What are the dangers of co-sleeping with a child? Co-sleeping with a child: up to what age? "Checking out" to a separate crib

Should I change my bed-sharing habits? 6 questions for parents

The baby has grown up, he is one year old. He learned to walk and eat something other than milk from the breast, he understands and speaks the first words - he is no longer a baby, but a child, a little man. Does anything change in relation to co-sleeping in the second year of a child’s life?

This wonderful ability, so necessary in life, but very inconvenient for parents, is formed in a child around the time he begins to walk, that is, about a year. And now, if a child doesn’t like something, he will definitely convey it to his elders. Screaming. After all, he still has very few words to express desires and non-desires. There are almost none.

In addition, the baby, who recently learned to walk and even run away, periodically protests very strongly against any separation from his mother that is insignificant from the point of view of an adult. Even going into another room for a couple of minutes is not always possible without a fight. And the separation at the moment before falling asleep will be associated with protracted battles and protests.

And not every mother and father has enough confidence and willpower to overcome such resistance. During the first year of life, parents become so accustomed to meeting their baby’s wishes that changing their strategy can be quite difficult.

Especially a lot of protests may arise if parents begin to change the child’s usual ways of sleeping. But this does not mean that nothing can be changed. It’s just that a child’s resistance to change is an absolutely normal phenomenon in both the second and third years of his life. And it is useful for parents to imagine in what cases it can be expected and how to cope with it.

If a mother, having decided to change something related to the child’s sleep, is afraid of his first, strongest cry of protest, then a stalemate will arise, the conditions and duration of which will be dictated by the one-year-old baby.

If such a picture and such a balance of power seem logical to you, there are no problems.

But not all parents agree that young children should be the main ones in the family. First of all, for this they do not have the ability to foresee the consequences of their choices.

For a baby, the first year of his life is his whole life. And the habit of sleeping with his mother may be his lifelong companion. It doesn’t matter that we created it with our own hands, thinking that it is absolutely good. It is important that these kinds of habits are very difficult to change. It's difficult to change what has always been there.

The psyche of a child of the second year of life is structured in such a way that it is very difficult for him to violate traditions and stereotypes, the usual order of events to which he has adapted. This trait is called "age-related rigidity" and goes away after 3.5 years. For most children between one and two years of age, disruption of the usual course of events is fraught with behavioral disruption. And everything related to sleep is very important for the baby and greatly affects his condition.

I think the key factors in answering this question may be the condition of the mother and the quality of the baby's sleep.

Parents. If mom (or dad) is completely “uneasy” about any of the nuances of sleeping together with the baby, then this cannot be ignored, and something should be changed. After all, parents who are systematically unwell, who get angry, endlessly putting their beloved baby to bed, will have less strength to satisfy his other needs.

In addition, tiring and long-term putting a child to bed can form a general attitude towards him as overly demanding and not improve, but worsen, psychological contact with him.

Child. If the baby wakes up every hour to nurse, although during the day he eats well not only from the breast, if he periodically wakes up and wants to hold his mother’s hand, chest or hair, then his sleep is interrupted, and he sleeps worse than the average child of his age.

Unfortunately, the phenomenon of “suction,” that is, the endless demand of the breast, is quite difficult to outwit while you are breastfeeding and sleeping with your baby. “Sucking” is tiring, but this statement does not mean that the author is against feeding a child under two years of age. It’s just that no one should suffer systematically from feeding (as well as from any other things related to raising a baby).

The period for changing habits associated with falling asleep is not easy, and how can you decide which of the two evils is the lesser?

You may find it helpful to ask yourself and your spouse questions like:

This list can be shortened or extended, the main thing is that questions of this kind will help you build and formulate your own position regarding co-sleeping with a growing child.

On a one-year-old child, especially the first-born, the light often converges like a wedge in the mother’s eyes. And anyone else's interests and needs are simply not in focus for her. She doesn’t feel them, doesn’t notice them, because she’s very focused on the baby. If the other parent categorically does not like sleeping with the baby, then this is a serious reason to change something.

Since the time when the books of William and Martha Serz became popular among Russian-speaking readers, thoughts about sharing sleep with a baby became not only legalized, but also captured the minds.

There is a wonderful Russian proverb about a fool who was taught to pray. Yes, it is common for young parents to bring any idea to its climax. The same story happened with co-sleeping. The myth that real, strong contact with a child is possible only by sleeping together has ruined the lives of more than one family. But it turned out to be useful to many.

The question is whether this is right for you.

Remember that the idea that you need to sleep together with your child is not the ultimate truth, but one of the ideas about education, not the first and not the last. I know families who have truly found co-sleeping convenient and beneficial. But I know of no fewer cases where this style of bed was absolutely not suitable for the family, but under the influence of this myth they tormented themselves and the child for a long time. And how are you? Co-sleeping can be both good and bad. Try to evaluate what it's like for your family.

Co-sleeping in the second year of life can be important if the mother went to work or study, the circumstances are different. In fact, the entire second year of life and especially the first half of it is a time unfavorable for full-time employment. But if this situation exists in your family, and the child really does not see his mother very much while awake, then sleeping together with him is at least some, but far from the best way to “get” the contact that is missing during the day.

It is better not to create such a situation and to have contact with the baby during the day rather than at night. But if you do not influence the circumstances, then in this case I would consider sleeping together as a temporary solution.

But after three years, sleeping with a child in the same bed is really harmful! This may incorrectly influence the pace and style of formation of his psychosexual identity (this is a separate discussion).

In my experience, disruption of marital interaction is more common among couples who practice co-sleeping with their child not only in the first months of his life, but also for much longer.

Not all fathers are ready to share the actual inconvenience of sleeping together, without hoping for contact with their own wife. And when it becomes clear that the young mother doesn’t care about anything, she is so passionate about breastfeeding, dad quietly or loudly crawls to the rug to the computer, to the sofa in the kitchen or living room.

Is it good for spouses? Will a child who has been sleeping under his mother’s side for a long time benefit if there is less tenderness and love in the parents’ relationship?

As you know, the more a man feels satisfied with all the components of married life, the more actively he is ready to participate in raising the child. And if in the first year of life, while the child is not yet walking, any personally mature father is ready to endure various kinds of hardships, then it is in the second year of the baby’s life that dissatisfaction with relationships with his wife and life in the family generally accumulates in men in geometric progression.

By endlessly putting the child to sleep with her own presence, the mother can - without realizing it - undermine the foundation of the relationship. Few people in their right mind and strong memory would want to chop off the “bough they are sitting on.”

In those couples where the baby is firmly nestled at mom’s side, and dad has long “moved out” to a separate bed, coldness and distance can accumulate in the relationship between the spouses. This atmosphere can make it difficult for the child to move out of the big bed. Usually, the older the baby gets, the more difficult it is to change something if everything is the same between mom and dad.

For the baby, this is an ongoing period of symbiosis with his mother. Is it good? Judge for yourself, the situation of each family and the growing up of each child has its own story, and from this point of view, parents definitely know better.

From the point of view of general knowledge of child psychology, one of the main lines of development of a child in the second year of life is precisely overcoming emotional symbiosis. This overcoming, “hatching from the egg,” lasts throughout the second year of the child’s life. And there is no need to rush him or slow him down - this can prevent the baby from developing at a unique pace characteristic only of him.

And if we take into account the importance of close connections with the mother, but not only symbiotic, but variable (when the baby is comfortable and well not only around the mother, but also separately from her), then it is wonderful if the child knows how to fall asleep both with and without the mother.

This is very convenient, as it gives the mother some freedom (for example, to go to a movie or a lecture, or stay with a friend in the evening), but also creates the opportunity to restore contact when the need arises.

And for dad, the opportunity to put the baby to bed is an excellent training for him and his baby in personal contact and the ability to negotiate, which is very important in the second year of life. After all, if the father has no idea how to approach bedtime, and is sure that only the mother can cope with this, and in general this is her business, he is unlikely to be able to feel competent and included.

The ability and opportunity to negotiate with dad, in particular, about falling asleep, is one of the most developmental for both boys and girls in the second year of life. If dad is completely aloof, then this contributes to the emergence of an incorrect, delayed symbiosis.

If a second child is born in the family, and the eldest still knows how to fall asleep only in the parent’s bed, it can be difficult for parents. First of all, not every house has a bed that can sleep 4 people well, even if two of them are very small. And if someone leaves, then, as a rule, it is dad. And the situation returns to the one described above - “dad on the mat.”

Indeed, a wife surrounded on both sides by sniffling babies is an inaccessible object. But from a temporary “I’ll sleep a little on the sofa while the children are so small,” this situation tends to become permanent, when the spouses have completely forgotten how to fall asleep in the same bed. From the point of view of family psychology, this is a risk factor.

And people fall into a similar trap without noticing it, they just focus on children, and it seems that taking children’s needs into account first is the best way to live. Tactically, this is possible (although I personally have a lot of doubts), but strategically, it’s definitely not good for the family.

So what, just sleep until the end of breastfeeding?

Perhaps this is exactly your option.

Or maybe the time has already come for you to change your sleeping and falling asleep habits, because you can no longer get enough sleep and feed all the time.

If co-sleeping with a child is easy and enjoyable for everyone, great. But if it involves a long bedtime, when a sad and lonely dad sits in the kitchen, knowing that his wife will most likely fall asleep and not talk to him, then this is a completely different phenomenon.

Co-sleeping is not a dogma, but a way to save energy and improve the “sleep” of both the baby and the parents. You can discard in time what has become burdensome.

But you will probably need more time to realize and formulate your own position. In serious matters - and this is what co-sleeping with a child is - there is no need to rush.

Hello dear readers and subscribers. The author of the blog, Irina Gavrilik, is with you again, and recently I have a new topic of conversation. The fact is that the other day I overheard a conversation between two young mothers. Just don’t rush to scold me right away. I honestly don't suffer from excessive curiosity. It was just that it happened at a bus stop, where two girls were so heatedly discussing sleeping together with a child that I was far from the only one who became an involuntary witness to their conversation.

It turns out that one of them was soon preparing to become a mother, and the other was already raising two small children and advised the first one, immediately after birth, to put the baby to sleep in a separate crib, explaining that it was much easier to get enough sleep on her own and it was safer for the baby.

I will say right away that I do not support separate sleeping, especially with a baby, and there are enough reasons for that. But I didn’t interfere in the girls’ conversation, but decided to write about it here on the blog. Therefore, read the article to the end and you will find out:

• what worries the baby
• How co-sleeping helps prevent sudden infant death syndrome
• all the benefits of sleeping in the same bed as your baby
• how to organize sleep so that the whole family is rested and joyful
• up to what age should you sleep together and how to properly wean your child from sleeping next to his mother
• dispel the myths, fears and dangers that you have heard from relatives and friends

And in conclusion, I will tell you how my husband and I, through trial and error, came to the conclusion that sleeping together with two children is not only correct, but also useful.

Every woman, already in an interesting position, not least of all mentally imagines her baby’s corner: a beautiful crib, decorated with a light, almost weightless canopy. A soft mattress, a warm blanket and a lot of plush toys. Cute, isn't it? But is this what the baby needs?

Just think about it: you carried your child under your heart for 9 months. He listened to his knock, sucked his fist, felt your mood and emotions, played with the umbilical cord, swallowed amniotic fluid - he knew that his mother was always there.

And now comes the time of childbirth. But every woman experiences childbirth differently. Someone attended special courses and knows in advance how to behave correctly, how to breathe and follow the recommendations of the obstetrician. Someone screams and panics, and someone is taken to a caesarean section.

What about the child? He is also in pain and scared. He comes into this new world for him, so strange, alien and unfamiliar. He doesn’t understand where the warmth and coziness, comfort and tranquility have disappeared – where is his mother.

In the understanding of the baby, he and his mother are a single whole. The baby needs physical contact, because the world for him consists of touches. It is important for him to know that you are always nearby, to hear a familiar voice, to feel your smell and taste of mother's milk. Then everything falls into place. The baby understands that he is not alone and is completely safe - he calms down, gradually gets used to it and gains confidence.

If you've ever listened to a sleeping baby, you've probably noticed that his breathing is uneven - as if he sometimes forgets to breathe. Experts confirm that during sleep, infants are characterized by periods of short-term cessation of breathing and heart rhythm disturbances - apnea. As a result, the child may simply suffocate if he is not woken up in time.

Sudden infant death syndrome is not a disease and has no cure. This is a diagnosis that is made when an absolutely healthy child dies in a dream, for absolutely no reason.

This phenomenon has not been thoroughly studied, and it is not possible to explain it, but it is known that from birth in children, the respiratory and cardiovascular systems, although fully developed, are not adapted to new conditions. Simply put, during the period of deep sleep, the child’s body simply does not know how to behave and may malfunction.

The most dangerous period is from the birth of a child to 6 months. The fact is that a baby's sleep is very different from the sleep of an adult. Adults, falling asleep, can immediately fall into deep sleep until the morning. While it is natural for children to fall asleep through a phase of restless sleep, then plunge into deep sleep for a couple of hours and then remain in the stage of active or shallow sleep, often latching on to the chest, tossing and fussing.

But due to the extreme stress that a baby experiences when left alone in a separate crib, the mechanism for waking up from sleep may be disrupted. As a result, the child often and for a long time goes into deep sleep, from where he may never return without outside help.

It is enough to wake up the baby with a simple touch and his organs and systems will start working again.

Parents whose children sleep in a separate bed or even room often note that their child’s night’s sleep is sounder and longer than the sleep of children sleeping next to their mother.

And now, if someone asks: “What’s wrong with that?” - You know what to answer.

Back in 1992, a study was conducted. A completely healthy infant was connected to sensors and placed in a separate crib for the night. Mom only picked him up to feed him and then put him back down again. During six hours of separate sleep, sensors recorded 53 cases of breathing disorders and heart rhythm disturbances. The next night the child slept with his mother - the sensors did not detect a single anomaly.

To be sure, the experiment was repeated. They put the child in a separate crib for several hours, and the child spent the rest of the night's sleep next to his mother. And again, during the time spent apart from the mother, the equipment detected 28 failures. And during the time we slept together, the indicators were ideal - no failures were recorded.

How to explain this?

The human heart generates the strongest electromagnetic field in the body. The energy created is felt within a radius of more than half a meter. Therefore, mother and baby feel each other’s presence. Their heart rate is synchronized, they move together from one level of sleep to another - from deep to shallow and back again. This is how the child learns to breathe correctly, and the mother wakes up with the baby.

Sudden death syndrome is a problem of a civilized society and separate sleep. Because only the mother subconsciously knows what is best for her baby. She will hug and warm, cuddle and protect her child, but a separate, even the best crib will not.

• The opportunity to get a good night's sleep. We figured out why a child’s healthy sleep largely depends on the mother’s presence. What about the mother herself? After all, she also needs proper rest. But just imagine, will you be able to get enough sleep if you have to get up 5-10 times a night, take the little one out of the cradle, feed it and try to put it back without waking him up? And so every night. How soon will such rest lead to you starting to throw yourself at others? And if the baby is sleeping next to you, you just need to take it out and give him the breast. You may not even wake up completely. And there is no need to be afraid that you will fall asleep while feeding and the baby will roll off your hands. And over time, you will gain confidence, choose a comfortable one and be able to completely relax and unwind.
• The lactation period increases. Have you noticed that while breastfeeding a woman often feels sleepy? This does not happen by accident. The fact is that the duration of the breastfeeding period depends on the level of a special hormone - prolactin. It is responsible for the production of breast milk and its content in the body grows while the mother sleeps - no matter day or night. And it drops sharply if you feed rarely or not at all at night. Plus, frequent night sucking is additional breast stimulation, which also increases milk volume. Therefore, the desire to lie down and sleep with your baby for at least an hour is not a sign of fatigue, but a natural need.
• Mental and physical development of the child. What is needed for the full growth of a small person? Naturally good nutrition, mental development and a strong nervous system. All this can provide a sufficient amount of “hind” milk, which begins to flow to the baby only after prolonged continuous sucking. It is rich in fats, which promotes weight gain, and the high content of polyunsaturated acids guarantees the full development of the brain and nervous system. But sometimes the baby’s daily activity is constantly distracted by something from feeding - there are so many new, bright and unknown things around. But during sleep, he more than makes up for lost time, sucking on the breast for a long time. It is also known that a baby’s brain actively develops not only during the day, when he learns about the world around him, but also during sleep. And the physical closeness of the mother at night helps relieve daytime stress, relax and calm down. Personally, I have noticed more than once that if a child has had an emotionally intense day, then night feedings become noticeably more frequent.
• Frequent feedings, including at night, promote rapid contraction of the uterus and restoration of the body after childbirth. They also protect against pregnancy, since a nursing woman usually does not have menstruation for at least six months.

• Fear of crushing the child. This is excluded for two reasons. Firstly, with the birth of a baby, maternal sleep becomes incredibly sensitive and responsive to his condition. A woman is able to catch the slightest fuss of a baby, but at the same time, extraneous loud noise does not bother her at all. Secondly, all babies are snub-nosed from birth, thanks to which air access to the small nose will always be ensured, no matter how hard the mother presses the baby to the chest.
• Fear that the child will remain in the parent's bed for a long time. Co-sleeping is a natural childhood need, which, if satisfied, will go away with age. After about three years, children who have slept with their parents want to have their own corner and consider sleeping in their own bed a privilege of age. On the contrary, there are cases where children, whose parents taught them to sleep separately from infancy, grew up and began to ask to go to their parents’ bed.
• The child will deprive the parents of their intimate life. Some spouses are afraid to wake up their child; it is unusual for them to have another little person lying in bed with them. But here everything depends only on you. You can remember your youth, use your imagination and not limit yourself only to bed.

Do you know what a co-sleeping situation sometimes looks like? Mom read a ton of children's literature, and most sources advocate co-sleeping - this is good and healthy. I ran through my friends and acquaintances - they also practice it, they say - it’s necessary and correct. And the mother decided that we would sleep together with the newborn. At the same time, she is afraid to sleep with the child, is constantly worried and nervous, does not get enough sleep and is angry. The child, feeling tension, behaves restlessly, does not sleep, screams and is capricious. Dad doesn’t understand what’s going on at all, because no one asked his opinion - he gets ready and goes to sleep on the sofa in the middle of the night. In the end, everyone is unhappy, but they continue to torment each other, because somewhere it is written that this is better and safer.

But understand! The essence of sleeping together is to unite and unite the family, to make it even stronger and more reliable, and not to divide everyone into rooms. Don't go to extremes. You shouldn't look at others. Consult with your husband, discuss the pros and cons and find a convenient solution specifically for your situation.

• Place your child to sleep on a flat, firm, clean surface. A water mattress or air mattress is too mobile - the baby will constantly roll around.
• Do not place your child on the edge of the bed to prevent him from rolling onto the floor. Better move the bed close to the wall. If there is a gap between the wall and the bed, it needs to be filled with something so that the baby does not stick an arm, leg or head there.
• You should not place the baby next to the father or older child. They don't feel the baby so keenly. However, it is noted that most fathers, after some time of co-sleeping, also become incredibly sensitive to the presence of the child.
• No soft pillow or fluffy blanket. Having buried his nose in them, the baby will not be able to breathe normally. And children under two years old should not sleep on a pillow at all.
• Do not dress or wrap your baby too tightly. He will take part of the heat from you. And if you overheat, prickly heat may appear; read more about what it is and how to deal with it.
• Avoid cosmetics and hygiene products with a strong aroma. It can interrupt the familiar maternal smell and irritate the baby's nose.
• It is better to use natural products to wash clothes.
• Ventilate and humidify the air in the room more often.
• Do not lie down next to your child if you are extremely tired, have drunk alcohol or have taken sedatives, as your sensitivity and self-control will be greatly dulled.
• It is also undesirable for a child to sleep in the same room with a smoker, since statistics say that the risk of sudden death in a child in this environment increases.

And, if the width of your sleeping place does not allow you to comfortably settle down with your child, then you can purchase an additional cot (cosliper). It is attached closely to your bed and the child always sleeps nearby, even in his own bed.

Teaching a child to sleep separately is not difficult - you need to act gradually, but confidently. And under no circumstances should you put pressure on the baby. It is clear to say when it is impossible to do this better - all children are different and each child is individual in his own way. But you will definitely understand that after 3-4 years the baby will begin to show independence, saying that he is already an adult and can do everything on his own. Then it's worth trying:

• Start with the second blanket. That is, the bed is still shared, but the baby has his own blanket.
• Together with your child, buy new bedding for a separate bed - it will be his only. Let him choose the color and pattern himself.
• It is better if at first it is not a separate room, but a bed next to yours. Let the child know that he is not being persecuted - he is simply growing up.
• Agree with your baby that he will sleep in his own bed during the day, fall asleep next to you at night, and then you will move him to a separate crib, if he doesn’t mind, of course.

The child must be explained why this is necessary. Children at this age know how to hear and listen - they understand everything. And, if the baby comes to you to sleep in the morning, then do not scold him. Just praise him for sleeping through the night on his own, like an adult - one praise is much better than ten reproaches.

I, like many other young mothers, did not start co-sleeping right away. Before going to bed, I bathed our first child, Dominic, swaddled him (for those interested in swaddling methods, read here), fed him and put him in a separate crib. At night, as soon as the baby began to groan and fuss, my husband would take him out and bring him to me. I'll give the breast, Dominic will smack a little and fall asleep. The husband will take him in his arms, hold him in a column and carefully put him back in the crib. And so many times a night. A month later, my husband once said that he was already used to not getting enough sleep. But we consoled ourselves with the thought that sacrificing sleep for the sake of the child was right and proudly considered ourselves good parents.

One incident changed everything. I wake up my husband and ask him to put the baby in his crib. He jumped up, ran up to me and froze - I was sitting on the bed, folding my arms across my chest, as if I was feeding a baby, and Dominic was sleeping peacefully in his crib. My husband said that he woke up in an instant from fear that I had dropped the child. From the next night we all began to sleep together and never regretted it.

When Ivona was born to us, the issue of sleeping separately was not even considered. We all sleep together. The only thing, in order to make everyone more comfortable, we removed one side from the crib and moved it close to ours. Ivona sleeps there, an arm's length away from me. And he sleeps much more peacefully than Dominic slept in the first month. If they ask me how many times I feed during the night, I will answer that I don’t remember. It’s as if I emerge from a dream, give my breast to the baby and go back to sleep, while everyone gets enough sleep and feels great.

Co-sleeping is great. After all, the baby will inevitably grow up, become an adult and independent. Only wonderful memories will remain of those happy moments when you could caress him, and he, smiling, fell asleep sweetly in your arms.

I'll probably end on this happy note. And you, dear readers, I invite you to comments and groups on social networks. Ask questions, get answers and share your own sleep experiences with your child. Subscribe to updates - there is still a lot of interesting things ahead.

A beautiful crib or cradle is a dowry that parents rush to buy shortly before the birth of their baby. They look nice and promise comfort and sweet dreams to the newborn. Having lulled the baby in her arms, the mother carefully transfers him to her cradle, where he sleeps until he gets hungry. Until a certain moment, it never occurs to her that she will someday have to practice co-sleeping with her child.

A baby's sweet sleep in his own crib is the dream of every mother.

Gradually, the new mother becomes tired. Lack of sleep at night, feeding on demand or on a schedule, household chores, caring for the family takes energy. She decides to try leaving the baby on her bed after the second feeding (about 2-3 a.m.), and then puts him there for the whole night, not wanting to interrupt her rest and get up to the cradle. How beneficial is this for the baby? Should I put him in bed with me at night?

A few years ago, co-sleeping with a child was not held in high esteem. It was believed that the baby should get used to sleeping separately, in his own crib (we recommend reading:). The tired mother also needed to sleep, without worrying that during her rest she could cause any harm to the baby. Nowadays, perinatal psychologists have the opposite opinion and actively promote the baby’s rest in the parents’ bed.

In many families, the decision about where the child will sleep is made according to the situation. When the baby is restless and falls asleep only next to his mother, she has to accept this and put him next to him. The issue of night rest with the child is equally interesting to experienced parents. Sometimes nighttime traditions change with the arrival of older children in the family.

If the baby cannot fall asleep otherwise, the mother has to switch to co-sleeping

It is not only mothers who feed on demand who are advised to practice joint night rest with their baby. It is believed that the baby needs it to develop a sense of security and safety in a still unfamiliar world. Babies who sleep next to their mothers have greater development potential. When they rest separately, a long deep sleep develops, which arises as a stressful situation due to the absence of a loved one nearby.

Even if the mother has a lot of other worries, she still should not leave the room until the baby falls asleep. You can lie next to him, sing a lullaby, or invite dad to do this.

Newborns sometimes experience pauses in breathing during sleep, but the proximity of a loved one actively stimulates the baby’s respiratory center. It has been proven that sudden infant death syndrome is less common in children who sleep with their mother.

In the first postpartum weeks, mother and baby physically need to be together. The connection that they had for 9 months is still very strong. It is important for mom and baby to feel the warmth and closeness of each other. However, co-sleeping quickly becomes a habit that is difficult to break in the future.

• Among the advantages of the baby resting next to his mother in the first months after birth: peace of mind for the parent and baby, no need to get up at night to feed him.
• Of the minuses: the risk that sleeping in bed with your parents at night will become a habit. You can avoid this if you put your baby in a separate crib or cradle during the day.

During this period, the baby becomes mobile, learns to roll, and tries to crawl. Leaving him alone on an adult bed is dangerous. If the mother has tamed the baby to her hands or “resting under the barrel,” retraining will take time. During the day there may not be time to relax together, so you should put your baby in his own bassinet. There are no downsides to a night's rest with parents, since the baby still eats mother's milk.

• The benefits of resting next to your mother during this period: convenience during night feedings, the ability to quickly calm the baby.
• Cons: when the baby begins to crawl, you should take care of safety (parents can sleep, and at this time he will try to climb down). Dads are often against having a baby in bed because it affects marital life.

The baby is developing for 6-12 months, becoming more and more active, trying to get on all fours, learning to walk. During this period, the baby often wakes up to take the breast only because he is used to it (and not out of hunger). There is no way for a mother to explain to a child who receives breastfeeding on demand that it is no longer necessary to do this too often. Vacationing together during this period becomes uncomfortable.

• The advantages of this period include: a good night's sleep for the mother (she does not need to be distracted by preparing a bottle and getting up to the baby), as well as the ability to maintain breastfeeding. During the day, the parent can go somewhere, and the baby receives the prescribed complementary foods. But at night his mother’s milk awaits him.
• Of the minuses: the baby can play for a long time before going to bed, often wake up and reach for the chest.

Previously, pediatricians recommended placing babies separately from their parents. This was largely facilitated by the success of Spock’s book “The Child and His Care,” where the author argued that until six months the baby should sleep in his own bed in the parents’ room, and then in a separate nursery. This was justified by the possibility of crushing the child in his sleep, unhygienic conditions, the formation of the child’s habit of sleeping with his parents, and interference in his intimate life.

It has now been proven that adults can “sleep” a baby only in a state of intoxication or accidentally (if the adult’s weight is more than 150 kg). The baby's nose is snub-nosed, so it is impossible to suffocate in his sleep. As for accidental injury to the baby, the mother sleeps lightly, if the baby is located on her side, no trouble will happen.

It is possible to retrain a child to rest independently as early as one year of age, and not only the bed is suitable for marital sex.

Today, many arguments against co-sleeping no longer work. There are more and more married couples who practice organizing it, arguing that it is so inherent in nature, and the regulations do not need to be violated. Among the arguments in favor of co-sleeping between a baby and its parents:

• the mother maintains lactation;
• reducing the risk of sudden infant death (we recommend reading:);
• unity of biorhythms of mother and baby;
• the opportunity to get enough sleep without being interrupted by putting the child into bed;
• babies tolerate colic and teething easier, they are less anxious, and rarely complain about bad dreams in the future.

Previously, children often slept with their parents due to the fact that it was not possible to provide each family member with a separate place. There was nothing wrong with this, but there are still people who are trying to find flaws:

• the risk of overfeeding an infant who eats on demand;
• the inability of parents to completely relax, which affects work productivity and causes irritability;
• some psychiatrists seriously believe that resting a child in the same bed with adults develops infantilism and delayed mental development;
• fear of harming the child;
• obstacle to marital intimacy;
• the risk of infecting a child with ARVI (if the parents are sick).

It is important for parents to decide where to sleep for their baby together. Each family has its own way of life, but if both spouses do not mind that the baby will sleep with them, it is important to organize a sleeping place and take care of comfort during sleep.

Establishing co-sleeping with a baby is not easy; it takes from 2 weeks to 1.5 months. First of all, the mother must be able to feed while lying down, learn to rest when the baby is nearby. Newborns get used to co-sleeping faster. If you plan to sleep with an older baby, you need to be prepared for the fact that at first he will actively toss and turn.

Safety depends on whether the mother knows how to attach the baby in a lying position, the shape and size of the breast. If she is larger than size 4, it is important to consult a breastfeeding specialist, learn how to feed correctly, practice co-napping during the day, and only then decide to do the same at night.

Sleeping with a baby requires the voluntary consent of both parents. Proper organization is of great importance to him:

• the mattress must be orthopedic and not sag under the weight of the child;
• regular change of bed linen (it is better to put the baby in his “sleeping bag”) (we recommend reading:);
• the baby should be placed between the mother and the wall (or protective edge), but not between the parents;
• the baby should sleep without a pillow, even if the parents use one (you can put a diaper under the head);
• Parents' pillows and separate blankets should be kept away from the baby's head;
• sex should be moved to another territory.

When relaxing with a baby is cramped or inconvenient, you should think about purchasing a sleeping place that is attached to an adult bed or moving a baby’s crib towards you. For a safe daytime rest, the child’s own crib (where he sleeps alone) or a cradle is ideal. Safety rules will help you overcome doubts about sleeping together:

• in a state of alcoholic intoxication and after taking sedatives, you should not put your baby in bed with adults;
• a threat to the baby - pillows, bolsters, water mattresses, where he can bury his head; this should not happen in bed;
• It is important that the baby sleeps on his side;
• if the mother cannot fully rest and it is difficult for her to feed the child while lying down, it is worth thinking about the fact that sleeping together is inappropriate;
• when one of the parents is sick (infections of ENT organs, skin), the baby needs to be placed separately.

Based on many years of experience, Dr. Evgeniy Olegovich Komarovsky (a famous pediatrician and assistant to parents in raising healthy children) argues that there can be no clear rules in matters of sharing sleep with a baby. Each family decides this issue individually. If safety for the baby is ensured, and parents are satisfied with this sleep pattern, this practice is acceptable.

However, the doctor emphasizes that many families are destroyed due to the fact that after giving birth the woman is completely occupied with the child and is not eager to be distracted by her husband. For a spouse, instructions to “put yourself in the position of a wife” usually do not work. The only place where he “reigns” is in a shared bed. Taking her away from her husband also increases the risk of divorce.

Another interesting fact that Komarovsky noted concerns the emotional state of mother and baby. Staying together around the clock is absolutely natural for them, but it introduces significant restrictions into the mother’s lifestyle. However, it has not been proven that the instinct to be together affects the physical and mental health of infants.

He gets used to the absence of his mother quickly when he is fed, changed and wrapped warmly. If you don’t put him in his parents’ bed immediately after the hospital, then within 2-3 days he will get used to isolated sleep. The opposite situation: the baby quickly gets used to sleeping with his mother. It is naive to think that as he gets older he will want to separate. Weaning will require a lot of time, patience and nerves.

In Komarovsky’s personal opinion, resting children in the same bed with adults has more disadvantages than benefits. It takes root in families where the parents have separate bedrooms, the mother raises the child alone or isolates the father because his snoring interferes with sleep. In any case, the doctor advises taking into account the interests of all family members and, based on this, preparing a sleeping place for the baby.

The baby is allowed to sleep with the parents while breastfeeding continues. It is important to wean the child until he is one and a half years old, since at this age the fear of losing his mother becomes acute, and transferring him to his own crib will be painful. It is possible that the baby will cry and ask to go back, which will negatively affect the mood of all household members.

If you do not wean the child on time, the child will develop attachment. Sleeping in a separate bed will be perceived as punishment; the baby will believe that he was abandoned. It is important to carry out the transfer smoothly so as not to cause psychological trauma to the baby. If changes are planned in the baby’s life, transferring him to a separate crib should be postponed. It is important for mom to be nearby during night sleep if the following events occur:

• loud family celebration;
• starting a visit to the garden, development center;
• the birth of a second child;
• parental divorce;
• moving;
• a quarrel between adults in which the baby was present;
• in other similar situations.

It is allowed to practice co-sleeping during periods of illness of the child, exacerbation of allergies, chronic diseases, or teething. It is important to let him feel parental love, and not isolate him alone with his pain. When transferring to a separate crib, you should not frighten the baby with talk or darkness. It is important to explain that he is already big, and it will be much more convenient for him to rest separately.

The comfort that comes from co-sleeping with a newborn may not be relevant at all when the child is one year old. The feeling that your mother is nearby is important in the first weeks of life. After 3 months, close contact with the parent is not so necessary. The baby explores the world, and the mother’s task is to diversify the waking hours, keep the baby busy with finger games, nursery rhymes, and listening to music.

During this period, some mothers find it difficult to change at the child's pace. He grows at a rapid pace, and sleeping together soon becomes far from a decisive factor in comfort and well-being. A mother needs to be able to calm her baby not only with her breasts. You should learn to communicate with him, offer games according to age, then development will be harmonious and complete.

And now I have a problem with this... Until 2.5 months, we slept perfectly in our crib. We woke up at 4-5 o'clock to eat. And now... We are now 3.5 months old. For more than three weeks now, some kind of horror has begun to brew - he wakes up every 30-40 minutes, wants nothing but the breast. She tried to lie down with us, spin around all night and try to get up. The ritual before bed did not change - 20.30 bathing, changing clothes, eating and 21.00 sleep. Now he goes to bed at 21 and wakes up half an hour later. I pump it and he falls asleep. I put him in the crib, after 15 minutes he raises his legs to his head and there is no sleep. What should I do? How can I fix this? I completely agree that co-sleeping is not the norm. Please tell me. I asked a sleep consultant and they said that co-sleeping is the norm, all animals sleep with their babies and sleeping with the breast in the mouth is good. In general, this consultant was not suitable for me. All references to sleep regression and normalcy. Please help, I’m already like a zombie with my husband.

31/01/2017 19:28

I will share my, so far small, experience. We have never practiced co-sleeping. My daughter sleeps all night in her crib next to us, wakes up around 6-7 in the morning, asks to come to us (but this is rare) and sleeps for a couple more hours. At her age (1 year 9 months), sleeping together is a dubious pleasure for her... because we wake her up with our rolling over, and for us... because she is already big and she needs to wave her big legs and arms.. We have to constantly correct her and bring her in the correct position in bed.. As a result, neither mom nor dad gets enough sleep)) Of course, when she was smaller and sometimes slept with us (when her teeth... whims... and it’s hard to get up and go to the crib 10 times a night ) it didn’t feel that way because of its size))) I think every family has its own ideal sleep! The main thing is that everyone is comfortable!

29/01/2017 17:03

I like to listen to the Doctor, but in this aspect we will remain unconvinced. Having slept with my baby since birth, I prefer to sleep at night (breastfeeding if required) rather than jumping up on demand. The second one was born - the same situation. Although the crib is placed close together, and after a year the child himself rolls onto it after feeding. After the birth of the second, a second bed appeared, but on the dad’s side, for the eldest)). Therefore, everyone has their own place, but we usually all sleep together))) this way the children feel closeness and love better))

29/01/2017 12:55

And if you remember how many babies, sometimes not very small ones, paid with their lives for sleeping together, being simply crushed by their parents in their sleep... I have seen several such cases. Then I didn’t have my own child yet, but based on their example, I firmly decided that there would never be any co-sleeping with a baby in my family...

20/01/2017 12:41

atlee, my child is 1.4. From birth he slept in his own crib, but at 10 months we went to the country. And then he moved into our bed. I started retraining him to sleep separately a couple of months ago with the help of long and tiring walks in the fresh air, after which he no longer cared where he was put to bed. Still, for me, sleeping separately is a more acceptable option.

Being in an “interesting” position, I more than once thought about where the baby would sleep after birth: in his own crib or next to me, so to speak, on the marital bed. In books on child psychology, as well as in the accumulated personal experience of other mothers, I came across completely different opinions. Someone is an ardent opponent of a child sleeping together with his mother, someone considers sharing a dream the only acceptable and natural one, someone is trying to find a middle ground.

Thus, Dr. Evgeniy Komarovsky, an authoritative figure among parents, believes: “When and with whom to sleep is a personal matter for a particular woman. It is the woman who decides how it is more convenient and comfortable for her. With a child, with a husband, with a lover, with three of us - this is your personal matter, only “Everyone would get enough sleep and not experience discomfort.” At the same time, perinatal psychologists unequivocally state: “During close bodily contact, the development of brain cells is stimulated, the necessary neural connections are formed between them. In a sense, co-sleeping at night naturally continues the microclimate that contributes to the development of a variety of social, communication and emotional skills during the day ", since the child is calm and is under parental control and protection. The mother is the child’s habitat not only during the day, but also at night."

There have been no specific facts that co-sleeping between mother and child has a beneficial or negative effect on the baby’s future. No patterns were found in the behavior or life scenarios of children who slept separately from their mother from birth, just like those who slept with her in childhood. It would seem that since science cannot give clear answers about the benefits/harms of mother and child sleeping together, then practice will put everything in its place.

I Googled it. I read the stories of different mothers. It turned out that real experience has many faces. Each woman chose the appropriate option for herself, focusing on her own ideas about the welfare of the child, as well as listening to other people’s advice and opinions, the most authoritative for her. Perhaps the chosen strategy for organizing a baby’s sleep will work. I also had to rely on my maternal instinct (I hoped that it would wake up) and solve problems as they came (although it is much better to prevent them from appearing at all).

A son was born. In the maternity hospital, he slept in a cradle next to my bed. At night, every two hours I went to bed to feed and change the little one. I didn’t feel tired, just euphoria. I became a mother! What could be more beautiful! After discharge, on the urgent advice of her mother-in-law, a fan of Dr. Spock, she put her son to bed in a separate crib. With a special mattress, beautiful children's bedding, and a musical carousel. I honestly held out for a month. I must say that I was the only one who got up to see the baby at night - my husband was tired at work and when his son grunted, he only sighed heavily and turned over to the other side. During the day I was left alone with the baby. I didn’t want to hire.

The turning point came when one night I felt incredibly weak and could barely hold the baby in my arms. Mom needs to get enough sleep, I clearly realized. I tried to put my son next to me at night. She slept carefully, afraid of crushing her. I immediately felt the advantages of co-sleeping: I don’t have to get up to feed the baby, he “gets” his own food. It’s funny like this: he sniffs with his nose where the milk is, and then begins to suck greedily. At the same time, he doesn’t even open his eyes, which means there’s no need to rock him to sleep after feeding. There is no need to get up and listen to whether he is breathing or not breathing (sudden infant death syndrome is not a joke). It’s so great to feel your little dear heart beating. It’s so nice to feel a warm little bundle next to you.

That's how we grew up. But my doubts remained: did I do the right thing by taking my son into my bed? What if this later affects his development? What if he won’t be able to make independent decisions and will grow up to be a “mama’s boy” in the worst sense of the word? Maybe we should have endured it and not paid attention to the fact that the baby was clearly uncomfortable in his crib?

Lack of knowledge is fertile ground for all kinds of fears and concerns. When we don't know something, we are afraid of it. It is so arranged in nature that a human baby is born completely unsuited to exist separately from its parents. He needs our help and support for a long time. The task of adults is to ensure that the baby not only meets his natural needs - eat, drink, breathe, sleep, but also to create comfortable conditions for his development.

First of all, the baby needs to feel safe. Its basis is the close connection between the child and the mother. It is the mother who is a kind of guarantor of reliability, a guide to the outside world for the little man. The mother provides the child with an internal sense of security.

If you look into the history of the development of human civilization, co-sleeping between a child and its mother was considered natural until the development of industrial society. Along with the changing landscape and the introduction of technical innovations into everyday life, social priorities have also changed: from family, conservative to liberal, glorifying the freedom of the individual. Accordingly, our ideas about what is right and what is wrong to do when raising children have changed. At the same time, the child’s desire to feel safe remained unchanged. Feeling the mother nearby, her smell, her warmth, the beating of her heart - what was familiar throughout the nine months of the intrauterine period - the child calms down.

Co-sleeping between mother and baby optimally creates a sense of security, which is so important for full development. However, in addition to the desire of the child, it is also necessary to take into account the emotional state of the mother, the husband’s attitude towards co-sleeping (for example, if the choice is between: taking the child into your bed or remaining a single mother).

So, the first step on the path to co-sleeping is to determine the mental properties and desires of both your own and the child. This allows you to understand whether co-sleeping is needed in a particular case or not. The second step is realizing a simple truth: sleeping with your mother is only useful for as long as it is needed. No more, no less. A mother should not tie her child too closely. Gradually, he should start his own corner and his own activities, and he can still sometimes come to his mother to sleep. Here it is important for the mother not to prevent the child from growing up mentally, not to interfere with and support his desire for independence.

Personal experience

Comment on the article "Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing"

We slept together for a long time, probably up to 1 year. As soon as I shift the sleeping man, he immediately wakes up. And then I couldn’t put him to bed, so we slept together, and my husband was on the other sofa. Then she finally decided to rebuild it, bathed it in the bath with the addition of herbal extracts, sleepy herbs zdravlandiya. The sleep became deeper, and I could shift him, he didn’t even wake up. The extracts contain only herbs, do not contain soap or dyes, and are suitable from birth.

But with us, things are different with sleep. I put my daughter to sleep in her crib, where she sleeps until midnight. Then she wakes up and I take her to my bed. We sleep together until the morning))).

Thank you very much for the article! This question has been bothering me for a long time. Exactly the same story. Only she took her son into her bed right in the maternity hospital. I sleep like the dead, and he was born immature - at 37 weeks - too small, didn’t cry at all, just groaned barely audibly. I was afraid not to hear him, so I took him to bed with me. This is how we sleep. Doesn't sleep in his crib. As soon as I put it down, he opens his eyes and begins - ahhhhh - he cries, there are already tears in his eyes. What to do? I took it with me. But I myself don’t get enough sleep and my back falls off (I know that it’s not right, that you shouldn’t sacrifice your health, but I feel sorry for him) And then everything you wrote is the absolute truth. I totally agree with you! They are so defenseless - our little babies, and only we, mothers, can protect them!

Total 4 messages.

Sleep is a child's health, and lack of daytime sleep is a direct violation of the child's rights to healthy development. Is it possible to rock a child to sleep before bed - and until what age? Co-sleeping or sleeping in a crib: what to teach your child. Print version.

Children and parents. Teenagers. Is it a childish whim or am I not understanding something... Are grades a teenager’s private matter? Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing. Olga.

Poll about co-sleeping. - gatherings. Child from 7 to 10. Dear participants! Your children are already grown up, but remember if they slept in the same bed with you. If the child slept with his parents, then until what age?

Sleeping together makes it difficult to understand the family hierarchy, and the child does not understand who is in charge, who is with whom, etc. I advise Odessitke: talk to the child, explain that he has his own crib, and mom and dad have their own. Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing.

Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing. Co-sleeping with an adopted child. Now one baby always sleeps with us, I don’t even try to put him in his bed anymore; when he puts him to bed, he points his hand towards our bedroom.

Dream. A child from birth to one year. Care and education of a child up to one year: nutrition, illness, development. Girls, share your experience (both positive and vice versa) of sleeping together with your children! Who took/takes children to sleep with them in bed at night, at what age and what...

Co-sleeping, how is it for you? Whims. A child from birth to one year. Care and education of a child up to one year: nutrition, illness, development. Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing.

Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing. Co-sleeping with a child: experience and doubts, harm or benefit. Crib or family bed for mother and child - brain development, sense of security, independence.

Co-sleeping. Questions from expectant mothers to “experienced” ones. A child from birth to one year. Care and education of a child up to one year: nutrition, illness, development. Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing.

Girls, the problem of co-sleeping with children and subsequent weaning from it is often discussed here. And somewhere I read the opinion of psychologists who advocate co-sleeping, that children who are accustomed to sleep separately from birth, at an older age, begin to come to sleep with their parents. And it is much more difficult to wean such children from co-sleeping. Has anyone encountered such a phenomenon? Is this really true?

You probably know how it is advised to gradually wean a child from sleeping in the same bed with his parents? (I’m not talking about the feasibility of this now) It is advised to move the crib with the side removed close to the parent’s bed, so that the child seems to sleep on his own bed, but with his mother, maybe even holding her hand. And then gradually the crib begins to move away from the parent’s and smoothly move towards the children’s room.

Co-sleeping again? Need a consultation with a psychologist. Child psychology. And up to what age? I definitely won’t last until I’m 3 years old. I have a friend who sleeps with her baby since birth, and the dad is in the other room.

A child sleeps for a long time. ...I find it difficult to choose a section. A child from birth to one year. Caring for and raising a child up to one year old: nutrition, illness. Sleeping together with a child: a whim or a blessing. “The child does not sleep well at night... the child’s sleep is restless... the baby wakes up often...

Co-sleeping with a newborn, what's next? Sleep of a child up to 1 year. Separate children's bed: at what age? However, the child is too young to sleep only twice during the daytime, and 13.5 hours of sleep at night is too much for any age.

How to wean a child from co-sleeping? However, you may encounter the fact that a child slept peacefully in his own bed until he was 1.5 years old, and at this age or just a crib. Tell me, until what age does a child sleep in a crib, in the sense of fitting in height?

Co-sleeping with your child. ...I find it difficult to choose a section. Child psychology. 2. The child is already an adult, but requires the presence of the mother at night. 3. The child is sick, he feels bad 4. Up to what age is this normal?

Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing. Thus, Dr. Evgeniy Komarovsky, an authoritative figure among parents, believes: “When and with whom to sleep is a personal matter for a particular woman. Discussion of the issue of the appropriateness of the traditional method of rocking babies...

Children of different sexes. Children's room. Child from 7 to 10. Until what age do you think children of different sexes can live in the same room? We have a two-room apartment. The girl is 5 years older than the boy.

Co-sleeping with a child: whim or blessing. But the brother and his wife cannot sleep with the child, not just next to them, but generally in the same room, the baby grunts, sniffles, whines and thereby prevents them from sleeping. Co-sleeping with a newborn, what's next?