonstrates sluggish and lean movements, slumped shoulders and a gaze fixed on the ground does not give the impression of a self-confident individual. Often they do not consider themselves important, suffer from low self-esteem, have a negative attitude towards their own activities and success. Good posture training is the key to self-confidence. If you walk upright and look others in the eye, you will not only inspire respect from them, but you yourself will feel a surge of strength and confidence.
   4. Pay attention to familiarize yourself with various motivational speeches. It is not so easy to find a good speaker these days, so you can try yourself in this role. Write a speech that will really motivate you. Develop a speech, because this in itself will allow you to feel more confident, and repeat your speech every day just like that or in front of a mirror.
   5. Learn to be grateful to yourself. When an individual is strictly focused on a certain result, his consciousness can begin to reflexively suggest options for the reasons why it will not be possible to achieve the desired. Thus, a person begins to talk about his weaknesses and focus on them. To avoid this, start thanking yourself for everything you managed to do during the day. Replay all your successes and achievements in your memories, even relationships in your personal life. If you compare the list of your successes, it turns out that in life you have already achieved quite a lot.
   6. Don't be afraid to compliment. A person who has a negative attitude towards himself very often transfers his attitude to others. A banal habit of speaking well of people can help get out of this situation. If you previously liked to discuss someone behind their back, then it is better to stop like that. Learning to speak well of others will increase the sympathy of others for you, as well as raise your self-confidence to a new level.
   7. Pay attention to the place you occupy in a public place. Insecure people always tend to take back positions, whether it's a school, a university auditorium, an office. Get in the front seats so you too can raise your confidence level.
   8. Give up the habit of silence forever. Don't be afraid to speak in a group or in public. Insecure people believe that others rarely agree with other people's opinions, and even more so with their personal ones. Try to always speak out during mass discussions. This will not only improve your oratory skills, but also allow you to develop the right thinking, the ability to convince others and convey your thoughts to them.
   9. Your appearance, and even and physical form, also have an impact on your own confidence. If an individual does not maintain his form and daily tone, then he will feel a decline in energy, and with it a lack of self-confidence. Experts strongly recommend disciplined daily exercise as the best way to maintain energy and create a positive mood for the whole day.
   10. Stop paying too much attention to your experiences. Excessive immersion in one's desires, possible courses of events, worries about future failures or successes ... All this makes us distract from the reality of what is happening and the people around us. Conversely, if you focus on real time, you won't worry so much about the shortcomings, especially if you focus your activities on achieving success. The more you give away, the more you will get back in the form of recognition from those around you.

Until recently, I myself believed that the concepts of confidence and self-confidence are one and the same. And many people think so too. But a couple of years ago, I learned and realized that there is a huge gap between these concepts, despite the similar name and even some similarity.

Let's find out what's the difference

So let's start with confidence. This quality is characteristic of charming, developed and independent personalities. Rather, they are quite well developed. And also, to some extent, most people have it. For some, this quality is more developed, for others it is weaker.

• What is self-confidence?

There is such a thing as a comfort zone. The more comfort zone you have, the more confident you are.

• What is a comfort zone?

These are those circumstances and those situations in which we know what to do and how best to do it.

Example, you have a favorite cafe, you have been there many times, you may already know someone from the staff, you know the menu, you know where the toilet is, etc. In short, you know how everything works in this place. This cafe is in your comfort zone, and you feel confident in it.

And another situation. You've come to a new cafe that you haven't been to before. Here you will most likely feel insecure, because you do not know how everything works here. But, on the other hand, when you find out everything, you will expand your comfort zone.

The same applies to all areas of our lives. We feel more confident the more we know and the larger our comfort zone.

Therefore, the more often we expand our comfort zone, the faster we become a self-confident person.

The most important area in which you need to develop and thereby increase your comfort zone is the area of ​​communication with people, or in another way it can be called sociability.

Fears and modesty prevent us from becoming sociable, which, in fact, is also a set of fears. Fear that everyone around is hostile, that we will receive a refusal in response and because of this we will be upset, fear of being offended, etc.

There are fewer fools than people think: people simply do not understand each other.

© Luc de Vauvenargues

What should be done?

We need to get rid of these fears! And the better we can get rid of them, the better and faster we can expand our comfort zone and become more confident. For if we can quickly find a common language with strangers, then we can quickly expand our comfort zone accordingly.

A real man must be confident! To do this, he must overcome his fears and destroy unnecessary barriers, be smart and knowledgeable, be independent and charming, be physically and mentally strong. Must be able to find a way out of any situation.

A real man should always know what to do! Even when he doesn't know!

© Maxim Alyudin

What is self-confidence

And it is no coincidence that we do this after the paragraph about real men. You will ask why? And here's why:

• Most women want to see a confident man next to them.

And it is no coincidence, because a woman is physically less strong by nature and needs protection, as well as the protection of her children. In addition, it is more difficult for a woman to make a choice, emotions interfere.

And, since many people do not see the difference between self-confidence and self-confidence, women mistakenly believe that self-confident men can give them what they need.

In practice, self-confident people do have a share of self-confidence, but they are so sure that they are right that they put pressure on their stubbornness and do not consider the opinions of other people. They are not capable of dialogue and consider only their opinion to be the only correct one.

The desire to be always right is a sign of vulgarity.

© Albert Camus

Accordingly, women who decide to connect their fate with a self-confident man will probably be able to feel “like behind a stone wall”, but be prepared that behind this wall you will not have a gate, and there will be no freedom.

And if you are lucky and you get a self-confident man, then you will feel support and support, but at the same time you will have your freedom.

But such men, unfortunately, are in the minority. And in order to increase your chances of meeting him, you need to develop and become better and more harmonious yourself.

A self-confident person does not need his half, he is already whole. And he is more interested in whole people.

The question why some achieve success, fulfilling all desires, while others, no less talented and worthy, “remain overboard”, is still relevant. The reason is most often simple: the first category is self-confident people; the second is just not enough. The article will discuss what self-confidence is, how it can be increased, and why you should be careful with the “dosage” of a useful trait.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is self-confidence; the desire to move forward, develop, eliminate weaknesses, without engaging in self-flagellation. Quality, like other characteristics of a person, is acquired, not innate. Its formation is influenced by various factors, including education, material and spiritual benefits, status in society, environment, and others.

Self-confidence can be compared to a medicine - in large "doses" it nullifies the benefits, bringing only harm. People suffering from its excess rarely achieve heights, because they are deprived of the ability to be skeptical about themselves, about the results of their activities.

Overconfidence

This quality does not help to achieve anything - more often it cuts off good undertakings. One who has excessive self-confidence cannot be critical of himself and what he does. It seems to him that any of his creations is a priori beautiful, does not require editing, and critics are simply jealous. In this case, it is almost impossible to admit to yourself the mistakes you have made.

It would seem that there is nothing wrong with excessive self-confidence - many would do well to become more persistent, to be able to brush aside useless criticism. But the problem is still there. Criticism is not always useless, it is important to listen to it, to be able to notice the shortcomings of what has been done. It is important to stick to the golden mean - respond to valid remarks and ignore malicious comments.

How to become a self-confident person?

People who achieve heights in their favorite business are not only talented and purposeful. Being, having this quality, it helps to achieve your goals. An artist who paints brilliant pictures will remain unknown if, instead of organizing exhibitions, he is tormented by thoughts of his own mediocrity. No one will know about a talented writer if he folds his manuscripts at home, in a secluded corner.

Self-confidence is needed for an adequate response to criticism: readiness to correct mistakes and brush aside unconstructive statements of others. prevent you from moving on, prompting you to abandon your favorite pastime after a couple of negative comments. Confident individuals continue to work with double diligence, while considering the achievement of goals as the main goal, and not proving their own to others.

There are several effective tips to help increase self-confidence. They are more global than recommendations to choose things according to the figure, take more pictures and remember compliments, but they work much more efficiently.

1. Understand the essence of criticism

Criticism is considered destructive, designed to belittle. But in fact, it is just an assessment of something (appearance, performance, etc.). Critical assessments are both positive and negative. Listening to any opinion is a useful skill along with developing critical thinking. Redoing everything for others is not an option, but thinking of yourself and your stories/drawings/photos as flawless is also a bad idea. Criticism can be aimed at improving, correcting shortcomings; it is useful in moderation.

2. Notice your own victories

If in a month you managed to get rid of a bad habit, learn to go to bed earlier and wake up without an alarm clock, switch to - this can already be considered a great achievement. Some things go unnoticed because the result is not lightning fast. But they are worth highlighting.

A holistic image is made up of little things; formed due to small, at first glance, changes. It is worth rewarding yourself even for minor achievements, but do not stop, but move on. By setting the right direction and taking even small steps, you can reach heights that previously seemed unrealistic.

In this article, we will talk about what self-confidence is, what are its disadvantages, what are its features. Self-confidence is the other side of self-doubt. The person was initially unsure of himself and developed a defense mechanism, a mechanism for compensating for feelings of insecurity, feelings of inferiority. The result is a kind of inflection in the other direction, which prevents a person from being at least happy, and often brings even more various troubles into his life. Self-confidence arises when a person, in response to some negativity from the past, has a belief in the style of “I am some kind of special”, “I am a star”, “I can do anything”, etc. It is a belief that says he is superior to others, by default.

"I am a star"

If you have found similar sensations in yourself or feel echoes of this state, then there are notes of self-confidence in you too. Nothing wrong with that. The main thing is to realize and strive for reality. That is, a person is not confident in himself, and in an effort to get out of this state, he, as it were, slips through the middle and, in his illusions, builds a star out of himself to compensate for uncertainty. And you need to understand that neither self-confidence nor uncertainty has anything to do with reality. Reality is somewhere in the middle.

And the further a person is from his real situation, the further he goes into his illusions, into his stardom, the more he loses touch with the surrounding reality, with the world around him. As a result, when faced with reality in some conflict situations, or where he needs to prove himself in real actions, in some difficult situation, he is faced with his insecurity and feels pain. He thought he was so wonderful, and life brings him closer to reality. He senses that things are not going so smoothly. As a result, he feels uncomfortable.

A good example of great self-confidence is the conflict that occurred at a press conference with Philip Kirkorov. When Philip Kirkorov, who does not hide that he feels like a star, heard a question hitting his pain point, in the place where he was unsure, which is uncomfortable for him, and immediately lost his temper. All his self-confidence and stardom turned into rudeness.

Cons of self-confidence

The main disadvantage of self-confidence is the blindness of a person. Rising on his pedestal, he ceases to perceive everything that happens around him. He doesn't take values ​​well.
other people's beliefs. Accordingly, it is difficult for him to establish contact with them.

The same goes for emotional contact with other people. He does not perceive the emotions that people experience. He can, without noticing it, hurt people. This blindness alienates people from him. Blindness prevents him from perceiving his own mistakes. Every mistake that he realizes throws him off his pedestal, which for him is a traumatic pain. Accordingly, his defensive reaction acts in such a way that he simply begins to ignore his mistakes, ignore feedback. And without feedback, he can no longer adequately develop.

The focus of attention of such a person is most often focused on the mistakes of other people. Because he constantly needs confirmation of his star status. In his heart he feels his insecurity and inferiority. He needs to constantly prove to himself and others through such a negative perception of others that he is the best. Due to this, he rises, proves to himself that he is the best, and receives pleasure and satisfaction from this, without which he feels very uncomfortable.

"Pros" of self-confidence

These people also have positive aspects. First of all, these are ambitions, which are also required for confirmation. star status. A person has to set big goals for himself, big limits that he wants to achieve.

Secondly, motivation, at what motivation is negative. As soon as an overconfident person begins to fall off his pedestal, he immediately begins to feel uncomfortable. Therefore, he works very hard, does a lot of actions in order to confirm himself, to prove to others his main conviction “I am a star”. As a result, this is a large number of mistakes, these are conflicts with others. He does not take into account their opinion - he constantly conflicts with people around him. He perceives others as a resource for achieving his goals, nothing more. Of course, the lack of intimacy with other people is fraught with an emotionally depressed state, which further confirms his deep-seated insecurity and inferiority.

How to deal with self-confidence?

To solve this problem, it is desirable for a person to find and eliminate the root cause - that negative experience that makes you feel insecure, inferior. This work requires a qualified specialist - a psychologist who could, firstly, find the cause, and secondly, work it out. Additionally, it will be necessary to work out the investigation, work out all the star beliefs, replace these beliefs with more realistic ones so that a person can perceive himself realistically. Then his problems of inflated self-esteem will be solved by themselves. He will be able to feel a much happier person.

And everyone knows, but what if you still don't feel yourself confident? Sometimes it takes time for emotions to match behavior, but you can get off the ground right now. Perhaps, in order to feel better, you just do not have enough exercise and beautiful clothes. Or maybe you need to learn to think positively and smile more often. In any case, gaining self-confidence is a continuous process that (if successful) will significantly improve the quality of your life.

Steps

Part 1

1. Compliment those around you. Remember the positive we talked about earlier? It turns out people love it. Praise people, and they will see that you know how to say nice things. This is similar to the principle of “giving is more pleasant than receiving.” It's nice when someone compliments you, but it's even nicer to know that you've helped someone see something good in themselves.

   • Don't hesitate to accept compliments. A simple "thank you" is the best way to do this. Don't blush or make excuses if someone treats you well. Of course, by doing this you will demonstrate your modesty, but this is not good in relation to the speaker. Imagine that you were given a gift, and you say: “No, no, I don’t deserve this, keep it for yourself.” You can't imagine worse!
     • At the same time, compliments must be sincere. Don't say something if you really don't mean it.
2. You should not only find a role model or mentor, but also surround yourself with positive people. If you often associate with people who try to put you down (intentionally or not) or force you to be something you are not, you will never be happy. Such communication is not worth it, no matter how beautiful, rich or smart these people are.

3. Stay true to yourself. It's hard to be confident in your abilities if you try to be someone else. It's important not only to think about how you need to appear confident, but also about who you really are. Get rid of the excess and just be yourself. That will be much easier.

   • It is impossible to be a happy person if you try to become someone else. Perhaps at first you will notice that people are drawn to you (thanks to the clothes that suit you and other things), but sooner or later this will pass, and you will be left alone with your ideas about yourself. If any part of you is telling you that the image you are creating is not you, listen to yourself. It is important to believe in yourself and do what suits you, and then you will have self-confidence.

• Always be honest and believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will.
• Surround yourself with people you love and who strengthen your self-confidence. Don't settle for anything less. Self-confidence is strongest where there is support from loved ones.
• Remember that everyone experiences fear. You are not alone.
• When you sit, roll your shoulders back and keep your head high!
• Always smile broadly. Thanks to this, others will think that you are sure of what you are saying.
• When talking to a person, always look him in the eye.
• Self-persuasion is a very effective tool. You should pronounce what you want as if it has already happened. Tell yourself this: “I am a very confident person. I can do anything if I try."
• If someone tries to put you down or make fun of you, think about the person's words and realize that he said complete nonsense. Consider it a joke and don't take it to heart.
• Always consider that you and the people around you are equal.
• Watch your body hygiene.
• Every day, going to bed, repeat the following phrase to yourself at least ten times: "I am confident." This will give the brain the right program, and in the morning your faith in yourself will be stronger.
• Try doing something you've always been afraid of: get behind the wheel of a car, give a speech in front of an audience. Vincent van Gogh says: “If an inner voice tells you that you cannot draw, just keep drawing and the voice will subside.”
• Be courteous to others and take insults with a grain of salt.
• Keep a photo of your favorite superhero in your phone. Look at this picture throughout the day to remind yourself how brave you want to be. Tell yourself, “I can handle whatever happens today!”
• Don't let caustic remarks stop you.